Obsession
by Kerrymdb
Summary: Complete! Epilogue is up! In her heart, Nymphadora Tonks knows that Remus Lupin is the only man for her. Then why can’t she get Severus Snape out of her head? Rated T for adult themes and sexual situations.
1. A Truth Discovered

_In her heart, Nymphadora Tonks knows that Remus Lupin is the only man for her. Then why can't she get Severus Snape out of her head?_

**A/N – This story starts at the beginning of OotP. In case you missed it, it's rated T for adult themes and mild sexual situations.**

**Chapter One – A Truth Discovered**

Kingsley Shacklebolt looked at Nymphadora Tonks with a grave expression on his face. They were sitting side by side in Leaky Cauldron, speaking in hushed tones, wanting no one to overhear the conversation.

He had a small piece of parchment in his hand. 'If I give you this…' he trailed off.

Tonks looked at the piece of paper and held her breath. Was she ready for this? Was she really? It would be so much easier to believe the Minister of Magic, to believe that the Headmaster of Hogwarts was off his rocker. That Voldemort hadn't come back.

She looked Kingsley in the eye. 'Why are you trusting me with this?' asked Tonks seriously.

'You know he's come back, Tonks,' whispered Kingsley urgently. 'You can feel it.'

Tonks ran her hand through her hair, which was in light blue spikes. 'I knew Cedric,' said Tonks quietly. 'We were in the same house. I was a fifth year when he started. He was such a nice chap.'

'As most Hufflepuffs are,' said Kingsley.

Tonks threw back her head and laughed. 'Now you're just trying to flatter me.'

'Look, we can talk till the Threstals come home,' said Kingsley. 'Are you in or are you out?'

Without another thought, Tonks replied, 'I'm in.'

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'Just think about what you read,' ordered Kingsley.

Tonks closed her eyes and thought of number twelve, Grimmauld Place. A moment later, the house appeared in front of her.

'And I thought you said this would be difficult,' grinned Tonks.

'Come on,' said Kingsley. 'The meeting will start in a bit. I want to introduce you to some people first.'

'Lead the way,' said Tonks as she followed him up the steps.

Kingsley turned around before he reached the door. 'Now Tonks,' he started, 'There is a portrait in the hallway…just keep very quiet in the hallway. It will make life easier on everyone.'

'Aye, aye, captain, sir,' said Tonks as she did a mock salute. 'Keep quiet in the hallway.'

'Perfect,' said Kingsley. 'Let's get you inside.'

The door opened and Tonks stepped gingerly inside after Kingsley. She had been in some dark wizard's houses before, but this might just take the cake. 'This is the Headquarters?' whispered Tonks.

'Wait till the study,' shot back Kingsley. Tonks nodded. She didn't quite know where they were. That was on purpose, in case Tonks hadn't decided to join.

She took a few steps and stopped. There was a large portrait, taking up a huge amount of wall space. Tonks recognized the woman in the portrait instantly, even though she had only seen the woman once in her life.

'Kingsley, that's my Great-Aunt,' said Tonks quickly. 'Where are we?'

'In the study,' repeated Kingsley.

Tonks nodded and took a step. The moment her foot touched the ground she saw what was about to happen in her mind. Her foot tripped on the hallway rug and Tonks fell right on her bottom.

'FILTHY HALF-BREEDS!' the portrait screamed. 'TRAITORS!'

Kingsley sighed and Tonks mouthed sorry to him.

'You might as well talk normal now,' said Kingsley. 'Once she's on a roll, it takes a bit to stop her.'

'What's going on here?' a voice demanded. 'Who woke her up?'

Tonks looked up and felt her breath caught in her throat. In front of her was a man, maybe twenty years older than her. He had slightly graying hair, which seemed to be in need of a trim. His robes had definitely seen better days. Though Tonks wasn't one to talk with all of the patches on her jeans.

What got her attention the most was his eyes. He had the most wonderful blue eyes anyone could ask for.

'I did, I'm afraid,' said Tonks, forcing herself to talk.

'Do you know how to stay on your own two feet?' laughed Kingsley.

'Yes,' said Tonks, crossing her arms over her chest. 'Just not very well.'

The man in the tattered robes held out his hand to her. 'Let me help you up,' he said gently.

Tonks nodded and put her hand in his. He helped her to her feet. 'Thank you,' said Tonks brightly, running her hand through her hair.

'What am I thinking?' said Kingsley. 'Remus Lupin, this is Tonks. Tonks, this is Remus Lupin.

Tonks held out her hand eagerly, he shook it heartily.

'Do you just have one name?' asked Remus.

Tonks rolled her eyes. 'My first name is Nymphadora. But everyone, and I mean everyone, calls me Tonks.'

'All right then, Tonks' said Remus casually. 'Come meet the others.'

They walked down the hallway, when Remus turned around. 'Kingsley, how much did you tell her?'

'Not much, I'm afraid. What if she had said no?' said Kingsley.

Tonks rolled her eyes. 'I'm still here, in case you'd forgotten,' said Tonks with a hint of annoyance. 'Please don't talk about me in third person.'

Remus turned towards her and gave her a genuine smile, as if he knew exactly how she felt. He held a door open for her and Tonks walked inside. There was a man sitting on the couch. It took a moment for her to realize who she was looking at.

Tonks' Auror instincts took over. She took out her wand in a smooth motion and pointed it at Sirius Black, one of the most wanted men in Britain. But then she felt someone wrap their arms around her, pinning her arms to her side.

'Let us explain, Tonks,' whispered Remus in her ear. 'Sirius is a friend.'

'You better make it quick, Lupin,' said Tonks menacingly. 'Or I guarantee that you will be on your backside in a matter of moments.'

Kingsley stood in front of her. 'Get a hold of yourself, Tonks,' ordered Kingsley. 'I'm in charge of his manhunt. And I see him in front of me just as you. Sirius Black is our friend.'

Tonks relaxed slightly, but remained on her guard. Remus was still holding her tight, and Tonks could feel his heart beating at a quickened rate. Sirius Black, to his credit, simply stayed on the couch and stared at her.

She knew he was her mother's cousin. That always made the stories she heard about him worse, knowing that they were related. Tonks had only been six years old when all those muggles had been killed. Her mother told her stories, that when she and Sirius had been in Hogwarts together, that he had been a wonderful person. She never knew what had changed him.

'Tell me,' said Sirius with a bit of a grin. 'Just how is my favorite cousin, Meda?'

'You can let me go now, Remus,' said Tonks softly. She felt Remus let her go.

Tonks and Sirius stared at each other for close to a minute without speaking. Finally, Sirius looked at her somberly. 'I didn't kill those people, Nymphadora,' he said.

'Call me Tonks,' she corrected automatically. 'Well, for fourteen years every wizard in Britain seemed to think you killed them.'

Kingsley cleared his throat. 'Tonks, I promise you that I will sit you down after the meeting and explain everything. But people will be coming in soon.'

Tonks crossed her arms over her chest. 'All right, then,' she said finally. She still wasn't quite sure of everything that was going on.

Just then, Minerva McGonagall walked into the room quickly. 'Nymphadora,' she said tersely.

'I thought no one called you Nymphadora,' chuckled Remus. Tonks looked at him. The smile on his face made him look years younger.

'Correction,' smiled Tonks. 'Everyone calls me Tonks with the exception of former professors.'

The room filled up quickly after that. Tonks recognized some of the faces as they came in. Emmeline Vance, Alastor Moody, Hestia Jones. She wondered who chose who was allowed to be part of the group, feeling proud that she was among them.

The meeting went quickly. The main topic of discussion was moving Harry Potter from his muggle home over to Headquarters. A number of people raised their hands, volunteering for the assignment. Tonks felt her face flush as Remus' eyes met hers, and he chose her to be part of the group.

Before she knew it, the meeting was over. The room emptied as quickly as it had filled. As Tonks stood up, Kingsley asked her to wait, so they can talk more about Sirius. Her heart started to beat faster. She was very aware what they told her, but for so long she thought of him as the enemy. She wouldn't be able to change that in an instant.

Finally it was only Tonks, Kingsley, Remus, Arthur Weasley and Sirius.

'So what do you think of our rag tag group of vagabonds?' said Kingsley with smile.

'Speak for yourself, Shacklebolt,' said Sirius. 'I'm no vagabond. Only a man who was wronged in this great world.'

'Speaking of that,' interrupted Tonks. The group quieted and looked at her. 'Are you going to tell me why I shouldn't haul his ass back to Azkaban?'

Remus told the story quickly. The tale of four friends and the one that betrayed them. Tonks found herself studying the curves of his face as he talked.

'And that's that. We've moved as quickly as we could since the night Harry confirmed Voldemort was back. But we need help from people in the Ministry,' said Remus seriously.

'No one can know, Tonks,' warned Arthur. 'We only have our suspicions, but we suspect that the Death Eaters are already trying to influence the Ministry. Lucius Malfoy, especially.'

'I saw him this morning at the Ministry, talking to Amelia Bones,' remembered Tonks. 'He tried to hit on me.'

'You?' asked Sirius, surprise in his voice. 'You're his niece.'

Tonks shrugged. 'I don't think he recognized me. Remember, according to my mum's family, I'm a bad seed. Let me see if I can get this right. I'm a product of a shameful union between pureblood and muggle.'

Kingsley whistled softly. 'Mum showed me the letter that her family sent her, disowning her after I was born,' said Tonks cheerfully.

Truth be told, she didn't care that she never saw that side of the family. She wouldn't want to be associated with people like that anymore than they wanted to be associated with her. But she knew that being cut off from her family hurt her mother.

Just then, the door from the hallway opened and someone slipped inside.

'You missed the meeting,' said Remus flatly.

'No matter. I don't believe anything important was discussed,' said the man.

Tonks looked up in surprise and found herself looking right at Severus Snape.

'Professor Snape?' asked Tonks in surprise.

Snape looked her over, and Tonks almost felt naked under his gaze. She never really liked him while she was in Hogwarts, even though he was willing to give her extra lessons to make sure she got the grade she needed to be an Auror on her N.E.W.T.S.

'This is our new recruit?' sneered Snape. 'How's she going to help? Knock over the Dark Lord by tripping on her shoelaces?'

Tonks scrunched up her nose as she glared at him. She concentrated on an image and felt her body respond. When she was complete, everyone in the room was staring at a perfect replica of Bellatrix Black, expect wearing a t-shirt and jeans.

'I have my own ways of helping,' said Tonks defiantly. She burrowed her brow again and relaxed, allowing her body to return to it's natural state.

'Impressive parlor trick,' said Snape slowly.

Remus let out his breath slowly. 'I can understand why Kingsley was so insistent on bringing you aboard.'

'Can you do voices?' asked Arthur eagerly.

Tonks shook her head. 'No, but I don't have many limitations. I can turn into anyone I want to.'

'Bet that keeps them running back for more,' said Snape with a hint of malice.

'Do you have a problem with me?' asked Tonks, furious at him for trying to make her look like a fool in front of everyone.

Snape simply crossed his arms and smirked, obviously pleased that he got a rise out of her so quickly.

Remus cleared his throat. 'Do you have any questions?' he asked Tonks.

She shook her head, still glaring at Snape, who refused to drop her gaze.

Tonks looked away first.

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A/N – As I started writing this, I realized I had to take all of my preconceptions about Tonks and throw them out the window. In OotP, she is a bright, confident, funny young woman. In HBP, she is serious, withdrawn and forlorn. I really miss the happy Tonks. But the sad Tonks will be very interesting to work with. As far as I'm concerned, no woman would be that depressed for a freakin' year about being rejected. There are darker forces at work here. And that's where Snape comes in. Stay tuned…


	2. Fitting In

A/N – This is chapter two, redux. I broke Kerry's number one rule and wrote the first two chapters before I had the story completely outlined. I included a concept about Tonks that I regretted the moment I posted chapter two. I think you'll see the difference real quick. So this is the official chapter two. Forget everything you might have read in the other chapter two. : ) It won't happen again!

**Chapter Two – Fitting In**

'The All-England Best-Kept Lawns Competition?' asked Remus with a grin.

'I'm brilliant, aren't I?' joked Tonks. 'If that doesn't get them out of the house, nothing will.'

They were sitting in the parlor of Headquarters. There was no meeting tonight, but Tonks decided to stop by anyways. She had been told by Sirius that she was welcome whenever she wanted.

They would be picking Harry up from his muggle relative's house in just four days. She was becoming more and more interested in meeting him after all she had heard from Sirius and Remus.

And she was also becoming more comfortable with Sirius. He told her a few good stories back when Tonks' mum had been in Hogwarts. Stories that involved Andromeda and a little too much fire whiskey. Though it was still interesting to walk by Kingsley's desk every morning and see Sirius' face every where. She wondered if any one would believe her if she shouted 'He's in London!'

Molly Weasley wearily came into the room. 'Dinner's in the kitchen if anyone is hungry,' she sighed.

'Hard day, today, Molly?' asked Tonks kindly. Molly was trying to make Headquarters livable again, a job much harder than it sounded. Tonks had tried to help two afternoons ago and still her shoulders hurt.

Tonks followed Remus and Sirius into the kitchen. Ron, Ginny and Hermione were sitting at the table already.

'Hiya, Tonks,' said Ginny happily. Tonks settled near them. Sometimes she thought she shouldn't be so friendly with them. But the truth was they were closer to her own age than the rest of the members of the Order.

'What kind of spell do you use to change your hair color, Tonks?' asked Hermione interestedly.

'I don't use a spell,' said Tonks casually.

Ron looked confused. 'But how-'

'You're a metamorphmagus aren't you?' asked Hermione. Tonks nodded in the affirmative.

'So you can change anything?' asked Ginny.

'Prove it,' said Ron.

Tonks scrunched her nose and concentrated on Molly. She made her face a duplicate of the matron of the Weasley family.

'Anything else?' she asked cheerfully.

'I believe you,' said Ron quickly. 'Please go back to being you. One Mum is enough.'

'What was that, Ronald?' asked Molly, who was standing at the stove.

'Nothing, Mum,' said Ron in a higher than normal pitched voice.

'Can you do Dumbledore's nose?' asked Ginny eagerly.

'Of course,' scoffed Tonks. 'Piece of cake.' She closed her eyes and thought of the Headmaster's nose.

'What about my nose?' asked Ron.

Tonks replicated his nose easily. Hermione and Ginny laughed loud enough to mask the sound of a person walking down the stairs.

'I got one,' said Ginny proudly. 'Snape.'

Tonks giggled and changed her nose to match Snape's. And then promptly looked and saw the Potion Master in front of her.

She morphed her nose back faster than any morph she'd ever done. Snape glared at her for a moment. Tonks wouldn't apologize for having a bit of fun. So why did she feel awful under his gaze?

'Weasley needs to speak to the adults in this room, in private,' said Snape quickly.

Molly, Sirius and Remus all jumped up and headed up the stairs. Tonks went to follow.

'Surely you don't think you're included in that group?' sneered Snape.

'Bugger off,' said Tonks loudly, stepping past him and going up the stairs.

She could feel his eyes staring at her as she walked up the stairs. 'And stop looking at my bum,' she said grumpily.

'You flatter yourself far too much, Tonks,' replied Snape coolly.

Arthur Weasley was sitting in the parlor, shaking his head. Quickly he informed the group that a Dementor had attacked Harry and his cousin. Harry had used magic to defend them. Dumbledore was now working to make sure that Harry wasn't expelled from school. Tonks couldn't help but notice how Snape perked up at the mention of expulsion.

After what seemed like ages of planning for every different possibility, Dumbledore entered the parlor.

''I managed to convince the Ministry that Harry deserves at least a trial,' said Dumbledore wearily. 'They won't break his wand.'

'Who could have done this?' asked Sirius. 'Snape, was this Voldemort? Has he control of the Dementors?'

Snape shook his head. 'The Dark Lord has no control of Dementors. It is something he is quite displeased about.'

'Let's hope we keep it that way,' said Tonks with a smile.

'I would think that would be obvious,' said Snape sarcastically.

'Leave her alone, Snape,' said Remus angrily. 'You've done nothing but pick on her since she's joined.'

'Thank you, Remus, but I can fight my own battles,' said Tonks with a smile to Remus. Then to Snape, added, 'I'm not a student anymore, Professor. I'd appreciate it if you stopped acting like I was.'

Dumbledore cleared his throat, wanting to bring back the focus to the task at hand. 'Everything's set to bring Harry here in four days?' he asked.

'Thanks to Moody everything's planned down to the last minute,' said Tonks.

'Excellent,' said Albus, sounding pleased. 'I want to know the moment he's arrived.'

With that, Albus stood up and left the room, with Snape behind him.

'Bloody git,' said Tonks under her breath.

'Speak up, Tonks' said Sirius, with a grin on his face. 'It's not like anyone in this room will disagree with you.'

'Does he really think he's so much better than everyone else?' asked Tonks frustratedly. 'I looked up his records. He was accused of being a Death Eater.'

'As Dumbledore constantly reminds us,' Sirius said, rolling his eyes. 'He trusts Snape. Therefore I trust Snape. Therefore Moony here trusts Snape and therefore you trust Snape.'

'Moony?' asked Tonks interestedly. 'What kind of nickname is that?'

Tonks couldn't help but notice the look Sirius gave Remus. It was not quite a look of disappointment.

'It's in reference to my condition, Tonks,' said Remus, clearing his throat. 'I'm a werewolf.'

Tonks stared at Remus for a moment, blinking a bit too much. Finally she shrugged her shoulders. 'So what?' she said, trying to sound casual. 'I'm a metamorph. We're both strange wizard types.'

'I don't think that's quite the same league, Tonks,' Sirius told her.

'No, but there's certainly a stigma about being a metamorph,' said Tonks seriously. 'My predecessors certainly haven't left that good of an impression on people. Morgan Le Fay, anyone? She's still got people talking about her and she's been dead for how long?'

Sirius' eyes narrowed. 'So you think you've got it as bad as Remus, do you? Simply because metamorphs get a bum rap?'

'I never said that,' said Tonks quickly, looking directly at Remus. He gave her a half smile. And she continued. 'I'm saying that I can understand a bit. Wizards don't like werewolves and wizards don't trust metamorphs. Did you know I had to go through a special background check before they let me become an Auror?'

With that, Tonks smiled at Remus, and she could feel the beginning of their friendship forming.

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Tonks had convinced Molly to let her help with the cleaning that day. She had the day off and wanted to help the Order, wanted to prove that she belonged.

'So, do you live in London?' asked Molly conversationally while they were taking a break from cleaning.

'I do,' said Tonks. 'I have a small bed-sitter right near the Ministry. I can walk when I want.'

'I bet you could live here if you wanted to save on the rent,' suggested Molly.

'I don't know everyone well enough yet. Sirius is family, but I hadn't seen him since I was a kid,' said Tonks.

'So, do you have a boyfriend?' asked Molly, changing the subject without a beat.

Tonks shook her head violently. 'I'm an Auror. I don't have time for boyfriends.'

'You know, I bet my son Bill would love to meet some new people. He's lost touch with a lot of his friends, having been in Africa,' said Molly innocently.

'Not trying to do a bit of matchmaking, are you?' grinned Tonks.

Molly took a quick sip of her pumpkin juice. 'Of course not,' she said far too quickly. 'I just thought it might be nice.'

'It would, Molly,' said Tonks. 'But I have no time for fellows. I tried dating a bloke when I was in training. He broke up with me because he never saw me.'

'That's a shame,' said Molly. 'I was raising the children during the first war. Neither Arthur nor I were in the Order then. I don't know how I would have gotten through that time without Arthur.'

'It was a very bad time for my mum,' confided Tonks. 'She knew her sisters were out there, fighting against everything she believed in. She loved her sisters very much. Loved them, even though she knew they were Death Eaters.'

'Love will do that to people,' sighed Molly. 'You can look through almost any fault, as long as you love them.'

A loud crash coming from the kitchen caused them both to jump up and take out their wands. Tonks led the way, with Molly right behind.

She went down the stairs as quickly, and as carefully as she could. They were greeted by the sight of Kreacher, standing besides a large, black cauldron, stirring rapidly. He had managed to make an absolute mess of the kitchen. Plates and dishes were broken all over the floor, and he seemed to have thrown lunch's leftovers against the wall.

'What on earth are you doing?' shrieked Molly.

'Kreacher is making dinner,' replied the house-elf. Then under his breath, added, 'Kreacher will not eat the same food as traitors and mudbloods.'

Sirius came bounding down the stairs then. 'What's going on?' he asked, looking around the kitchen.

'Kreacher's cooking,' said Tonks cheerfully.

'He doesn't want to eat the same food we eat,' added Molly, her eyes moving all over the messed up kitchen.

Sirius' whole body seemed to sigh. 'Kreacher, you will eat the same damn food that we eat. Understood?' He then walked right back up the stairs, pounding every step.

Kreacher narrowed his eyes and walked slowly back into the small room he called his own.

Molly shook her head and handed Tonks a broom. 'Break's over.'

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'What do you think of my god-son?' asked Sirius with a grin.

The plan to transport Harry from his muggle home to Headquarters worked perfectly. Tonks was now sitting with Sirius, Remus and Arthur in the parlor. Molly had just forced the young ones out of the room.

'He's…' Tonks trailed off, not wanting to give her real opinion. So far she saw him as a bit of a brat who seemed to think he deserved to be told everything. Especially when she had heard him yelling at his friends from upstairs. But she certainly didn't want to tell anyone that. Not when everyone else seemed to think so highly of him.

'He's very eager to help, isn't he?' said Tonks, quite pleased with what she came up with.

Remus and Sirius shared an amused look and started chuckling. 'That's a very diplomatic way of putting it, Tonks,' said Remus.

'He seems angry. But I think that's normal territory with fifteen year old boys,' said Tonks. 'Though it's been a few years since I spent time with fifteen year old boys.'

'You'd be angry, too, if you'd lived his life,' said Sirius so quietly that Tonks almost missed it.

'So what now?' asked Tonks. 'Do we need to plan out his defense for the trial?'

'I'm fairly certain that Dumbledore will take care of that,' said Remus. 'He couldn't have a better person on his side.'

'That's not true and you know,' said Sirius bitterly. 'Dumbledore's name is mud right now. It would be better if you went with him.'

'Yes, because it would be so much better for a werewolf to go into the doors of the Ministry,' said Remus quietly.

'Well, I can't go. I can't be seen favoring Harry if I want to keep my job,' said Tonks.

Sirius let out a deep breath. 'I think Harry is in a lot of trouble.'

Tonks hated to see Sirius and Remus looking so depressed. She always prided herself on being able to make people laugh. So she decided to do just that.

'So do you think it was actually Moody who's lost a buttock?'


	3. Of a Werewolf

**Chapter Three – Of a Werewolf**

'Is everything okay up there?' asked Tonks worriedly as Sirius and Remus walked down the stairs.

'Molly had a bit of a problem with the boggart,' said Remus wearily.

'What happened?' asked Tonks curiously. 'Was it a strong boggart? I wouldn't think Molly wouldn't have any problem with one.'

Sirius settled next to Tonks on the couch and Remus on the armchair besides her. Once again, Tonks thought about how glad she was for the companionship these two men provided. Sirius was slowly turning into the brother she never had. And Remus…

'Boggarts are tricky,' said Remus. 'Have you ever faced one?'

'Only in a training situation,' said Tonks apologetically. 'Never in real life.'

'What's your boggart?' asked Sirius suddenly.

Tonks paused momentarily. What one sees when faced with a boggart is very personal information. When she faced a boggart, what it became shocked her beyond belief.

'Me,' said Tonks finally.

'I don't understand,' said Remus.

'It was me, but it wasn't me,' said Tonks, trying to explain. She had never shared this with anyone before. 'I kept morphing into different things, and I couldn't morph back to myself. I just…just lost myself completely.'

'Can that happen?' asked Sirius curiously.

'I don't know,' said Tonks honestly. 'I'm obviously scared that it could. After that training, for the next month, I was convinced that my eyes weren't as brown as they were supposed to be.'

Remus and Sirius chuckled at her comment. 'What's yours?' she asked them both.

'Mine's the moon,' said Remus flatly. 'You can guess what that represents.'

'I don't know what mine would be,' said Sirius. 'The last time I faced one was at Hogwarts, when I was a student. I think it was something stupid like getting turned down for date. Now I have no idea what I would face. Probably losing Harry, I guess.'

A silence fell over the tableau. Tonks thought of how selfish her boggart sounded. That her fear was wrapped up around herself, and not other people. But who did she have to be afraid for? Her parents were dead. They died three years ago when her muggle born father decided to take her mother on a car ride. A drunk driver hit them and they were killed instantly. She had no siblings. She didn't even have a boyfriend or lover.

Who did she have to be scared for except herself?

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'I didn't think we'd get them out of here alive,' joked Tonks. They were just coming back to Headquarters after dropping the Weasley children and Harry off at King's Cross Station.

'That's not funny, Tonks,' snapped Molly. 'Don't joke about things like that.'

'Sorry,' said Tonks. 'I only meant-'

'I don't even want to talk about it,' said Molly.

'So when are you and Arthur leaving?' asked Sirius, right after he transformed from his hulking dog form back to himself. Tonks was grateful that he managed to change the subject so quickly.

'I think we'll head home today,' said Molly. 'I miss the Burrow. I'll go upstairs and pack and I think we'll leave as soon as Arthur comes back from work.'

With that, Molly sauntered upstairs, leaving Tonks, Sirius, Remus and Moody in the hallway.

Tonks looked at the portrait of Sirius' mum warily. She was quite glad that she wasn't the one that had set the picture off this morning. But that didn't mean she wouldn't have her chance today. There were, as she called them, 'Tonks' hazards,' everywhere. The umbrella stand to her left. The ancient looking rug that always seemed to bunch up without her noticing. There were plenty of things for her to drop, crash into, fall down on, you name it.

'What about you, Tonksy?' asked Sirius with a smile.

'Tonksy?' asked Tonks in surprise.

'I think that's an appropriate nickname for my favorite second cousin,' Sirius smirked.

'Tonksy,' repeated Tonks, letting it roll around on her tongue. 'You know, I think I like it!'

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The next few weeks passed quickly. She wasn't able to spend nearly the amount of time that she wanted to at Headquarters. Since she was single and without a family, she took on as many shift guarding the prophecy as she could. That allowed people like Arthur to spend more time at home.

Near the end of September, Tonks received a Patronus from Sirius, asking her to come to Headquarters that night, before the sun set. Luckily, he managed to catch her on her one free night of the week.

Tonks got to headquarters around five o'clock in the evening. She gingerly walked through the hallway into the parlor. No one was there.

'Hello?' she called out softly.

She heard someone walking up the stairs from the kitchen. Sirius then entered the room.

'About time you got here, Tonksy,' he said quietly.

'Is everything all right?' asked Tonks quickly.

'Nothing that a good night of sleep won't cure,' grinned Sirius. 'Look, it's the full moon tonight. Remus is going to transform in a couple of hours and I'm going to transform with him.'

'So what am I here for?' asked Tonks.

'You're here to lock us into the basement and to put as many charms and enchantments on the door as you can to make sure Remus doesn't get out,' said Sirius grimly.

'That won't be a problem. Do you want me to stay here tonight?' asked Tonks.

'Please,' laughed Sirius. 'Someone's got to let us out in the morning.'

Sirius and Tonks walked down to the kitchen. Remus was sitting at the table, looking incredibly weak. Tonks hadn't been around during the last full moon; she had been on a short mission for work.

He looked positively dreadful. He hadn't shaved for several days, and he was thinner than she had seen him before.

'Hello, Remus,' said Tonks gently.

'Thank you for doing this,' said Remus, sounding breathless. Then to Sirius, said, 'We should go down now.'

'Do you need help going down?' asked Tonks. Remus shook his head.

'What time should I unlock the doors tomorrow?' she asked.

'Ten o'clock should give me enough time to gather myself,' said Remus. He headed down the stairs without Sirius.

'When do you go down?' asked Tonks.

'Got to give him a minute to undress and get covered up,' he said seriously. Then in hushed tones added, 'He doesn't like to ruin clothes every month, so he transforms naked. I'll bring the clothes back up. Then I'll go down, and you lock the door.'

'Understood,' said Tonks.

'Then tomorrow, after you've unlocked the door, go ahead and throw down his clothes so he can get dressed,' said Sirius as he walked down the stairs. A moment later, he reappeared, with Remus' clothes in his hands. He then promptly went downstairs again.

Once she heard that Sirius was downstairs, this time for good, she closed the door carefully. The next twenty minutes were spent placing every enchantment and charm that she could remember on the door. Finally, she felt satisfied that there were enough.

Now she wasn't quite sure what to do with herself. She settled on making some supper. Tonks wasn't the greatest chef, but even she couldn't mess up macaroni and cheese too horribly.

Once dinner was finished, she spent sometime in the room she used to sleep in when she stayed over. She decided it definitely needed some work. With a flick of her wand, the navy blue blanket on her bed became a colorful patchwork quilt. The dark wallpaper was removed, revealing light wooded paneling, which she thoroughly cleaned.

'Much better,' muttered Tonks to herself.

As she was trying to dust some of the books in the room, she heard a long howl from the basement. Tonks ran to the window and saw that the full moon had indeed risen.

Without thinking, she walked down to the kitchen. She could hear rattling and crashes and the occasional whimper. Tonks couldn't help but wonder if that was Sirius whimpering or Remus.

She stayed there, sitting on a chair, next to the door, for the rest of the evening.

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Ten o'clock the next morning finally arrived. Without any trepidation, she removed the charms and enchantments one by one. Then she opened up the door.

'I'm throwing the clothes down now,' she called.

There was no response from the men downstairs.

'Here you go!'

The clothes tumbled down the stairs and Tonks was pleased that they stopped right on the landing. She thought about charming them quickly to make them fold, but decided that would be too much.

She heard a bit of stirring downstairs. A good fifteen minutes later, Remus and Sirius walked slowly up the stairs. It took all of Tonks' effort not to show any reaction when she saw Remus.

If he looked bad last night, that's nothing compared to how he looked now. There were scratches all over his face and blood trickling from one hand.

'_Accio_ first aid kit,' summoned Tonks quickly.

Remus shook his head adamantly. 'Not needed,' he said hoarsely.

'You're bleeding,' said Tonks pointedly. 'Let me help.'

Remus sighed and sat down at the kitchen table. Sirius said he wanted to go upstairs and shower and quickly left the kitchen.

Tonks knelt in front of Remus and took his hand, which was cold to the touch. There was an open wound on his palm. She gently touched her wand to the wound and said a medical cleaning spell. Then she took out a Binder Bandage, which, she had learned from many a personal experience, would close the wound in less than an hour.

When she finished wrapping his hand, she stood up and declared, 'All better.'

'You're very good at that,' said Remus, his voice still raspy.

Tonks strode to the sink and got him a glass of water. 'All Aurors are required to have healing classes, in case we need them in the field,' she said gently, sitting on the chair next to him. 'And in my case, considering how clumsy I am, it's always good to be able heal myself.'

Remus gave her a brief smile, which pleased her. He finished the glass of water and stood up. 'I need to get some sleep.'

They walked up the stairs in silence. When they arrived at the stairs that led up to the second floor, Remus turned to her and gave her a genuine smile. 'Thank you for hiding your fear,' he said gratefully.

Tonks placed her hand on top of his, which rested on the banister. She looked him directly in the eye.

'I'm not afraid of you.'

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Several weeks later, Tonks found herself in the middle of a ruckus in Knockturn Alley. Some punks tried to hold up The Poison Arrow, a very dingy bar. Tonks and another Auror, Richard Dawlish were sent to help clean things up and make a report.

At first, she grumbled that this was work for the Enforcers, but then she realized that a small fight was still taking place in the bar. Tonks and Dawlish burst into the bar, wands at the ready. She felt her pulse speed up and her senses completely at alert.

The first thing she needed to do was duck out of the way of a stunning spell. Luckily, she tripped on a goblet on the floor, causing her to fall flat on her behind, making her miss getting hit by the spell. From a crouched position, she quickly stunned a masked wizard, who she assumed (she hoped) was one of the wizards trying to rob the place.

She took in the scene. There were only two other masked wizards. She was surprised they stayed; they had to realize they were out numbered.

Tonks stood up and started to run behind the bar for more protection, but one of the remaining masked wizards hit her hard with a disarming spell. With a crushing force, she was lifted off of her feet and flung behind the bar, her back hitting a wall of glass bottles.

She was completely disorientated, and could feel small pieces of glass falling softly on her, as well as liquid trickling down onto her skin.

Luckily, Dawlish was able to disarm the two other masked wizards and bind them quickly.

'Bloody hell, you're a mess,' said Dawlish sternly.

Tonks was beyond embarrassed. She hadn't helped at all on this mission.

'Go home, Tonks,' said Dawlish. 'I'll get them to the Ministry and make the report. Get yourself cleaned up.'

All she could do was nod meekly. A strange tingling sensation came over her body, but she refused to show any more weakness in front of her fellow Auror.

Slowly, she walked out of the bar. She could already tell she didn't have enough strength to apparate home. Headquarters was closer. She would go there.

By the time Tonks walked up the front steps to the door of number 12, Grimmauld Place, her vision had become blurry and she had a horrible case of the chills.

She pushed open the door, not caring if she woke up Sirius' mum or not.

'Hello?' she yelled as loud as she could. 'Help! Please! Help!'

And then she passed out.

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A/N – I guess this really isn't a cliff hanger, cause we all know she'll live. Or does she? Tee-hee. I apologize if it seems a little slow up to this point. There's just so much that needs to be established before the real story can start. But let me tell you, I am more excited about this story than ANY other fanfic I've ever written. I love me some Tonks. Love her. Love her. Love her.


	4. The Drink of Death

**Chapter Four – The Drink of Death**

'_Ennervate.'_

'Are you mad, Snape? She's in no condition to be awoken!'

'I need to know what liquid is on her skin, Black.'

'Wotcher,' said Tonks, not very coherently. 'S'goin' on?'

'Tonks,' said Sirius urgently. 'Where did you just come from?'

She opened her eyes and saw two figures hovering over her. 'Poison Arrow,' she mumbled.

'The Poison Arrow?' asked Sirius in surprise. 'Why in the world were you there?'

'Fight,' she said, before closing her eyes again.

'Nymphadora, if you would like to stay I alive might I suggest you stay conscience?' said Snape quietly.

'Sleepy,' whispered Tonks.

She felt someone press a finger against her skin. The pressure caused her skin to heat up.

'What are you doing?' asked Sirius to Snape.

'I need to know what is on her skin,' said Snape. 'Let me work.'

'Don't touch her,' barked Sirius.

'You and I both know her best chance of survival lies with me,' lectured Snape. A moment later, he said, 'I need to take her to Hogwarts. I need supplies from my cupboards.'

'Do you know what's wrong?' asked Sirius.

'I have my suspicions,' said Snape, sounding bored.

'I'll carry her,' said Sirius quickly.

'You don't have the security clearance to floo into Hogwarts. I do,' said Snape. 'You stay here. I'll send word.'

'But-'

'If she is to live, I need to get her to Hogwarts. Preferably straight away,' said Snape without any emotion in his voice. She felt someone pick her up. Tonks held on as tightly as she could.

'I need to breath, Nymphadora,' said Snape, loosening her grip slightly.

She held on as they walked down the stairs to the kitchen, Sirius right behind them. 'Be careful with her,' said Sirius.

Snape gave no response. She assumed he put some floo powder over the kitchen fire, because she could feel the warm flames tickle her skin.

'Hogwarts, Professor Snape's office.'

Even with her eyes closed, Tonks could feel the spinning all around her. She truly hoped that Snape was better at sticking the landing than Tonks normally was.

A moment later confirmed that he was. She felt him lay her on a cold, wooden surface. Tonks tried desperately to open her eyes.

'Nymphadora, I'm going to ask you some 'yes' or 'no' questions. Please just nod or shake your head for an answer.'

'S'okay,' said Tonks.

'Don't talk,' said Snape sharply. She could hear him working quickly, opening drawers and pouring different liquids.

'Did you drink anything at the Poison Arrow?' Tonks shook her head, negative.

'Did a bottle of liquid pour onto your skin?' Tonks nodded, remembering how she crashed into that row of bottles.

'Was the bottle a dark red?' She thought about that for a moment, not sure of the answer.

'Answer the question, Nymphadora,' ordered Snape.

Finally, she remembered looking down and seeing a large piece of red glass. She nodded.

How long Snape worked in silence, she didn't know. Finally, he raised her head and poured a foul tasting potion down her throat. Tonks started to cough up the potion, but he massaged her throat, helping the liquid go down.

The effects were almost immediate. 'Bloody hell,' wheezed Tonks. 'I feel like I ran through a room full of ghosts.'

Snape helped her up in a sitting position. 'You need to get out of these clothes,' Snape told her. 'There's still poison on them'

'I'll have to get back home, then,' said Tonks.

'There's not time for that,' said Snape. He opened a cupboard and pulled out a simple black robe. 'Change into this. You'll need to take off all of your clothes. All of them. I don't want to risk the poison getting back into your bloodstream.'

Tonks stared at him. 'If I need to change, could you please leave the room?'

Snape smirked. 'Consider yourself under observation for the time being.'

'Fine,' snapped Tonks. 'Turn your back, then.'

Tonks kicked off her shoes and socks and gingerly placed her feet on the cool, stone floor. Now she knew why he was smirking. She immediately needed to hold onto the table for her balance. She didn't think she'd be able to stay upright, meaning she had no idea how she would change.

'I'm willing to offer my assistance,' said Snape coolly.

She took a deep breath and decided there was no way he was putting his hands on her.

'Turn. Your. Back,' she said through gritted teeth. Snape slowly complied. She waited for a moment before she started taking off her clothes. 'If you turn around, I will hex you into next week.'

'I think you'll find your wand is back at Headquarters,' said Snape, a hint of a sneer in his voice.

'I know wandless hexes,' muttered Tonks. It took even longer to change than she expected, because she kept waiting for him to turn around and look at her. But he never did.

She placed her damp clothing on the table. 'You can turn around now.'

Snape took out his wand and pointed it at the pile of clothing. 'I hope you weren't fond of any of these items,' he said as the clothes caught on fire. A moment later, they were nothing more than a pile of ash. She would never tell him, but she had been wearing her favorite pair of quidditch underwear.

Tonks tried to take a step forward, but lost her balance. Apparently, Snape's reflexes were very quick, because he caught her before she hit the floor.

'I think a night's stay in the hospital wing would do you good,' said Snape, sounding surprisingly gentle.

'I need to get to St. Mungo's,' said Tonks. 'Otherwise the Ministry won't pay for it. Worker's comp, you know.'

'There's a special floo connection from the hospital wing to St. Mungo's,' said Snape. 'Let's walk you up there.'

'Can't we floo?' asked Tonks in surprise.

'Madam Pomfrey arranged it so that no one can floo into the hospital wing,' said Snape.

With trepidation, Tonks took Snape's arm and they slowly headed towards the hospital wing.

'I could make you a stretcher,' said Snape.

'I don't need one,' said Tonks quickly. She didn't want to look any weaker in front of him than she already did.

'So what happened to me?' asked Tonks.

'The Drink of Death,' said Snape. 'I've spent many nights in the Poison Arrow in my role for the Order. The most popular drink they have is called the Drink of Death.'

'You're telling me I was almost killed by a cocktail?'

'The Drink of Death contains one drop of aconite, which in its plant form-'

'I know what aconite is, Snape,' snapped Tonks. 'So spare me the potions lecture.'

'I'm glad you remember something from seven years of lessons,' said Snape. 'We're out of bezoars at the moment so I had to make the antidote from scratch. You're lucky it only took an hour to brew.'

'Why were you at Headquarters?' asked Tonks suddenly. She looked around. Class must be in session, because there was no one running through the hallways.

'I was dropping off some Wolfsbane potion for Lupin,' said Snape quickly. 'The valerian roots needed for the potion needs to dry out in the sun for three months. It's finally ready for him.'

Tonks couldn't help but smile. 'That's really nice of you to make that for him,' said Tonks. Remus had told her about the potion, about how it really helps him.

'Dumbledore's orders,' said Snape.

'It's still nice of you,' muttered Tonks under her breath.

They finally made it to the hospital wing. 'Could you please let Sirius know where I am?' asked Tonks.

Snape made no reply, but instead told Madam Pomfrey where Tonks needed to go.

Just as Tonks was about to step into the fire, she turned around and faced Snape.

'Thank you,' she said sincerely. 'Thank you for saving my life.'

He turned and looked at her and for a moment all pretense faded away. Snape simply nodded his head and strode out of the hospital wing.

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It took just over a week for Tonks to be herself again. Luckily, since the accident happened while she was on duty, she was given the week off to recuperate. She found herself spending most of her free time at Headquarters. On this particular night, there were a few members of the Order at Headquarters, simply spending time there. Remus was off guarding at the Ministry. But the Weasleys were there, talking on the couch.

'It's Saturday night, Tonksy,' said Sirius as they were playing a game of chess. 'Shouldn't you be out wowing the wizards of the world?'

Tonks snorted in spite of herself. 'And just who would I be wowing, Sirius?'

'You don't mean to tell me that blokes aren't falling over themselves to take you out?' asked Sirius in surprise.

It took a moment to realize that Sirius wasn't making fun of her. He was just curious. 'I don't really want to date any one from the Ministry,' said Tonks. 'Problem is, if I don't meet anyone at work, I don't meet anyone. Work is my life.'

'There's always the Order,' said Sirius, taking her rook with his knight.

Tonks cursed under her breath. She hadn't seen that move coming. She looked up and smiled. 'Trying to play matchmaker are we?' giggled Tonks. 'Have anyone in mind?'

Sirius shrugged. 'I was just pointing out that there are single men in the Order.'

'Well, thank you for that observation, Sirius,' laughed Tonks as she moved her last pawn. She hoped that he would fall for the trap. Take the pawn with his bishop and then her knight was waiting.

He didn't fall for it and instead took her knight with his queen.

'I'm the worst bloody chess player,' said Tonks, shaking her head. 'I can't beat you and you haven't even played in fourteen years.'

'It's a skill you never lose,' said Sirius, goading her now.

Tonks ignored him and concentrated on her next move. However she was interrupted a few minutes later.

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'VE FORMED A SECRET GROUP?' bellowed Molly Weasley.

Both Tonks and Sirius turned around and saw Molly standing up, shouting at Mundungus Fletcher. It amazed Tonks that Molly, a woman as short as she was, could always seem like she was towering over everyone.

'Jus the messenger,' mumbled Mundungus. 'Thought you'd like to know.'

'What's happened?' asked Sirius interestedly, the chess game forgotten.

'Your godson,' said Molly in clipped tones. 'has formed a secret group of Hogwarts students and plans on teaching them advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts.'

'That's great,' said Tonks brightly. 'They can't be learning anything from Umbridge.'

One look from Molly told Tonks that she didn't think that it was great at all.

'Sneaking around,' said Molly. 'He'll be lucky if he doesn't get expelled!'

'Molly, we all know that Dumbledore will never kick Harry out…' started Sirius.

'Dumbledore, yes. But I don't like this Umbridge woman. Hogwarts' High Inquisitor indeed,' spat Molly. 'She has far too much influence with the Ministry. Sirius, you've got to tell Harry to stop. You're the only one he'll listen to.'

Sirius seemed to sit up a little straighter at Molly's words. 'I'm not telling Harry anything of the sort, Molly. He's old enough to make up his mind on what he wants to do.'

Molly's jaw dropped and it looked like she wanted to say something, but Arthur put his hand on her shoulder.

'Look,' said Sirius. 'Why don't I talk to him on Monday? We can talk through the fire. I'll get some more information about the group then.'

'And you'll tell Ron that's he's not to be of any part of that group!' said Molly, a slightly hysterical twinge in her voice.

'Why don't you tell him,' said Sirius generously.

'I'm on duty Monday night,' said Molly sullenly. 'I'll write you a note to tell Ron. He's probably got Ginny involved as well. Ron's supposed to be an example. I don't believe-'

Arthur put his other hand on Molly's other shoulder and she stopped talking. With a heavy sigh, Molly marched over to the writing desk, took out a piece of parchment and started writing.

Tonks and Sirius went back to their chess game. Sirius won three moves later.

As they were setting up another game, Tonks grinned at Sirius. 'Why would I want to be out with a fellow on a Saturday night when I could be here?'

And Tonks meant every word.

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A/N – After a long and drawn out debate with myself, I've decided to change the rating of this story to T. When I was plotting it out, I realized that there were only going to be a couple of M rated scenes. And those scenes can certainly be made into T scenes without losing the sense of the story. This way, more people get to enjoy the story.

And don't worry, there will definitely be a few M rated outtakes down the road.


	5. Halloween

**Chapter Five – Halloween**

'I love Halloween! I love Halloween!' cried Tonks at the top of her lungs.

'Good for you, mate, now shut it,' muttered Savage, one of her fellow Aurors.

'Don't tell me to shut it,' said Tonks angrily. 'I'm simply expressing my love for a holiday.'

'Sorry,' said Savage, sounding like he actually meant it. 'Could you express your love for Halloween a little more quietly?'

'Yes, I can,' said Tonks graciously. She started humming under her breath.

Tonks was strolling down Diagon Alley with Savage, who had been assigned as her partner for the week. She didn't particularly like him, but she was just pleased to be back on patrol. After her week off to recover from what she now called 'the incident' at the Poison Arrow, she had been assigned to do paperwork for two weeks. Which was basically Tonks' idea of absolute hell.

'Don't you just love the smell of Diagon Alley in the afternoon?' asked Tonks, semi-seriously. With the various shops with all their wares, the smell of Diagon Alley was like no other.

'Were you drinking before you started your shift?' asked Savage suspiciously.

'Of course not,' scoffed Tonks. 'If that becomes a rumor around the club, I will be very upset with you.' The Aurors unofficial name for themselves was the club, which they were all members of. Being an Auror was like being in a large fraternity. And you never left, not even after you retired. You were always an Auror.

'Just joking,' said Savage with a grin.

They continued their patrol route in silence. Passing by the apothecary's, Tonks saw Snape inside in a deep discussion with someone behind the counter. Snape looked out the window and saw her.

Tonks sighed. She couldn't very well just move on without saying hello, that would be too rude. She was determined to be nice to Snape since he saved her life.

'I'll just be a moment,' she told Savage.

'Kay,' said Savage. 'I'm going to get a cup of coffee. Meet me there.'

'Will do,' said Tonks, thinking of the cup of pumpkin spiced coffee she would get when she met up with Savage at the Koffee Korner. One of the many perks of being an Auror was free coffee in Diagon Alley.

She walked inside, breathing through her mouth, not her nose. Snape nodded as the man behind the counter went into the back room.

'Your hair looks absolutely foolish,' said Snape. For Halloween she always liked to go a little crazy, like the electric blue mo-hawk she was currently sporting.

'Yes, and it's lovely to see you, too, Professor Snape,' said Tonks sarcastically. 'I'm having a wonderful day. And how have you been, dear?'

'Peachy,' deadpanned Snape. Tonks had to put her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. She had to admit, she was pleased he played along.

'What are you doing here?' asked Tonks. 'Can't you get supplies from the Apothecary at Hogsmeade?'

Snape shook his head. 'That shop can't get the same ingredients that this one can.'

'Are you going to be at the party tonight?' asked Tonks suddenly. The members of the Order had planned a small get-together to celebrate Halloween. She would hate Snape to think he was not invited, though she didn't know if anyone actually bothered to invite him.

'I'm afraid I have to decline the invitation,' said Snape silkily. 'I have, shall we say, other obligations.'

Tonks immediately realized that he was talking about a Death Eater meeting.

'Nothing exciting planned, I hope?' asked Tonks, trying to sound casual as the man that had been helping Snape came back into the room.

'Not that I know of,' said Snape.

'All right then,' said Tonks. 'I've got to get back on patrol. But I hope you have a very plain, boring, nothing to write home about evening.'

Snape raised his eyebrows at her comments. Tonks started to get nervous under his gaze.

'I'll be going then,' said Tonks quickly, turning around and almost running right into a shelf full of crocodile parts. She walked towards the door quickly, feeling Snape's eyes on her back.

Luckily, she managed not to fall down as she tripped over the doorway.

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'I will not wake up Sirius' mum. I will not wake up Sirius' mum. I will not wake up Sirius' mum-'

'Tonksy, come on in,' whispered Sirius, as he opened the heavy front door. 'Thank you for not ringing the doorbell.'

The moment Tonks stepped into the hallway, she knew she had made a fatal error for the evening.

She was wearing heels.

'Sirius,' whispered Tonks urgently. 'I need you to hold onto my arm and don't let me fall down in the hallway.'

'Did you have a couple of drinks already?' asked Sirius.

'Why does everyone seem to think I'm intoxicated today?' fumed Tonks. 'I'm wearing heels, Sirius. I don't wear heels that often, and I'm afraid I'm going to fall and wake up your mum.'

Sirius immediately took her arm. Together, they walked gingerly through the hallway. Somehow they managed to make it into the parlor without a single stumble.

'We made it!' shouted Tonks joyously, giving Sirius a big hug. 'I didn't fall in my heels!'

But then as often happened to Tonks, the moment she stepped away from Sirius, she did fall.

'Bloody hell,' she muttered.

'Let's get you up,' said a voice. Tonks looked up saw Remus smiling down at her.

She took his hand and he helped her off of the floor. For just a moment they looked at each other.

'Tonks,' said Remus slowly. 'You look…you look absolutely beautiful.'

'Thank you,' said Tonks, beaming. She was very proud of her ensemble for the evening. She was wearing a simple black dress that was sleeveless and fell right above her knees. The highlight of her look was her hair. She spent close to an hour morphing her hair so that the colors were just right. Tonks had curls, in bright Halloween orange and green, cascading down her back.

'You clean up good, Tonksy,' said Sirius. Tonks suddenly noticed that a number of eyes were staring at her.

'It's the dress. I don't normally wear dresses,' said Tonks quickly. 'Bit of a tom boy, I am.'

'Have a firewhisky, Tonks,' said Kingsley, handing her a drink.

Tonks shook her head and handed Kingsley the drink back. 'I was almost killed by a cocktail, Kingsley. Didn't you read my report? I've sworn off hard liquor. I'll take a butterbeer.'

The requested butterbeer was in her hands in a moment. Tonks then went to sit down on the nearest couch. She wasn't very good in heels and her feet were already hurting.

She took a moment to look around. Most of the Order were already here. Sirius and Remus had pushed back all of the furniture, leaving plenty of room in the middle. And apparently the middle became a dance floor.

Arthur and Molly Weasley were dancing besides Emmeline Vance and Mundungus Fletcher. Tonks found her foot tapping along to the beat from the wireless playing the WWN.

Bill Weasley sat down next to her and grinned. 'Care to risk it, Tonks?' he asked.

'Shouldn't you be with your girl?' asked Tonks. She had met his girlfriend, Fleur, a few times.

'We're meeting up later tonight,' said Bill. He held out his hand. 'Dance with me.'

Tonks stood up and walked to the middle of the floor with Bill. 'I'm a horrible dancer,' admitted Tonks. The music changed to a fast number.

'I'm no great shakes myself,' laughed Bill.

It was a swing number. Tonks took Bill's hands and let him lead. After one song, Tonks was already tired. And slightly annoyed at Bill, who clearly lied when he said he wasn't a good dancer.

Tonks went to sit back down on the couch. She immediately took off the high heeled mary-janes that she had been wearing. Tonks was wearing black fishnet stockings, so she would just go without shoes for the rest of the evening.

Remus sat down next to her. His robe looked brand new; she wondered if he had borrowed one from Sirius for the evening. He had told her about his financial situation. She knew he couldn't spend money on clothes.

'Happy Halloween,' said Tonks cheerfully. Remus simply smiled.

She couldn't think of something to talk about so she asked the first question on the top of her head. 'Did you ever trick or treat when you were a kid?'

Remus nodded. 'Until I was bitten. My mother was a muggle. She loved Halloween. When I was seven she dressed me up as a member of the Beatles,' said Remus. 'She cut my hair just like Paul McCartney and I wore a black suit with a black tie. Got a lot of candy that year. Then the year before I was bitten, I was Doctor Who. Mum always encouraged me to dress up as muggles.'

Tonks laughed happily at the thought of a young Remus trick or treating. 'My mum didn't like Halloween too much. She said it reminded her of family gatherings when she was a kid. My dad would dress me up and take me to parties with his family. I think I was always a princess.'

They must have chatted for almost an hour. Various people would join them when they took breaks from dancing. It was a lively conversation, especially as more and more drinks were consumed throughout the evening. Though Tonks only nursed her butterbeer. She had to work in the morning and had no desire to wake up with a hangover.

'Time to dance again, Tonksy,' said Sirius suddenly, appearing from nowhere.

'I'm in my stocking feet,' complained Tonks.

'And who's fault is that for wearing heels?' joked Sirius. 'Dance with me, Tonksy.'

Tonks grinned apologetically at Remus and stood up. The beat of the music was lively. She had a much better time dancing without her shoes on. The floor was getting more crowded. Kingsley was dancing with Hestia Jones while Moody was dancing with Professor McGonagall.

The song ended sooner than she would have liked. The music switched to a slow, breezy number. Emmeline Vance come over and asked Sirius to dance. He accepted, leaving Tonks on her own.

She turned around to go sit down when suddenly Remus was at her side. He gave a small bow. 'Shall we?'

Tonks took his hand. 'We shall.'

He placed one hand on his waist and placed her hand in the other. Without shoes, Tonks only came up to Remus' chin.

They danced in silence for a bit. He didn't twirl her around or try any fancy dance moves. They simply swayed to the music. At one point, Tonks managed to stumble somehow, but Remus steadied her. In fact, he seemed to hold her a bit closer.

Tonks was tired by then so decided to rest her head on his shoulder. She should have known that would be a mistake. Sirius caught her eye and gave her a discreet thumbs up sign. Tonks rolled her eyes at him. She was simply enjoying a dance with a friend.

The dance ended and she and Remus separated. Remus was immediately asked to dance by Hestia and Tonks went back to her seat.

The rest of the night, Tonks danced with various members of the Order or sat down on the couch, talking.

Well after midnight, the party seemed to be ending. Finally, it was only Remus, Sirius and Tonks in the room.

'I better find that blasted house-elf and have him start cleaning,' mumbled Sirius.

'Surely, it can wait till morning,' said Tonks. 'Let him sleep.'

Just then, Professor Dumbledore entered the room. Immediately, everyone was on alert. He took a moment looking at everyone in the room. Finally, he said, 'Nymphadora, please come with me.'

Tonks shrank in her seat. She really didn't like being singled out like this, especially considering the look on the Headmaster's face. Tonks sighed as she stood up. She must have done something wrong.

'Goodnight, all,' said Tonks as she went next to Dumbledore. 'See you later.'

Tonks followed Dumbledore wordlessly through the hallway. As they went down into the kitchen, she realized that she had left her shoes upstairs.

'I'd like you to come to Hogwarts with me, Nymphadora,' said Dumbledore.

'I'm not in trouble, am I?' blurted out Tonks, feeling foolish once the words were out.

'Worry not. You are not in trouble,' he assured her.

'Good,' said Tonks under her breath.

'I'll explain when we get to Hogwarts,' said Dumbledore. He handed her a small phial. 'Please drink this. It will allow you to floo into Hogwarts.'

Tonks took the phial and drank it in one gulp. It was very pleasant tasting, almost like gingerbread.

Dumbledore took a handful of floo powder from the mantle and scattered it over the fire.

'Hogwarts. Professor Dumbledore's office.'

A few minutes later, they were both in his office.

'Follow me, Nymphadora.'

They walked through the corridors, which were completely empty, save when they passed the Fat Friar, who was very pleased to see Tonks again. He was a favorite of hers when she was a student.

'Where are we going?' asked Tonks.

'I'll explain when we get there,' said Dumbledore softly.

They reached the area that Tonks knew to house the staff bedchambers. As they stopped in front of a door, Dumbledore took out his wand and tapped the door softly.

The door opened and Dumbledore let Tonks in the room first. She felt awkward being in a professor's room. Especially when she looked around and realized that it could only be Snape's room.

And even more so when she saw Snape lying unconscious in his bed.


	6. The Potions Master

**Chapter Six – The Potions Master**

'Is he dead?' asked Tonks quickly.

'No,' said Dumbledore softly. 'Simply asleep. I gave him a goblet full of dreamless sleep.'

'Then what am I doing here?' asked Tonks pointedly.

'You are here to watch over him. I would do it myself, but I have some other business to take care of,' said Dumbledore. 'Just sit next to him and be there when he wakes up.'

There were a million other things that Tonks would rather be doing than babysitting Snape, mainly sleeping. But instead she nodded her head and said, 'Anything else?'

Dumbledore pointed to a goblet that was on Snape's desk. 'When he wakes, make sure he drinks the entire contents.'

'Yes, sir,' said Tonks without much enthusiasm.

'Let's make this a little more comfortable for you,' said Dumbledore. He waved his wand, and an overstuffed armchair appeared out of thin air next to Snape's bed. 'This should work just fine.'

He walked towards the door. As he opened it, Tonks stopped him. 'Why me, sir?'

'Because you were there at Headquarters…and this is not a job for Sirius or Remus. I trust you won't mention anything to them about this?' said Dumbledore more as a statement than a question.

'Of course not!' said Tonks cheerfully, when she didn't feel cheerful at all. Dumbledore nodded and left the room.

For over a minute, she simply stared at Snape with her arms crossed over her chest. He looked absolutely awful, like he had been run over by the Hogwarts Express. Snape was still fully dressed in his Death Eater robes. Tonks wondered what had happened to him. She knew was at a meeting tonight.

Tonks had learned from Moody that Voldemort will punish even his most loyal followers, his way of not making anyone too comfortable. She was fairly certain that was what was she was seeing, the fallout of a punishment.

Tonks tried to settle down in the chair, but after a few minutes was very cold, being so close to the dungeons. She was only wearing her dress; she didn't bring a robe with her. Hesitantly, Tonks stood up and went to a small wardrobe.

'Snape?' asked Tonks quietly. 'Do you mind if I borrow a robe? Maybe some socks?'

There was only silence, which Tonks expected.

'Excellent,' said Tonks, grinning. 'I'll take your silence as consent.'

Opening up the wardrobe, Tonks had to admit that she felt extremely uncomfortable. What if there was something in there that she shouldn't see? She would hate it if anyone looked into her closet uninvited. She turned around quickly and scanned the room for an extra blanket or something that could cover her up.

There was nothing in plain sight. Going back to the wardrobe, she decided not to look inside, but instead put her hand in and grabbed the first thing she could.

Luckily, it was just a plain, simple black robe. She put it around her shoulders eagerly and tried to decide if she felt lucky enough to go after a pair of socks.

Tonks decided to quit while she was ahead. Sighing, she sat down on the chair and curled her legs underneath her. Scrunching her nose, she morphed her hair from its festive state to where it was just natural.

She didn't wear her hair in its natural state much. To be quite honest, Tonks liked the attention that changing her hair to odd colors gave her. Especially considering her natural hair color was the most boring brown in the world. Her mother had the Black family hair, exotic looking black locks. But Tonks got her dear old dad's mousy brown hair.

However, Tonks only slept when her hair was in its natural state. For some reason, Tonks never got a good night's sleep when she had her hair morphed.

Tonks was restless. Slowly, she looked around the room. It was impeccably clean. There didn't seem to be anything out of place. Except for her, of course. Dark wooden furniture and almost every wall was covered in bookshelves, stuffed with books. There were no knickknacks or pictures anywhere.

Without thinking, Tonks stood up and started scanning the titles. Maybe she would sit down and read for a little bit. It had been ages since she sat down and read anything other than the Daily Prophet or the Auror reports.

The variety of titles amazed her. There were the books that she expected, such as potions or defense against the Dark Arts books (he wanted the job even when she was a student at Hogwarts). But more than anything there were novels. And literature from both wizard and muggle authors.

Tonks picked up a copy of 'The Once and Future King,' which she had never read, and settled back down in the armchair.

She found herself lost in the world of King Arthur, beautiful Guenever and wise Merlyn.

But then there was a loud moan from the bed. The book fell to the floor, forgotten.

'Snape?' asked Tonks gently.

Snape lifted his head and looked around, a dazed look on his face. A moment later, his head hit the pillow again and it looked like he was sleeping.

'Some date you are,' mumbled Tonks. She picked up the book again from the floor and tried to find where she had left off.

She was interrupted again when Snape sat up wearily.

'Snape?' asked Tonks again.

He raised his head and looked at her. His face was even more pale than normal. His eyes were bloodshot with large circles underneath them.

'Nymphadora?' he asked hoarsely.

Tonks ran over to the desk and picked up the goblet. 'Dumbledore said that you need to drink this,' she told him.

Tonks was amazed to see him flinch when he saw the goblet. She lifted it to her nose and understood. It was one of the most foul smelling potions she had ever come across. She didn't even want to think what it must taste like.

Snape was sitting on the side of the bed at this point. She sat down next to him and handed the goblet to him. Tonks was successful in her attempt not to laugh as he shuddered and then closed his eyes before drinking the potion. It reminded her of children when they didn't want to take their medicine.

The moment the goblet was empty, he let it fall to the floor with a crash. He looked better at once.

'You're wearing my robe,' he said after a moment, his voice betraying that he was still in pain.

'I was cold,' said Tonks in her defense.

He looked at her for a moment. Why did she always feel uncomfortable when he looked at her?

'Albus?' he asked softly.

'Dumbledore said he needed to be somewhere, so he asked me instead,' said Tonks apologetically.

Snape nodded and started to lie down.

'Do you want to get out of your robe at least?' asked Tonks before she could stop herself. The thought of undressing Snape was not a pleasant one.

He nodded again and sat up straight. Tonks looked him over. She knelt down and first took off his boots, followed by his socks.

Normally the thought of her taking off Snape's clothes would cause her to laugh out loud, but never did the situation seem less amusing. She decided to view him as one of her fellow Aurors, rather than her former professor. Tonks wouldn't have the slightest problem in helping Kingsley or Moody in this type of environment.

Completely businesslike, she took the hem of his robes and lifted them up over his head. Luckily, he seemed to be wearing some type of long johns underneath the robes. A moment later, she pulled down the covers while he lifted his legs into bed.

He was asleep even before she could pull the covers over him. Tonks went back to her book.

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Tonks stared at the clock that was hanging on the wall. It was eight o'clock in the morning and she was still in Snape's room. She had to be at the Ministry by ten, and she still needed to go back to her bed-sit to shower and change. With no sleep to speak of, she knew she was in for a very long day at work.

Luckily, Snape seemed to be stirring. A few minutes later, he was sitting up in his bed.

'How are you feeling?' asked Tonks when he seemed awake.

Snape looked over at her quickly. 'What are you doing here?' he asked sharply.

'I've been here all night,' said Tonks. 'Dumbledore asked me to stay.'

He nodded and then seemed to be searching the room for something.

'Can I help you find anything?' asked Tonks, wanting to be of some help, since she was already here.

'There should be a goblet…'

Tonks bent over and picked up the goblet off of the floor. Slowly, Snape picked up his wand from the bedside table.

'_Repletio,'_ he said, tapping his wand at the base of the goblet.

'You drank the potion last night,' said Tonks quickly.

He drank the potion in one gulp and shuddered.

'As bad as Skele-gro?' asked Tonks, trying to keep the mood light.

'Much worse,' said Snape, his voice still hoarse.

'Are you up?' asked Tonks. 'Can I help you with anything?'

'I teach in an hour,' said Snape, pulling the covers off of himself and standing up. He headed towards to what Tonks assumed was the bathroom. She couldn't help but notice that he was limping slightly.

She waited until the bathroom door slammed shut. With a frustrated sigh, she walked towards the main door.

'You're welcome,' she said, hopefully loud enough for him to hear and left the room.

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A few days later, Tonks couldn't help but wonder how Snape was doing. He hadn't been at Headquarters at all. As much as he made her uncomfortable, she did realize that he was doing important work for the Order, so she certainly didn't want him injured.

But she had plenty of other things to worry about. She was taking on several shifts for the Order, guarding the Hall of Prophecy. But before she could go over to the Ministry of Magic, she needed to be disillusioned.

It was much easier when they had use of Moody's invisibility cloak. No doubt whoever arrested Sturgis Podmore took the cloak for their own use.

Tonks made a quick stop to Headquarters. Sirius was fairly good at the disillusionment charm. It was one charm that Tonks had never bothered to learn. Why should she turn invisible when she could just change into someone else? But the charm was needed in order for her to be in the Department of Mysteries.

She let herself in the front door. Sirius had told her she was welcome to come in and not wait for someone to let her in anymore. The parlor was empty. Tonks walked upstairs and tried to listen for someone.

Footsteps could be heard coming on the stairs from the third floor. It was Remus.

'Hello, Tonks,' he said with a smile.

'Is Sirius around?' asked Tonks hopefully. 'I need him to disillusion me.'

'I'll do it,' said Remus quickly. 'I think Sirius needs to be by himself right now.'

He continued walking down the stairs, with Tonks following. When they reached the parlor, Remus sat down on a couch and put his head in his hands.

'Is everything all right, Remus?' asked Tonks quietly, sitting next to him on the couch.

'He's been drinking,' said Remus with a frown.

'Sirius?' asked Tonks in surprise. 'Why?'

'I think he's lonely. I'm only here a couple of nights a week and rarely here during the day. He's by himself all day long with only Buckbeak and Kreacher for company. It could drive anyone mad,' said Remus.

Tonks thought guiltily of the times that Sirius said that she should stop by for lunch, but she never found the chance.

'It's got to be better than Azkaban, right?' said Tonks hopefully. 'And besides, we just had a party and there are meetings every so often…'

'I know what it's like to be alone,' said Remus quietly. 'I know how hard it can be not to have anyone to turn to. I just wish Sirius was handling it in a different way.'

Without thinking, Tonks took Remus' hand in hers. 'We'll get him through this,' promised Tonks. 'And he won't need to hide forever.'

Tonks couldn't help thinking how she liked how her hand felt in his. Remus gave Tonks a weak smile. 'I hope so,' he said quietly. 'I hate to see him like this.'

'It's really amazing,' said Tonks. 'You two have been friends longer than I've been alive.'

Remus chuckled. 'Don't make me feel any older than I already do.'

'You're only as old as you feel,' said Tonks cheerfully.

'Then I'm in trouble,' laughed Remus. 'Because I feel ancient sometimes.'

'And most of the time I feel like I'm eleven,' joked Tonks.

Remus looked down and was silent for a moment. Then he stood up quickly, dropping her hand in the process. 'Let's get you disillusioned.'

Tonks nodded and stood up next to him, and couldn't help wondering what she just did wrong.

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A/N – The concept of Tonks nursing Snape was shamelessly stolen (with permission) from the excellent story Redemption in her Arms written by Peace-Now. Very good one-shot, though I'm still pushing for her to make it a chaptered story! (Hint-hint).

Repletio: (Latin) - Repletus – filled, full

Yeah for three day weekends! I got so much writing done, it's not even funny. Two updates in two days. I'm spoiling you guys. : )


	7. Sirius' Mum

**Chapter Seven – Sirius' Mum**

Somehow November turned into December. Tonks couldn't quite believe that Christmas was only four weeks away. Christmas was always a little hard on her. This would be the third Christmas without her parents. It was at Christmas that she realized how little family she actually had. There was no one on her mother's side that she could spend the holidays with. The last two Christmases, she spent with her father's younger sister and her family. But that was even difficult. Sonya's teenage children had no idea Tonks was a witch, and Sonya didn't want them to know.

But Tonks had plenty of other things to worry about than Christmas. The Ministry of Magic always shut down for week between Christmas and New Years. While that was good news for the employees for the Ministry of Magic, it was bad news for the Order of the Phoenix. For that week, they would have to guard the Hall of Prophecy for twenty-four hours a day, instead of just the overnight they currently do. It meant a great more number of shifts for everyone.

Most of Tonks' spare time was spent at Headquarters. Once Remus mentioned that he thought Sirius was drinking, Tonks noticed it herself as well. Unfortunately, Tonks' spare time was extremely limited. She was only able to spend one or two evenings at Headquarters during the week at most.

There was very little snow in the beginning of December, which Tonks was very grateful for while she was walking down the street to Headquarters. Normally, Tonks could simply apparate outside of Headquarters for meetings. However, Tonks didn't get nearly enough sleep last night and had the unfortunate habit of spliching her left pinky finger if she apparated when she was tired. Since she didn't want to take the Knight Bus to Headquarters, she had to take a nice, long walk.

'Tonks!' a voice called behind her.

Tonks turned around quickly, her hand in her pocket, holding her wand if it was needed. She laughed as she saw Remus hurrying towards her. At that very moment there was a gust of wind that lifted her knitted cap right off of her head. Remus picked it up and gave it back to her.

'How in the world do you decide what to do with your hair?' asked Remus as she put her cap back on her head.

'It's whatever kind of mood I'm in,' said Tonks with a smile, thinking of the bright red bob she was currently sporting. 'When I'm happy, my hair is colorful. When I'm in a not so happy mood, my hair is not so colorful.'

They started walking towards number 12, Grimmauld Place. Tonks couldn't help but notice how threadbare Remus' coat was. Briefly Tonks wondered if she could get him a new one for Christmas, or if he would think that was charity.

Remus put his finger over his lips as he opened up the door to Headquarters. Sirius had organized a pool to see how long they could go without waking his mum. Everyone chose a number. Tonks said they could go seventeen days without waking Sirius' mum. They were currently at thirteen days. The pot was up to twelve galleons.

Tonks kept trying to get Remus to tell her what day he had bet on. She knew he did bet, because she was in the room when he searched through his robes for a sickle when the hat was being passed around after a meeting. If she could just find out, she would fall purposely to let him win the money. It was against the rules to wake her up on your own day, but not on someone else's day. (Though most no one wanted to help anyone else out.)

Together, they tip toed through the entry. Once they were inside the parlor, they both quickly vanished the heavy overcoats, hats, scarves and mittens into the nearest closet. But not before Sirius once again teased Tonks for having fasteners that attached her mittens to her coat. She explained once more, through clenched teeth, that she always lost her mittens, and the fasteners made sure she didn't have to buy ten pairs of mittens a year.

The meeting started briefly after Remus and Tonks arrived. Molly, who was in charge of scheduling guard duty, went over the next few weeks. Then to Tonks' surprise, Snape gave a brief report on the Death Eaters dealings. Snape reported that Voldemort was still obsessed with hearing the rest of the prophecy. And that Voldemort was still unaware that members of the Order were there, guarding the Hall.

Snape then mentioned that Voldemort had been meeting with Fenrir Greyback. The room immediately tensed at mention of that name for everyone knew who Greyback was.

Tonks was sitting next to Remus, whose hands had gone into fists at the sound of his name.

'What does Greyback have to say?' asked Remus sharply.

'He's listening to the Dark Lord,' said Snape smoothly. 'But as of now, there is no commitment.'

'What's Voldemort offering him?' inquired Remus quickly.

Tonks was amazed to see Snape flinch at the sound of Voldemort's name. She had no idea that the name affected him like that.

'Same as last time,' said Snape, sounding bored. 'More rights, chance to bite as many people as they want. Though Greyback's wary. They helped during the last war and nothing ever came of it. In fact it was worse, because people knew the werewolves were on the Dark Lord's side.'

'Not every werewolf,' injected Tonks before she could stop herself.

'Yes, Nymphadora, I'm well aware that not every single werewolf in the entire world pledged loyalty to the Dark Lord. But fact of the matter is, the majority of werewolves did,' lectured Snape, leaving Tonks to feel that she was a fifth year all over again in the dungeons.

Snape looked at her for a moment too long. Just enough to make Tonks uncomfortable.

'I have some contacts,' said Remus after a moment's thought. 'I want to find out more about this.'

'Very well,' spoke up Dumbledore suddenly. 'That's it for tonight, everyone.'

'Dinner's in the kitchen,' said Molly Weasley, moving towards the door.

The parlor cleaned out quickly, with everyone either wanting supper or wanting to go home. Though Tonks lingered with Remus and Sirius.

'Moony, you can't be thinking what I think you're thinking,' said Sirius with a sullen look on his face.

'I don't think it's time yet, Padfoot. I doubt that the majority of werewolves think he's back. And they won't until they see him. And I also doubt that Voldemort would walk amongst them,' said Remus thoughtfully.

'Time for what?' asked Tonks, not quite understanding the conversation.

'To meet with the werewolves in person,' said Remus.

Tonks closed her eyes for a moment. One of her very first training films as an Auror dealt with werewolves. The type that didn't try to fit in with society. Werewolves not like Remus. She saw some battles between werewolves in their human form against both Aurors and Enforcers. It was a horrific film. Tonks remembered almost being sorry for their desperation. But then she was told that the majority of werewolves choose to live like that. The film was extremely effective in finding out who had the stones to stay in the program; almost one fourth of candidates dropped out after watching the film.

'Will that be necessary?' asked Tonks, searching for Remus' face for an answer. She simply couldn't imagine Remus having to go out there, even for a little bit.

Remus' face changed, and Tonks saw that it was full of determination. 'I will do what ever is needed, Tonks,' he said, with a sad smile. 'I'm going to get some dinner.' A moment later, he left Tonks and Sirius by themselves in the parlor.

Tonks looked at the door where Remus had just been. She never truly appreciated how courageous he truly was before.

'I saw that look, young lady,' said Sirius out of the blue.

'What on earth are you talking about?' asked Tonks in surprise, still looking where Remus had just been.

'That look,' grinned Sirius.

'What look?' asked Tonks, annoyed. She turned her attention completely to her second cousin.

'That look you just gave Remus,' said Sirius, now smiling from ear to ear.

'I didn't look at Remus,' said Tonks without thinking. She had been looking at him, but that was completely beside the point.

'You fancy him,' said Sirius. 'I knew it ever since I saw you two dancing at the Halloween party. You fancy my best friend.'

'I don't.'

'You do.'

'I don't'

'Why not?'

'I don't,' said Tonks without thinking. 'Wait a moment…what?'

'If you don't fancy him, why not?' asked Sirius, shrugging his shoulders. 'I'm just curious.'

'Don't get me wrong,' pleaded Tonks. 'He's wonderful. He's been a great friend for me since I joined the Order. But I…I don't fancy him.'

Sirius looked at her for a moment. 'Is it because of his furry little problem?'

Tonks shook her head adamantly. 'No, of course not. I don't care a thing about that. Like I said he's wonderful. He's kind…he's very smart…not bad looking either…I trust him completely…'

She felt a strange sensation washing over her and then she knew. 'Bloody hell, I do fancy him,' she said, sounding more surprised then she ever had in her life.

Sirius slapped his hand on his knee. 'Excellent. Let's go tell him.' He stood up and started towards the door.

'Sirius, wait,' said Tonks. 'You can't just tell him.'

'Why not?' asked Sirius, almost at the door. 'He'll be thrilled.'

'Sirius, you take one more step towards that door and I'll morph into a replica of your mum,' said Tonks bravely.

Sirius turned around and looked at her in horror. 'You wouldn't…' he whispered.

'Do you want to tempt it?' asked Tonks.

'No, no, I do not,' said Sirius, racing back to the couch.

'Look,' said Tonks. 'I'll tell him when I'm ready. I just realized I like him about a minute ago. I need to digest this.'

'Do wait too long, Tonksy,' said Sirius, sounding, well, sounding serious. 'We never know what tomorrow will bring.'

'That's very true,' said Tonks. 'But tonight's not the night. I'm sure of that much.'

'All right,' said Sirius. 'Let's get some dinner.'

'You go ahead,' said Tonks. She wanted to be alone for a moment to let this sink in.

Sirius left, closing the parlor door behind him. Tonks pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Remus. Remus Lupin. Nymphadora Lupin. Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin. Tonks Lupin?

'Get your head out of the clouds, Nymph,' Tonks warned herself. Tonks had the unfortunate habit of letting a crush get far too serious sometimes. Like now for example. She only realized she wanted him five minutes ago and already she was choosing the monograms.

Food would hopefully distract her for a bit. Tonks stood up and headed towards the kitchen. Halfway through the hallway, the kitchen door opened and Sirius came out, with a large grin on his face.

'Tonksy and Remus, sitting in a tree,' said Sirius very softly in a sing-song voice. 'S-N-O-G-I-N-G.'

'Shut it, or you'll wake your mum,' muttered Tonks fiercely. 'And it's S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G. Two Gs, not just one.'

'Bet you'll want to practice a lot with Remus,' whispered Sirius, who was clearly enjoying that Tonks was uncomfortable.

'Practice what?' asked Tonks. 'Spelling? I'm a great speller; I don't even need a spell-check quill.'

'Practice snogging,' smirked Sirius. 'Remus could use a bit of a snog, I bet.'

'Boys,' fumed Tonks. She turned around quickly and ran right into the large hall table. There was nothing she could hold onto as she felt herself falling towards the ground.

Tonks landed with a loud thud and waited for the inevitable.

'_YOOUUU!' _Sirius' mum pointed right at Tonks._ 'You vile, freak of nature! Half-blood! Unnatural changeling!'_

Tonks jumped up and together with Sirius they managed to close the curtain covering her up.

'I didn't win the pool,' said Tonks sadly as they walked down the kitchen stairs.

'Who woke her up?' demanded Molly as Tonks entered the kitchen. 'I had fourteen days. Couldn't you have waited another day?'

Sirius pointed at Tonks. 'All her fault.'

'It was perfect timing,' beamed Remus. He walked over to Tonks with a large smile on his face. 'Today was my day so I won the pool!'

Tonks tried to say something. She wanted to say that she was happy for him. That if she had to fall, she was so glad that it was on his day. But no words came out of her mouth. In fact, Tonks couldn't even seem to move, seeing him for the first time she realized her feelings for him.

Remus put his arms around her and gave her a big hug. He went one step further and lifted her feet off of the ground, twirling her around once.

'Thank you, clumsy,' said Remus, letting her go and walking back to his seat at the table.

Tonks nodded weakly. She sat down at the furthest seat away from Remus. She tried to ignore the odd look that Sirius was giving her. But Tonks couldn't help it. She had absolutely no idea, until the moment she had seen Remus again, how strong her feelings really were for him.

Tonks had fallen in love in Remus Lupin.


	8. Christmas

**Chapter Eight – Christmas**

'_The moment I saw you for the first time, as I helped you off of the floor, I knew,' murmured Remus, holding Tonks tightly in his arms. _

'_Oh, Remus,' sighed Tonks. She let herself melt in his embrace. She never knew what happiness really was until this moment. _

'_Together, we can do anything, Nymphadora,' said Remus passionately._

'_Oh, Remus,' sighed Tonks again. _

_They walked hand in hand down the deserted beach. Then suddenly, a dark, masked stranger with a sword ran up to them. _

'_For your lady's honor,' sneered the stranger, who pulled Tonks away from her love._

'_Remus!' shouted Tonks as Remus brandished his own sword. _

'_En garde,' said Remus without any trace of fear in his voice. _

_The two men fought valiantly. The stranger thrusted his sword, but instead of delivering a killing blow, simply cut through the fabric of Remus' shirt, revealing his glistening chest. _

_A moment later, the battle was over. Remus disabled the stranger. Tonks picked up her heavy, ruffled dress and ran into Remus' arm. _

'_My hero,' she declared. _

_But the stranger was back. He lunged, and Remus put his sword right through the stranger's heart. Tonks knelt down next to the man and removed the mask. _

_The masked stranger had Remus' face. She looked up towards her love and instead of Remus standing there, was Severus Snape, laughing wildly…._

Tonks woke up with a start, clutching her chest. She looked around the room. She was at Headquarters, in the small room she had claimed for her own use.

Standing up, Tonks paced the room for a moment, trying to get her adrenaline to go down. The dream upset her in many different ways. But the main one was simple.

Tonks was no damsel in distress.

She was more than capable of handling herself, even if she had been wearing a corset, but her subconscious seemed to think differently tonight.

After another moment, Tonks decided to go to the bathroom and get a glass of water. She crept into the hallway, not wanting to wake anyone up and started walking.

At that moment, Remus came out of his room, fully dressed. He looked her over for a moment, and Tonks realized she was only wearing a tank top and boy undies. She hadn't bothered to put on her dressing gown.

'Morning?' asked Tonks tiredly as she walked past him.

'It's seven in the morning, Clumsy,' said Remus. Ever since Tonks had won Remus the pool, he had taken to calling her Clumsy. He now wasn't looking at her and Tonks melted a bit, knowing that he was trying to give her some privacy.

'Well, then,' said Tonks, trying to force a smile on her face. 'Morning.' Then she promptly went into the bathroom and closed the door.

Ever since that night, two weeks ago, Tonks couldn't seem to form even a simple sentence around Remus. It was infuriating. Here she was a grown woman, not to mention a fully trained Auror and she couldn't put more than two words together in front of him.

How in the world would she ever tell him how she feels?

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'Have you told him yet? Have you told him yet?' teased Sirius, while they were sitting in the kitchen, having a cup of tea. She had to report to the Ministry for work in an hour, and wanted to stop by and say hello

Tonks shook her head. 'I'm sure you'll be the first one to hear the happy news,' said Tonks, smiling.

'Tonksy, you've become one of my favorite people,' said Sirius. 'Remus is one of my favorite people. I just want my favorite people to be happy together.'

'Thank you, Sirius,' said Tonks softly.

'But if you wait much longer…' Sirius trailed off.

'There's no one else, is there?' asked Tonks worriedly.

'Not that I know of,' Sirius told her. 'But it's been weeks.'

'I'm…I'm just not ready yet,' admitted Tonks.

Sirius gave Tonks a hard look. 'No wonder you weren't sorted in Gryffindor.'

'Excuse me?' asked Tonks coldly. 'What do you mean by that?'

'You know what it means,' said Sirius, baiting her.

Tonks stood up quickly. 'I was much happier to be in Hufflepuff. I'd much rather be loyal to my friends, than brave. Any fool can be brave,' said Tonks angrily. 'Not just anyone can be loyal.'

She ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time. With a flick of her wand, her coat, mittens, scarf and hat came flying towards her. She put on the articles of clothing as quickly as possible.

Tonks didn't hear Sirius come up the stairs. 'I'm sorry,' he whispered.

She looked around and saw him standing there, visibly upset. 'It's okay,' said Tonks, meaning the words.

'It's not okay, Tonksy,' said Sirius bitterly. 'I've been away from people for so long I've forgotten how to have a normal conversation. I'm sorry.'

He looked so despondent that Tonks felt the need to give him a hug. She put her arms around him. Sirius held her tightly.

Tonks then leaned her head back and looked at him. 'All better?' she asked.

'I can be such a prat,' said Sirius, shaking his head. 'Hufflepuff is a very fine house to be sorted into.'

Tonks smiled happily. 'At least we agree on that.'

She gave Sirius a quick kiss on the cheek. 'Time for work,' she said, ending their embrace.

Tonks turned and almost ran right into Remus.

'Wotcher,' Tonks said, blushing immediately. She could almost feel her cheeks brightening to match her bright pink hair.

'Hello, Tonks,' said Remus quietly. 'Sirius.'

'Well, I'm off,' Tonks said quickly. 'See you boys later.'

As Tonks opened the door, she looked back into the foyer. Remus was staring at her with an expression on his face that she couldn't read. Tonks gave a slight wave, closed the door behind her and headed out into the snow.

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'Can I help you with dinner, Molly?' asked Tonks kindly. It had been a tiring day for everyone. Arthur had been attacked the previous evening while guarding the Hall of Prophecy. Tonks had just gotten back from St. Mungo's with Moody, Molly, a number of Weasley kids and Harry Potter. She and Molly were in the kitchen; everyone else was somewhere upstairs.

'I'm fine,' said Molly in a high voice.

But Tonks knew that the Weasley Matriarch was anything but fine. She couldn't imagine how hard it must have been to see Arthur lying in the hospital like that.

By now Tonks had learned that if Molly was stressed, she liked to take it out on the nearest surface that she could clean. And now the kitchen counter was getting the brunt of it.

'I think it's clean, Molly,' said Tonks in a soft voice.

Molly threw the rag she had been scrubbing with on the counter. 'If Arthur had died last night…' she trailed off.

'He didn't,' said Tonks quickly. 'He's going to be absolutely fine.'

Molly turned around and faced Tonks, her hand curled up like a fist over her mouth. 'Be grateful you don't have children right now, Tonks,' said Molly finally. 'I had no idea it would be this hard. Every day…'

Tonks stood up quickly and started to make a pot of tea. Molly sat down at the table. Possibly the familiar movements soothed her.

'Every day I wake up surprised that we're all still alive,' said Molly wearily. She pushed a red curl that had come out of her bun behind her ear. 'And the fighting hasn't really even begun yet. It's not just for my family. Harry. I couldn't love Harry any more if he had come from my own womb.'

Tonks placed the tea kettle on the stove and sat down at the table next to Molly. She was surprised that Molly was opening up like this. During the summer, Tonks got the impression that Molly didn't like her very much.

'I wish it was over,' said Molly, closing her eyes. 'And then I want Ron to marry Hermione in a few year's time and Ginny to end up with Harry and then I want a ridiculous amount of grandchildren.'

'Are Ron and Hermione together?' asked Tonks in surprise. 'I didn't know that.'

Molly shook her head. 'If Ron had any sense regarding women, they would be. She's perfect for him, but I don't think he realizes it yet. Sometimes I wonder if Harry will actually end up with Hermione.'

'Molly the matchmaker,' teased Tonks.

That got Molly to smile a bit. 'Speaking of matchmaking,' said Molly casually. 'I was hoping my son Charlie would be home for Christmas, but he's in Romania.'

Tonks blushed fiercely, thinking of Charlie. 'Molly, Charlie and I were in the same year at Hogwarts.'

'Were you really?' asked Molly interestedly.

'We dated a bit, actually, during seventh year,' said Tonks, feeling her cheeks go considerably red. Tonks had actually lost her virginity with Charlie Weasley the spring before they graduated. But Molly could never, ever know that. Never.

'Nothing came of it?' asked Molly, sighing.

'He went to Romania, I was in Auror training,' said Tonks, trying to sound casual. But remembering that night in the room of requirements made her anything but. 'We broke it off as soon as term ended. First Bill, then Charlie. Anyone in your family you want me to consider?'

'All right, then,' said Molly. The tea kettle whistled, and Molly was up pouring two cups. 'Here you go, dear.'

Tonks made a mental note to herself that the next time Molly seemed down that all she had to do was talk about who her children should be with.

'So do Fred and George have girlfriends?'

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'Tonks!' cried Melinda, her fourteen year old cousin on her father's side. 'Happy Christmas!'

'Happy Christmas,' smiled Tonks, stepping inside the comfortable home.

'Can I take that for you?' asked Bobby, who was twelve.

'They go under the tree,' said Tonks, handing him the bag of presents.

'Hello, dear,' said Sonya, kissing Tonks on the cheek. 'Lovely to see you.'

'Thanks for having me,' said Tonks quietly. 'I really do appreciate it.'

'Can't have you by yourself for Christmas, can we, love?' tinkled Sonya. 'Come have a sherry.'

'Thanks, water's fine,' said Tonks. She walked into the living room and saw the small Christmas tree in the corner. It was decorated plainly, even by muggle standards. Wistfully, Tonks thought of the parlor at number twelve, Grimmauld Place. She stopped by last night and saw how wonderfully everything had been decorated. Half of her wanted to stay there for Christmas and not go to relatives.

She always had to dress carefully when she was with her family. Her hair was up, off her face, in its plain brown color. She was wearing a long black skirt and a dark green jumper.

Dinner was first. Tonks sat between Melinda and Bobby. When Tonks looked around the table, there was no doubt that Ted Tonks was her father. Tonks, Melinda and Bobby all had the exact same color hair, and Melinda could have passed for Tonks at age fourteen. Well, except at fourteen, Tonks had her powers and morphed her hair every chance she got.

After presents were opened, Melinda and Bobby took Tonks upstairs to try out their new video game system. It was tiring having to remember that she was in training to be a police officer and that she used to go to a simple boarding school in Scotland.

After more than an hour of watching her cousins play games, Tonks went downstairs to get a drink of water.

There she saw her aunt and uncle slow dancing in the corner. Sonya had her arms around Richard's neck and was smiling happily.

Tonks' stomach tied up in knots, looking over the scene. She wanted that. She wanted to be happy and in love with someone who loved her. Tonks knew herself too well to realize that she didn't need that to be whole. But that didn't keep her from wanting it desperately.

Five minutes later, she said good-bye to her family and headed off to number twelve, Grimmauld Place, in search of Remus.


	9. The Triangle

**Chapter Nine – The Triangle**

There was a light dusting of snow on the ground as Tonks practically danced her way off of the Knight Bus. The stars, normally dimmed by the lights of London, seemed to be shining brightly. Tonks didn't think she could be happier even if she won a million galleons and that Voldemort announced that all he wanted was to give peace a chance.

For Tonks was in love and ready to give Remus the chance to love her as well.

As she stepped into the hall, Tonks glanced at the grandfather clock. It was already ten o'clock at night. Carefully, she put down her small bag of presents from her family and then vanished her coat into the closet.

Finally, Tonks scrunched her nose, and changed her hair from dull brown to festive Christmas red spikes. She took a deep breath and walked into the parlor.

Sirius, Remus, Mrs. Weasley, Ginny and the twins were all sitting and talking happily in the parlor. Ginny was especially pleased to see Tonks; she jumped up and gave Tonks a hug.

'So how were the muggles?' asked Sirius with a grin.

Tonks smiled and shook her head. 'My aunt gave me an electric drill. Apparently, it's fashionable for young muggle women to be able to do home improvement.'

'Doesn't your aunt know you're a witch?' asked Remus interestedly.

'She does,' said Tonks, matter of factly. 'And I still got a bloody electric drill. Molly, I'll let Arthur have it. I'm sure he'll love it.'

'Thank you, dear,' said Molly in such a voice that Tonks knew that she wasn't entirely pleased with the idea of Arthur having a drill.

Tonks took a deep breath. It was now or never. 'You know, Remus,' said Tonks casually. 'I'd like to get a glass of water. Will you come to the kitchen with me?'

'Sure,' said Remus lightly. 'I could do with a cup of tea.'

Together, they stood up and headed towards the door. Tonks made the mistake of looking back at Sirius, who had a large grin on his face. Facing forward again, she followed Remus out of the room.

They walked in silence through the hallway and into the kitchen.

'Did you have a nice Christmas, Remus?' asked Tonks. They were standing side by side by the kitchen sink.

'It was very nice, Clumsy,' said Remus, with a smile. 'Sirius spent far too much money on my present, but I expected that.'

Tonks then decided to do some wandless magic. She concentrated on the sprig of mistletoe that was hanging in the corner and made it move so that it was hanging over Remus' head.

When it was set, Tonks looked up, causing Remus to do the same.

'Ah,' said Remus after a moment, seeing the mistletoe.

Tonks looked at the man she had fallen in love with. He was a werewolf, yes, but he was good and he was kind and she just knew if given the chance, he could love her.

She smiled a shy smile and placed her arms around his neck. A moment later, she pressed her lips softly against his own. The kiss was warm and inviting and she could taste the slightest hint of chocolate.

Finally, they broke apart. Tonks took his hands and whispered, 'Happy Christmas.'

Remus stared at the floor, which Tonks immediately took as not a good sign. She felt her heart start to beat a bit faster.

'I better back upstairs,' mumbled Remus, dropping Tonks' hands.

Tonks was not going to let this opportunity go.

'Remus, wait.'

He shook his head and took a step away from her.

'Please.'

Remus looked her in the eye then. Tonks managed to keep herself from gulping.

'I asked you down here, because I wanted to tell you something,' began Tonks. 'I wanted to tell you that sometime in the past few months, I've fallen in love with you.'

'Clumsy…' Remus trailed off.

'I'm not asking you to love me right now,' said Tonks, wanting to make sure he knew that. 'I'd just like you to give me a chance.'

Tonks tried to read his face, but she couldn't. She couldn't tell in the slightest what he was thinking. She just knew that after they kissed, he wanted to go upstairs.

'I can't be in a relationship right now, Clumsy,' said Remus, with a tone of finality. 'Especially with you.'

'What does that mean?' asked Tonks, sharper then she meant to.

'Think of everything that could go wrong. We have to work together in the Order,' said Remus, stronger now. 'And you've become a very good friend to me. I don't want to risk that.'

Tonks blinked a few times, holding back her tears. He didn't want her. She couldn't quite believe it; she was so sure that he was going to be pleased and that they'd be happy.

She needed to save face here, at any price. 'Good friends, then,' she said weakly.

'Best of friends, Clumsy,' said Remus with a smile.

'Right, then,' said Tonks, trying to put on a good show.

Remus gave her one last smile and left the kitchen. Tonks sat down at the kitchen table, not quite believing what had just happened. He just rejected her. She had laid out all her cards on the table. And he simply walked away from her giving the "let's just be friends," line.

Tonks wasn't sure how long she stayed at the table, simply staring ahead. Feeling like she was on automatic, Tonks walked up the stairs into the hallway. She was going to go back into the parlor, say good-bye and go back to her bed sit for a good cry.

As she was about to open the door, the Weasley twins tumbled out of the room. Tonks made the mistake of looking at Remus, who caught her eye. For a moment, Tonks simply looked at him, trying not to reveal how much pain he caused her.

But then the door closed.

Tonks took a step back, knowing she couldn't face him again tonight. The twins looked at her oddly.

'Are you all right, Tonks?' whispered Fred or George. In the darkened hall, she couldn't tell which was which.

Tonks nodded her head adamantly. She knew any minute now, the tears were going to flow. But not here, not in front of everyone.

Without thinking, Tonks took the stairs two at a time, nearly tripping several times. Tonks wouldn't cry. Not yet. Not until she was in the safety of the room she so often used when she stayed here.

Finally, she made it inside and closed the door behind her. Tonks flung herself on her bed and let the tears flow. She had been so sure that Remus would have been pleased. Instead, he spoke about friendship and not wanting to get involved.

There was a knock on the door.

'Tonksy?' she heard Sirius ask gently.

'Go away!' she yelled through the door. 'I want to be alone!'

The door opened. Tonks looked up, angered that he entered without permission. But then she saw the concern on his face and couldn't stay mad.

'I just saw Remus, and he looked…well, I don't know how he seemed, really. He just didn't seem himself, and I couldn't find you…and I thought you might like a shoulder to cry on,' said Sirius gently.

'I was so stupid,' cried Tonks. 'So stupid.'

Sirius entered the room and sat next to her. He placed his arm around her. 'What did the prat do?'

'He doesn't want me, Sirius,' bleated Tonks. 'I was so sure, so sure he'd love me.'

She felt him stroke her hair as Tonks buried her face in Sirius' shoulder. 'I let myself fall in love with him, Sirius. Why did I do it? Why?'

'I'll talk to him,' said Sirius.

Tonks looked up sharply. 'Don't you dare,' she said after she hiccupped. 'Don't you dare say anything at all.'

'I have to say something to him,' replied Sirius. 'You haven't heard how he talks about you.'

She wiped her eyes, trying to get control of herself again. 'We've agreed to be best of friends,' she said bitterly. 'If he won't love me, I want his friendship. That would be gone if you said anything.'

Tonks rested her head on Sirius' shoulder, thinking of how nice it was to be close to someone again. She hadn't been held like this in three years.

Closing her eyes, Tonks whispered, 'I just want someone to love me.' She had no idea where this desperate longing came from. In a way, it was good. She hadn't even tried to be in a relationship since her parent's death. The idea of losing someone else that she loved was too painful. But now, if Tonks wanted to be loved, perhaps she was truly on the way to being healed.

Softly, so softly, that Tonks didn't know if he meant her to hear it or not, Sirius whispered, 'I could love you, Tonksy.'

Tonks froze.

He couldn't have meant her to hear that. Sirius knew that she was in love with Remus, for Merlin's sake. Tonks made the decision to act like she hadn't heard him.

Slowly, she removed herself from his embrace. 'That's enough crying for tonight, I think,' said Tonks trying to sound bright.

Sirius looked at her, and she could tell he was trying to decide if she had heard him or not. And possibly make another decision that would harm them both.

She decided not to give him a chance. 'I think I'm going to go home, Sirius,' said Tonks quietly. 'I have to work early tomorrow.'

'You can stay here tonight, Tonksy,' said Sirius quickly.

'Nah,' said Tonks, trying to force a smile on her face. 'If I have to be alone, I'd rather be in my own bed.'

Tonks stood up and headed out of the room, giving Sirius a big smile before she walked out the door. Wanting to leave Headquarters, Tonks blindly rushed down the stairs, tripping on the last one.

She waited for the fall to come, but then found herself right in Remus' arms. She raked his face for something, anything to give her hope. There was nothing there.

'Thank you,' said Tonks as he stood her up straight. 'I'm…I'm going home. Could you tell everyone good-bye and Happy Christmas for me?'

Remus nodded slowly. Tonks took her wand out of her skirt pocket and her coat flew out of the closet. She struggled into her coat but Remus made no move to help her.

Sirius was walking down the stairs then. Tonks stood at the door, her hand lightly on the doorknob. She looked between the men. One she loved, one possibly loved her.

'Happy Christmas,' she said as she headed out the door. Tonks closed her eyes for a moment. Why did it feel like she was running away?

She scurried down the street as quickly as possible, her mind reeling. Was Sirius in love with her? Could that be possible? In pure blood families, no one would give any thought of a relationship between second cousins. But the only feelings she had towards Sirius were brotherly feelings.

Once she reached the corner, Tonks had to decide if she wanted to walk, apparate or take the Knight Bus. Realizing she would be risking her left pinky, she apparated at once and found herself outside her muggle apartment building.

Quickly, she glanced down at her hands and with a sigh of relief, saw that her pinky was still attached to her hand.

A few minutes later, Tonks let herself into her tiny bed sit. It was just one small room, but it was home. She thought of her parent's house, which Tonks technically still owned, but hadn't been there in over a year. The house she grew up in was large and comfortable, out in the suburbs of London. The Black family might have disowned Andromeda, but they still gave her a place to live. Appearances had to be kept up, after all.

As she changed, Tonks thought of the many possible meanings of Sirius' words. Perhaps he meant love in the family sense. Tonks easily could see herself loving Sirius like a brother. She probably already did.

Or he could be in love with her. But it didn't quite make sense. For almost a month now, Tonks had poured out her heart to Sirius and he had encouraged her. Actively encouraged her! Why would he do that if he loved her?

Finally, she curled up in her bed as she turned out the light. Tonks had to practically force herself to close her eyes. She didn't want to sleep tonight.

She knew who would haunt her dreams.

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** A/N - Let the angst begin!**


	10. Azkaban

**Chapter Ten – Azkaban**

Tonks stared at the memo in front of her in disbelief. There was no way she was reading what she thought she was reading. Around her, as other Aurors opened up their memos, a murmured started to build.

'Guard Azkaban?'

'We're not bloody baby-sitters!'

'Has the Minister lost his mind?'

'Does Madam Bones know about this?'

Tonks reread the memo.

_To: All Aurors_

_From: Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic_

_Date: January 7, 1996_

_Re: The supplemental guarding of Azkaban_

_It has been decided and agreed upon that henceforth, all Aurors must help with the guarding of Azkaban once a week. You will have a rotating schedule. Safeguards from the Dementors will be in place. Shifts shall be no longer than six hours, and you may not have two shifts in consecutive days. _

_We appreciate your service and are looking forward to a new level of protection at the prison Azkaban._

Kingsley stopped by her desk. He looked around for a chair to sit in. But there was none. The other Aurors had much bigger cubicles than she did. But Tonks understood. She was the most junior Auror, so she got the smallest desk. When there was an Auror below her, she would get to move.

'Do you believe this?' asked Kingsley, shaking his head. 'Here's the schedule for the next two weeks.'

He handed Tonks a piece of parchment. Tonks looked it over and groaned. 'I have to guard Sunday night,' she complained. 'I'm supposed to…I have to take a package somewhere.'

Kingsley nodded sagely. He knew what she was talking about. It had been arranged that she and Remus would take back Harry, Hermione and the Weasleys back to Hogwarts that day.

'At least you get a couple of days to prepare yourself,' said Kingsley, shaking his head. 'I'm supposed to guard tonight.'

'I'm sorry,' said Tonks, meaning it. She had only been to Azkaban a few times, and each time was worse than the last.

Kingsley left then, leaving Tonks to look around her small cubicle. Though it might be small, Tonks loved the way it was set up. Almost every inch of space was covered by pictures of the Weird Sisters, her favorite rock band.

Thinking of Sunday led her directly into thinking about Remus. Their pledge to still be 'best of friends,' wasn't exactly working. Every time she was near him, Tonks felt her eyes welling up with tears. Though she hadn't cried in front of him. That would be awful if she did.

So she had stayed away from Headquarters for the last two weeks. She felt guilty about it, knowing that Sirius probably missed her company. But maybe it was best for Sirius as well.

The few times she was left along with Sirius, he was sullen and always seemed to be looking for a fight. And it got to the point where Tonks would be ready to give him one if his spirits didn't improve.

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'That's quite an outfit you're wearing, Tonks,' said Remus causally as they headed back to Headquarters on the Knight Bus. They had just dropped off the kids at Hogwarts. Tonks noticed that he stopped calling her 'Clumsy.'

Tonks was wearing her old lady outfit, as she called it. Half of the fun of being a metamorph was choosing an outfit and then making a character to go along with it. She envisioned this woman in a small apartment with lots of cats.

'I didn't want to take any chances,' shrugged Tonks. She patted her tightly permed grey hair, knowing she looked like she could be Remus' mother. Tonks realized that her shoes were pinching her feet, and shortened her toes slightly.

'I'm going to trip when I stand up,' Tonks told Remus. Whenever she changed the size of her feet, she tended to lose her balance.

'I'll make sure you don't fall,' said Remus.

Tonks inhaled sharply. Remus couldn't have any idea what those words meant and how wrong he was.

He already let her fall.

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Tonks' hands tightened around the rail of the ship that was taking her towards Azkaban. Six hours in this horrible place. She looked around. The sun was setting, leaving the sky a brilliant red orange color. Tonks wanted to remember that color. It looked like a color of hope. And she would need as much as possible tonight.

She wrapped her robe around her tightly as she walked off of the boat. Already, she could feel the effect of the Dementors around her. The few Aurors just ending their shifts practically ran into the boat that would take them back to London.

The Dementors were everywhere. Tonks took out her wand and tried to keep ready. The absurdity of this plan was apparent. The Dementors had no idea who the prisoners were; who were the guilty and who were the guards.

'Happy thoughts,' whispered Tonks to herself. 'Happy thoughts, Nymph.'

Proudfoot, who was the Lead on Duty, told them all to spread out and not talk to any of the prisoners.

She walked slowly down a corridor. Walk briskly, and the Dementors would notice. Tonks had no desire to be noticed by any of them.

Tonks tried to remember how happy she had been her second year, when Hufflepuff won the House Cup for the first time in twenty years. She remembered how excited she was when she learned that she was accepted into the Auror training program.

'Bloody Dementors,' she whispered to herself. She glanced at her watch. Still five and a half hours to go…

'Tonks' a voice from a cell whispered.

Immediately she was on alert. But then she saw who called her and relaxed.

'Sturgis,' said Tonks, kneeling in front of the man's small cell. It was Sturgis Podmore, who willingly gave himself up to protect the Order. 'How are you doing mate?'

He shook his head slowly. 'Not good. Only two more months, though.'

'Can I bring you anything?' asked Tonks. She made a mental note that she and Kingsley had to try to make Sturgis as comfortable as possible. They would be here a total of two times a week.

'Something to read?' he asked hopefully. Tonks shook her head. The Dementors wouldn't notice, but the Aurors walking around would. There was no place to hide a book in his cell.

'What about something to eat?' asked Tonks. All the prisoners got was some horrible tasting porridge. 'I could bring some fruit. Keep you from getting scurvy.'

'Scurvy?' asked Sturgis.

'Unless you want to be a pirate. Arrgh,' laughed Tonks.

He smiled, which pleased Tonks. 'Want to hear a pirate joke?' asked Tonks eagerly. Even wizards had pirates. Sturgis nodded weakly. Already she was feeling happier just talking about jokes.

'What's a pirate's favorite animal?' asked Tonks. 'A centarrrgh.'

'Want another one? What's a pirate's favorite potion?' asked Tonks. 'An exilarrgh. Okay, that was really bad. I can do better. What's a pirate's-'

'Thank you, Tonks,' said Sturgis. 'I need to sleep.'

'You can admit it. You just don't want to hear bad pirate jokes anymore,' laughed Tonks. She felt the laughter wash over her like a warm bath. Standing up, she said, 'I'll bring you some fruit next time.'

Tonks couldn't hear his answer, because right at that moment, a Dementor passed right by the cell, practically touching Tonks. Desperately, she tried to cling onto her happy thoughts and moved as quickly as she could in the opposite direction.

'Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts,' whispered Tonks over and over to herself.

But the happy thoughts would not come. She remembered opening up the door to her bed sit and seeing the policemen who came to tell her that her parents were dead. She remembered seeing her hair change color when she was eight and being absolutely terrified, not knowing about her powers yet. She remembered Remus' lips on hers…

Tonks kicked a bit of dirt that was on the floor. After a moment, she started walking again. For more than an hour, she walked in total silence. She would simply nod if she passed another Auror.

'Well, isn't it my darling niece, the little changeling?' asked a cold, hard voice.

Tonks looked quickly towards the woman who spoke to her. It was her Aunt Bellatrix.

Bellatrix was standing in the middle of her cell. She almost looked at peace with herself. Her long black hair flowed over her shoulders.

'And what are you doing here?' asked Bellatrix, with a sneer. 'Come to visit me?'

'None of your business,' snapped Tonks.

'I already know, Nymphadora. I see that you're wearing the robes of an Auror. How…noble of you,' said Bellatrix.

Tonks wrapped her robes around her and started to walk away.

'How is Andromeda?' asked Bellatrix. Tonks spun around in amazement. There was something in Bellatrix' voice that sounded like she actually cared how her sister was.

'Dead,' replied Tonks cruelly and walked away without a moment's thought.

Four hours later, Tonks was sitting on her heels at the entrance, staring at the boat that would bring her away from this awful place. She had absolutely no idea how any of the Aurors would be able to handle this once a week.

Tonks looked up at the sky. Everything was dark now. There was no moon, so all she could see were stars. But since they were so far out to sea, the stars were something to behold.

Quickly, she tried to see if she could find the Andromeda galaxy. Her mother taught her how to find it when she was a little girl. But that was a mistake. Thinking about her mother in this place was awful. Tears stared rolling down her cheeks. Tonks wiped them away at once; she didn't want any of the other Aurors to see her cry.

The moment the boat landing, Tonks rushed on, even before the next shift walked off. She stood the furthest away from the island that she could, feeling the water's spray hit her face.

But even as the boat traveled further and further from the island, Tonks didn't feel any better. Memories of her family, of Remus and Sirius were pounding her head.

Tonks made a rash decision. She didn't want to be alone tonight. She couldn't be alone tonight. She needed someone to hold her and to make her feel alive. Tonks knew that sex couldn't heal everything, but it would certainly help. It would make her forget tonight, even if just for a moment.

So she would find someone. She would go to a bar and find someone to keep her company tonight. Someone. Anyone.

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Tonks slipped into the Leaky Cauldron, hoping no one would notice. She wanted to get a drink in her system, and then she would peruse the talent in the bar. She could find no fault in her plan. Get knackered, go home with a stranger and feel better tomorrow morning.

She planned her appearance carefully. She was wearing her good black dress, the one she wore to the Halloween party. Her hair was styled carefully, up off of her face, in light, almost white blonde curls.

It had been at least a year since she tried to pick up anyone in a bar, but she was confident that she could. Tonks, after all, was pretty, she was young. Who ever she brought home tonight needn't know that was also broken hearted and depressed.

As she sat down at the bar, Tonks thought about her no hard liquor rule. Well, tonight she was throwing it out the window. This was the Leaky Cauldron, not the Poison Arrow. She was fairly certain that they didn't have a bottle of aconite on the shelves.

'One Ogden's Old Firewhisky,' said Tonks casually to the barkeep.

He poured her the drink while Tonks placed a galleon on the bar. The barkeep took the money appreciatively.

When the drink sat in front of her, Tonks picked it up and drank it in one gulp. The liquor burned her throat. But it felt good. Already, the edge seemed to loosen up around the day.

Tonks sat there for a few minutes, trying to force herself not to think. But her mind kept going back to Remus. She needed to get over him. Needed to as quickly as possible. But how?

When the barkeep asked if she wanted another, Tonks shook her head. She played with the small glass, once or twice almost breaking it. More than a half hour passed. Tonks took a deep breath and prepared herself.

'From the gentleman in the corner, miss,' said the barkeep, placing a glass of wine in front of her.

'Thank you,' said Tonks quietly. This was it. She would pick up the drink, turn around, go home with whoever bought her this drink and let him shag her senseless. And then tomorrow, she'd feel better.

Tonks turned slowly, trying to create an impression of mystery around her when she saw the man in the corner.

It was Severus Snape.


	11. A Glass of Wine

**Chapter Eleven – A Glass of Wine**

Tonks looked at Snape and forced herself to smile. She wondered if he had any idea if it was her, or if he thought she was just anyone in his eyes.

He was sitting, leaning back in his chair, at a small table right next to the corner. He was dressed more casually than she had ever seen him. Just a dark grey collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up and black trousers, his robe draped on the chair behind him. An empty glass of wine was in front of him.

'Hello, Nymphadora,' said Snape, looking her over.

'You knew it was me?' asked Tonks, sitting down across from him.

'I wasn't sure at first, but when I saw you almost drop your glass, I knew,' said Snape slowly.

Tonks lifted her glass of wine to him. 'Thank you for the drink,' she said, taking a sip. It was a dark red wine. Absolutely delicious.

'Are you meeting anyone?' asked Snape. 'I can't imagine that you would be here by yourself.'

Tonks shook her head. 'I'm on my own tonight.'

'Interesting,' said Snape, one eye brow raised. 'Well, then. If I'm on my own and you're on your own, we might as well be on our own together.'

She crossed her legs and looked at his empty glass. 'Do you want another drink?'

'I never drink more than one glass,' said Snape, tipping the glass on its side.

'Why not?' asked Tonks, puzzled.

'Too much drink in my house when I was a child.'

Tonks looked at him in amazement. He was such a private person; she couldn't quite believe that he just told her that.

'So what are you doing here?' asked Tonks curiously. 'Doesn't term start tomorrow?'

'That it does,' said Snape. 'But for some odd reason, I never want to spend my birthday at Hogwarts.'

'It's your birthday?' asked Tonks in surprise. Snape nodded his head.

'Cheers,' said Tonks, lifting her glass. Snape raised one eyebrow and clinked his empty glass to hers. Tonks then took a large sip of wine.

'So how old are we today?' asked Tonks.

'Thirty seven,' said Snape slowly. He wasn't looking at her, which made Tonks a bit uncomfortable. She tried to see what or who he was looking at, but she couldn't tell.

'You seem older,' said Tonks honestly.

'I know,' answered Snape. Luckily he didn't seem offended by her response. 'I feel older.'

They sat in silence for a bit. Tonks could hardly believe that she was having a semblance of a normal conversation with Severus Snape. They were talking in sentences and everything. No jeers. No veiled insults. Maybe the glass of wine was working on Snape as well.

'So what are you doing here?' asked Snape, breaking the silence.

'I had to guard Azkaban today,' said Tonks, shuddering as she said the name of the wizard prison. She finished the rest of the wine in her glass.

'Do you want another?' asked Snape. Tonks nodded. He casually lifted his hand and the waiter came over. The waiter quickly used his wand to replenish the glass.

'You guarded Azkaban and you came here?' asked Snape. 'I'm afraid I don't understand the connection, Nymphadora.'

Tonks found she couldn't meet his eye. 'I didn't want to be alone tonight,' she said, scarcely believing what she was telling him.

'Why not go to Headquarters?' asked Snape sensibly. 'I'm sure you could have found solace in Lupin or Black.'

She picked up her glass and drank more than half in one gulp. The wine was rushing to her head; she was well on her way to being drunk.

Tonks shrugged her shoulders. Remus or Sirius certainly would not give her the comfort she was looking for tonight.

She looked him in the eye then. He was looking right at her, with a look on his face she didn't understand.

'Are you doing Legilimency on me?' asked Tonks quickly. She knew that he would be teaching Harry Occlumency.

He broke eye contact then and waved his hand dismissively. 'Of course not. I just don't understand why you're here.'

'I told you why,' she said flatly.

'You did, but I don't believe you,' said Snape quietly. 'I know why I'm here, alone on my birthday. I have no friends. I have people who call themselves my friend. People who would have probably taken me out to dinner tonight, if I had asked. But that's not what I want on my birthday. I don't want to be around people who would rather be somewhere else.'

'And I'm not?' challenged Tonks. She didn't mean for the question to hurt him. She just wanted to know what he thought.

Snape smiled slowly. 'From what I can tell, Nymphadora, you are exactly where you want to be.'

Tonks stood up suddenly, practically knocking over her glass of wine. 'I'm going to the ladies.'

She walked away without a look back at Snape. Luckily, there was no one else in the bathroom.

'You're not thinking straight, Nymph,' Tonks mumbled to herself. 'You're not actually thinking of sleeping with Snape. You're not.'

But the problem was, she was thinking about it. She saw how he looked at her tonight. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that he would go home with her if she asked.

And there was something else. It was his birthday. Tonks hadn't ever known someone who actually wanted to be alone on their birthday. In a way, it was so sad. But it was so like Snape to want something like that. They could help each other tonight.

'Don't fool yourself, Nymph,' whispered Tonks. 'This wouldn't be for him at all. This is for you.'

Finally, she made up her mind. Tonks would be blunt and not beat around the bush.

She walked back towards the table and only stumbled once. Tonks sat down in the chair directly next to Snape. He watched her carefully.

Tonks took a deep breath. 'Do you want to be with me tonight?' she asked him simply.

'I am with you, Nymphadora,' said Snape, with a mock air of confusion. 'We're sitting together at this very table.'

Tonks put her hand halfway up his thigh and inched it upwards. Please let him say yes, she thought desperately to herself. She would be absolutely humiliated if he turned her down now.

'My, my, my,' said Snape slowly. 'I must have been a very good boy this year.'

He stared at her while Tonks continued to move her hand upwards. Then just as she was about to touch-

'I think it's time to leave now, Nymphadora,' said Snape, standing up suddenly. He then picked his robe off of his chair.

Tonks stood up and followed him out of the bar into the London side of the Leaky Cauldron. The cold night air made her shiver and she watched in amazement as he placed his robe over her shoulders.

'Nymphadora, I see a slight problem,' he said, sounding very causal. 'I can't take you to Hogwarts. I don't have enough money on my person for us to take the Knight Bus to your place and I can't apparate to an unknown location.'

Tonks thought quickly. Now that she was committed to this, nothing was going to get her to change her mind.

'We'll go to Headquarters,' said Tonks. 'You can use side arm apparition on me. I've had too much to drink to apparate by myself.'

'Very well,' said Snape, placing his hand gently Tonks' forearm. She closed her eyes, readying herself for apparition.

A moment later they were standing before Headquarters. Tonks stood at the door, peering through the glass, trying to see if anyone was in the hallway. She looked up. The light in Buckbeak's room was on, that was a good sign. Sirius was probably with him. When no one was over, Remus went to bed early, being such an early riser.

The coast looked clear. She opened the door and together, they walked inside. Luckily, the staircase was close, so there was only a slight chance that she would fall and wake up Sirius' mum.

To her surprise, Snape took Tonks' by the elbow and led her up the stairs. There was no chance she would trip with him holding her like he was. He probably had no desire to wake up Sirius' mum either.

'Which room is yours?' asked Snape softly. Tonks broke away and walked into her room. Snape closed the door behind her. Within the next few seconds, he placed silencing charms around the room. Then he twisted his wand, and she knew he had given his wand a reminder to wake him up. He did have to teach in the morning, after all.

Tonks sat down on her bed and took her shoes off. Snape sat next to her and started unbuttoning the back of her dress.

'Why don't you change your hair, Nymphadora?' said Snape. 'This color doesn't suit you.'

She complied, changing her hair to the pink she wore so often. And then they looked at each other. For a moment, it seemed like neither was willing to make the first move.

Finally, Snape wrapped his arms around her waist and started kissing her neck. Tonks closed her eyes as she snaked her arms around his shoulders. This is exactly what she needed.

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Tonks woke up with her head pounding. Slowly memories from last night came rushing back to her. She knew she'd be in trouble if she opened her eyes. Finally, she did just that.

Snape was sitting on the side of her bed, fully dressed, putting on his shoes. Tonks sat up slightly, though painfully aware she was completely naked underneath the thin sheets.

'Good morning,' said Tonks softly.

'Do you really want to go through the idle morning after conversation?' he asked lazily, not even looking at her.

Tonks sat up, covering herself with the sheet.

'Maybe,' she said slowly.

Snape turned and looked at her. He started to pull away the sheet. 'A bit too late for modesty now, isn't it, Nymphadora?'

Tonks pulled back the sheets over herself. He had been rough last night, which worked out well. She hadn't wanted a sweet love making session. She wanted sex, to help her forget. And she got exactly what she wanted.

Snape slid up the bed to where he was sitting right next to her. He placed his forearm on the backboard of the bed and leaned in closely to her. Gently, he stroked her cheek. Tonks closed her eyes at the caress.

'You'll have to tell me when you guard Azkaban again,' he said, a slight sneer in his voice.

Tonks moved away quickly, being careful to make sure she was covered up. She was absolutely furious. 'Don't flatter yourself,' she said as she lay down on her side, her back facing him. 'I don't think you warranted a repeat performance.'

Snape didn't move. Tonks was glad. She hoped she hurt him as much as he just hurt her. A moment later he roughly turned her so that she was facing up, on her back. In one smooth motion, he lay right on top of her, inches away from her face.

'You would take a repeat right now, and you know it,' he whispered.

Tonks had no idea who made the move first. All she felt were his hands in her hair (which was now natural), his lips on hers, her hands on his back.

Ever since Remus had rejected her, Tonks had had a horribly empty feeling inside. She desperately wanted to feel whole again. Snape could help her…

As Tonks was undoing the buttons on his shirt, Snape's wand made a loud popping sound.

Snape pulled away with a slight grimace on his face. 'I have to go. I set that for the last possible moment.'

Tonks picked up her dressing gown and put it on while Snape fastened his robe. They walked to the door.

Snape looked at her with a surprised look. 'Seeing me out?'

'Just to the door,' mumbled Tonks.

He opened the door and walked into the hallway. Tonks stood in the doorway, leaning on the frame. Just as Snape was about to walk away, another door opened and out walked Remus.

'Lupin,' said Snape as he walked down the hall, leaving Remus to stare at Tonks.

She found she couldn't meet Remus' gaze. Tonks wondered if he wanted an explanation and realized that she was completely powerless to give him one.

Remus seemed to be following Snape down the stairs. 'I know it's absolutely none of my business…' His voice trailed off as they heard the front door close.

Tonks lifted her head and looked Remus right in the eye. Remus was right. It was none of his business. He rejected her. He made her fall apart and she did not have to make him understand how she was picking up the pieces.

'But if you're going to get involved with Snape…' His voice trailed off again. Tonks could tell he was hoping for a contradiction. That this isn't what it looked like. That she really didn't spend the night with Snape.

'Yes?' asked Tonks defiantly, folding her arms across her chest.

Remus blinked slowly, as if looking at her for the first time.

'Just be careful.'

Tonks watched Remus walk away without another word. She pulled the door closed and leaned against it, feeling more alone than she ever had in her entire life.

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A/N – Guys, I can't tell you how mad this chapter made me. I've always laughed at authors who claim they simply let the characters do what the characters want to do, or they couldn't believe that a character did something or felt someway. I've always thought that to be rubbish.

My characters (okay, don't sue, JK's characters) have always done what I wanted them to do. I'm the author. I say jump, they ask how high. UNTIL THIS CHAPTER! Snape did not behave at all the way I wanted him to. I couldn't make him follow instructions! He completely took advantage of our dear girl when it was supposed to be a mutual thing. I had written the last scene of the chapter first, and I ended up having to change the whole thing around because of Snape. I can't tell you how ticked off that made me. Especially when I realized how much better the story would be because of it. Stupid Snape!


	12. Dementors

**Chapter Twelve – Dementors**

Tonks sat at her desk in the Ministry and willed the minutes to pass by faster. She was still experiencing what the other Aurors had already dubbed a 'hangover' from Azkaban. Not to mention the literal hangover that she was still fighting. And the memory that wouldn't leave her head.

She slept with Snape.

She had actually slept with Snape. And what more, she enjoyed it.

Tonks buried her head in her hands as she felt her cheeks go red. She wondered if Remus would tell Sirius what he had seen. Or worse. She had heard all about the duel that Snape and Sirius almost got into the other night. What if Snape wanted to brag and mentioned that he had slept with her? Why had she been so stupid to bring him to Headquarters? Why? Why? Why?

'There was no where else to go,' she whispered to herself. Headquarters was the only option. Neither one of them had money for the Knight Bus and she had been too drunk to apparate them to her place. Next time would be different.

Tonks sat up suddenly, alarmed by her thoughts. Next time?

'Oi, Tonks,' said Hollandsworth as he stood in front of her desk. He was one of the more senior Aurors. 'Murton just called in sick. You're the most junior Auror here. You'll have to take his shift at Azkaban tonight.'

Tonks shook her head. 'I guarded yesterday.'

'So?'

'So?' asked Tonks in surprise. 'We're not supposed to guard two days in a row.'

'Then we'll make sure you don't guard tomorrow. Hurry up. Boat leaves in fifteen minutes.'

Tonks' insides went numb. She couldn't deal with Azkaban today. Not today.

'Look, Hollandsworth,' said Tonks in a low voice. 'I've had a really bad day. I simply can't take a shift today.'

'Are you saying that you can't handle Azkaban?' challenged Hollandsworth.

Tonks sighed inwardly. She would have to go. She couldn't let him think that she was scared of Azkaban for a moment.

'On my way.'

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Tonks looked down at her watch for about the hundredth time since she had started her extra shift. She still had an hour to go. How in the world did Sirius survive this for twelve years?

It was taking every ounce of her concentration not to curl up in the corner and cry. But she refused to yield.

'Man down!'

Tonks turned and ran towards the voice as quickly as possible. She thought it might belong to Jason Dye, one of the other two Aurors on the island tonight.

'Man down!' cried the voice again. It was definitely Dye.

'On my way!' yelled Tonks, running as hard as she could. With a start, she realized that some of the Dementors were following her footsteps.

Dye was kneeling next to Derek Walker, whose face was covered in blood.

'What's happened?' asked Tonks, as she knelt down.

'One of the prisoners did wandless magic,' barked Dye. 'Give me your kit.'

Tonks fumbled through her robes and handed Dye her small Ministry approved first aid kit. But then-

'_Expecto Patronum!'_ bellowed Tonks as she stood up, her wand pointing towards the Dementors that were gathering. A small silver lizard (who Tonks always liked to think of as an iguana) slithered towards the Dementors.

But her Patronus was weak. Tonks couldn't bring up a single happy thought that didn't make her sad. The Dementors moved closer

She tried again. '_Expecto Patronum!'_

Dye stood up and pushed her out of the way. 'You're going to get us killed, Tonks!'

Tonks knelt down next to Walker and picked up were Dye left off. Out of the corner of her eye, a silver tiger lunged towards the Dementors but wasn't successful. After a minute, she knew that she had gotten the bleeding to stop, but Walker was unconscious.

'Tonks, I need help, here!' shouted Dye.

She stood up, her wand at the ready position. 'Together,' she said confidently.

Tonks summoned up the happiest thought she could. She remembered the day she got the calling to be an Auror. When she realized that that's what she wanted to do for the rest of her life.

'_EXPECTO PATRONUM!_' shouted Tonks and Dye together. Their patronuses rushed towards the Dementors, repelling them a bit.

'I don't believe this,' panted Dye. 'I guarded yesterday. That's why I'm not strong enough.'

Tonks looked at him, horrified. 'I guarded yesterday, too.' Dye met her eye and they both knew there would be trouble.

'Your Patronus is stronger than mine,' admitted Tonks quickly. 'Stay guard and I'll work on Walker.'

Dye nodded and stood in front of Tonks and Walker. She knelt next to Walker. He had gone white. 'He's going into shock!' yelled Tonks.

'Wake him up!'

'_Rennervate_,' said Tonks, pointing her wand at Walker's chest. A groan escaped from his lips. 'Stay with me, mate.'

'S'happening?' moaned Walker.

'Just a tiny little Dementor attack,' said Tonks, trying to sound happy for Walker's sake.

'TONKS!'

Tonks jumped up and saw the Dementors were cowering over them. If Tonks and Dye didn't do something, they would all be kissed within minutes.

She jumped up and stood with her back to Dye's as they were now surrounded by Dementors. 'Happy thoughts, Dye,' she said softly. 'Happy thoughts.'

As Dye made a countdown, Tonks thought to before Remus had turned her down. How wonderful she felt when she realized that she was in love. All the plans she made in her head for them…

'_EXPECTO PATRONUM!'_

Tonks watched carefully and realized that the Dementors were backing off. Really backing off. They were going back to their stations.

'Bloody hell,' muttered Dye as he knelt next to Walker, who was awake and clutching his head.

Tonks looked down the row of cells. With absolute horror, she realized that some of the cell doors were opened. She walked as fast as she could, not wanting to attract the Dementors.

She looked inside some of the cells. They were empty.

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The questioning never seemed to end. The boat from the mainland arrived not long after they realized there had been a breakout. Dye and Tonks helped Walker get on the boat. Once back to Britain, Tonks and Dye were ordered to go straight to the Ministry of Magic. Walker would go to St. Mungos.

There they had to tell their story to Madam Bones. How neither Tonks nor Dye should have been guarding Azkaban that night. They had both guarded on different shifts yesterday. Both were emotionally taxed and if affected how they fought the Dementors.

Then the questions really started. Which prisoner performed wandless magic? Why weren't their Patronuses up to snuff? Did either feel they needed additional training on Patronuses? And the main question. How could ten prisoners escape under their very noses?

Tonks really wanted to answer that question, but she held her tongue. The answer was that the Dementors decided to attack the Aurors instead of guard the prisoners. And who possibly could have told them to do that?

After more than two hours of questioning, Madam Bones announced that Tonks, Dye and Walker would all be assigned to desk duty until the investigation was complete.

As mad as that made Tonks, she was almost glad. That meant no more Azkaban. At least for a while.

Finally, they were allowed to leave. Tonks could almost sense that there would be an Order meeting happening right now. Surely they had already heard about the prison break.

Knowing she was far too drained to apparate, Tonks closed her eyes and prepared herself anyways. The moment she appeared in front of Headquarters, a rushing pain shot up her left arm.

Tonks looked down at her hand and saw that she had splinched practically the entire nail off of her pinky finger. It looked like someone had ripped it right off. And it hurt. A lot.

'Bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger!' screamed Tonks from outside Headquarters. She bit her tongue as she opened up the door to Headquarters. She didn't want to wake up Sirius' mum. Not tonight of all nights.

It looked like she had been right about a meeting. She heard voices murmuring from the parlor. She would join them in a moment. First, Tonks needed to fix her nail.

Half way down the kitchen stairs, Tonks missed a step and ended up falling the rest of the way right on her bottom, landing on the bottom step. That was just enough to let the tears want to come out.

'I won't cry, I won't cry,' muttered Tonks to herself. Everyone in the Order already thought she was so young. She didn't want to give anyone a reason to think less of her.

'Tonks?' asked a concerned voice from the top of the stairs. Tonks turned around and looked up at Remus, who was rushing down the stairs. He knelt down in front of her…like a man proposing…Tonks pushed that thought right out of her mind.

'Are you all right?' asked Remus.

She showed him her pinky. 'Splinched,' gulped Tonks.

Remus pointed his wand into the kitchen and the first aid kit came flying. He took her hand and quickly cleaned up the blood and wrapped a small bandage around her finger.

'All better,' smiled Remus, looking up at her. 'It'll grow back.'

Tonks wished she could have stopped herself. But right now, after fighting all of those Dementors, her defenses were at an all time low. She reached out and stroked his cheek.

Remus stood up at once. 'Tonks, we agreed…'

'I'm sorry,' said Tonks in a hallow voice.

'And besides, aren't you with Severus now?' asked Remus in a pointed voice.

Tonks looked up and shook her head. 'It was just one night, Remus. Nothing more.'

'I see,' said Remus flatly. He took her hand and helped her stand up. 'Let's get upstairs. Everyone wants to hear what you have to say.'

Tonks followed him up the stairs and into the parlor. Dumbledore was sitting in the middle of the room with what looked to be half of the Order. To her surprise, Snape was there as well. She would have thought he would have Death Eater duties, seeing as all the prisoners who escaped were Death Eaters as well.

In a low voice, Tonks told the story again, this time with her own opinions with what had happened. She almost felt that she relived the attack again by telling the story. And then more questions. Tonks was grateful that none of the questions were accusatory like the ones from the Ministry. More training on Patronuses indeed.

Finally, Dumbledore thought he had heard enough and the meeting ended. Sirius walked up to her and said she should stay the night since she looked so tired. Tonks shook her head. She wanted to be in her own bed tonight.

Tonks said goodnight to Remus and Sirius and headed out into the hall. Snape was standing there, almost like he was waiting for her.

She stopped next to him, but didn't say anything. She couldn't even look him in the eye. All Tonks could think about is what they had shared upstairs.

'Are you all right?' asked Snape. Tonks looked up in surprise. There was almost a note of concern in his voice. After his comments this morning, she half expected him to try to get into bed again with her. Tonks closed her eyes, briefly remembering the sensation of him laying on top of her…her legs wrapped around his waist…

'I'm pretty shaken up,' admitted Tonks.

They looked at each other for a moment. Then Tonks walked outside, not wanting to be standing next to Snape in this house any longer. She took a deep breath of the night air, filling her lungs.

She thought about how she wanted to get home. Tonks wasn't about to risk splinching anything else. And the thought of taking the Knight Bus almost made her ill. So she would walk the three kilometers.

Tonks nodded her head to say good bye to Snape, who had followed her out, and took a few steps towards home.

'Where are you going?' asked Snape.

'I'm walking home,' she called over her shoulder.

'How far do you live?' asked Snape. It almost felt like an interrogation.

'It's only three kilometers,' answered Tonks, still walking.

'You're not walking alone,' said Snape calmly. 'Not at three o'clock in the morning.'

Tonks stopped and turned to look at him, hands on her hips. 'How many times do I need to tell you I'm not a student any longer?' she demanded.

A slow smile spread across Snape's face. 'I'm well aware that you are not a child, Nymphadora. You proved that most spectacularly last night.'

Tonks walked purposely back to Snape. She would not let him throw last night back into her face. 'Look,' she said in a sober voice. 'Last night was one night. I was hurting, you were there, end of story. You could have been a million other different men and the result would have been the same.'

'I see,' said Snape slowly. Tonks couldn't read his face in the dark.

'And I know I have no right asking you this,' said Tonks steadily. 'But I would appreciate it if you didn't mention last night to anyone.'

'You don't have to worry about that, Nymphadora,' said Snape, sounding bored. 'I don't particularly like people knowing my personal affairs.'

'Good,' said Tonks. 'Then we're agreed.'

'Yes, but it doesn't solve the question on how you're getting home,' said Snape, switching topics entirely.

'I'll take the bloody Knight Bus, then,' grumbled Tonks. Snape threw out his wand arm and the Knight Bus appeared moments later.

As the conductor let her on the bus, she heard a loud popping noise and Snape was gone.


	13. Misconceptions

**Chapter Thirteen – Misconceptions **

The investigations regarding the breakout at Azkaban were ongoing. Tonks was interviewed almost every day by various members of the Ministry. She was secretly pleased to see that Hollandsworth was now also placed on desk duty. He had been the one to assign both her and Dye to Azkaban when they should not have been.

Then one night, Tonks was sitting alone in her bed sit, reading a book. Ever since Halloween, when she spent the night in Snape's bedchambers, she had been reading more. Tonks was particularly enjoying the different Arthurian Legends. She finished The Once and Future King and was now reading the Mists of Avalon, which out of all of the King Arthur books out there, seemed to be closest to reality.

An owl flew to her window, demanding to be let in. She opened the window quickly, and the owl scooted its way close to the electric fire that Tonks used. She scanned the letter.

_Snuffles wants to talk to you at Kreacher's house._

Tonks knew that the letter had been from Sirius. Quickly, she put on all of her winter gear and apparated from inside the apartment to outside Headquarters. A blast of cold air greeted her, so she ran inside as fast as she could.

Sirius was in the parlor, sitting on the couch, a bottle of brandy before him on the coffee table.

'Tonksy!' Sirius greeted her warmly. 'Have a seat.'

Tonks ran her hand through her mint colored spikes nervously. She sat on the opposite end of the couch, facing him, Indian style.

'Wotcher,' said Tonks, trying to sound enthusiastic.

'You and I need to have a little talk,' said Sirius. He leaned over and picked up the bottle of brandy, pouring some into two large tumblers on the table. 'And in order to get through this conversation, I suggest we drink. Heavily.'

Sirius handed her a tumbler. 'Cheers,' he said with a wink, and clinked his glass against hers. Tonks took a small swallow while Sirius practically finished the entire tumbler in one gulp.

'So what's this about?' asked Tonks hesitantly.

'You've been avoiding me,' pouted Sirius.

'I haven't,' said Tonks automatically, but knowing that was a complete lie.

'You have,' said Sirius, finishing off his tumbler. 'Since Christmas, you've almost completely ignored me.'

Tonks took another sip, trying to look thoughtful.

'Look, when I said what I said…' Sirius trailed off. 'I mean, or actually, I didn't mean…'

Tonks, knowing exactly what he was talking about, picked up the bottle of brandy and refreshed both of their glasses. Sirius took another large swallow, while Tonks drank almost half of her own glass.

'In my own stupid, stupid, way, I was trying to comfort you, Tonksy,' said Sirius quietly, not meeting her eye. 'You said you wanted someone to love you so I said I could. Not that I do.

'During the first war, I was a complete prat. Everyone was scared and I thought it was my duty to comfort as many women as I could. Which usually meant getting them in the sack,' said Sirius, sounding slightly embarrassed.

Tonks took another large sip of brandy and listened. She could feel herself getting more relaxed by the moment. And it wasn't because of the brandy. It was because she and Sirius were talking.

'What can I say?' said Sirius, shrugging his shoulders. 'Old habits die hard. When I was twenty, I was convinced that if a bird was depressed, all she needed was a night with me and she'd be happy.'

'So you were just trying to make me feel better,' said Tonks with relief.

'And damn did that backfire. You should have seen your face, Tonksy. You looked like you'd just been hit with an unforgivable,' laughed Sirius.

Tonks closed her eyes, absolutely thrilled to know that this was one less thing to worry about.

'Next agenda item,' said Sirius suddenly.

'We have a bloody agenda?' groaned Tonks.

'This is what happens when you ignore me for three weeks,' grinned Sirius. 'Topics pile up.'

'So what's next?' asked Tonks as she leaned into the side of the couch, trying to get comfortable.

'Remus.'

'What about him?' sighed Tonks, resting her head on the back of the sofa.

'I think you need to try again,' said Sirius simply.

Tonks shot up. 'What? Why? How?'

'Let's just say that Remus and I had a conversation very much like this one last night, involving large quantities of alcohol,' said Sirius, with a sly grin. 'Misconceptions were cleared up.'

'I don't understand,' said Tonks simply.

'Tonksy, what am I going to do with you?' asked Sirius. 'The fuzzy fur ball thought I was in love with you. Therefore, when you made your move, he balked. He now knows that piece of information is false.'

'He thought you loved me?' asked Tonks in surprise.

'Tonksy, you remind me so much of Andromeda,' said Sirius quietly. 'She was the only member of the Black family that I cared a snit about. Molly told me once that she thought I projected James onto Harry. Sometimes I think I project Andie on to you.'

Tonks couldn't keep herself from grinning at this news.

'Andie was a sixth year when I started Hogwarts. She was the only member of the family that spoke to me after I was sorted into Gryffindor. She was already dating your father at that time, so none of the family spoke to her either. I never thought she should have been sorted into Slytherin,' said Sirius, sounding wistful.

Sirius started going on about some stories from school and Tonks tried to pay attention, but her mind was reeling. She wanted to go find Remus right now, but she knew that would be a mistake.

Remus knew that she slept with Snape just over a week ago. Tonks would give him time to forget. And then she'd be waiting.

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Two weeks later, Tonks was sitting on a bench outside of the Minister of Magic's office between Dye and Walker. Today was the day they'd find out the results of the investigation.

'Are we going to get sacked, do you think?' asked Tonks, trying to sound cheerful, when she was anything but.

Madam Bones advised the three of them to wear their best business attire for the meeting. Tonks didn't own business attire, so she had hastily arranged a shopping trip to Diagon Alley with Molly Weasley.

Considering Tonks did most of her clothes shopping at a thrift store, she put herself at Molly's mercy. Molly was thrilled, simply because Ginny refused to let her help shop for clothes any more.

Tonks currently looked like she could be a professor at Hogwarts. Under her navy blue work robe, she was wearing a long brown tweed skirt that went down to her ankles. It also came with a matching short blazer and Molly paired the outfit with a cream colored blouse. All in all, Tonks decided it would make a great Halloween costume for next year.

The door opened and Madam Bones walked into the hallway and asked them to come inside. The Minister of Magic was at his desk, looking grave.

The three Aurors sat down. Tonks gave both men a smile, desperately trying to remain upbeat. The last two weeks had actually been quite good for Tonks. There had been no trips to Azkaban. She had a regular schedule, since she was on desk duty. Most of her nights were spent at Headquarters, where she and Sirius were friends again.

Remus was gone a great deal, but when he was Headquarters, he always joined in the conversations and was lively. Well, lively for Remus anyways. Tonks found herself able to relax more around him and more importantly, able to speak in complete sentences and everything. And he didn't mention a word again about Snape, which pleased her greatly.

Speaking of Snape, she hadn't heard from him either. It had been three weeks since they slept together, and Tonks had only seen him once, and that was during an Order meeting. He had completely ignored her. It seemed that Snape was holding up his end of the agreement admirably.

'It has been decided that the situation at Azkaban was out of your control,' said Fudge. Tonks cursed herself silently for not paying attention.

'Neither Tonks nor Dye were supposed to be at Azkaban that night,' said Madam Bones, looking as stoic as usual. 'In the future, we will be more careful regarding scheduling.'

'Also, I'm surprised that neither of you put up more of a fight about the schedule,' mused Fudge.

Tonks practically jumped out of her chair, but Dye held her elbow. 'I complained quite loudly, Minister,' said Tonks, trying to sound calm. 'You can ask anyone that was there that day. I was the opposite of quiet.'

'But you still went,' said Fudge pointedly. Tonks fumed in her seat.

'Very well,' said Madam Bones. 'You all are back on active duty, including shifts at Azkaban. You'll find your assignments on your desks.'

'Thank you, Minister, Madam Bones,' all three of the Aurors muttered as they stood up and headed out of the door.

They remained silent until they were in the elevator. The moment the doors closed, Tonks leaned against the wall and said, 'I was so sure we'd be sacked.' Relief flooded over her. She hadn't realized until that moment how scared she had been of losing her job.

The promised schedule was at her desk. For the next three weeks she would be assigned to Hogsmeade with Darrin Savage. They had gotten along very well when they had been paired together last fall.

'Oi! Savage!' called out Tonks, as she got herself more comfortable by taking off the blazer, untucking her blouse, and taking her hair down from the French twist it had been in. 'We're a pair again, mate!'

Savage ran his hand through his dark grey hair. 'Do you like Valentine's Day as much as Halloween?'

'Even more,' said Tonks mischievously as her hair changed from brown to pink. 'Even more.'

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But when Valentine's Day arrived, Tonks was anything but happy. The list of things that made Tonks unhappy was actually quite long at the moment. She guarded Azkaban last night. The day before, she and Sirius got into a fight over his drinking habits. And there would be a full moon tonight.

Tonks walked around Hogsmeade with Savage, who looked around for his daughter, Blanche, a third year.

'Da!' cried a voice.

Savage turned around and a girl, who Tonks could only assume to be Blanche, launched herself in Savage's arms. She had curly black hair and had a large grin on her face. With a shock, Tonks realized that she was wearing Slytherin robes. She made a note to ask Savage what House he had been in. Slytherins became dark wizards, not dark wizard catchers.

'Tonks, do you mind if Blanche and I go get something to eat?' said Savage with an apologetic grin.

'Go, have fun,' said Tonks. 'It was very nice to meet you, Blanche.'

Tonks became lost in thought as she watched Savage and Blanche walk towards the Three Broomsticks. It was possible to balance a family and the life of an Auror. Not many were willing to risk it, but it was possible. Look at Savage.

Her musings seemed to bring her towards the Shrieking Shack. Ever since Remus told her he was the reason everyone thought it was haunted, she looked at it differently. She remembered the dares from her friends when she was in Hogwarts. Everyone wanted to go inside, but no one had been brave enough.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw two students, sixth years, probably, holding hands and sneaking into the woods. It was Valentine's Day. Remus and Sirius would be locked in the basement. She had no plans.

Tonks suddenly became aware that she would be very much alone tonight. And it didn't suit her one bit.

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A/N – See? All you people who said you couldn't see Sirius being in love with Tonks were right! But in order for everything to work, Tonks had to think that for a little bit. She's probably really embarrassed she ever thought that now.

Who will be my lucky 100th reviewer?


	14. Inappropriate Partners

**Chapter Fourteen – Inappropriate Partners**

Once her shift was done, Tonks sat down on a bench and faced the mountains. She hugged her knees to her chest tightly; she wanted to watch the moon rise. Remus might already have gone through his transformation. The moon was probably already visible in London, but here was currently blocked by the Highlands.

'The Hogsmeade visit ended an hour ago,' said an angry voice behind her. Tonks sighed. It was the one person Tonks did not want to see today.

Snape.

Tonks turned around slowly. 'Wotcher,' she said, so he knew it was her.

'Nymphadora,' said Snape, walking up to her. 'I thought you were a student.'

'Obviously,' said Tonks dryly.

She turned back towards the view. The moon had just partially shown itself behind a mountain.

He didn't leave. Snape rested one foot on the bench she was sitting on and rested his arms on his knee, leaning towards her.

'The Goth look is not very attractive on you, Nymphadora,' said Snape, looking her over.

He was referring to her straight black hair that went past her shoulders and parted in the middle. She had lightened her skin tone so that she was extremely pale and darkened her eyes so that they were almost black.

'My way of celebrating today,' said Tonks sarcastically.

'Worthless holiday,' muttered Snape.

Tonks continued to watch the moon rise. Snape seemed to notice it at as well and for a few moments a companionable silence fell between them. She liked the silence. It was better than being on her own at the moment.

But then Snape broke the spell. 'I thought you usually locked up Lupin and Black for a full moon,' he said seriously.

'Not tonight,' said Tonks softly. 'I had to work, so Arthur agreed to lock them in. He'll let them out tomorrow.'

Again there was silence. Tonks knew she should leave. She was lonely, depressed and with Snape. It was a very dangerous combination. But Tonks knew herself well enough to know that she would stay.

He was staring at her. Briefly, Tonks wondered if he was trying to make her uncomfortable. If he was, it wasn't working. Ironically, she felt herself beginning to relax under his gaze while she stared at the moon.

'Good night then, Nymphadora,' said Snape. He took a step away from the bench and lingered for a moment.

She wondered if he hoped she would stop him. Tonks was sure another liaison could be arranged tonight if she wanted. Which, in all honesty, she did. Because being with Snape tonight seemed like a much more attractive evening than being alone.

But then she looked up at the moon again. The moon was higher now, just over the peak of the tallest mountain. And she remembered that there was something she wanted so much more.

'Good night, Snape.'

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Time passed quickly then. When she wasn't at the Ministry, she was at Headquarters. The Death Eaters were up to something. Every single member of the Order was sure of it. But Snape only had so much information to give. There was so much that he didn't know. At least that's what he claimed. Such as where the Death Eaters that escaped Azkaban were. He simply didn't know.

Tonks found herself at Headquarters one night in the middle of April, alone with Remus and Sirius. No one was in the mood to talk about strategy or Voldemort, so they had decided to play a game. Sirius suggested Exploding Snaps, but Tonks had had a phobia about that game since she was twelve and had to go to the Hospital Wing when a snap exploded right in her eye. She had been very lucky that Madam Pomfrey had managed to save her eye.

Remus and Tonks, both having a muggle parent, had decided to teach Sirius how to play muggle poker, a card game they could all play.

'And I'll raise you this really normal chocolately looking one,' said Tonks as she threw a light brown Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Ben into the pot.

Remus studied the bean for a moment. 'I think it looks more like it could be caramel, but I'll take that bet,' said Remus seriously. He pondered over his cards. 'I'll throw in this pink one. I've seen a pink one like this before. It was cotton candy.'

'I call,' said Sirius.

Tonks took a deep breath and laid down her cards. 'Two pairs,' said Tonks happily, showing off her pair of sixes and pair of jacks.

'Very nice,' said Remus with a wink. 'But unfortunately, you don't beat my three nines.'

'Bugger,' whined Tonks. 'I haven't won a single hand yet.'

Sirius looked at his cards and then showed them to Remus. 'Now what's this funny one again?' he asked.

Remus took Sirius' cards and put them on the table. 'That would a straight, ace high,' laughed Remus. 'Are you sure you've never played poker before?'

'Well,' said Sirius innocently. 'I've never played muggle poker before.'

'Oh, boo,' smiled Tonks. 'You've been playing us, haven't you?'

'I still don't understand why the cards don't want to move,' said Sirius.

Remus pushed the Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans towards Sirius. 'You won again.'

'I think we need to do this more often,' grinned Sirius. Tonks took all of the muggle playing cards and put them back into the box.

'That's enough, I think,' said Tonks, standing up and moving over to the couch. 'I don't have another bag of Bertie Bott's to open.'

'I'm going to go check on Buckbeak,' said Sirius out of the blue. Remus had his back turned for a moment and Sirius gave Tonks a very meaningful look.

And then butterflies started to fill Tonks' stomach. Sirius knew Remus better than anyone. If Sirius thought now was a good time, maybe she should try again. The timing certainly seemed right.

'That was fun,' said Remus, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch. 'Did you notice he didn't even have one drink?'

Tonks nodded her head enthusiastically. But her insides were shaking. She didn't have the slightest idea of how to approach this. Her feelings had not changed one bit since she realized that she loved him. Tonks had learned how to mask the feelings, but they were still there, just as strong.

Sod it, she thought to herself. What's the worse that can happen except that she makes a fool of herself? And she had made a fool of herself plenty of times in the past and it never worried her.

'So how's your nail?' asked Remus just as Tonks was about to confess her feelings again.

'My nail?' asked Tonks, a confused look on her face.

'The one you splinched off a couple of months ago,' laughed Remus.

'Oh, right,' said Tonks. She put out her left hand and showed him. The nail was almost full grown now and currently ragged and bitten, like the rest of her nails, and covered in a light green polish.

Remus scooted over on the couch to have a better look. He picked up her hand. 'Not bad,' he said, nodding his head. 'That was pretty nasty looking.'

'I know,' said Tonks quickly. 'But it's all better now.'

He was still holding her hand. Tonks took a deep breath. It was now or never.

'Remus…I just wanted you to know…' Tonks trailed off. 'What I told you at Christmas…my feelings haven't changed…and I thought I'd see if maybe yours had.'

'Sirius told you to try again, didn't he?' asked Remus softly. He was still holding her hand. Tonks bit her lip, wondering what she should do next. Normally, with a bloke she liked she would have kissed him into submission by now. But with Remus it was different.

Remus would want to talk things out. He was logical and analytical. The type that always looked before he leaped. He would make sure that he isn't just making the right decision for himself, but for her, as well.

'Maybe,' said Tonks, trying to sound playful. She studied his face with a dedication that would have earned her Os in her exams at Hogwarts. The scars, the flecks of grey in his hair. He was so perfect and he had no idea that he was and that made it so much better.

He looked at her nervously. 'And that night…that was just one night, right? Snape?'

Tonks could have screamed. She couldn't quite believe that he was bringing that up right now. But she wouldn't let it phase her. So she pouted, but smiled with her eyes. 'And you've never had an inappropriate sexual partner before?' she said teasingly.

Before Remus could answer there was a loud crash coming from the hallway, followed by screams from Sirius' mum.

Both Tonks and Remus jumped up and ran into the hallway. Sirius was standing there, holding one of the extendable ears that the Weasley twins had left behind, looking absolutely horrified.

Remus went to close the portrait while Sirius just looked at Tonks in disbelief. 'You slept with Snape?' he asked in a disquieting voice.

'I'm not talking about this,' said Tonks defiantly. 'It is absolutely none of your business who I've slept with.'

Tonks walked back into the parlor to pick up her robe. Sirius' mum stopped screaming, so Remus must have managed to pull the curtain over her.

'Snape?' asked Sirius, who had followed her into the parlor. 'Out of all of the men you could have slept with, you slept with Snape?'

'Look,' said Tonks, getting angrier by the moment. 'I know you hate him…'

'How many other blokes have you brought back here?' sneered Sirius. 'I really didn't think you were that type of girl, Tonksy.'

Tonks took her wand out of her robe and pointed it right at Sirius. 'Don't you ever call me a whore again,' said Tonks menacingly.

Sirius looked immediately contrite. 'I didn't…I didn't call you that.'

'You're the one who, in this very room, said that when you were young you slept with anyone that moved,' said Tonks. She could feel tears stinging her eyes, but she would not cry. She would not. 'Who are you to judge me?'

Something in Tonks' words must have inflamed Sirius. He walked over to the glass cabinet and pulled out a bottle of firewhisky.

'You talk about judging?' scoffed Sirius. He opened the bottle and took a long swallow. 'Every time I take a sip, you judge. And I thought you'd understand, you, out of everyone.'

'Understand?' cried Tonks. 'How can I understand when you drink all of the bloody time?'

'AZKABAN!' roared Sirius. 'You're miserable for three days after you spend six hours in the place. I was there for twelve years! I thought you'd understand!'

Tonks wanted nothing more than to lash out at Sirius, but she couldn't. The very first night she guarded Azkaban made her drink, and brought her to Snape.

She and Sirius stared at each other. She couldn't help but notice a few stray grey hairs. Those were new. She hadn't noticed them before.

'Now what?' asked Tonks with a sigh. 'I can't undo the past. If I could I would destroy every extendable ear in this place.'

Sirius sat down in an overstuffed chair. He slumped immediately and placed on hand over his face, the other hand still holding the bottle of whisky. Tonks stood there, simply holding her robe over her shoulder.

'Why do I always manage to hurt you, Tonksy?' asked Sirius as he closed his eyes.

Tonks went back to when he insulted her House. They fixed that with a quick apology and a hug. Something told her that this wouldn't be nearly as easy.

'I have to guard Azkaban tomorrow,' said Tonks uneasily. 'I'll stop by afterwards. Give us some time to cool off.'

Sirius nodded, without opening his eyes. Tonks walked out of the parlor, wondering where Remus ran off to, when she saw him sitting on the bottom step of the staircase that led to the second floor. There was that damn extendable ear at his feet.

'Why does everyone feel they can listen to my conversations?' snapped Tonks, quietly enough so that Sirius' mum didn't wake up.

Remus looked at her in surprise, and then noticed the extendable ear. 'I didn't listen, Clumsy, I swear.'

'I'm leaving,' said Tonks, taken back a bit by the use of his old nickname for her. She didn't want to be in this house any longer. Even if it meant she couldn't continue her conversation with Remus. 'I'll stop by tomorrow night.'

She pushed open the heavy doors and noticed that Remus, not even wearing a robe, followed her into the cold night air.

'Sirius shouldn't have said that,' said Remus urgently.

'So you did listen, then?' asked Tonks, hands on her hips.

'I was going to go back into the parlor, but then I heard what he said, and figured that you two should be left alone,' said Remus quietly.

'Thanks for that,' said Tonks sarcastically. Inside, she was fuming. Tonight could have been so wonderful. She and Remus could have been in each other's arms right now…but no. Now Sirius thought she was a whore. And she couldn't help but wonder if Remus didn't secretly agree.

'I never told him,' said Remus, kicking a bit of earth that was on the sidewalk. 'I knew that would be his reaction, what he said, so I was really hoping he'd never find out.'

'All hail the Weasley twins,' said Tonks bitterly. 'To think I actually bought one of their bloody fake wands.'

'And the answer is yes,' said Remus slowly. He must have been getting cold as he crossed his arms over his chest and was rocking a bit on his heels. 'I have had sex with an inappropriate partner before. It was a long time ago, though.'

He looked so sheepish about it that Tonks couldn't keep from laughing. But at the same time, thinking about Remus having sex, inappropriate partner or otherwise…

She waited for him to say something. Tonks knew that if she was going to be able to keep any of her dignity that she could not bring up the subject of her feelings again. If Sirius was right, and there was something there, it was up to Remus now.

'I better get back inside,' said Remus quickly. 'I'll see you tomorrow, then.'

Tonks was barely able to nod her head. That was his answer. There was to be nothing between them. Tonks stayed glued to the spot as she watched him go inside and literally and figuratively leave her out in the cold.


	15. Birthday Girl

**Chapter Fifteen – Birthday Girl**

The very next day, Tonks visited Headquarters after her shift at Azkaban, like she promised. To her surprise, there were several members of the Order over. Molly and Arthur, Emmeline Vance and Sturgis Podmore, who had been recently released from Azkaban, along with Remus and Sirius were all sitting in the parlor, talking and laughing.

She immediately felt out of place. Everyone sounded happy, and here she was, having just finished fighting for her happy memories for six hours.

'I just wanted to say hello,' said Tonks miserably. She wouldn't bring her depression over any of them.

Sturgis understood immediately. 'Guarded today?' he asked kindly.

Tonks nodded. 'Just got off the boat fifteen minutes ago.'

She had half hoped that Sirius would stop her and drag her off to the kitchen so that they could yell at each other and try to become friends once more. But he simply nodded as she left the parlor.

Just as she was walking down the steps outside of Headquarters, a loud crack could be heard and Snape appeared.

'I have news you'll want to hear,' he told her quickly, rushing up the steps. Tonks turned and followed him right away. She sighed. News from Snape generally ended up being of the bad variety.

They entered the parlor together, and everyone had a worried look on their face. Snape didn't just drop on by Headquarters.

'I just found out from Professor McGonagall,' said Snape urgently. 'Dumbledore's had to leave Hogwarts. Fudge tried to arrest him.'

'On what charges?' asked Tonks indigently.

'Because of Potter,' said Snape dangerously. 'His ridiculous secret group was found out and instead of letting the Ministry expel Potter like he deserves, the Headmaster chose to take the blame himself.'

'I warned you,' hissed Molly over in Sirius' general direction. 'I told you to tell him not to do it!'

'So this is my fault?' retorted Sirius angrily.

'If you had any influence on him-'

Remus held up his hand, asking for peace. 'This is certainly not the time to discuss who's to blame. We have to figure out what's to happen.'

'Is Minerva acting Headmistress, then?' asked Arthur to Snape.

Snape shook his head. 'The Ministry has already decided that Dolores Umbridge shall take the Headmaster's place.'

Remus grimaced at the news. Tonks had already heard in detail his vendetta against Umbridge.

'No Dumbledore and Umbridge in charge. Well, this is just a bloody nightmare,' said Tonks.

'Will Dumbledore need to stay here?' asked Sirius eagerly.

'According to Professor McGonagall, he doesn't plan on going into hiding,' said Snape. 'He specifically said that he was not coming here.'

'Where will he go?' Molly asked the question on everyone's mind.

'Nymphadora, I suggest you go over to the Ministry. They will be starting a man hunt for him shortly. See what you can learn,' Snape told her. Then to the rest of the group, 'I need to be getting back to Hogwarts.'

'All right,' said Tonks quickly. All images of a peaceful night's sleep gone from her head.

'If anything,' sneered Snape, 'I hope Potter uses this as a lesson for responsibility. Who knows how many people will be harmed because of his actions?'

Snape delivered the lines directly to Sirius, who stared at him defiantly.

Something in Tonks' snapped. 'Oh, sod off it, Snape,' said Tonks, clearly annoyed. 'We all know you've got it out for Harry. So save it.'

'Very well,' said Snape without emotion and he walked out the parlor without another glance back at the group.'

There was an embarrassed silence left in his wake. Tonks grinned sheepishly. 'We were all thinking it.'

Tonks looked over at Sirius, who had a large smile on his face. And Tonks immediately knew that they were friends again.

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Tonks checked her appearance in the mirror one last time. She couldn't help but smile at her reflection. Tonight at Grimmauld Place, there was going to be a small party for her birthday. Of course, she wasn't supposed to know about it.

Sirius had been the one to spill the beans. The night after Dumbledore was forced to leave Hogwarts, they sat down and shared a bottle of brandy. Tonks now considered brandy their make-up drink. Get into a fight with Sirius? Have a brandy. Wrongly think your cousin's in love with you? Have a brandy. Sleep with your cousin's worst enemy? Have a brandy. The cure all drink.

During the intoxication that followed for both of them, Sirius mentioned that they were going to have a surprise birthday party for her. April 20.

She smoothed out her skirt, hoping she didn't look too silly. Once she found out there was to be a party, Tonks went to her favorite muggle thrift store to find an outfit. She was wearing a sky blue skirt that looked like all it needed was a poodle along with a three-quarter length sleeve black top that exposed her shoulders, her favorite body part.

Her look was completed with corkscrew curls the exact color of the skirt, short enough to show off her neck, her second favorite body part. Tonks knew that everyone at the party would know that she dressed up on purpose and worse, knew about the party, but she didn't care.

'Off we go,' whispered Tonks to herself as she put on a simple pair of black flats. She had worked fourteen hours today between her regular patrol and the search for Dumbledore and had no desire to wear heels tonight.

A moment later, she had apparated from her flat to outside Grimmauld Place. Tonks was practically jumping up and down with excitement. No one had ever thrown her a surprise party before. And to think that the Order cared enough to have one for her made her very, very happy.

Tonks let herself into Grimmauld Place, giving Sirius' mum a leery look. Funny, it was always Sirius' mum. She never thought of the portrait as her great aunt. Maybe that was because then she'd have to admit that she was related to the woman in the portrait.

Sirius hadn't told her where the surprise was going to take place. But she assumed it was the parlor. Scuffling and whispers could be heard behind the parlor door. She reached out and slowly turned the dirty bronze door knob.

The lights were off. Tonks paused, wondering if she should cast _lumos_ or stay still. She had too much experience in the dark to know that disaster waited if she took even one single step.

'SURPRISE!'

Tonks clapped her hands together happily, feeling her blue curls bounce up and down. 'Thank you!' she beamed to the group.

'You knew!' said Molly accusingly. 'Who told you?'

Tonks gave Molly a brief hug. 'A good Auror never reveals her sources.' She made her way around the group, giving everyone a hug. Molly, Arthur and Bill Weasley were there, along with Kingsley, Moody, Emmeline Vance, Hestia Jones, Sirius and Remus.

'Good thing she knew, too,' said Moody gruffly. 'Aurors don't like surprises.'

'Very true,' laughed Tonks, slightly surprised that she found herself agreeing with the retired Auror. Perhaps constant vigilance was beginning to rub off on her.

Several bottles of wine were opened and Tonks found herself in a conversation with Molly. The older witch took one of Tonks curls and stretched it a bit. Once she let go, the curl sprung up quickly. 'I always wanted curls like these,' sighed Molly, patting her own wavy red hair.

'I always wanted red hair,' admitted Tonks. 'I hate my natural color. So I was really happy when I discovered my powers and realized I never had to show my real hair again.'

'Everyone wants what they can't have,' said Molly, tut-tutting.

At that moment, Tonks looked across the room and saw Remus in a lively discussion with Moody and Kingsley. Remus had taken off his robe and was in muggle clothes, a navy blue sweater vest over a light blue button down shirt and a pair of dark tan trousers. While she watched him, Remus unbuttoned the sleeves of his shirt and rolled them up to his elbows. Tonks smiled to herself, she liked seeing him relaxed like that.

'Tonksy?'

'Wha- yes?' asked Tonks quickly. Sirius gave her a wicked grin while he refilled her glass of wine.

'I caught you staring,' teased Sirius.

'Don't,' said Tonks defensively. She hadn't shared her most recent rejection by Remus to Sirius yet. Most likely she wouldn't. Explaining what happened might have to make her say a certain persons name in front of Sirius, and she did not want to go down that path again.

'Time for cake!' said Molly, some time later, as she levitated a homemade birthday cake into the parlor.

Tonks let everyone make a fuss over her as she went to sit down in front of the cake. Molly had managed to charm the frosting so that it changed colors.

'This is beautiful!' cried Tonks. Molly looked very pleased.

'Make a wish,' said Arthur as he lit the candles with his wand.

Instinctively, Tonks looked up at Remus. There was an expression on his face she couldn't read. For a brief second, Tonks thought about being selfish and using her wish to hope that Remus would notice her. Instead, she closed her eyes and wished that everyone in the Order would make it through the war with their lives.

She took the deepest breath she could and desperately tried to blow out every candle with one breath. But the last candle simply would not go out.

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'I'm knackered,' yawned Sirius as he stood up. 'I'm going to bed.'

Tonks, Remus and Sirius were the only ones left after the party had finished. It had been one of the best birthdays Tonks could remember. There had been no gifts, which pleased Tonks. She didn't want to think of anyone spending money on her.

'Night, Padfoot,' said Remus absently. He was leaning back on one of the armchairs with his foot resting on the coffee table.

'Happy birthday, Tonksy,' said Sirius softly as he leaned in to kiss Tonks' cheek.

'Thank you, Sirius,' smiled Tonks. 'It was wonderful.'

That left Remus and Tonks on their own. 'How old are you now?' asked Remus suddenly. Tonks looked at Remus in surprise. She had given her age several times tonight. He must not have heard.

'Twenty-three,' said Tonks proudly. 'I think that firmly puts me in my mid-twenties as opposed to my early twenties. I'm much more worldly wise now.'

'Sometimes I forget how young you really are,' sighed Remus.

That didn't seem like a compliment to Tonks. 'I'm older than you were when you first joined the Order.'

'True,' said Remus thoughtfully. He then stood up, walked to the fireplace and picked something up from the floor besides it. A package wrapped in yesterday's Daily Prophet.

'Everyone should have a gift on their birthday,' said Remus, handing her the package.

'You didn't need to get me anything,' said Tonks quickly.

'Open it,' said Remus, settling back into the arm chair.

'Can I rip the paper?' asked Tonks. Remus nodded his head, smiling.

Tonks took great delight in ripping the picture of Fudge in the Prophet in half. Underneath the paper was a book. An absolutely beautiful second hand book. Bound in a rich, dark leather with gold embossed pages.

'Le Morte Darthur,' read Tonks from the cover. 'The Death of Arthur.'

'We talked a bit ago about books, and I know you mentioned that you were reading up on King Arthur,' said Remus softly. 'There's a muggle second hand bookstore that I love. I found it there.'

Tonks bit her lip. It was quite possibly the most beautiful book she had ever owned. She desperately hoped that it wasn't too dear.

Remus must have been able to read her thoughts. 'I cheated a bit,' said Remus, grinning. 'There was some water damage, so I was able to buy it for next to nothing. Nothing a quick spell wouldn't fix.'

'I wish I could speak French,' said Tonks, beaming at Remus.

'I know a handy translator charm that I could teach you,' said Remus modestly.

'Please,' said Tonks. Remus stood up and sat down next to her on the couch, taking out his wand. At the same time, Tonks stretched out her hand and willed her wand to come to her. A second later it was in her hand.

'Which is your wand hand?' asked Remus.

'Left,' said Tonks automatically.

Remus took her left hand, pointed her wand at the book, which was now open in Tonks' lap and said, '_Lingia Abeo_ English.'

Tonks watched in amazement as the words started making perfect sense to her. 'That's amazing, Remus,' gushed Tonks. 'I took N.E.W.T.S. Charms and I don't remember learning this!'

'I don't think Flitwick teaches that in N.E.W.T.S.,' said Remus softly.

Tonks suddenly become very conscious that the hand not holding her wand hand had slipped around her back and was on her waist. She inhaled deeply, wanting to soak in his scent. A mixture of parchment and pine trees…

This needed to stop. Now. 'Remus,' said Tonks, trying to move away. He had made himself so clear just a few short weeks ago.

But then he kissed her so softly that she could taste the elderflower wine on his lips.

Tonks knew she needed to back away first. Because if she didn't, Remus would. And the hurt would start all over again. She didn't back away, couldn't back away if she wanted to and found herself responding to the kiss eagerly.

How much time passed while their lips were pressed together? Tonks decided she didn't care. Whatever it was, it simply wasn't long enough. The kisses became deeper, fiery, more passionate. As she went to wrap her arms around him, the book that was still sitting open on her lap crashed to the floor.

They parted quickly. Tonks waited, readying herself for disappointment. Any moment now he would tell her that it wouldn't work out and that he was sorry. Instead, he took one finger and traced it down her neck.

A thousand different words almost crossed her lips, but somehow, she stayed silent.

'Would you like to go out to dinner with me sometime?' asked Remus softly.

Tonks felt her eyes light up. 'A date?' she asked teasingly. Remus nodded.

'I would,' said Tonks simply. She didn't want to sound too eager, when in reality she would love to drag him to the nearest all-night chippy for their first date right now.

'Right then,' said Remus, looking pleased with himself. She would be content to stay on the couch and talk and kiss, but she also didn't want to overstay her welcome and ruin the moment. There were so many questions she wanted to ask, the main one being, why now? But it was not the time.

He walked her outside so that she could apparate to her flat, the evening over. Before she left, Remus put his arms around her one last time and kissed her gently.

Later, Tonks fell asleep with the book he gave her opened beside her.

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A/N – Hello everyone! I just figured out how to make a forum! So I have started one. If you have any specific questions or comments that you want a response on, please feel free to stop on by! Of course, please don't let that keep you from clicking on that wonderful little review button…

Lingia (latin) – language

Abeo (latin) – to be changed


	16. Learning Curve

**Chapter Sixteen – Learning Curve**

It was the beginning of May before they were both free for their first date. Much to Tonks disappointment, there had been no kisses or hand holding in the time between. There were more smiles though, on both hers and Remus' end.

Sirius certainly noticed it and took great delight in teasing her.

Tonks knew she shouldn't be frustrated that they couldn't find the time. It was mostly her fault, after all. She was working practically ninety hours a week now. Though the full moon at the end of April didn't help matters.

Once they knew when they were going on their date, Tonks suggested that they take a picnic to a free concert in the park advert that she saw. She knew Remus didn't have much money and the last thing she wanted was to spend what he did have on her. But Remus saw right through her idea and Tonks couldn't help wonder if she wounded his pride a bit. Finally, they settled on a muggle Indian restaurant that Tonks loved.

She flirted with him all throughout the meal and she was very pleased when he occasionally flirted back. Though Tonks had a strange feeling that he was hiding something.

And he was. Remus cleared his throat just as Tonks was taking her first bite of Modak, her favorite dessert dumplings.

'I just need to say this,' said Remus suddenly.

Tonks looked up, a familiar sense dread filling her chest. She put down her fork. 'Yes?' she asked softly.

'What is it that you see in me?' asked Remus seriously. 'I can think of three reasons why this won't work.'

Tonks ran her hand through the pink spikes she was currently sporting. 'Well, that's a fine attitude,' said Tonks, trying to sound light and easy. 'Saying we don't have a chance even before we've begun.'

'I'm too old for you, I'm too poor,' said Remus, not looking at her. He lowered his voice. 'And I'm dangerous.'

She reached across the table and placed her hand on his. 'You're Remus,' said Tonks, smiling. 'That's what I see.'

She could see that he was going through an internal struggle. Tonks couldn't quite believe how unsure of himself he was. Two weeks ago he had kissed her. And now he seemed like he couldn't understand what he had done.

'All I'm asking for is a chance, Remus,' said Tonks. He was holding her hand now. 'Let's take a risk, eh?'

But Remus wasn't a risk taker. He lived by routine, one moon at a time. She knew this. Loved him for it, really.

She felt him squeeze her hand tightly. He smiled. 'Why not?'

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Their relationship progressed slowly. First was the same reason why it took two weeks to go on a date. There was simply not enough time. But they found pockets of time. Tonks had all but moved into Headquarters. This way, they could have breakfast together before she went to work, or they could go outside for a quick kiss before they went to bed.

Physically, the relationship went slow as well. That Tonks was fine with. She didn't want to simply jump into bed with Remus, even though she wanted him desperately. She wanted the relationship to work more. So they would take their time.

But in the mean time, there was plenty to learn.

She never knew that after the first war with Voldemort, Remus snuck onto an airplane to America using a disillusionment spell. He lived in a small town near Salem for a year. He even took some muggle community college courses in education. But by the time he left home for Britain, the entire town was convinced that their forest preserve was haunted, because that's where Remus had his transformations.

Tonks told him about her fifth year at Hogwarts, which was her worst one. There was a gang of Slytherins who decided it was their mission to make Tonks' life a living hell. They teased her about her name, her powers, everything. And they became nasty. When the leader tried to actually grope her, Tonks hexed and jinxed them all so quickly and so badly that Snape actually tried to get her suspended. That's when she decided to become an Auror. Snape did eventually make it up to her after he had heard the whole story. Her seventh year, he gave her extra lessons to make sure she got the results she needed on her N.E.W.T.S.

She had gotten it in her head that if they did ever get together, it would have to be kept quiet. Maybe that was why she was so pleased when he would put his arm around her when they were talking in a group or when he would give her a quick kiss in front of others when they said hello or goodbye. She had thought they would need to be a secret somehow.

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Tonks leaned over her cup of coffee and inhaled deeply. 'I think I need about three more cups of this and then I'll be awake,' yawned Tonks.

'Tired?' asked Sirius.

'Bloody hell I am,' moaned Tonks. 'I haven't gotten any sleep in almost twenty-four hours. I was supposed to sleep last night, but then I went to St. Mungos to check on McGonagall. I can't keep this schedule up.'

Everyone paused at the mention of Professor McGonagall's name. No one could quite believe that she had been attacked like she had. Tonks had heard all about it at work today from Savage, who had been there. Apparently, Fudge himself had ordered the Aurors to stun anyone who tried to interfere with Umbridge sacking Hagrid. Savage felt absolutely awful about it.

'Can't you sleep now?' asked Remus, pulling her closer to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

'I have to go on another patrol in two hours,' said Tonks. 'It would be worse for me if I went to sleep. But that's only a six hour patrol. Then I can sleep for twelve wonderful hours.'

'Doesn't seem right, having all of the Aurors exhausted all the time,' said Sirius after a moment.

'Thank you,' said Tonks wearily. 'A few of the senior Aurors are talking about organizing an official complaint. If something exciting happened on my next patrol, I'd be in a lot of trouble. I'm too tired to fight properly.'

'I wouldn't call fighting the enemy exciting,' said Remus dryly.

'I would,' said Tonks and Sirius at the exact same time.

'I must have missed my calling,' said Sirius with a bit of a laugh. 'The moment I can leave this house I'm going to become an Auror.'

'We always need more good men in the club,' said Tonks, sitting upright and taking a long taste of her bitter black coffee.

'Just men?' asked Remus.

'I'm a man in the club,' said Tonks defensively. 'Men meaning brothers and sisters in arms…working together to rid the world of evil-'

Tonks was cut off by a loud screech coming from upstairs.

'Bloody hell, that was Buckbeak,' said Sirius. 'I better check to make sure he's okay.' Without another word, Sirius left the parlor. They could hear him running up the stairs.

Another, lighter pair of footsteps could then be heard, this time going downstairs towards the kitchen.

'Must be Kreacher,' said Tonks, running her hands through her hair, which was dark purple and curly today. A few minutes later, Kingsley and Moody entered the parlor.

They all started talking about a party that Lucius Malfoy would be hosting next week. It was agreed that the party would be a façade for recruiting more Death Eaters.

More than an hour passed before Sirius came downstairs. 'I don't understand it,' said Sirius. 'Buckbeak is hurt. It's like someone cut his wing.'

Just then the group heard a Patronus enter the house. The Patronus settled in front of Sirius, who listened intently.

'Is that Snape's or Dumbledore's?' whispered Tonks to Remus. Snape's Patronus was an augurey, which in a silver form, looked very much like Dumbledore's phoenix.

'Snape's, I think,' said Remus after studying the Patronus for a moment. The augurey disappeared.

'What's happened?' asked Tonks quickly. Sirius stood up and shrugged. He took out his wand and cast a Patronus charm. A large dog, so much like his animagus form sped away.

'Snivellus just wanted to know if I was here,' said Sirius, rolling his eyes. 'Maybe the old bat has lost it at last. Where else would I be?'

'King's Cross Station,' muttered Moody under his breath.

'That was ages ago,' said Sirius angrily. 'I haven't left the bloody house since.'

Tonks couldn't help but giggle when Moody muttered, 'Constant Vigilance.'

Tonks looked at her watch. 'I've got to be going,' she said, stretching her arms over her head. 'Time to become depressed for six hours.'

She stood up and took Remus' outstretched hand, helping him off of the couch.

'See you all tomorrow,' said Tonks as she and Remus left the parlor. They went outside and stood on the front porch. It was dark now.

'Are you sure you'll be all right?' asked Remus worriedly as he put his hands on her waist. 'You're not too tired?'

'I'll be fine,' said Tonks, wrapping her arms around his neck. 'As long as the Dementors don't do anything stupid, I won't have any problems.'

'I'll have the bed turned down for you when you get back,' teased Remus. 'Chocolate on your pillow, Clumsy.'

'And then beautiful, glorious, sleep,' sighed Tonks. 'Twelve hours of it, Remus. Just think. When I wake up, I might feel refreshed.'

Remus pulled her in for a kiss then. With all of the madness in her life, these were the moments that she currently lived for. Just her and Remus.

A loud crack interrupted them. Snape appeared on the sidewalk in front of them. He stalked up the footpath. Tonks dropped her arms to her side, but to her surprise, Remus didn't let go. In fact, he seemed to hold her tighter.

Tonks turned around, Remus' hands still on her waist. It took her a moment to realize that Remus was acting possessive of her. She didn't like that one bit. Tonks stepped away, making Remus drop his hands.

'Has something happened?' asked Tonks quickly, meeting Snape's gaze.

'We'll talk about it in the parlor,' snapped Snape. 'Who else is here?'

'Just Sirius, Kingsley and Moody,' answered Tonks as they went back into the house. Remus grabbed her hand. Briefly, Tonks wondered if Remus was trying to make Snape jealous or if Remus was jealous of Snape. After all, she had slept with Snape, but not with Remus yet. But not because of lack of wanting on her part. They entered the parlor.

'Came to see for yourself that I was being a good boy?' sneered Sirius.

'We don't have time for that,' said Snape quickly. He quickly told them what had happened, how the Dark Lord placed a vision in Harry's head. How he feared Harry and his friends went to the Ministry of Magic. And how he feared the Dark Lord was setting a trap for Harry.

'This would have never happened if you hadn't stopped teaching Harry Occlumency,' said Sirius, looking angrier than Tonks had even seen him.

'Potter had absolutely no desire to learn, Black, as I have told Dumbledore several times. He insists on seeing these visions,' said Snape.

'If you had been teaching him properly-' started Sirius.

'I learned Occlumency from Dumbledore himself, Black,' sneered Snape. 'I trust you think him competent.'

Moody stepped in between the two men. 'This is no time for fighting. If Potter's in the Ministry, he needs our help now.'

'Then let's go,' said Sirius, backing away and grabbing his robe.

''Black, I want you to stay behind,' barked Snape. 'The Headmaster will be along soon. Someone needs to tell him what has happened. I'm going back to Hogwarts to search the Forbidden Forest.'

'Like hell, I will,' said Sirius angrily. 'I'm not staying behind.'

Tonks met Snape's gaze for just a moment and suddenly had a horrible feeling that something very, very bad was going to happen tonight. Snape looked away first and stared at Sirius.

'Fine,' said Snape dismissively. 'It's your funeral, Black.'

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A/N – I can tell from some of my reviews that there is a touch of impatience regarding our favorite Potions Masters and his whereabouts. Worry not, my friends. There is still plenty of story (and Snape) left…

According to the HP Lexicon the Augurey is a thin and mournful-looking bird somewhat resembling a vulture, greenish-black in color, native to Britain and Ireland. Normally remaining hidden in its nest in brambles and thorns, flying only in heavy rain, the feathers of the Augurey repel ink. Its distinctive cry was once thought to be a death omen, but it is now known that the Augurey's cry foretells rain.

I thought that would be a very appropriate Patronus for Snape. Cheers!


	17. Revealing

**Chapter Seventeen - Revealing**

Tonks' head was pounding. Why did she hurt so much? After quite a debate, Tonks opened her eyes and immediately regretted it. A harsh white light shone right in them.

She finally realized that she was in St. Mungos. Why in the world would she be at St. Mungos? Then everything came rushing back to her. The fight at the Department of Mysteries, her duel with Bellatrix Lestrange, which she must have come off as the loser. She had been so tired…

'That's right!' squealed a high pitch voice from behind the curtain surrounding Tonks' bed. 'I heard Sirius Black was there, fighting for You-Know-Who, but he was killed…'

Tonks lay perfectly still. She must have imagined what she just heard. Sirius couldn't be dead. He simply couldn't be. She wouldn't believe it. Couldn't believe it.

'Tried to finish off Harry Potter,' the voice was back. 'But he wasn't able to.'

'If you read the paper properly,' another female voice said briskly. 'You'd know that Black was actually fighting against He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.'

Damnit! Why wasn't there a paper or something that could tell her what happened? She tried to sit herself up and was overcome with a fit of coughs.

A nurse ran to Tonks' side and eased her up. 'Are you all right, love?' she asked. Tonks was glad that she didn't have the squeaky voice that she had heard.

'Paper?' asked Tonks weakly.

'Bad times have come,' said the nurse, lowering her head. 'You shouldn't read it in your condition.'

'What's wrong with me?' asked Tonks wearily.

'Couple of curses and a nasty fall from what I can tell. You'll be out in two more days or so,' said the nurse.

'How long have I been here?'

'Two days?'

Tonks closed her eyes. What if he was actually dead? Would they have had the funeral already? Was anyone else hurt? Remus…

'Sir, your lady friend is up!' called out the squeaky voice.

She heard footsteps approaching quickly. The moment she saw Remus' face, she knew that what she had heard was true.

'Remus?' asked Tonks, her eyes already filling with tears.

The nurse looked at them both awkwardly. 'Call if you need anything.'

Remus took his wand and cast a silencing bubble around her bed.

'Sirius is dead?' She needed to hear him say it, confirm it.

'He's dead,' said Remus in a monotone. 'I wanted to be the one to tell you. I'm sorry.'

Tonks looked him over while he grabbed her hand and held it like a life line. He looked awful, that was the only way to describe it. He hadn't shaved and his eyes were blood shot, like he had just finished crying.

Tonks wanted to demand every detail of what happened, how this possibly could have happened, but she knew from the look on Remus' face that this was not the time. But there were some questions she needed answers to now.

He was holding her hand so tightly. The pressure felt good. Very good.

'Has he been buried yet?' asked Tonks meekly. Just saying those words brought tears to her eyes. Tonks realized that she was squeezing Remus' hand just as much as he was hers.

'There was no body,' said Remus softly. 'He fell beyond the veil in the Department of Mysteries.'

One last question. Then she could mourn. 'Who killed him?'

'Bellatrix Lestrange.'

'So it was my fault,' said Tonks in a small voice. 'If I hadn't been so tired, I could have taken her. I was so tired…'

'It's no one's fault,' said Remus urgently. 'You have to believe that.'

'How is everyone else?' asked Tonks quickly.

'Hermione Granger was hurt pretty badly, but she'll be fine. She's in the hospital wing at Hogwarts. Minerva will be released tomorrow,' said Remus.

Silence. Tonks let herself get lost in the silence while Remus held her hand.

'We moved Headquarters to Mad-Eye's new house,' said Remus suddenly, dropping her hand and unrolling the sleeves of his button down shirt and buttoning them at this wrists.

'Why can't we stay at Grimmauld Place?' she asked.

'Dumbledore thinks there's a chance that it could be passed down to Bellatrix. She's the next in line. We'll find out eventually,' said Remus. He was now buttoning and buttoning the buttons on his sleeves continually.

Tonks' head was still hurting. She noticed a light green potion on the nightstand next to her bed that looked suspiciously like a pain-reducer potion. When Tonks tried to reach for it, Remus picked it up quickly.

'Are you in pain?' he asked.

Tonks just nodded her head. Remus held the phial to her lips. She drank the potion, her eyes closing at the awful taste, but feeling its warming effect in her blood already. Then Remus picked up a bit of her hair. Tonks groaned inwardly.

'Is this your natural hair color?' asked Remus softly.

'A bit boring, isn't it?' sighed Tonks. 'But I probably shouldn't change my hair when I hurt.'

She almost wished he would leave. Tonks needed to accept everything that happened and probably have a good long cry about it. But Remus looked so miserable that the last thing she wanted was to cry in front of him.

'It's lovely,' said Remus. He leaned back in his chair, balancing by putting on leg on the side of her bed.

'At least I can't break anything or hurt myself stuck in bed like this,' said Tonks.

'I bet you'll think of something,' said Remus with a half-hearted grin. He stood up, leaving his sleeve unbuttoned. 'I better go. There's a lot to be done.'

Tonks nodded, unsure of what to say at this point.

'We're going to be at King's Cross Station when the Hogwarts Express comes in,' said Remus thoughtfully. 'I was told that you should be out by then.'

'I hope so,' said Tonks softly.

'I'll tell everyone else that you're awake, see if we can't get you some visitors,' said Remus. 'I'll be back tomorrow.'

He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. Not nearly the type of kiss that Tonks was hoping for, but it would do.

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Remus let out a long breath. 'That went better than I thought it would.'

'Those Dursleys are no good,' said Mad-Eye, his magical eye still covered up by the bowler hat.

Tonks stayed silent, watching the various Hogwarts students and their families leave King's Cross Station. She was released from St. Mungo's this morning and was announced cured. But Tonks knew better. Her body might have been fixed but everything else was in turmoil.

Remus and Mad-Eye started walking without Tonks realizing it. She hurried to catch up. Remus glanced behind, looking concerned. As he did, Tonks scrunched her nose and changed her hair from the bubble gum pink she had when they were speaking to the Dursleys to her natural state. She was still too sore to hold a morph for very long. Then she fumbled through her pockets and found a hair band, and placed her hair in a simple pony tail.

It was the first time Tonks had worn her natural hair in public in years. And not just one or two years. At least since before she graduated Hogwarts. It took her a moment to discover that she felt naked in her natural state.

'Tonks?' growled Mad-Eye. 'Snap out of it, lass! We could have been attacked by Death Eaters and you wouldn't have noticed.'

'I would have noticed,' grumbled Tonks under her breath.

Remus had asked that everyone greeting Harry put on a good show for Harry's sake. According to Dumbledore, Harry was taking everything very hard. No one wanted to add to the young man's burden.

So Remus, Tonks, Mad-Eye and Arthur all acted like nothing was wrong and that everything was fine. Which was absolute bollocks.

Mad-Eye left then. He was still fairly uncomfortable having the Order stay in his house, but he allowed it until they could go back to Grimmauld Place. If they could go back to Grimmauld Place.

Remus put his arm around her, causing Tonks to wince a little. She had broken several ribs and her midsection was still tender.

'Sorry,' said Remus quickly, letting her go.

Tonks took his hand instead. 'Much better.'

They started walking aimlessly on the street, crowded with muggles. Suddenly, her stomach growled loudly. 'Fancy a bit of chips?' asked Tonks hopefully. She would be quite glad to have non-hospital food. 'My treat,' she added as an afterthought.

'I really don't want to go out,' said Remus truthfully.

'We don't have to go out,' said Tonks, thinking quickly. 'Let's get take-out. We can eat at my place. You've never been to my flat. Give me a chance to show off.'

Tonks didn't have the strength to use side-arm apparition to get them to the chip shop near her bed sit, so they ended up taking the Knight Bus. They walked in silence into the muggle chippy. There was a group of brightly dressed teenagers in the corner. They were the type of kids who would have thought Tonks was the height of cool when her hair was morphed. But now they probably just saw her as depressed looking adult, if they even saw her at all.

She ordered some fish and then three orders of chips. One for each of them and one to pick from. Remus simply stayed at the front of the shop, looking out the window.

He took the bag out of her hands when she walked up to him. Tonks couldn't help but be touched by the gentlemanly gesture. He even walked on the outside of the sidewalk as they walked towards her bed sit.

When they were in front of her flat door, Tonks cleared her throat nervously. 'I'm not sure what the inside is like right now,' admitted Tonks. 'You know I've been mainly staying at Headquarters and I'm a bit of a slob in general-'

Remus kissed the side of her head. 'Don't worry,' he said, squeezing her hand. 'If it's awful, we'll take fifteen minutes and clean before we eat.'

'I'm not good at cleaning spells,' muttered Tonks under her breath.

When Tonks opened the door to her flat, she was pleasantly surprised. It was relatively clean. Clean for her at least. There were papers all over her dining room table and a flash of pink on the sofa that looked suspiciously like her favorite pair of underwear. But no left over food or piles of laundry all over the place, which was her usual custom.

Remus placed the take-out bag on the counter. She heard him taking out plates and glasses from her cupboards while she cleaned off the kitchen table.

'Do any of your plates match?' laughed Remus, looking at her plates. Her dishes were all white, but none of them were the same shape or size.

'Doubt it,' grinned Tonks. 'I'm not big on matching.'

He set the table quickly, while Tonks stood in front of the refridgerator to see if anything was salvageable. Remus glanced inside and actually shuddered at the sight.

'May I?' he asked.

'All yours,' replied Tonks, getting out of the way. She sat down at the kitchen table and watched with interest as he quickly cleaned out her fridge.

'You really didn't need to do that,' said Tonks quietly. She was rather embarrassed about it, to tell the truth.

'You bought dinner,' said Remus, shrugging his shoulders. 'I'm just returning the favor.'

Tonks wondered briefly if it would always be like this. Remus keeping score in his head about who paid for what.

'Is there any ketchup?' asked Tonks hopefully. 'The chip shop never gives enough ketchup.'

Remus squatted down and brought out a bottle. 'No mold or anything.'

A few minutes later, they were sitting at her small dining room table with the piles of chips in front of them.

'So what do you think of my place?' asked Tonks thoughtfully. She bit her lip, waiting to hear his opinion. It amazed her how much she wanted to know what he thought.

'It's not what I thought it would look like,' said Remus, taking a bite of fish. Tonks couldn't help but notice that he didn't use any condiments at all. No ketchup, no curry sauce, no salt and vinegar. It was like his tea. He never added anything to his tea. Where Tonks liked hers with lemon and a bit of sugar, Remus drank whatever was in front of him, without adding any flavor at all.

'What did you think it would look like?' asked Tonks.

'I thought it would be colorful,' said Remus, looking around. 'Bright furniture and walls to match your clothes and hair.'

Tonks looked around her flat. What Remus said was true. There weren't many colors. The walls were a light sage and most of the furniture was a beech color. It was peaceful and relaxing, which was the effect Tonks wanted.

She picked up a section of her mousy brown hair. 'Normally I provide the color,' said Tonks with a grin. 'You're just over on a bad night.'

They finished the rest of the meal in silence. Tonks thought about how nice this was, having him over for a meal. Maybe tonight they could simply sit on the couch and listen to music, talk, kiss. Comfort each other a bit.

Remus insisted on cleaning the dishes when they finished eating, not listening to Tonks' protests that she would clean in the morning. Finally, they sat down next to each other on Tonks' light beige sofa.

He reached for her immediately. Tonks repositioned herself so that she was on her knees, straddling him, so not to put extra pressure on her ribs. She wanted to get lost in their kisses.

After some time, Remus pulled away. He took his hand, and wiped away tears that Tonks hadn't even realized she had shed. 'Clumsy?' asked Remus gently.

Tonks quickly brushed away the rest of the tears. 'I wish I hadn't been unconscious when he died,' said Tonks finally, burying her head in Remus' shoulder. 'I would have given anything to be there the last moment of his life.'

She had no idea of how much Sirius had meant to her until that moment. He drove her crazy. They fought so many times. But she loved him like a brother. And now she would never see his face, so like her own, again. She would never hear his laugh. He was gone.

Instead of responding, Remus kissed her again. Urgently, desperately. They were now lying down, with Tonks on top, to be careful of her injuries. Her hands couldn't stay still. They ran through his hair, over his chest, over every inch of bare skin as they slowly undressed each other.

She pulled away briefly. 'You okay with this?' she said softly. Remus nodded slowly and brought her down to him again, kissing her neck.

Though she knew she should stay silent, Tonks needed to say the words out loud, to affirm them not just for him but for herself as well.

'I love you, Remus. I love you so much,' she whispered, loud enough so she knew he could hear her.

He looked up, not quite meeting her gaze. 'I know, Clumsy,' breathed Remus as he lowered his head to kiss her shoulder.

'I know.'


	18. Identity Questions

**Chapter Eighteen – Identity Questions**

The next few days were a blur. Remus stayed over at her flat every night. Even the nights when she had to work. Now that it was known that Voldemort was back, the Ministry was a madhouse. Tonks considered herself lucky if she worked less than sixteen hours a day.

But then she had to call in every favor that she was owed to get two days off in a row for the full moon. It would be Remus' first transformation without Sirius in more than a year. And Remus was nervous. He had gotten used to Sirius' company again.

Tonks knew that Remus would never consent to allow her to stay in the same room with him when he transformed, but he didn't mind that she would be the one to help him the next morning, instead of Sirius.

The night before the full moon, Tonks and Remus were sitting in Moody's living room with Moody and Kingsley, who had just gotten off of work from the muggle Prime Minister's office. Tonks couldn't help but be slightly jealous of Kingsley. They both had been sent to the muggle Prime Minister's office for an interview. Kingsley was chosen over her. That would have been a very plum assignment for her to have landed.

'What's Snape doing here?' asked Moody irritably. His magic eye must have been looking outside. Because Tonks certainly couldn't see through the heavy oak front door.

The next moment, there was a knock on the door. Moody had all sorts of spells and enchantments on the house. No one could apparate or floo inside. The only way to enter the house was to use an antique bronze knocker on the front door.

Tonks jumped up and went to the door. Just as she was about to open it, Moody yelled, 'Ask the question, lass!'

She sighed, racking her brain, trying to remember Snape's identity question. 'What was your pet's name when you were a kid?' she asked.

'I didn't have a pet,' sneered the voice behind the door.

'That's an excellent use of a trick question,' muttered Moody. He must have seen her about to open the door again because he then said sharply, 'Have him ask the question!'

'Mad-Eye says you can't come in unless you ask me my question,' said Tonks wearily.

'We don't have time for these ridiculous games-'

'Ask the questions and get it over with, Snape,' sighed Tonks.

'What is your favorite color?' asked Snape icily.

Tonks was very pleased with her question. Most everyone would assume pink, seeing as that is how she mainly wore her hair. But the truth was her favorite color was sky blue, a color she rarely used.

'Blue.'

'Now let me in,' demanded Snape.

'Be more specific!' roared Moody. 'Anyone could guess blue!'

'Did you hear Mad-Eye, Snape?' asked Tonks. At this point, Tonks arms were crossed against her chest. Moody was being absolutely over the top. None of this was needed.

'Be more specific, then,' snapped Snape.

'Sky blue.'

'Open the door, Nymphadora.'

She complied and Snape swept right past her into the living room. Tonks followed.

'Have you drunk your potion tonight?' asked Snape to Remus.

Remus simply nodded.

'Pity,' smirked Snape as he threw a piece of parchment at Remus. Remus picked up the parchment gingerly off of his lap and read. Snape settled into one of the wing tip arm chairs.

As he read Remus reached out his hand towards her. Tonks sat down on the opposite end of the couch from Remus, quite annoyed that Remus was being possessive in front of Snape again. It was absolutely ludicrous for Remus to be jealous. She and Remus had now slept together a number of times more than the one time she and Snape had.

'So the potion is useless this month?' asked Remus softly.

'Next months, too,' said Snape dryly.

'S'happened?' asked Tonks quickly.

Remus handed her the piece of parchment. She scanned the words in front of her.

_Professor Snape,_

_We want to apologize about your latest order from Slug and Jiggers Apothecary. We have just been informed by the grower that the Monkshood that you ordered was contaminated. Please assume that any potion you might have made with the Monkshood is now void. _

_We will happily take back the Monkshood for a full refund and apologize for any inconvenience. We appreciate your business. _

_Slug and Jiggers Apothecary_

'Well isn't this just the Kneazle's meow,' said Tonks softly. 'You'll have to go through a full transformation, then?'

Remus simply nodded. Tonks felt for him. This was not the news he needed today.

'Just be glad we found out now and not when it was too late.' Snape crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair. Tonks looked at him in surprise. It almost seemed like he was planning to stay awhile. Snape never just visited Headquarters. He must want something.

'Thank you for letting me know, Severus,' said Remus weakly.

'So what do we do?' asked Tonks. 'Additional wards?'

'Clean out my basement,' muttered Moody.

Remus closed his eyes. 'We'll work on that tomorrow. I'm going to bed.' He stood up and left the room without even looking at her. Tonks had assumed that he would have stayed in her flat tonight, but then Remus had explained that he wouldn't have the energy to travel tomorrow. So he would sleep in Moody's guest room.

'Dumbledore is on his way,' said Snape suddenly. Tonks nodded, now understanding why Snape was staying. He was waiting for the Headmaster.

'About what?' asked Kingsley.

'That will be between the Headmaster, Nymphadora and myself,' said Snape slowly.

Tonks perked up at the sound of her name. 'What's that?'

'The Headmaster will explain,' said Snape. He gave her a long look. 'What in the world have you done with your hair?'

Tonks was suddenly very self-conscious. Her hair was its natural boring brown, back in two messy French braids that she had done herself. 'I'm still sore,' she admitted. 'I'm trying not to morph as much.'

'But you can morph?' asked Snape pointedly. 'Can you hold one?'

She had the distinct feeling that whatever Dumbledore wanted, it involved her holding a morph for a significant amount of time. 'If I have enough time to prepare and rest,' she said finally.

A silence settled over the group. But then Tonks, Kingsley and Snape all stood up at once.

Tonks new watch was vibrating softly on her wrist. 'I'm being clocked,' said Tonks and Kingsley at the same time. Snape grasped his left forearm, and muttered, 'Damn.'

Since Voldemort's return, all Aurors had been given a thin leather watch at wear at all times. If there was an emergency, the watch vibrated, indicting that they needed to get into the office now.

'Moody, please tell the Headmaster that Nymphadora and I will meet with him later. I'm being summoned,' said Snape quickly. He them turned around and stalked out of the house.

'Bye, Mad-Eye,' said Tonks as she and Kingsley walked out of the house. The moment they were outside, they both apparated and appeared in front of the Ministry.

Once inside, they learned about the muggle bridge that had been destroyed.

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Maybe it was the realization that he would have to go through a full transformation without the Wolfsbane potion, but Remus very reluctantly went downstairs to the basement. Tonks went with him, holding his hand.

While Tonks had been out most of the day dealing with the aftermath of the bridge incident, Mad-Eye and Remus had taken out anything that could possibly hurt Remus out of the basement. The only thing occupying the basement was a blanket and a bowl of water.

Tonks had never been allowed into the basement of Grimmauld Place when Remus went through his transformations. She understood now why Remus had only let Sirius down with him. This was something you'd only let people you really trust see. Tonks was pleased that she was included in that circle now.

While Remus had his back turned while he undressed, Tonks pointed to herself, drew a heart in the air and then pointed to Remus. She was very aware of the fact that the first time they made love, he did not respond when she told him that she loved him. Tonks hadn't said the words again, but she still wanted to express their sentiment.

She would whisper them to herself when Remus was talking to someone else. Or when he was asleep, she would trace the words on his chest. Tonks would try to find different ways to let him know every single day.

Once he was naked, Remus covered himself with the blanket and sat cross-legged in the middle of the floor. It was a stone tile, not comfortable at all to lie on. Tonks knelt next to him, her hand tracing some of the scars on his back. He would gain more tonight.

He took her hand. 'Please go upstairs, Clumsy,' whispered Remus.

'All right,' said Tonks quietly. She leaned in to give him a kiss which he returned chastely. 'I'll open up in the morning.'

Remus nodded. Tonks stood up, picked up Remus' clothes and walked up the wooden stairs, each step causing them to creak loudly. Then she closed the door. Twenty minutes she spent placing every ward and enchantment she knew on the door. Finally, she placed a silencing charm on the basement. She would prefer not to hear what would be happening downstairs.

Tonks would be staying at Moody's house tonight. The rest of the Order knew to stay away. Even Moody wouldn't be spending the night, out of respect for Remus.

She settled herself on the couch and thought about the tragedy that happened last night. Twenty-eight muggles had been killed. And she was sure it was going to get worse. She poured over the Evening Prophet. They simply didn't provide enough factual information.

A loud knock at the front door practically made her jump off of the couch. Tonks looked through the peep-hole and saw Snape, Professor Dumbledore and Emmeline Vance. Seeing that Mad-Eye wasn't around, she simply let them in.

'Good evening, Nymphadora,' said Dumbledore. His eyes looked cold and serious tonight. 'We have something important to discuss with you.'

'Let's talk in the dining room,' said Tonks, leading the way. They settled at the small circular table. Tonks found herself across from Snape.

'We need your help to solve a problem, Nymphadora,' said Dumbledore gently, his fingers interlacing in front of him.

Tonks tried to grin. 'I'm not much of a problem solver. More of a follow orders type of person.'

'Voldemort has demanded that Severus give him information that will lead to the death of a member of the Order of the Phoenix,' said Dumbledore, his voice calm and steady. 'Naturally Severus has resisted, but any longer, Severus will find himself dead.'

Tonks couldn't help but look at Snape. He didn't meet her gaze, but was drumming his fingers lazily across the table.

'Emmeline has graciously volunteered to be the victim in this,' said Dumbledore.

Tonks looked at Dumbledore in horror. He said those words like she had volunteered to make cookies for a bake sale.

'She will not, of course, be killed,' continued Dumbledore. 'But Emmeline will disappear. She has decided to go aboard for a while.'

'So what do you need with me?' asked Tonks.

'We need you to be Emmeline,' said Dumbledore quietly. 'I'm not going to make light of this, Nymphadora. Severus needs to capture a member of the Order and most likely torture them. Then we will fake Emmeline's death. Severus will still be in Voldemort's favor and Emmeline will be alive.'

Tonks thought the proposition over for a moment. She knew exactly why they were asking her to imitate Emmeline. Tonks had some resistance to certain poisons. She could fight off Imperious and even sometimes the Crucio curse. As an Auror, Tonks had a much better chance staying alive and sane than Emmeline did.

'I'll do it,' said Tonks without thinking.

'You're sure you could hold a full body morph for several hours?' asked Snape, finally looking at her. 'While being hexed?'

'Like I told you last night, I'll be fine if I have time to prepare,' said Tonks softly.

Snape pushed himself away from the table and stood up, looking out a window. 'There will be at least one Death Eater as witness, Nymphadora. I will actually have to curse and hex you. Are you absolutely certain you could hold a morph?'

Tonks closed her eyes for a moment and listened to her body. She was sore, but she hadn't tried a full body morph since she left the hospital. Scrunching her nose, Tonks felt her body become alert and alive, ready to listen to her every request. She would be fine.

'I'm sure, Snape,' said Tonks again, stronger this time.

She could see the relief on Emmeline's face. 'Thank you, Tonks,' said Emmeline. 'I don't mind disappearing…but I don't know about torture…'

'We'll plan it out ahead of time, Nymphadora,' said Snape all of sudden. 'You can tell me what you resist the best. We'll have to put on a good show.'

'Nymphadora, no one else in the Order can know about this,' said Dumbledore. 'Not Remus, not anyone. If this is going to work, the Order must grieve as if she actually died.'

'I understand,' said Tonks, nodded her head. 'When does this need to be done?'

''We have a week.'


	19. Curses and Jinxes and Hexes, oh my

**Chapter Nineteen – Curses and Jinxes and Hexes, oh my**

The next morning Tonks stood at the door to the basement and removed the silencing charm. She listened carefully and couldn't hear any noises. Finally, Tonks started removing the locking wards and enchantments.

Once that was done, feeling slightly foolish, Tonks knocked on the door. What did she expect, for Remus to answer? She decided open the door.

At the stairs, she called out, 'Remus?'

Tentatively, she walked down the stairs, many of which had teeth and claw marks. When she got to the bottom, her heart broke. Remus was sitting in the middle of the floor, barely covered by the now torn and battered blanket.

As she knelt besides him, she handed Remus his dressing gown. Remus looked up in surprise; it was almost as if he hadn't heard her come down the stairs. Tonks started to put her arms around him, but he stopped her.

There was a wound with dried blood on his shoulder as well as a gash on the right side of his face. 'Let's get you cleaned up,' she said, trying to smile.

'Please go, Clumsy,' said Remus hoarsely, then wincing in pain. 'Please. I don't want you to see me like this.'

Tonks tried to act like the words hadn't stung. 'Let me help you,' said Tonks reaching for his hand.

'Don't,' snapped Remus. 'Go. Please.'

'All right,' said Tonks softly, leaving the dressing gown besides him. She had taken the day off of work so that she could help him today. He had asked for her help, and now he was refusing it.

She waited for him in the living room, sitting on the couch, with a pain relieving potion and a large slab of chocolate ready. Fifteen minutes later, she heard Remus slowly walking up the stairs. Tonks bit her lip in order to remain silent. If he wanted her help, he would ask for it. She would not insult him by offering her help again.

Remus sat down on the couch, but on the other side, far from Tonks. His whole body seemed to creak as he sat. Tonks just looked at him, ready to give whatever help he wanted.

'I have a bath drawn upstairs for you,' said Tonks softly.

He gave her a grateful look. 'Thank you, Clumsy,' he said, closing his eyes for a moment. 'I'll go upstairs now.'

'Yell if you need anything,' said Tonks with a smile. Remus nodded and started upstairs.

Once he was upstairs, she picked up the list she had made last night after Snape, Dumbledore and Emmeline left. It was a list of curses, jinxes and hexes she could deflect. Snape would be coming over in a few hours to go over all of this.

Absently, Tonks took a hair tie out of her pocket and pulled her hair back at her neck. She wouldn't morph anything besides her hair again until she would assume Emmeline Vance's form. There were only two reasons why Tonks could lose a morph, if she had overextended herself and held one too long, or if she was simply too tired. If Tonks got enough rest between now and…then, she would be fine.

She lay on the couch and brought her knees to her chest. Tonks was tired. She didn't sleep much last night. A nap sounded really good right about now.

The knocker woke Tonks up from her nap. Glancing at the clock, she realized that she had been asleep for almost three hours. It would be Snape. Wearily, she let him in.

'Did you make the list I requested?' he asked briskly as he sat down in one of the armchairs.

'Here,' said Tonks, pushing the list across the coffee table to him. 'If I have notice, I can deflect the Cruciatus curse most of the time. I almost always can fight off Imperius.'

He looked at the list intently. 'The jelly-brain jinx?'

'You told me to list everything,' said Tonks defiantly.

'Safe to say that I don't believe we'll be using that jinx. A bit too juvenile for Death Eater's taste,' said Snape, raising an eyebrow. He continued to look at the list. 'You can fight the stinging hex?'

Tonks nodded.

'I'll use that a lot then,' said Snape. 'I'm going to silence you the moment we enter the house, so you'll have to act it out.'

'That's fine. I'm a good actress,' said Tonks absently.

'Anything that you don't want me to use?' asked Snape suddenly.

'Just the obvious,' said Tonks, bringing her feet up under her.

'And that would be?' said Snape impatiently.

'Fire,' said Tonks seriously.

Snape leaned back in his chair. 'You're afraid of fire?'

'I'm not afraid of it,' snapped Tonks, which was a complete lie. She was terrified of fire and what it could do to her.

Snape waved his wand and a small flame appeared at the tip. 'I've always liked fire myself.' He pointed the wand near her and the flame became larger.

Tonks jumped up and using wandless magic, put out the flame. She was absolutely furious. 'Don't you ever do that again!'

He put his wand back into his robe. 'Please explain your reaction,' he said curiously.

'What happens to the skin when someone is burned?' asked Tonks, crossing her arms over her chest. She would have though that Snape out of anyone would know her fear of fire.

'It dies,' said Snape slowly.

'That's right,' said Tonks. She walked over right in front of him. She placed one hand on each arm of his chair and leaned in so their faces were only inches apart. She hadn't been this mad in years.

'It dies. I can't morph dead skin. You use fire, I'll lose the morph, we both die,' said Tonks, barely above a whisper.

'Understood,' said Snape, his eyes boring into her.

'Good,' said Tonks. The stairs creaked and Tonks looked up and saw Remus standing at the top step, a confused look on his face. Tonks stood up immediately and backed up from Snape. 'Hallo, Remus.'

He wouldn't quite meet her eyes. 'Clumsy,' he said. 'Could I have that chocolate, please?'

'Of course,' said Tonks at once. She picked up the chocolate bar that was still on the coffee table. She walked towards the stairs and tripped on the very first step, landing right on her behind. Tears stinging her eyes, Tonks got up and walked the stairs carefully, as not to fall.

As she could have predicted, Remus made a fuss over her with Snape there. She would really need to talk to him about that. Remus placed his hands on either side of her face and kissed her gently on the lips. 'Thank you, Clumsy,' he said reaching for the chocolate.

'Nymphadora, I don't have much time and you still need to show me your flat,' said Snape from below, sounding bored. She looked down and with a grin saw that Snape wasn't even looking in their direction.

'Order business,' said Tonks matter-of-factly.

Remus nodded and the walked back towards his room. 'I'll feel better tonight, Clumsy.'

'See you then, then,' smiled Tonks as she walked down the stairs, rubbing her behind where she had fallen.

'Only you would manage to fall up the stairs, Nymphadora,' said Snape, mocking her.

'Let's go,' said Tonks, not even bothering to look at him. Once they were outside, Tonks told Snape the exact address of her flat. She took his forearm and apparated them both into her flat.

Her flat was cleaner than it had been in a while. Remus had taken to cleaning a bit while she had been a work. His way, she assumed, of making up for the fact that she was buying the groceries and such. When they stayed at Grimmauld Place, Sirius had paid for everything. And Remus didn't seem to mind then.

'Do you need to see the outside of the building or is this enough?' asked Tonks. She still wasn't sure why he wanted to see her flat.

'This is fine. I know where to apparate to now,' said Snape dismissively. He eyed her small bookcase, where she had garnered a collection of books since Halloween. 'Enjoy King Arthur, do you?'

Tonks nodded. She wouldn't tell Snape that it was because of the book that she had read in his bedchambers at Hogwarts.

'I'm not sure who will be accompanying me for the murder. Who ever it is, I will discourage them from joining in,' said Snape, his eyes not leaving her face. 'I want you to understand, I will be playing a role that night, Nymphadora. It will not be pleasant evening.'

'I've already figured that one out, Snape,' said Tonks sarcastically. 'No bed of roses for me.'

'The night before, I'll stop by and deliver any potions we might need for your recovery,' said Snape seriously. That's when she really began to understand. Snape was going to hurt her. He would do his best not to, but in order for this to work, she would have to be hurt. Just thinking about it, made Tonks chew on one of her nails absently.

'So how's the murder part going to work?' asked Tonks, trying to bring back her mind to the task at hand.

'I have several ideas,' said Snape. 'But first, we need to run an experiment.'

'An experiment?' asked Tonks with a bit of a laugh.

'Do you have an hour to sleep?' asked Snape with a level gaze.

'Right now?' asked Tonks in surprise. Snape nodded. 'I'm free…but I wanted to get back to Remus…'

'I see,' said Snape dismissively. 'Of course, if that's where your priorities lie…'

'Don't you dare question my priorities, Snape,' said Tonks in a low voice.

'What are they then?' he challenged.

Tonks raised one finger, indicating one. 'War,' she said briskly. Then she raised a second finger. 'Everything else.'

'Very well,' said Snape, looking slightly pleased. 'Do a full body morph and then drink this.'

She scrunched her nose and morphed into a tall non-descript witch, roughly Emmeline's size. Snape handed her a very small phial which was only half full of a very pale potion, which she drank in one gulp. Immediately she felt light-headed and almost crashed to the floor.

Snape grabbed her by the waist and helped her to the couch.

'Whacha gimme?' slurred Tonks. She never heard the answer because the next moment she was in a deep sleep.

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She woke suddenly and shot up off of the couch. Snape was sitting in her armchair, her book ,Le Morte Darthur, in his lap. He put the book down carefully on her coffee table and guided her back down to the couch.

'You're in your flat, Nymphadora,' he said in a smooth voice. 'I'm pleased that you woke before I needed to wake you. It was a very small dose.'

Tonks looked around wildly. She realized she was in a morph and screwed up her face and went back to herself again.

'What…what was that?' asked Tonks, still groggy.

'The Draught of Living Death,' said Snape. 'I needed to see if you would change forms after taking the potion.'

'I didn't,' said Tonks. She knew it was silly to seem pleased with her body, but she couldn't help it.

'The effects will wear off within fifteen minutes,' said Snape. 'We'll go over the order of curses later.'

'Okay,' said Tonks wearily. She had a pounding headache from the potion.

'That's all for now,' said Snape. He walked to the middle of the room. He looked right at her.

'I will try to keep you safe, Nymphadora.'

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'_Hem, Hem' _said a small voice in front of Tonks' cubicle. Tonks groaned inwardly. The last thing she needed was a visit from Umbridge. After a day and a half off of work to help Remus, she had simply to much to catch up on.

'Yes, Madam Umbridge?' asked Tonks in an overly polite voice.

Umbridge looked at Tonks with obvious distaste. 'I was wondering, dear, if your hair is quite appropriate for business at the Ministry. Perhaps you might take the charm off.'

'It's not a charm; I'm a metamorph,' said Tonks in surprise. She thought everyone at the Ministry knew she was one. 'What's wrong with it?'

'Dear, purple is not an appropriate color for the work environment. Perhaps you can change your hair to a color found in nature,' said Umbridge sweetly.

'Purple's found in nature,' said Tonks, with a big smile. She rather liked her hair today. It was straight, chin length and she had a heavy fringe across her forehead.

'Do you not understand?' asked Umbridge, her voice getting higher and even sweeter.

Tonks giggled to herself. Fred and George Weasley had told her all about their attempts to make Umbridge miserable at Hogwarts. She would gladly do the same here. She scrunched her nose and changed her hair to spikes the color of a manicured lawn. 'This color is definitely found in nature,' said Tonks very seriously. 'Is this better?'

'You are deliberately misunderstanding me!' cried Umbridge. 'From now on, you shall only have hair the color of blonde, brown, black or red.'

Tonks looked up slyly at Umbridge's own hair. 'What about grey? Can I morph my hair grey?'

Umbridge's eyes narrowed and she stalked away. 'I've been morphing my hair different colors for five years here at the Ministry!' Tonks shouted behind her. 'I'm not changing now!'

Savage walked by her cube then and gave Tonks a thumbs up sign. 'Bloody cow,' muttered Tonks to herself. Though she had a feeling she would be hearing more about this.

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A few days later, Tonks apparated into her flat. She hadn't seen Remus in three days between the Ministry and both of their work for the Order. But there he was, reading the Evening Prophet on the sofa.

Tonks went to join him. Tomorrow was the night that Emmeline would be murdered. As soon as the Order meeting scheduled for tomorrow was complete, Emmeline would be off to Morocco and Tonks would wait in Emmeline's apartment for Snape.

His arm went around her shoulder and Tonks snuggled next to him. They hadn't made love since a few days before the full moon a week ago. Tonks could certainly use the release. She wrapped her arms around him and started kissing his neck.

Remus put the paper down and kissed her back. 'I don't have long,' whispered Remus. 'I have to meet Dumbledore soon.'

Tonks smiled at him mischievously. 'Let's be quick then,' she breathed, already struggling out of her clothes.

'Are the wards on?' whispered Remus.

'I can't think properly when you're doing that,' laughed Tonks. 'Wait a moment…'

She fumbled for her wand and gave it a quick flick, automatically resetting the wards. No one could apparate in or out now. 'They are now,' she grinned. And then the talking stopped for a bit.

'So what are you meeting Dumbledore about?' asked Tonks later, as they both redressed themselves.

'I've no idea. I think it might have something to do with Sirius' will,' said Remus lightly. Tonks could tell that he was trying to sound casual, but it wasn't quite working the way he hoped.

'I just hope we can go back to Grimmauld Place soon,' said Tonks. Then she put her hands over her mouth. 'I can't believe I just said I want to go back to that place.'

'I know what you're saying,' said Remus, giving her a kiss before standing up. 'I'll be back after the meetings over.'

'I'm not waiting up,' said Tonks, lying down on the couch. She found her wand again and flicked, removing the wards so that Remus could leave. 'I'm too tired.'

'Goodnight then, love,' said Remus with a smile. A moment later he disappeared.

She couldn't help but smile when she slipped under the covers for bed. That was the first time he had called her 'love.' Certainly a step in the right direction.

But when Tonks woke up early the next morning to go to work, she realized that Remus never returned after his meeting with Dumbledore.


	20. The Draught of Living Death

**Chapter Twenty – The Draught of Living Death**

Snape was not at the Order meeting. He would be with the Death Eaters, finalizing the plans for Emmeline Vance's murder. Emmeline was there; she stood close to Dumbledore so that she was in everyone's eye line so that everyone would remember they saw her tonight. Normally, Emmeline would stay in the back during a meeting.

Tonks looked at Remus from across the room. His eyes looked blood-shot, like he hadn't gotten any sleep last night. Considering he never came back to her place, he might not have. She had been running late, which is why Tonks was in the back, not in her usual position next to Remus.

Apparently, Dumbledore believed that the Order would find out on Saturday morning if they can use Grimmauld Place again. That would be when Dumbledore picked up Harry Potter personally from the muggles. Tonks was a bit disappointed that he would be picking Harry up. She had quite a lot of fun with the Advanced Guard last year.

After a year of Order meetings, Tonks had learned when Dumbledore was almost finished with business. She sensed that there would one more topic and then it was time to be tortured.

'I've been picking up a great deal of werewolf activity over the past few weeks. Voldemort has extended an offer to Greyback, and it seems that most of the werewolves agree,' said Dumbledore gravely.

Tonks tried to catch Remus' eye. She wondered if this was what the meeting was about last night.

'Remus Lupin has agreed to turn spy for us. He will be living underground with the werewolves and try to argue against Greyback,' said Dumbledore.

'What?' cried Tonks before she could stop herself. A second later, she turned incredibly red, realizing that every single Order member in the room, except Remus, was looking at her. 'Sorry,' muttered Tonks. She tried to dismiss the looks of pity on people's faces. After all, everyone knew that she and Remus were together.

Tonks practically ran up to Remus once the meeting finished a few minutes later. 'Remus?'

'We need to talk, Clumsy,' said Remus, taking her arm.

Tonks broke away. She needed to get to Emmeline's house now. 'I can't now,' said Tonks apologetically. 'I've got to…I mean…I just can't now.'

'Tomorrow, then,' said Remus seriously.

She closed her eyes, knowing that she would be in no condition to talk. More importantly, she couldn't let Remus see her tomorrow. Maybe at night…

'Tomorrow night…I work… until ten,' lied Tonks quickly. If anything, Tonks could pretend that she had gotten hurt during her patrol.

'I'll stop by then,' said Remus. There was a look of sadness on his face that she didn't like one bit.

'Right,' said Tonks, giving Remus a quick kiss that he didn't seem to return. But that might have been her imagination. 'I've got to go.'

She ran out of the house, morphing into a non-descript witch as she went. A moment later, Tonks apparated into Emmeline's house. It was dark and empty as promised. A shiver of fear went down her spine. Tonks brushed it away. She didn't have time for fear.

There were the clothes and the picture Tonks needed. Drawing all of the blinds, Tonks stripped naked and concentrated on changing her body first. Then she would morph her face using the picture of Emmeline as a guide.

Close to ten minutes later, the transformation was complete. Anyone looking at her would have no idea it wasn't Emmeline Vance in front of them. Tonks quickly incinerated her own clothes and the picture so that nothing would be suspicious.

Tonks wrapped the elegant shawl tightly around her shoulders. She felt like an absolute fraud, having taken Emmeline Vance's form. Emmeline was tall and refined, while Tonks was not so tall and definitely not refined.

She glanced at the clock on the mantle. Snape would be here soon. Tonks wanted tonight over with.

Her mind went over everything that had happened over the last week. Fudge had stepped down as Minister of Magic yesterday. Rufus Scrimgeour was named to replace him immediately. Madam Bones…she couldn't quite believe that she had been murdered only a few days ago. There was a very big vacuum at the top of the Magical Law Enforcement Office. Scrimgeour said that the positions would be filled very shortly though.

Giants in the West Country. Every day there had been more and more bad news. And tomorrow it would be reported that Emmeline Vance had been killed.

The front door crashed opened and Tonks braced herself. It was time.

Tonks kept her wand in her robe. She couldn't risk bringing it out and having it destroyed. Snape, with a look of fury she had never seen before, along with two other masked Death Eaters entered the room.

'_Silencio!'_

She opened her mouth and tried to talk, but no words came out. She let a look of fear pass her face, but then replaced it with anger. Emmeline was a member of the Order, after all. She would not cower to Death Eaters.

'_Crucio!'_

There it was. The first of many spells he would hit her with. She and Snape had memorized the order in which he would hit her. Cruciatus curse. A stinging hex. Followed by a potion that would cause immense pain, but would only be colored water. Cruciatus again. The list seemed endless.

Tonks deflected the spell easily but made it look she was hit hard. She dropped to the floor and started twitching so violently that she accidentally hit her head on the wall. Luckily, she had been silenced, or Tonks might have started laughing.

When Snape lowered his wand, Tonks sat herself up, leaning against the wall, bracing herself for the next hex.

'So this is pretty Emmeline Vance, eh?' asked one of the masked Death Eaters roughly. 'I think we can have some fun tonight.'

'Carrow, we have no time for your idea of fun,' said Snape harshly.

'Get on with it then,' said the other Death Eater, sounding a bit impatient.

Snape pointed his wand at her and started sending stinging hexes her way. Tonks focused on the tip of his wand and using wandless magic, made the hex disappear before it touched her skin. She managed to jump and move around at the same time to make it look like she was hit.

But then Carrow and the other Death Eater joined in. She wasn't able to fight them all and felt welts forming on her body. If she could talk, she would have cried out in pain.

'Enough,' snapped Snape. He walked over to her slowly. Tonks maintained eye contact, trying to show deepest loathing. The other Death Eaters were chuckling softly.

Snape squatted down, so that he was straddling her legs. 'Emmeline, Emmeline, Emmeline,' he said almost seductively. Like he should be reading her romantic poetry instead of talking about torture. He took his hand and stroked the side of her face. 'I'm going to kill you tonight.'

Tonks pushed him away from her, making him fall. The unknown Death Eater started laughing while Carrow took out his wand and yelled _'Crucio_!' She hadn't been prepared for that curse and it hit her instantly, causing the blood in her veins to burn…

Then the curse stopped. Briskly, Snape knelt besides her and forced her to sit upright by grabbing her neck. Tonks tried to push him again, but he was more steady on his knees this time. He took her wrists with one hand and lifted her arms over her head, pinned against the wall. 'You don't want to push me away again,' he said in a hushed voice. If Tonks hadn't known this was an act, his voice would make her blood run cold.

'Goyle,' said Snape quietly. Goyle knelt next to Tonks as well. She scowled at him.

'Feed her this,' said Snape, taking a phial out of his robe with her other hand.

'What is it?' asked Goyle eagerly, as he forced Tonks jaws opened. He poured the potion down her throat, which was just colored water. Tonks started to curl up to act like she was in pain, though the unexpected Crucio certainly helped with that.

'Concentrated Aconite,' said Snape roughly. He turned to her and again stroked her cheek. 'You only have two hours to live, my dear. Don't worry, we'll think of plenty of games to play to pass the time.'

And the act went on. Goyle and Carrow joined in a bit, hitting Tonks with curses that she hadn't been able to fight. As time grew near for the 'death' she was ready for this to end. She hurt. She hadn't fought the Cruciatus curse nearly as well as she had hoped. But she was alive and still had her wits. That was the important part. The pain would eventually go away.

The worst would be the next fifteen minutes. Snape told her that these would be the worst of them all, right before she 'died.' And her problem now was that she could not remember what the next spells were. If she couldn't remember, she'd have no chance of blocking them.

'_Tendio Poenius!'_

Snape pointed his wand at her midsection. Her arms and legs suddenly felt like they were gripped by vices. This spell had been invented during the dark ages…meant to replicate the rack…Tonks silently screamed as she felt her right shoulder dislocate itself.

He waved his wand and the pressure lifted. Almost over…

Tonks felt a hook pick her up by her ankle, causing her to be upside down all the way to the high ceiling. The shawl she had around her shoulders fell softly to the floor. Her long, floor-length skirts fell towards the floor, revealing the plain white underwear she had chosen today.

She was upside down for only a few moments and then fell immediately onto the floor. A loud crack could be heard. She was almost positive that she had rebroken at least one of her ribs. This needed to end. Soon.

Carrow knelt besides her and took his hand and started fumbling with her skirts. His hand crawled up her leg…

'That's enough!' shouted Snape. 'Carrow, she's about to be a corpse and even your tastes don't run that foul.'

Carrow shot Snape a dirty look and stood up behind him.

Tonks raised herself to all fours. She wouldn't look at Snape. She wouldn't. If she looked, there might be a chance that she would beg to end this. Tonks would not beg Snape for anything…

Snape again knelt besides her and roughly moved her so that she was sitting on the ground. He took out the Draught of Living Death. Tonks stared at the potion. It would be her freedom…

'You're about to die, Emmeline. This little potion will ensure that the last moment of your life is also the most painful one…'

He forced the potion down her throat. Tonks felt the familiar light-headedness, took a deep breath and passed out.

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'_Rennervate.'_

Tonks kept her eyes closed. She had no desire to wake up. It had been the most beautiful, most relaxing slumber….

But then pain completely overtook her body. Tonks sat up quickly, her ribs complaining mightily, her entire body aching. Not able to stop herself, she cried out in pain.

'_Salio Acclivius.'_

Immediately, she felt slightly better from the healing charm. Tonks looked around, not having any idea where she was. But then she saw Snape, kneeling next to where ever she was, holding a goblet. Silently, he picked up her neck and made her drink the potion.

'What hurts?' he asked seriously.

'I think I rebroke a rib…and my shoulder…the stretching jinx…,' said Tonks, tears stinging her eyes. She was in a bedroom. Whose bedroom, she didn't know.

'If I'm to heal those, you'll need to morph back to yourself,' said Snape, placing a cool washcloth on her forehead. She looked down, realizing that she was still in Emmeline's form.

'Where are we?' asked Tonks. The shutters were closed, but she could see a hint of sunlight outside.

'My home,' said Snape simply. 'Are you able to morph?'

Tonks gasped a bit for breath. Morphing would be very, very, painful, but also necessary. 'I'd place a silencing charm on the room if I were you.'

'There already is one,' said Snape curtly. 'I've a houseguest at the moment. He can not know that you're here.'

Tonks nodded and held out her hand. 'I'd like to stand for this.'

Snape helped her out of bed. She couldn't believe the amount of pain that she was in. It was almost intolerable. With Snape steadying her, Tonks scrunched her nose and concentrated on her natural state.

And then she screamed in agony as her body responded. Every bone, every muscle, every tissue, every vein fought violently against her morph. This was exactly what happened when Tonks was injured when she was in a morphed state. Her body simply didn't want to change back. But in order to heal, she had to be in her natural state.

Once the morph was finished, Tonks collapsed into Snape's arms. Her clothes no longer fit and were constricting and uncomfortable. He seemed to realize that as well. Gently, Snape sat her on the bed. The moment he stepped away, Tonks flopped back, unable to keep herself up in a sitting position. Her ribs regretted that.

He went to an ancient looking dark wooden drawer. Opening the top drawer, he brought out a long black men's nightshirt.

'Up we go, Nymphadora,' said Snape, lifting her back up. He slipped the nightshirt over the clothes she was wearing. Then he started removing Emmeline's clothes. It was difficult, seeing Tonks could barely raise her right shoulder. Thank Merlin it wasn't her wand arm…

A few minutes later, Tonks was much more comfortable in the nightshirt. 'Thank you,' she whispered.

'I'll fix that rib now,' he said, placing his hand on her back and felt for the rib.

His hand found the rib. 'Bloody hell,' shouted Tonks.

'Nymphadora, I would suggest you don't waste your energy by shouting,' said Snape sardonically, placing the tip of his wand on her back. _'Espiskey.' _Tonks could feel her bones starting to knit together as a familiar hot them cold sensation washed over her chest. Tonks had broken more than her share of bones in her lifetime.

He leaned her back on the pillow. 'What else?' he demanded.

Tonks closed her eyes. 'My shoulder and a Crucio hangover. Not as bad as it could be,' she said tiredly. 'Why aren't we at my flat? Did it work? We're alive, so it must have worked, right?'

'Healing first, then sleep, then questions,' said Snape. Tonks found herself chuckling to herself, even through the pain. He sounded just like he used to when he would bark potion instructions in class.

He placed his hand on her right shoulder and felt around. 'Damn,' he muttered to himself.

'What is it?' asked Tonks sleepily.

'There's a tear, Nymphadora,' said Snape. 'This will hurt.'

'Where have I heard that before?' sighed Tonks. The corners of his mouth turned slightly upwards. She had made him smile.

'Brace yourself,' he said.

She did. Tonks grabbed Snape's arm, the one not holding a wand and tried not to wait as she felt the fibers in her muscles glue themselves back together.

'Nymphadora, you need to sleep,' said Snape, placing the washcloth on her forehead again, when he had finished.

'But you need to tell me what happened,' said Tonks in a murmur.

'What did I just tell you? Healing, sleep, then questions.'

She looked at him, ready to complain again. Then her eyes widened in surprise. 'You're in muggle clothes!'

'Healing, sleep, questions.'

'Promise?' asked Tonks as she closed her eyes.

'Promise.'

She fell asleep instantly.

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_A/N – I've realized now, that in all of my Tonks' stories, I have Snape torture her. Apparently I really like the idea Snape causing Tonks a lot of physical pain. Not really nice of me, is it? I really need to get some new material. Sigh. _

_Salio Acclivius (Latin) – Salus - health, safety Acclivius - well-disposed_

_Tendio Prolixius (Latin) – Tendo – stretch Poena – pain_

_I found the most curious thing when I was looking for Latin words for spell names. Another Latin word for pain is 'dolor.' I went to jazz it up and first wrote 'dolorius.' That remind anyone of the first name of a certain former DADA professor? Fits her to a tee. Just the millionth and one reason why I love JK Rowling. _


	21. Recovery

**Chapter Twenty-One – Recovery**

When Tonks woke up again, she was in the small bedroom alone. Some of what she and Snape spoke about came back to her. This was his home. She had no idea that he owned property. Tonks looked around the room. Briefly, she wondered if this might have been his room as a child. It certainly didn't have the feel of an adult's bedroom.

Bookcases filled one entire wall of the room. There was a large desk in one corner with all sorts of papers and rolls of parchment strewed across it. The twin sized bed she was lying on was underneath the only window, which was shuttered, doing its best to keep out all light. A small fireplace was in the corner.

She sat up gingerly, and listened to her body. Tonks felt much better than she did the last time she was awake. Looking down, she saw that she was still wearing the nightshirt. Curious, Tonks lifted the collar to her nose and took a deep breath. It smelled like Snape. An odd mixture of potion ingredients and smoke, which she assumed would be from cauldron fires. She had never seen him smoke a cigarette or pipe before.

As if he knew she was thinking of him, Snape quietly came into the room. 'How are you?' he asked briskly. He was still wearing muggle clothes, a pair of black slacks and a dark grey polo shirt.

'Why in the world are you in muggle clothes?' asked Tonks before she could stop herself.

Snape took a phial from his pocket. 'Drink this,' he said, handing it to her.

'Then you'll tell me what happened?' asked Tonks hopefully.

'And then we'll go to your flat and we'll discuss what happened,' said Snape seriously.

'Bottoms up,' said Tonks tiredly, draining the phial of the deep purple liquid. It had quite a pleasant taste.

'That will help with the pain from the Cruciatus Curse. You'll be light headed and giddy in a bit,' said Snape. 'We have to figure out how to get you out of here. Do you feel up to apparating?'

'Please, no,' said Tonks, her body tensing at the thought.

'Floo powder's out of the question?'

'Fire,' said Tonks, shaking her head. 'I never floo. Too much of a risk.'

'You can't leave this room, Nymphadora. My houseguest reports all of my movements and conversations within this house to the Dark Lord. It can't be known that I brought someone here,' said Snape seriously.

'Couldn't you just tell them I'm a one night stand or something?' asked Tonks hopefully.

'Can you morph your face?' asked Snape dismissively.

Tonks concentrated, and immediately knew there would be no morphing today. 'I can't,' she said simply.

'Your hair might be a different color, but you have the face of a Black, Nymphadora,' said Snape. 'You'll be recognized.'

'Then you'll have to keep me here until I can apparate safely,' said Tonks frustratedly.

Snape looked at her like that was the most asinine suggestion that he had ever heard in his life. 'Get up. We're going to apparate.'

Tonks didn't want to seem any weaker than she already had in front of Snape. He took her hands and helped her out of bed. As he put his hand on her forearm, Tonks braced herself.

A moment later, Tonks felt the overwhelming sensation of apparition take over. The second they appeared in her flat, Tonks fell to the floor even before Snape could catch her. He picked her up gently and carried her to her bed.

'Do you want your own nightclothes?' asked Snape, sitting down on the bed besides her.

'This is fine,' sighed Tonks. She didn't think it was possible for her body to be any more sore than it was. 'Now tell me how after all of our planning, did we end up at your home?'

He pushed back the covers, and helped Tonks get into a sitting position, with her pillows behind her. Snape then covered her with her quilt.

A dark scowl crossed Snape's face. 'The damn muggle enforcers.'

'The police?' asked Tonks in surprise.

Snape nodded. 'Goyle's silencing charm on the house didn't work. I gave him one bloody job...From what I can figure out, a neighbor must have called the muggle enforcers with a noise complaint. We were gone by then and they saw you.'

Tonks' eyes went wide. 'And they thought I was dead.'

'Exactly. They took your body,' said Snape, standing up and leaning against the wall. Tonks looked at him. Muggle clothes did not fit him well at all. They simply didn't lay right on his thin frame. 'Imagine my surprise three hours later when I went to collect you and finding the whole place surrounded.'

'Where was I?' asked Tonks. She felt a small grin on her face. This was quite a good story, actually. She leaned back against the bed frame to listen to the tale.

'I asked a number of questions to the muggle enforcers, and unfortunately had to use the Imperius curse to get some answers…'

'Where was I?' asked Tonks again, more eagerly this time.

'Your potion's kicking in,' said Snape with a hint of a smile. 'You are not healed, you're only pain free, so don't hurt yourself.'

'Tell me where I was!' demanded Tonks. She started to pound her fists on her bed, but Snape sat next to her and placed his hands around her curled fists. Tonks laughed, she knew she was acting like a child, but couldn't help it. Bloody potion.

'Say please, Nymphadora,' said Snape with an odd gleam in his eye she didn't quite like.

Tonks rolled back her head against the pillows and muttered, 'Please.'

'As you wish.' Snape seemed to take pleasure in keeping her in suspense. 'You had already been taken to a muggle morgue.'

'No,' said Tonks, laughing a bit. 'Was I in a body bag?' Tonks had seen enough police television shows and movies with her muggle-born father to have some understanding of the procedures.

Snape pulled up her armchair. Tonks wasn't mistaken. He was clearly enjoying her undivided attention. 'That, I don't know. I quickly transfigured my robes into the clothes you see now and went to the morgue. There I was able to convince the workers that I was Emmeline Vance's husband and that for muggle religious reasons, there could be no autopsy and that I needed to bury her within twenty-four hours.'

'I wish I could have seen that,' said Tonks, with a grin on her face. 'And they bought it?'

'You're in front of me, now, are you not?' asked Snape. 'The real problem came afterwards. You must have some sort of ward on your flat that only lets someone apparate in with you when you're in your natural state. I tried to apparate us a number of times and it didn't work.'

'My face has to be natural,' said Tonks, turning red. She had forgotten about that ward. It was a very tricky ward that she had invented herself. 'Why didn't you wake me so I could morph back?'

'I was in the middle of London and you were supposed to be a dead body,' said Snape as if it was obvious. 'I couldn't take you to Headquarters, so I brought you to my home.'

'Must have been a fun night,' laughed Tonks. Her sides hurt a bit, but it was worth it.

'It served its purpose,' said Snape, standing up and looking out the window. 'Emmeline is probably on the beaches of Morocco by now.'

Tonks might have imagined it, but there was a hint of wistfulness in his voice. 'You weren't killed and I have a broken rib, a bad shoulder and a Crucio hangover. Seems like a fair trade to me,' said Tonks, trying to sound cheerful.

'I have to leave now,' said Snape suddenly. He took out a small tube of lotion from his pocket. 'When I undressed you, I saw that you also have some nasty welts on your torso from the stinging hex. Which, might I remind you, you said you could fight. This will heal them.'

'If it had been just you, I could have,' said Tonks defiantly. 'Not all three of you at once.'

'Of course,' he said like he didn't believe her one bit. 'Do you want me to stop by tonight to check on you?'

Tonks was about to say yes when she suddenly remembered the Order meeting last night. Was it only last night? Felt like it had been ages ago. It had slipped from her mind entirely. Her mouth went dry when she thought of Remus and what he agreed to do…

'No, I'll be fine.'

Snape nodded and then with a loud crack, disappeared.

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That night, she waited in her bed anxiously for Remus to call. The pain reliever potion Snape had given her had begun to wear off, and Tonks' entire body, especially her ribs, was in a fair amount of pain.

Exactly at ten o'clock, like they agreed, he apparated into her flat. 'Did you hear the news?' he asked softly.

Tonks nodded, feigning sadness over Emmeline's death. Remus started pacing her bedroom floor. He looked nervous. Their eyes met, and Tonks knew that something was wrong.

'What is it, Remus?' asked Tonks, trying to sit up a little straighter.

'Have you been hurt?' asked Remus, sitting down besides her.

Tonks gave a non-committal shrug. 'Patrol got a bit out of hand,' she lied. Too easily for her taste. It shouldn't be easy to lie to Remus. But she had done so much of it lately in order to keep the mission secret.

'I'm sure you have questions…' Remus trailed off.

And suddenly Tonks was angry. All her frustration from the mission the night before came bubbling to the surface. 'Yeah, I do,' said Tonks quickly. Remus looked at her in surprise. 'Why couldn't you have told me before the meeting? Why didn't you tell me?'

'There wasn't time…' Remus trailed off.

'Bollocks,' snapped Tonks.

Remus jumped up. There was a shift in him, an energy that hadn't been there before. 'Do you have any idea what I've agreed to do, Clumsy?' asked Remus. 'I apologize that in the time that I was accepting that I'm going to have to live like a bloody animal from now on, that I forgot to tell you about it.'

Tonks was immediately contrite. She had never seen him have an outburst like that before. 'I'm sorry,' she said meekly. 'It was just a shock you see, hearing about it at the meeting…'

She held out her hand, wanting to feel his warmth around her. But he started pacing the floor again. 'I made a decision, Clumsy,' he said, taking a deep breath. 'We can't be together any more.'

All of the injuries Tonks suffered last night were nothing compared to how she felt at this moment. 'Why?' she asked simply, trying to sit up straight, but her body rebelled. 'Because of this mission?'

Remus nodded. He seemed to soften a bit. 'I'm only going to be able to leave the pack for a day or two every month to give a report. I don't know how long the assignment will last. I can't ask you to wait for me.'

'I don't mind waiting,' said Tonks quickly. 'Remus, you're worth waiting for.'

His hands went into fists. All of the anger was not gone apparently. 'I don't want you to wait,' said Remus plainly. 'Because we should have never started this in the first place.'

'How can you look at me and say that?' asked Tonks weakly. 'You're the one who started it. I told you how I felt and you did nothing. I would have kept on just being your friend, Remus. But then you kissed me.'

Remus sat down in the armchair and buried his head in his hands. 'I wanted to get Sirius off my back.'

Tonks stayed very still. He couldn't have meant what he just said. He simply couldn't. 'Did you care for me at all?' asked Tonks meekly.

She stared ahead while he sat besides her again on the bed. He took her hands. 'I do care for you. Very much. Clumsy, I'm sure that if we had all the time in the world, that I could fall in love with you. I'm absolutely sure of it. But we don't.'

'We could,' said Tonks, breathing properly for the first time since he said the words breaking her heart. He said he could love her. She would hold onto that. 'Remus, I will wait. We can end it now. Fine. But I'll be there when it's over. Then we can have all the time we need.'

'No,' said Remus determinedly. 'We can't. I've been fooling myself into thinking that we work together. You deserve so much more than me, Clumsy.'

'Let me decide what I deserve,' said Tonks, taking a breath that sent a shooting pain down her chest. 'I deserve to be with someone I love.'

'You deserve someone your own age, who doesn't have to go into debt to take you out and isn't classified as a dangerous creature,' said Remus firmly. Tonks didn't like the set look in his eyes at all.

'I don't want any of that,' cried Tonks. Her whole body was in pain again. 'I just want you.'

'Clumsy…'

'Remus, I love you,' said Tonks quickly. 'What we have is good, it could be great. If I'm willing to wait, why throw that away?'

Remus looked at her and stood up. The exasperation was back. 'You don't have any clue, do you?'

Tonks felt like she had been punched in the stomach. 'I just…I just meant…'

'If I'm going to survive this, for once in my life I have to be selfish,' said Remus angrily. 'I have to put myself first. I can't be thinking about a witch who is moping around pining over me or I could get myself killed.'

His fury was provoking Tonks' own anger. 'I won't be moping,' challenged Tonks. 'I'll be too busy with work and the Order. But I will wait for you to come back.'

Remus let out a bitter laugh. 'Not moping? Look at you! You haven't even been able to morph properly because you've been so depressed over everything since Sirius died.' Remus shook his head sadly. 'Forget me, Clumsy. Get on with your life.'

Tonks looked away. What he was asking was impossible, almost laughable, even. How could she get on with her life when he was her life? If this was how it was truly going to end, she wished nothing more than to be able to forget him and all the hurt he caused. But she knew that she would not, could not.

His arms slipped around her waist as he sat next to her again. She tried not to wince in pain. 'Please,' he whispered in her ear. 'Please, Clumsy. It would be so much easier for me if I knew that you were happy and with someone who could give you everything you deserve.'

She stayed silent. Nothing that she could possibly say would make him change his mind right now. If she tried again, he might get angry again. Her body instinctively relaxed against his.

'Please,' whispered Remus again.

Tonks closed her eyes. 'I'll try.'

Lying to Remus had become easy.


	22. Tea and Sympathy

**Chapter Twenty-Two – Tea and Sympathy **

_**A/N – There is dialogue from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in this chapter.**_

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'Go home, Tonks,' said Savage sitting on the edge of her desk.

Tonks briefly lifted her head from her hands. 'I didn't come in yesterday, Savage,' she said weakly. 'I can't take off today, too.'

'You look like hell,' he told her, a concerned look on his face.

Tonks silently agreed with him. She had looked at her face in the mirror this morning. There were dark circles under her eyes and on her neck was a welt from the stinging hex. She didn't have the time to wash her hair this morning and the spell she had used to try to clean her hair didn't work particularly well.

To make matters worse, Snape had done a horrible job healing her shoulder, and she needed to wear a sling. Everyone was asking about it. She tried to laugh it off and made it sound like she had an odd accident at home, which was easy for everyone to believe. Tonks knew both Snape and Dumbledore had asked her to stay away from St. Mungos, but she couldn't just wait for her shoulder to heal on its own. She would go right after work.

'I'm just doing paperwork today,' said Tonks. She looked hopefully at the clock. 'Only two more hours.'

She wanted to talk to Remus again, about how ridiculous he's being. There was no reason for them to break up completely. Tonks would agree to a break, but not a break-up. Surely he must realize how much they needed each other.

Savage nodded and left her alone in her cube. Gingerly, she lifted her quill with her left hand and tried to write. Her left arm might be her wand arm, but it is certainly not her writing arm. Tonks threw down the quill in frustration for the umpteenth time.

'Merlin, Tonks, I was told you looked bad, but I didn't realize…'

Tonks looked up wearily into the face of a concerned Arthur Weasley. 'Wotcher, Arthur.'

'Do you have plans for dinner?' asked Arthur seriously. 'Because if you don't, I'd like you to eat with the family tonight.'

She thought about that for a moment. It would be very nice to have some of Molly's cooking. Might help her get some of her strength back. 'I have to stop by St. Mungos…' Tonks trailed off, indicating her shoulder.

'Don't bother, Molly can fix that in a trice,' said Arthur with a smile.

Tonks thought it over. Molly wouldn't ask too many questions about what had happened. 'That would be great, thank you, Arthur.'

Two and half hours later, Tonks found herself in the crowded Burrow. Besides the Weasleys themselves, Bill's fiancé, Fleur Delacour and Hermione Granger were also staying at the house.

Like Arthur promised, Molly healed her shoulder easily. Though Tonks did get a lecture on being careful. It made Tonks smile a bit; she had a feeling that Molly had given that lecture many times before to her children.

Dinner was very good, but Tonks didn't say much and picked at her food. She wondered where Remus was tonight.

After the meal, Tonks, Molly and Arthur all moved into the living room. Bill and Fleur went to take a walk in the village while Ron, Ginny and Hermione went outside to throw around the quaffle.

'So do you know any more about Remus' assignment?' asked Molly gently.

Tonks felt her eyes filling with tears. She didn't want to cry in front of Molly and Arthur, not when they had been so generous and invited her over for dinner.

'Not much,' said Tonks sadly. 'I don't know when he's leaving and I don't how long. I know as much as you do.'

Molly looked indignant. 'Why hasn't he told you? I thought you'd know all about it. I couldn't believe the look of surprise on your face the other night…'

'Remus broke up with me,' said Tonks meekly. Saying the words out loud hurt more than the actual break up.

Arthur was peering outside. 'Hermione's on her way in,' said Arthur briskly. Tonks straightened. The last thing she wanted was Hermione to know about everything.

'Do you mind if I sit in here for a bit?' asked Hermione politely. She scrunched her nose. 'I'm not in the mood to play quidditch.'

Molly welcomed Hermione warmly. Tonks briefly remembered how Molly told her that she hoped Hermione and Ron would end up together. From the looks of it, Molly still had the same hopes.

'Is that your natural hair color?' asked Hermione interestedly. Tonks sighed. If she had a sickle for every time someone asked her that question…

She nodded. 'I haven't been able to morph well lately,' she admitted. And it would be a while before she could, Tonks thought to herself. She wouldn't even attempt a morph until she thought she was completely healed.

'I didn't know that could happen,' said Hermione in surprise.

'Different things can affect metamorsphing,' said Tonks, trying to sound light.

Somehow they got on the topic of the battle at the Ministry and Tonks felt her eyes tear up again when Hermione mentioned Sirius' name. There had been no time to mourn yet. And Tonks knew that it would be a while before she could.

Tonks then decided to leave. Molly was very sweet and asked Tonks to come over for dinner the next night. She was about to refuse, but then decided that she could use the cheering up and agreed.

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Dinner had been over for hours before Tonks made it over to the Burrow. Tentatively, she knocked on the door. 'Who's there? Declare yourself!' Molly shouted from the kitchen.

'Wotcher, Molly,' said Tonks, loud enough so Molly could hear her. 'Is it too late? I can leave…'

The door opened and Molly appeared, holding a cup of tea which she thrust into Tonks' hands. 'Of course it's not too late dear. Come inside quickly, though.'

The mug felt warm in her hands. She brought the steaming cup to her lips and took a long sip, once inside and the door locked. 'Everything's better with a cup of tea,' said Molly sagely.

'Cheers,' said Tonks softly.

'Dear, I didn't think it was possible, but you look worse than you did yesterday,' said Molly, concern written all over her face.

'I haven't slept in the past couple of days,' said Tonks. Which was true. She hadn't slept much at all the past two nights. After dinner at the Burrow yesterday, she saw Snape at Headquarters. He had offered her a few nights of dreamless sleep, but she had refused.

'And I stopped by Headquarters before I came over here…'

'Did you talk to Remus?' asked Molly. 'I know we didn't get a chance to talk about what had happened last night.'

Tonks nodded her head, going over the conversation she and Remus had just had in her head. She adjusted herself on the chair she was sitting in and brought her knees to her chest. For a moment Tonks thought Molly was going to tell her to take her feet off of the furniture.

'He's convinced he's doing the right thing. He keeps bleating on that he's too old, too poor and too dangerous. It's like a bloody mantra,' said Tonks bitterly. Then realizing she just swore in front of Molly, added, 'Sorry.'

'So it's not just the mission?' asked Molly.

Tonks shook her head miserably. 'That's what I thought at first. So I thought we'd take a break until it's over. But now he's convinced himself that he's the last man I should be with.'

'You two seemed happy together,' said Molly softly.

'I thought we were too,' said Tonks sadly. 'But then he told me that the only reason he kissed me to begin with was because Sirius basically forced him to. If Sirius hadn't gotten involved…'

'Is this a time when saying it's better to have loved and lost…' Molly trailed off uncertainly.

Not able to stop it, Tonks smiled a bit. 'No, but thank you for trying. He cares for me. I know he does. He said so himself. But his way of protecting me is by breaking my heart,' said Tonks, running her hands through her hair. 'It's like he's trying to be a martyr, Molly. Being all noble and acting like he's not good enough for me when he's really far too good.'

'Do you want Arthur to speak with him?' asked Molly kindly.

'No,' said Tonks a bit too sharply. Then she asked the question that had been on her mind all evening. 'Do you think I should wait for him?'

'I can't answer that for you, Tonks,' said Molly, patting Tonks' hand. 'You have to do whatever you feel is right.'

'It's not like I'd actually look for another boyfriend…'

'Didn't you tell me it had been three years since you had a boyfriend before Remus?' asked Molly.

Tonks nodded. In her mind a plan was already forming. She would give Remus all of the space that he needed. Tonks would act like she had moved on, as hard as that would be. And when the war was over…she'd still be there. And they could start all over again.

There were three swift knocks on the door. Molly stood up nervously. 'Who's there? Declare yourself!'

'It is I, Dumbledore, bringing Harry.'

Molly had a look of confusion on her face. Tonks gripped her mug tightly. She had no desire to see or talk to Dumbledore. He was the one that was sending Remus away…

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Tonks slipped into number twelve, Grimmauld Place, which was now Headquarters again, much to the relief of Mad-Eye. After tomorrow, no one would be living here full time; Remus was leaving to go underground. But he had one last transformation to go through first.

There was a full moon tonight. The last full moon Remus would be alone. After tonight, all his transformations would be with the pack he would join.

Molly had confided in her that Remus had asked Arthur to lock him the basement and then to let him out tomorrow morning. But it was the smaller details she wanted to know about. Details that Molly didn't have answers for.

Grimmauld Place was empty tonight, except for Remus, locked in the basement. Not able to help herself, she quietly walked down the rickety steps to the kitchen, wondering if Remus would be able to smell her in his wolf form. And if he would remember…

There was no noise coming from the basement. Arthur must have placed a silencing charm on the room. The Wolfsbane potion was still contaminated. Remus would go through a full transformation tonight.

She stood there for just a moment before she went upstairs again. She passed the portrait of Sirius' mum and went to the second floor.

Grimmauld Place haunted her with memories. Both happy and sad. The Halloween party…Christmas…Her favorite was a rainy afternoon when Sirius was taking a nap. She and Remus snogged in the parlor and then Remus slyly told the portrait of Sirius' mum that a werewolf had just snogged her half-blood changeling great-niece. The portrait wouldn't shut up for hours that night. But there were also unhappy memories. She saw Sirius in every mirror, every plane of glass…

Tonks was surprised that Remus didn't have any type of locking charm on his bedroom door. The moment she entered, she felt guilty being there. The room was practically bare. All of his belongings were packed in the trunk in the corner for when the assignment was finished. He would take nothing with him but the clothes on his back.

She fumbled through her shoulder bag looking for the items she had brought for him. Then very gently, she placed a pain reliever potion and a bar of chocolate on his bedside table.

This would be her one last gift to Remus. Now she would try to move on, like she promised.


	23. Nasty Welts

**Chapter Twenty-Three – Nasty Welts**

'Tonks, you're with me,' said Savage as he walked up to her cubicle. 'We're checking out some possible Dementor breeding locations.'

'Goody,' said Tonks sarcastically. She stood up, put her official Auror robe on and followed Savage outside. To her surprise, they were taking one of the Ministry cars to the location.

Tonks had a great time pretending to be a sophisticated lady in the back of the car, waving to the passer-byes on the street. She even was able to get Savage to join in a bit, though he told her that she was impossibly silly. Tonks silently disagreed. She hadn't been truly silly for quite some time.

She had fun in the car. Fun was something that she desperately needed after the last few weeks. Fun which would be ending very soon seeing as they were about to start a search for Dementors.

There was a great deal of mist. Savage started walking quickly, but Tonks had to tell him to slow down a bit.

'You okay?' asked Savage, putting his hands into his pockets.

Tonks looked down and smiled. Savage was shorter than she was. 'I'm just not feeling well today,' she told him.

They continued walking through the small town. There was certainly more mist than there was in other towns. Savage kept giving Tonks concerned glances.

'What is it, Savage?' asked Tonks with a sigh.

Savage stopped and bit his lip. 'I heard something, and it's going to make you really mad. But me and a couple of others in the club think you need to know,' said Savage in a low voice.

Tonks closed her eyes. She didn't have the slightest what he could be talking about. 'Just tell me.'

'Did you do something to piss off Umbridge?' he asked seriously.

'Besides the fact that I exist?' asked Tonks sarcastically. 'She hates me and my hair.' Though she shouldn't have had any reason to get upset with Tonks lately. Tonks hadn't been able to morph since Emmeline's murder.

He leaned in to her. 'Umbridge is working on some new legislation. Apparently, she feels…'

'What, Savage,' snapped Tonks.

'She wants to classify metamorphamagi as dark creatures,' said Savage tentatively, clearly worried about her reaction. 'She says that with the war, that the Ministry needs to keep tabs on all of them, make them register.'

'Please tell me this is an elaborate joke by the club,' said Tonks hopefully.

Savage shook his head. Tonks stood there for a moment, in absolute disbelief. 'Dark creature?'

'There's a very good chance that the bill will get killed before it goes to a vote,' said Savage urgently. 'There's only about a dozen metamorphs in Britain and there are a lot better things the Ministry could be doing with their time.'

'I'm not registering,' said Tonks defiantly. 'If it goes through, I won't.'

'I really don't think it will, Tonks. I mean, look at you. You're about as dark as a pixie,' said Savage. 'But we thought you should that there's talk.'

'Thank you, Savage,' said Tonks sincerely. 'I'm glad I know this. Any chance you'll let me cause a stink in the office about it?'

Savage shook his head. 'We weren't supposed to know about it. When, I mean, if it's announced, then you can make all the stink you like.'

'All right,' said Tonks. They continued their walk as Tonks fumed silently.

Both stopped at the same time and whipped their wands out. 'Hear that?' asked Tonks and Savage at the same time.

'Guess you did,' laughed Tonks hesitantly. 'Dementors are around here somewhere.'

'We just need to find the breeding place, Tonks. Someone from the committee of Disposal of Magical Creatures will destroy the grounds,' said Savage softly.

'They're certainly here,' said Tonks. The mist had become denser. It was hard to see through it. 'Can you see anything?'

There was no answer. 'Savage?' called out Tonks. She couldn't see or hear anything through the mist.

'_EXPECTO PATRONUM!' _shouted Savage from where he was. Tonks turned at once towards his voice.

'Where are they?' shouted Tonks to him. Her insides had become cold. But she simply couldn't see the Dementors through the mist.

'Just cast your Patronus!' yelled back Savage.

'_Expecto Patronum_!' she cried, but without thinking a single happy thought. Thin wisps of silver, but no visible form shot out from her wand.

A wisp of Dementor's robe brushed her shoulders. There was one practically on top of her.

Tonks shut her eyes and pictured her last birthday when her parents had been alive. She remembered the night clearly; they had been killed two weeks later. It was a simple night. Mum had tried to bake a cake, and she never baked…

'_Expecto Patronum!' _shouted Tonks. But her Patronus still had no visible form.

The Dementor pushed Tonks to the ground. Any moment it would try to kiss her…

Tonks steadied herself and thought of Remus. She thought of how happy they had been two months ago, before Sirius had died. Walking to the park to play a game of chess outside. Or discussing the pros and cons of having a muggle parent. She pictured lying in his arms after they made love…of being together again when the war was over…

'_Expecto Patronum!'_

A large silver form ran from her wand. Tonks watched in amazement. It wasn't her lizard. The form was much bigger, running on four legs…

She wanted to watch her new Patronus, but Savage grabbed her hand from nowhere, and they started running for the car. Her Patronus had been strong enough to make the Dementors not want to follow. But how had hers changed?

Just moments later, they were in the Ministry car and on their way back to London.

'Bloody baby Dementors,' muttered Tonks to herself on the way back to the Ministry. Tonks desperately thought back to the last time she had used her Patronus. She was fairly confident that it was before Remus ended their relationship.

She gently drummed on the window of the Ministry car, lost in thought. How could she ever get on with her life if even her Patronus simply refused to let him go?

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Tonks sat at her kitchen table, nervously tapping her foot on the floor. She rolled her wand back and forth between her hands. Glancing at the clock, she confirmed that he was now more than an hour late.

With the war and people disappearing and being murdered, Tonks really didn't like it when people were late. Especially him. He was too important to the Order to have anything happen to. She stood up suddenly and pulled out a glass and quickly filled it with fire whisky. Tonks drank it in one gulp.

A loud crack made Tonks turn around. She looked at him in relief.

'You're late,' said Tonks quickly. But then she realized that he didn't look well at all. 'Snape?'

He walked over to the wall and put his arm out, steadying himself. Tonks immediately went over to him, put his arm over her shoulder and guided him to the sofa. Snape leaned back and closed his eyes.

Tonks knew that it would be pointless to ask if he was all right, when he clearly wasn't. The question was why did he come here if he was hurt?

'Can I get you anything?' asked Tonks after a bit.

'Water,' he said, rubbing his temples, his eyes still closed. In the kitchen, she stared at him for a moment. There was no doubt that he had been hit by the Cruciatus curse tonight. She recognized those symptoms. Had them herself six weeks ago.

'Here you go,' said Tonks, handing him the glass of water. He drank the glass quickly and handed it back to her. She tapped the glass and refilled it quickly. 'Would you like me to do a healing charm?' she asked.

Snape shook his head slowly. 'I just need a minute to recover,' he said finally.

More than five minutes later, Snape sat up straight.

'You didn't have to come over if you were hurt, Severus,' said Tonks gently. She had never used his first name before. It felt odd coming off of her tongue.

'I said I would,' said Snape quickly, leaning forward and taking a sip of water.

'I would have understood-'

'I keep my promises, Nymphadora,' said Snape sharply. Then he looked at her and a scowl crossed his face. 'You look like a child.'

'You mean these?' asked Tonks, pulling on one of the two pigtails she was sporting. 'I happen to like them and my selection of hairdos is down considerably these days.'

'Is that why I'm here?' asked Snape with a hint of a sneer. 'I couldn't quite decipher your handwriting from your owl.'

'One of the reasons,' said Tonks quietly. She still wasn't able to morph and it was really beginning to bother her. At this point, she decided it must have something to do with the curses she had been hit with. 'Did you understand my question regarding the welts?'

'That I could read,' said Snape sarcastically. 'With your handwriting, you really should have considered a career as a Healer.'

'Ah, the cutting Snape wit has returned, so you must be feeling better,' said Tonks, rolling her eyes. 'Do you want more time before we deal with this?'

'I was not hit with a particularly strong curse, Nymphadora, I just was not expecting it,' said Snape. 'I'm fine now.'

'All right,' said Tonks, trying to sound cheerful. 'Did you bring what I asked?'

Snape nodded and reached again for the glass of water. He took a small sip. 'Let's see what you're talking about,' said Snape.

Tonks lifted her shirt, exposing her stomach. There were welts from the stinging hex still on her body. It had been more than six weeks since she had gotten these welts. They should have been gone by now.

'Stand up in front of me,' ordered Snape.

She complied, and Snape placed his wand on one of the welts and muttered an incantation. Nothing happened.

'Am I going to be branded for life?' asked Tonks, crossing her arms over her chest.

'I thought you'd be used to that seeing how Lupin would go out of his way to brand you whenever I entered the room,' said Snape after saying a different incantation.

Tonks blew a piece of brown hair out of her face. 'He was ridiculous with that, wasn't he? Doesn't matter now, though. We broke up right after Emmeline's murder,' she said softly.

'I know.'

'How do you know?' demanded Tonks. She couldn't imagine anyone from the Order telling him that bit of information.

'I make it my business to know the goings on of the Order,' said Snape matter of factly.

'I see,' said Tonks shortly. 'But you don't want anyone knowing your business, if I recall.'

They stared at each other for just a moment and slow smile spread over his face. 'Precisely.'

Snape gently placed his hand over one of the welts and then the other on her hip. Tonks couldn't help but close her eyes at his touch.

'There we go,' said Snape after a third incantation. 'I know what we're dealing with. Now take off your shirt.'

Tonks couldn't help but smile at that. The way he said the words made it seem like this would be absolute torture for him. Snape took a small tube of cream out of his robe and leaned back on the sofa.

'Are the welts riddled with Dark Magic?' grinned Tonks.

'No, it's simply means that whichever of the Death Eaters did this jinx didn't know how to cast it correctly,' said Snape. 'It'll heal easily enough. First I'll use this lotion and then cast a spell to heal it properly.

'All right,' said Tonks, lifting her t-shirt over her head.

Tonks walked over and turned her back towards him. There were only a few welts on her back. The majority were on her front.

He touched her tentatively, rubbing the cream into her skin and then tapping the welt with his wand. She could feel her skin tighten and heal itself each time.

'Could you kneel, Nymphadora?' asked Snape. 'I can't reach your shoulders.'

Tonks nodded and knelt down, her back facing him. He healed two more welts and then said lazily, 'Take off your bra.'

Tonks reached her hands back and took off her bra. Funny, Tonks thought to herself. She had felt more exposed to Snape when she was recovering from Emmeline's murder than she did right now half-naked.

'Now turn around,' said Snape slowly. He had finished healing the welts on her back.

Tonks crossed her arms and put her hands over her breasts. Taking a breath, she stood up, turned around and faced him. She didn't look at him while he continued to heal the welts on her stomach. When he was done with those, she knelt in front of him again and he healed the ones on her chest and shoulders.

She couldn't quite believe it, but having his hands on her body like this and then the way he rubbed the lotion into her skin was causing her to get quite turned on. It felt like it had been ages since she and Remus had last made love…

Finally, he asked, 'Are there any more?'

Tonks bit her lip and nodded her head. She quickly picked up her t-shirt and put it back on. Then she stood up, unbuttoned her jeans and lowered them slightly to reveal the welt below her waist line. Snape almost looked hesitant to touch her there.

'Come on, Snape,' she teased. 'It's not like you haven't touched there before.'

'Are we allowed to talk about that now?' said Snape sarcastically as he rubbed the lotion into the last welt. 'I was under the impression that I'd be under a sneak jinx if I said anything.'

'I wasn't that bad of a lay, was I?' smiled Tonks.

Snape paused for a moment and seemed to contemplate the question. 'I've had worse.'

'I'm going to take that as a compliment,' said Tonks, watching him tap his wand and feeling the welt slowly disappear.

'If you wish.'

'Thank you, I will,' said Tonks buttoning her jeans back up. Before she could stop herself, Tonks turned around, leaned against him and kissed Snape hard on the lips.

Snape broke away first. 'Nymphadora, if this is some sort of revenge against Lupin, I want no part of it.'

Tonks stayed flush against him. This had nothing to do with revenge. Remus was out of her life. For the moment. But right now, she needed new memories. Tonks wanted a different set of hands imprinted on her skin.

Once more, she pressed their lips together. Then she pulled away, giving Snape the opportunity to leave if he wanted.

'Nymphadora, if you do that one more time, I will be forced to reciprocate,' said Snape, his eyes not leaving her face.

She kissed him again.

And Snape kept his promise.

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**_A/N – Hello wonderful readers! It's my b-day! (I'm 27 today. I'm still in my mid-twenties, right? I'm not in my late twenties yet…) A very inexpensive and thoughtful gift would be a review. Why not tell me what you think now that Snape is back in the picture? I bet that half of you are jumping up and down with glee and the other half is thinking WHY TONKS WHY? Which side are you on? _**


	24. Patronus

**A/N – There is dialogue from _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince_ in this chapter.**

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**Chapter Twenty-Four – Patronus**

Tonks glanced up at the full moon, shining down brightly, mocking her. Amazing how something so beautiful, could make her feel so afraid. This would be Remus' first transformation with the werewolf pack he took up with. She wondered if he was okay. If he was forced to fight, or if he could just wait out the transformation.

She picked up a section of her plain brown hair and swore under her breath. Tonks was so sick of brown it wasn't even funny. But she still couldn't morph.

Her patrol this evening so far had been routine. Just today, Tonks had been assigned to Hogsmeade for the next few months, with Savage, Proudfoot and the Team Lead, Dawlish. She really didn't like that she had to report to Dawlish now.

Ten little days from now, Hogwarts would be in session. Then the patrols would become more interesting. She had no doubt, even with all of the security measures in place, that students would still try to sneak out. She certainly had enough times when she was a student at Hogwarts.

Tonks sat down on a bench outside of the Three Broomsticks. Thinking of Hogwarts always brought her mind to Snape. She hadn't seen him since they slept together again. There had been no Order meetings or reason for them to see each other, and she wasn't about to seek him out. He hadn't stayed the night this time, saying that if he didn't go to his home, his houseguest would ask questions that he didn't have the patience to answer. But he did hint heavily that he wouldn't mind if that night became a more common occurrence.

She didn't know how she felt about the idea. On one hand, it would be keeping her promise to Remus. Tonks would never get romantically involved with Snape, but sex was a different story.

Finally Tonks decided on the tried and true method of 'wait and see.' She had rarely seen him during the last school year; this year might not be any different. Tonks would cross that bridge when it was in front of her.

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She never liked invisibility cloaks. Harry Potter's footsteps could be heard, but she couldn't see him at all. Tonks was very tempted to tell him to take it off, but she knew better. They were vulnerable right now. And they would remain so until they entered the ground of Hogwarts.

Tonks had hoped to see Hagrid's form waiting for them at the school gates, but no one was there. If this had happened two hours from now, Tonks would be able to let Harry into Hogwarts herself. The Aurors protecting Hogwarts had been given permission to enter the school. But Dumbledore wouldn't be resetting the wards until the Opening Feast was over.

Finally she saw someone walking up to the gates, but it wasn't Hagrid, like she hoped. It was Snape, who would have seen her new Patronus. Tonks could practically see the sneer that must have formed on his face once he realized what her Patronus had turned in to.

'Well, well, well,' said Snape slowly, opening the gates of Hogwarts. 'Nice of you to turn up, Potter, although you have evidently decided that the wearing of school robes would detract from your appearance.'

'I couldn't change, I didn't have my-' Harry started.

Their eyes met, and Tonks almost sense a disappointment in his. 'There is no need to wait, Nymphadora. Potter is quite-ah-safe in my hands.'

Tonks matched his stare. 'I meant Hagrid to get the message.'

'Hagrid was late for the start of term feast, just like Potter here, so I took it instead. And incidentally, I was interested to see your new Patronus.'

Bastard, Tonks thought to herself as the gates closed right in her face. Of course he would bring it up right in front of Harry.

'I think you were better off with the old one. The new one looks weak,' sneered Snape.

Tonks forced herself to take a deep breath and watched Harry and Snape walk back towards the school. In a way she deserved that, and she knew it. The last time they saw each other Tonks told Snape that Remus was out of her life. They even talked about sleeping together on a regular basis. And then the first time he hears from her since that night, he sees that her Patronus has changed to a werewolf.

But that didn't mean she was weak.

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Tonks knew the last thing she should do it to sneak into Hogwarts this late at night, but she had to confront Snape about what he said. The entranceway let her in when she tapped her wand on the front gates, so the wards had been changed.

It took a wrong hallway and down the wrong set of stairs before she found his bedchambers. Almost a year had passed since the last time she had been in them. And Dumbledore had been her guide at the time.

Finally she made it to what she was sure was his room. Merlin, let this be his room. How embarrassing if she knocked on Flitwick's or Filch's door at one o'clock in the morning.

She rapped the door three times and waited patiently at the door, waiting for him to let her in.

The door opened suddenly. She quickly checked to make sure no one was watching and slipped inside. Snape was sitting on the small sofa, almost as if he was waiting for her.

Tonks closed the door and turned to look at him, her hands on her hips. 'I'm not weak,' she said defiantly.

'I said your Patronus was weak,' said Snape casually. 'Not you.'

She walked up and stood right in front of him. 'It's not,' she said again, stronger this time.

He took her hands and pulled her down, so that she was straddling him on the couch. Tonks held her breath, waiting for him to agree with her.

'Your Patronus is weak, Nymphadora,' he said softly into her ear. 'Your old Patronus told people a great deal about yourself. This new, weak, Patronus simply tells the world that you're obsessing over a werewolf.'

Tonks felt her body tense up. She tried to think of a contradiction, a reason why her Patronus wasn't weak.

But Tonks couldn't find the answer as she felt his lips crush hers.

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'Wotcher, Molly,' said Tonks, trying to sound cheerful as Molly opened the door to the Burrow. Tonks had been invited over for lunch during her day off. Rather than mope around her flat, Tonks accepted.

Molly looked flustered. 'Everything okay?' asked Tonks.

'Everything's fine,' said Molly quickly. 'Arthur's going to try to join us. He's not sure if he'll make it or not.'

Tonks sat down at the kitchen table and crossed her legs. Molly joined her and pushed a cup of tea her way. 'How's everything at the school?'

Tonks shrugged. 'Everything's fine, from what I can tell,' said Tonks honestly. The patrol was very simple. Though she had been clocked to do some overnight work on a few raids lately.

She stared at the table for a moment. 'Molly?' asked Tonks quietly. 'If it's supposed to be you, me and Arthur, why are there four place settings?'

A guilty look crossed Molly's face. 'Well, you see, dear…' Molly trailed off and busied herself with stirring a pot on the stove.

'What?'

'Remus is here,' said Molly finally. 'Upstairs.'

Tonks stood up so quickly that she almost took the entire table with her. 'What?' she asked in a hushed voice, horrified at the thought of seeing him again after only six weeks apart.

'He came in last night to update Dumbledore and he'll be leaving tomorrow morning…' said Molly helplessly. 'I just thought it might be nice for you two to see each other again.'

She felt herself shaking her head emphatically 'no.' 'I can't see him, Molly,' said Tonks frantically. 'I just can't.'

Molly's face fell. 'He doesn't know that I invited you,' said Molly softly.

Tonks closed her eyes. That was something, at least. He wouldn't think that she was hanging around, trying to get a glimpse of him.

Without another word to Molly, she ran out of the Burrow and disapparated.

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'I really don't like this, Savage,' whispered Tonks the moment that they were out of earshot.

'Do you think I like it any more than you do?' asked Savage quickly. 'Stan Shunpike, a Death Eater? That's like saying you're a dark creature.'

'Har har,' said Tonks rolling her eyes. 'Any word on that, by the way?'

Savage shook his head. 'Nothing.'

Tonks leaned against the brick wall that they were behind, waiting for the signal to enter Shunpike's small house. The night was muggy; the Dementors were still breeding. A dog barked in the distance, causing Tonks to jump slightly.

'Why do we have to do this at three o'clock in the morning?' asked Tonks grumpily. She would much rather be asleep right now.

'Because Dawlish overheard him just a few hours ago in the Leaky Cauldron,' said Savage softly. 'He doesn't want to take a chance and have him disappear-'

Tonks put her hand up, having seen a white flash. The signal. 'Here we go. Lightness will guide thee,' said Tonks.

'Lightness will guide thee,' repeated Savage, nodding his head.

Those were the words Aurors had been saying to each other for centuries before the start of a mission. Tonks could remember the first time she said those words to another Auror, on her first mission. She had been so nervous that she almost stuttered them. But Tonks had said the words clearly and remembered the thrill of hearing another Auror say them back to her. It had meant that she had truly become a member of the club.

Savage and Tonks ran across the lawn, wands out, ready for anything. They were to go in by stealth, not to give away the element of surprise. Tonks quietly unlocked the front door using a non-verbal spell. They slipped inside, alert for any sound that would give away Stan's position.

One quick glance showed that Stan wasn't in the living room or kitchen. The two Aurors crept further into the house. The bedroom door was opened just a crack. Tonks peaked inside and saw Stan sleeping peacefully.

'He's sleeping,' whispered Tonks.

'Use a drowsy charm,' said Savage quietly.

Tonks opened the door quickly, casting the charm on Stan as she went. Savage knelt next to him and woke him up. Tonks hoped that he would cooperate, the last thing either Savage or her wanted was him to get violent.

'Who are choo?' said Stan, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Tonks let out her breath. The charm worked.

'Stan Shurpike, you're under arrest for suscpision of Death Eater activity,' said Savage, placing Stan's hands behind his back and casting a charm to keep them there.

'You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defense if you do not mention, when questioned, something that you later rely on when on trial. Anything you say may be given in evidence,' recited Tonks automatically.

Savage continued. 'You do not have the right to cast any spells, wand or wandless, verbal or non-verbal from this point on until you are released from the Ministry of Magic's custody. If a wand is found on your person, it will be destroyed.'

'What choo arresting me for?' asked Stan, a look of horror on his face.

'Death Eater activity,' said Savage. He stood behind Stan and pushed him forward. Stan stumbled, but Tonks was able to catch him before he fell.

'Tonks?' asked Stan. 'Is that choo?'

'Hi, Stan,' said Tonks softly. Stan had only been two years younger than her at Hogwarts. They had both been in Hufflepuff together. 'Just come with us, Stan. It will be over soon.'

Stan looked at her almost trustingly. 'All right,' he said softly. 'Can you make it quick? I have to work in a few hours.'

Tonks and Savage brought Stan to the Ministry of Magic, where he would be placed in a holding cell, awaiting questioning from a senior Auror. By the time the whole ordeal was done, it was time for her shift at Hogsmeade.

Tonks stopped by Madam Puddifoot's for a pick-me-up. She took a large swallow as she was walking out of the door and promptly spilled half the coffee onto her shirt.

'Bugger!' said Tonks through clenched teeth. She took her wand and quickly did a cooling charm so that she wasn't burned. Tonks looked down and sighed. One more shirt ruined. She was no good at removing stains from clothes. She quickly dried off the coffee and threw the cup away in the nearest rubbish bin.

There was very little activity in Hogsmeade this morning. Tonks sat on a bench, facing the school and could see the occasional quidditch player rise above the stadium.

'I bring compliments from the Dark Lord,' said a voice behind her.

Tonks spun quickly, bringing out her wand as she turned. She relaxed when she realized that it was Snape.

'What the bloody hell are you talking about?' asked Tonks, annoyed. 'Compliments?'

Snape seemed to enjoy her discomfort. 'The arrest last night of Stan Shurpike,' he sneered, as if she should have known exactly of what he was speaking. 'A wonderful way to make the common witch or wizard scared of their own government.'

'Don't get me started, Snape,' sighed Tonks. 'I was there last night. I gave him his caution.'

'You mean to tell me that the Ministry is actually taking the time to give possible Death Eaters a caution? I will have to remember that if I'm ever arrested,' mocked Snape. 'Somehow I doubt that my trial would be thrown out because an Auror didn't remind me of my right to silence.'

Snape sat down next to her on the bench, leaning back, his arms resting on the back of the bench.

'There was a memo,' said Tonks softly. 'We aren't required to give the caution anymore. Only if we have time and we're not in a life threatening situation.'

'And you were hardly in that, seeing that it was Shurpike, who believe me, is no Death Eater,' said Snape, giving an odd sounding chortle.

'Maybe I could use that in his defense,' laughed Tonks. 'Tell them that I know a Death Eater and he promises me that Stan isn't one.'

'Somehow I doubt that would work,' said Snape offhandedly. There was a silence, and then he asked, 'What are you doing tonight?'

Tonks was so surprised by the question that she sat up straight, knocking back her robe, which had been covering her stained t-shirt.

'Tsk, tsk, Nymphadora,' said Snape slowly. 'You certainly do know how to make a mess of things.'

He tapped his wand on the stain and it disappeared. 'Thanks,' said Tonks quietly. She made a quick decision. 'I don't have plans, but my shift starts early tomorrow.'

Snape stretched his long legs and crossed them at the ankles. 'I have a detention to facilitate tonight,' he said, looking towards the quidditch pitch. 'If you happen to be in the area after say, eleven…'

Tonks didn't want to say yes or no yet. Not when saying yes could imply so much.

'We'll see.'

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_A/N – First, thank you for the b-day wishes! My friends and I have decided that I am in my mid-twenties until I'm 27 and a half. Then I have to say I'm in my late twenties. _

_And for the record, we have 15 jumping up and down with glee bout Snape, 3 WHY TONKS WHY and 3 who cares, just keep writing. That was a fun little poll. Thanks to all who participated! _


	25. Acceptance of Weakness

**Chapter Twenty-Five – Acceptance of Weakness**

'I'm not weak,' muttered Tonks as she knocked on Snape's door that night.

The door opened, and Tonks found Snape hunched over at this desk, his quill writing furiously.

'Grading papers on a Saturday night?' asked Tonks, crossing her arms over her chest as the door closed behind her.

He didn't even bother to look up. 'I believe my evening has become a little more interesting, Nymphadora.'

'Actually…' Tonks trailed off. 'I need you to check me for curses.'

Snape looked up at that. 'Pardon?'

'When I asked you to my apartment a couple of weeks ago, I asked you to heal my welts and see why I can't morph. You healed the welts but…' Tonks trailed off again.

'We became distracted,' said Snape in a low voice, going back to the parchment in front of him.

Tonks grinned. She liked the way he put it. Distracted. That certainly seemed to sum up what was going on between them. He was distracting her from the pain Remus caused.

'Exactly. And I still can't morph,' said Tonks. 'I've gotten taken off of a few plum assignments because I can't. I need to be able to morph.'

He put down his quill carefully and looked her over from head to toe. 'You look fine to me. Now get undressed.'

Tonks threw back her head and started laughing. 'Severus, this is serious. People's lives could be at stake if I can't morph.'

'Nymphadora, you've been going through a depression since your cousin died,' said Snape carefully. Tonks was interested to note that Snape didn't say Sirius' name. 'It's been quite obvious to me and to several other members of the Order. When you asked me over last month, I did some research on the subject. Severe depression can affect your Metamorphosing.'

'I'm not going through a depression, especially not a severe one,' said Tonks defiantly. 'I just haven't been myself lately. Can you please check for curses?'

Snape waved his wand and a small stool appeared in front of her. He pointed at her with his wand and then pointed to the stool. Gingerly, Tonks took a step up and carefully balanced herself on the stool.

He stood up, removing his frock, which had been unbuttoned. Then, as he stared right at her, he rolled up his sleeves to his elbows. Tonks couldn't explain it, but there was a sense of power that was now radiating off of him.

With her on the stool, she was now slightly taller than him. Snape looked into her eyes and asked, 'Do you want me to check for any kind of magic that might be affecting you?'

Tonks nodded.

'Then brace yourself. This might hurt a bit,' said Snape slowly.

She took a quick breath, wondering what in the world he was going to do to her. But it made sense. If Dark Magic had been affecting her, wouldn't one need Dark Magic to find it?

Snape walked around her three times, stopping behind her. That made Tonks slightly nervous. She wanted to see what Snape was doing to her. The tip of his wand rested on the small of her back. He started speaking in a language she didn't know. It wasn't Latin or any romance language, she would have recognized that. The words coming out of his mouth were beautiful.

Tonks felt herself go into a trancelike state. But then he tapped the back of her neck with his wand and a jagged pain shot down her spine, causing her to straighten up instantly.

'Stay still, Nymphadora,' said Snape sharply.

She obeyed. Tonks stood silently while Snape continued to walk around her slowly. He seemed to prod, poke and stab at her with his wand every few seconds, muttering incantations in several different languages the whole while. Finally, he stood back. There was a look of frustration on his face, like she was puzzle that he simply couldn't solve.

'Nymphadora, there is no curse, jinx or hex on you that would affect your ability to morph,' said Snape finally. 'Can you now accept that it is possible that your depression is affecting you more than you realize?'

'No,' said Tonks crossly. 'I told you, I haven't been depressed.'

A look of impatience crossed Snape's face. He sat down on the couch, crossing his legs. 'You have let the events of this summer affect you more than you realize,' said Snape, staring right at her. 'Your cousin's death, Emmeline's murder, your fling with Lupin-'

'It wasn't a fling,' shot back Tonks immediately.

Snape waved his hand dismissively. 'Fine. True love or whatever you want to call it,' he said sarcastically. 'But you yourself said that it ended.'

'It did end,' mumbled Tonks.

'It's not over if you're still letting it affect you,' snapped Snape. 'Your Patronus is a perfect example. Do you have any idea how hard it is to change one's Patronus?'

Tonks shook her head. She stepped off the stool and sat down on top of it, so that they were sitting face to face.

'Nymphadora, a Patronus is an extension of who you are,' said Snape. He uncrossed his legs and leaned forward so that he was resting his hands on his knees. 'If it changes, that means you've gone through an extremely traumatic experience-'

'I've had a few of those this summer,' said Tonks quickly. 'What about Emmeline's murder? Maybe that's affected me more than I thought.'

Snape shook his head. 'That would be a possibility,' said Snape slowly. Tonks perked up, 'if your Patronus hadn't turned into a werewolf.'

'So you think I've gone bonkers, basically,' muttered Tonks, running her hands through her brown hair.

'You're going through a depression,' said Snape matter of factly. 'The sooner you acknowledge it, the sooner you can fight back. You cannot let this control you.'

He sounded like someone who had gone through the same type of situation before.

Tonks stood up, shaking her head. Turning away from Snape, she said, 'I'm not depressed, Severus,' she said as her eyes filled with tears. 'I don't get depressed.'

'You're deceiving yourself, Nymphadora.'

'I don't get depressed,' cried Tonks, stamping her foot. 'Like I said, I'm just haven't been myself lately.'

She heard Snape stand up and walk towards her. Instinctively, Tonks wrapped her arms around herself.

'You haven't been yourself for some time, Nymphadora, and you know it,' said Snape quietly.

'Weak,' mumbled Tonks.

'Pardon?'

'That's why you called me weak, isn't it?' asked Tonks softly. 'Because of all of this…'

'I said your Patronus is weak, not you,' said Snape. 'Don't put words in my mouth.'

'And you also said that a Patronus is an extension of one's self,' sniffed Tonks. 'Call my Patronus weak and you might as well call me weak.'

'Depression is nothing to be ashamed of,' said Snape deliberately. 'However, you have to be willing to admit that is what you're going through. Are you?'

Tonks interlaced her fingers, looking at her hands as if for the first time. The nails were chipped and ragged, when normally she had them neatly trimmed with lots of different colored polish.

'Why are you trying to help me like this?' asked Tonks in a small voice. She wiped away the tears that were running down her cheeks, not quite believing that she had become unhinged like this in Snape's bedchambers of all places.

'Do not change the subject, Nymphadora,' said Snape quickly. 'Are you going through a depression?'

A surge of anger shot through her. She whipped around, her hands on her hips. 'Why are you helping me?' she demanded furiously.

'This is for your own good,' said Snape at once.

'How is this for my own good?' yelled Tonks. 'Why are you doing this?' She hadn't been this angry in quite some time. She felt her hands curling into fists.

Snape seemed to contemplate the question for a moment. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. 'Because I don't want you crying in the middle of a shag,' he said finally. 'It would be quite bad for my self-esteem.'

The words had the effect that he was most likely looking for. Tonks anger subsided immediately and was replaced by ringing laughter. The laughter became almost manic, and after a moment, Tonks realized with horror that she was no longer laughing, but crying uncontrollably.

She backed up against the wall and slid down until she was sitting on the ground. Tonks buried her face against her leg that was bent next to her chest. Snape took two steps and knelt down next to her, placing his hands on her shoulders.

'You want to know why?' asked Snape roughly.

Tonks simply nodded, too embarrassed to look at him. The crying became silent, except for the large breaths Tonks was taking to try to calm down.

'Because if you keep this up in the middle of a war, you are going to get yourself killed, Nymphadora. Worse, you could get others killed instead of you. You said so yourself. Now I'm going to ask you one last time. Are you going through a depression?'

Before she could stop herself, Tonks nodded quickly.

'Say the words.'

Her eyes closed. She didn't want to say the words. She had already nodded. That should be enough. There was no need to say them out loud.

'Say them.'

Feeling a sense of betrayal towards herself, Tonks whispered, 'I'm going through a depression.'

Just acknowledging that she was in, what her favorite childhood heroine called, 'The Depths of Despair,' made Tonks feel stronger. The way she saw things right now, Tonks had two choices. She could get dwell on this obsession she had with losing Remus or…

She could do as Snape said.

She could fight it.

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Tonks sat at her kitchen table, her head buried in her hands. She was absolutely exhausted, but never further from sleep. After Tonks finally realized and admitted to the depression she was going through, Snape asked if it was better for her to be alone or to be with someone. Tonks decided she wanted to be alone.

She couldn't quite get over how...well how supportive Snape had been through this. Once Tonks decided to leave, he even walked her outside the castle to the edge of the wards so she could apparate home.

As they had walked, Tonks couldn't help but ask how he knew how to handle situations like hers. His answered surprised her. He said that over the years as Head of Slytherin that he had simply become adept at handling, as he put it, 'teenage angst.'

Amazing how she could be so entangled in a depression without even realizing it. It all made sense though. Now Tonks just had to decide how best to handle everything.

She walked slowly into the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. The reflection looking back at her seemed older, tired, weary with the world. When she tried to smile, it mocked her.

Tonks closed her eyes, not wanting to see her mirror image any longer. That wasn't who she was. A mousy, unenergetic, uninteresting adult. She squatted down quickly, rocking back and forth on her heels.

With every ounce of strength, every ounce of concentration, Tonks thought of the color of bubble gum. Her favorite hair color. She wouldn't worry about changing the style yet, just the color. Scrunching her nose, her body seemed to be responsive.

Slowly, she stood up, her eyes closed tightly. When Tonks knew she was facing the mirror, she opened her eyes…and smiled. The brown was gone. The color wasn't what she hoped for, a pale pink instead of bubblegum pink. But it certainly was a start.

Tonks headed towards her bed, glancing at the clock along the way. It was already four o'clock in the morning. She had to be up in two hours. Tonks flopped on the bed, still fully clothed, her mind racing.

The depressions her mother went through when Tonks was a child came rushing back to her. Her mother had always blamed it on the fact that she was a Black. When Tonks was a teenager, whenever she felt down, she would purposely act even happier and not let anyone know. Maybe she didn't want to use her mother's excuse. Tonks had hoped that the almost legendary history of depression and addictions of the Black family had skipped her somehow. Looks like it hadn't.

She debated whether to go to a Mind Healer or not. Aurors were able to go for free, as long as they're Ministry approved. Though admittedly, Tonks was wary of anything that was 'Ministry approved.' Savage told her once that he went to one after the first war with Voldemort. He said that it was a load of rubbish. The Mind Healer told him to try the Draught of Peace or a Cheering Charm. Maybe she wouldn't go to a Mind Healer after all.

At Hogwarts, she had kept a journal. Maybe she should start one again, write down her mood every day. Though if her Patronus told her anything, she knew exactly what her mood cycles would be. A waxing moon would make her more depressed; a waning moon would alleviate the depression a bit.

Her heart ached for Remus. There was no doubt in her mind that Tonks loved him just as much as she did when she realized it all those months ago. Even more so, really. Even though he hurt her so much…

Tonks turned over onto her stomach, hugged her pillow tightly and tried to push Remus from her mind. Nothing could be gained by thinking and allowing herself to get even more depressed over him. She couldn't quite believe that she was thinking this, but she was glad that Snape was there to, as he put it, distract her.

Aurors tend to gossip more than any other department in the Ministry. Since Voldemort declared war on the wizarding world, several Aurors had started hooking up on a regular basis. Tonks had been gossiping with Mad-Eye only a few weeks ago and he told her what it had been like during the first war. Tonks grinned to herself; those had been wild times apparently.

So why couldn't two Order members do the same? A bit of her hair fell into her face, and Tonks was disappointed to see that it turned brown again.

As she closed her eyes, a sense of resolve settled over her. She would work on changing her hair again tomorrow. No more excuses. She would morph.

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_A/N –This was an incredibly difficult chapter to write. I know from first hand experience how hard it is to deal with depression; I've dealt with it my whole life. The scene where Snape forces Tonks to admit to her depression comes from my own life. (Minus the Patronus and morphing ability, of course.) _

_Snape might seem like an unlikely person to help Tonks, but so was the person that helped me several years ago. And like I mention in the chapter, I just have this feeling that Snape has a fair amount of experience dealing with depression. Whether his own or quite possibly the depression of students in his House. If someone from his House asked for help, I really think that Snape would do whatever he can to help. Tonks isn't a Slytherin, but she is a valuable member of the Order, who simply needs help. And Snape is willing to provide it. _

_Before readers start judging Tonks on her actions in future chapters, there is something I would like everyone to keep in mind. Tonks has chosen to fight her depression. However, as anyone who deals with depression can tell you, some days you win. And some days you lose. It will be no different for Tonks._


	26. Nothing More

**Chapter Twenty-Six – Nothing More**

'Mind over matter,' whispered Tonks to herself, her eyes closed tightly. 'Mind over matter.'

Moments later, Tonks opened her eyes to see bubblegum pink hair framing her face. 'Thank Merlin,' she said softly. It might not be the spikes that she wanted, but it was her color. Just seeing that color made Tonks feel better.

September passed quickly. Tonks did start keeping a journal and the results surprised her. She completely expected that her moods would be based on the moon cycle. But it wasn't that way at all. Her moods were random; she didn't know what to expect one day to the next. Very quickly she realized that when she was in a good mood, she could morph. But when it was hard to get out of bed in the morning, she didn't even bother trying.

Before Tonks knew it, October had arrived. Along with her regular patrols, Tonks had been working at least two overnights a week either going on raids or stake-outs. And then there was work for the Order.

Because of her schedule, she didn't eat as much as she should. There were days when Tonks went to bed and had to be hard pressed to remember if she ate anything at all that day. Her clothes became baggier and several people asked if she had started morphing herself thin. Those people pissed her off. Tonks hadn't been fat; she simply wasn't obsessed with her body like some women.

The main downfall of her schedule was that she didn't have time to talk to Snape again. It felt quite odd, wanting to talk to Snape, but she really did. Tonks wanted to show him that she was doing better, which she was fairly sure that she was.

The only time she saw him again in September was at an Order meeting. But she was having a bad day and he had been summoned half way through the meeting, so they couldn't talk. It didn't bother her too much. They would talk later.

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Tonks stood outside of Snape's bedchamber, deep in thought. Today's Hogsmeade visit by the students was a disaster, that was the only way to describe it. First Harry was practically ready to rip Mundungus' throat out. And then that poor girl with the necklace…

She wanted to find out more about what happened to the girl. All Tonks knew was that she was in St. Mungos. But to Tonks' disappointment, Snape didn't seem to be there. Tomorrow was to be her first day off in almost three weeks, so she had hoped that they could talk and maybe…She wasn't quite willing to voice the thought in her head.

Giving up, Tonks started the long walk towards the entrance hall. About halfway there, she heard, 'Nymphadora.'

Tonks spun around and saw Snape walking in her direction from another hallway. 'Wotcher, Severus.'

Snape raised an eyebrow. 'Here to see me?' he asked.

'Nah,' said Tonks, shaking her head. 'I just finished tucking the Slytherins in for the night.'

Matching his stride, they started walking back to his bedchambers. 'Your hair looks much better,' he said as they entered the room.

'Why thank you,' said Tonks. It was simply back in a plain violet ponytail.

Snape settled onto the sofa. 'And how are you feeling?' he asked carefully.

Tonks sat next to him, perpendicular, bringing her knees up to her chest. She thought about the question for a moment. Should be such an easy question. But she wanted to figure out a truthful answer. 'Better,' said Tonks finally. 'I'm better.'

They started talking about the cursed necklace and who could have given it to the girl. Snape told her that he had several ideas, which he'll discuss with Dumbledore when he's back.

During the first lull of their conversation, Tonks leaned forward and started kissing Snape on his jaw line. After a moment, Snape moved his head and looked at her. 'Nymphadora, before we get too involved with that particular activity, we should discuss a few things first.'

Tonks just looked at him curiously.

'I would have brought this up the last time you were here…' Snape trailed off.

Tonks grinned impishly. 'But you made me cry.'

Snape scowled at her. 'That was for your own good.'

'You still made me cry,' said Tonks, smiling, so that he'd know she was joking.

'If this becomes a common occurrence, no one can know, Nymphadora,' said Snape seriously. 'Absolutely no one. It could mean my life if a Death Eater found out I'm sleeping with an Auror. Don't go running off to your friends and tell them what we're doing.'

'I have no friends,' said Tonks suddenly, realizing it herself for the first time. 'Sirius and Remus were my friends. Sirius is dead and Remus…Remus isn't my friend any more. So don't worry about that. Anything else?'

Snape nodded slowly. 'This is sex, nothing more. Are we agreed?'

Tonks was slightly amazed that he came right out and voiced what it was between them. At least it was out in the open now. She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered, 'Agreed.'

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They were together at least once a week after that. Though Tonks was careful to gage her mood before deciding to meet him or not. If Tonks was having what she ended up calling, a 'not-so-happy' day, she stayed away. But if Tonks woke up with a smile on her face and was able to morph…

They came up with a set of codes so they could make plans. If Snape asked, 'Are you guarding Azkaban tonight?' that basically meant, 'Stop by tonight so we can shag.' If Tonks said, 'I have to guard Azkaban tonight,' she meant, 'I'm stopping by tonight so we can shag.'

Of course, even with the codes, there were problems. In late October, it was announced that all Aurors had to spend one additional shift a week guarding Azkaban. Tonks was talking to Professor McGonagall and told her that she had to guard Azkaban that night. Snape overheard without her realizing it and waited up half the night while Tonks was actually guarding Azkaban.

Sometimes they talked first, sometimes they didn't. Tonks enjoyed the nights when they talked the most. She had been serious when she said that she really didn't have friends any more. Savage and she were becoming close, but he wasn't truly a friend. She couldn't talk to him after work or feel like she could talk to him about anything at all. After work, he rushed home to be with him family.

Molly invited her over for dinner every few weeks. The Weasley matriarch didn't make the same mistake of trying to have Tonks and Remus see each other again, which Tonks was grateful for.

Tonks thought of Remus more often than she would like. She heard bits and pieces of his assignment from Molly and Arthur. The pack moved around a lot. During the summer and early fall, the pack would sleep outside. It was harder now that it was almost winter. Every night they tried to find shelter, but most nights failed. Occasionally, they'd find a barn or an empty house. But most nights they were outside, trying to sleep in the woods.

It was very hard for Tonks to hear that, but she listened to every word. She, who had a warm bed sit to go home to and three meals a day, if she remembered to eat them. Everything that Remus used to have, but was willing to give away for the sake of the war.

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Tonks and Snape never touched after sex. It was almost like an unwritten rule. There was no falling asleep in Snape's arms like she had done with Remus. Snape would simply roll over and go to sleep. Most nights Tonks would do the same.

But not tonight. It was the middle of November and there was a full moon. Her mind was full of Remus and she simply couldn't sleep. Not when she couldn't stop wondering where he was and if he was cold. His face wouldn't leave her head. The laugh lines that crinkled around his blue eyes when he smiled, the liberal grey in his hair that he hated, but made him look so incredibly…

Tonks looked over at Snape and then glanced at the clock. It wasn't too late yet. She wanted to start talking so that she didn't have to think about Remus.

'Severus?' asked Tonks, while she played with one of her light green curls.

'What?' he asked without turning around.

'I was going to ask if you were awake, but you've answered that question,' said Tonks with a grin. 'I can't sleep.'

'I can go to the dungeons and get you a sleep potion, if you'd like,' said Snape. 'Won't take long.'

'I don't want a potion,' said Tonks, biting a lip. 'Any chance you'd want a bit of a chat?'

'And what, might I ask, would we…chat about at one o'clock in the morning?'

Tonks raked her brain for a topic. She wasn't ready for that question. 'Why were you placed in Slytherin?' asked Tonks finally.

Snape turned towards her with an incredulous look on his face. 'I thought that generally Aurors had to have good observation skills,' he said with a hint of a sneer in his voice.

'I'll have you know that I'm an excellent observer. I've been requested for several high profile stake-outs,' said Tonks proudly. 'I just want to know why the Sorting Hat placed you in Slytherin.'

'Nymphadora, it pains me to have to tell you this, but I'm a dark wizard,' said Snape mockingly.

'I know that, Severus,' said Tonks, waving her hand at him. 'But you weren't when you were eleven.'

'I was.'

'No, you weren't.'

'Don't tell me what I was or wasn't, Nymphadora,' said Snape in a low voice. 'I've know since the moment I first picked up my mother's wand when I was a child that I was a dark wizard.'

'So the Sorting Hat placed you in Slytherin instantly?' asked Tonks. 'The Sorting Hat took forever to figure out where to put me.'

'Not quite,' admitted Snape. 'There was some…debate.'

'Which Houses?' asked Tonks interestedly. She was sure the other House would be Ravenclaw.

'The Hat momentarily thought to put me in Gryffindor,' spat Snape. 'But I asked it not to.'

'Because of the whole dark wizard thing?' asked Tonks sympathetically. 'You wanted to brood with all the other dark wizards?'

The corners of Snape's thin lips inched upwards. Tonks flashed a grin; she had made him smile.

'I will admit, I was fairly intrigued with the idea of being placed in Gryffindor. But in the end, I didn't want to be in that House,' said Snape, stifling a yawn. 'May we sleep now or are there other questions about my psyche that you feel the need to ask?'

'Why didn't you want to be in Gryffindor?' asked Tonks. She knew she was being a bit of a pest, but she was too curious to let this go.

Snape's whole body seemed to sigh. 'I had a run-in on the Hogwarts Express with your cousin and Potter's father. We all shared a compartment in the beginning. It was fairly obvious within the first few moments that we wouldn't get along. They both had been sorted into Gryffindor so I asked the Hat not to put me in the same House,' said Snape. 'Does that satisfy your curiosity?'

'Yes,' said Tonks, nodding her head. A moment passed. 'Don't you want to know what the Sorting Hat told me?'

'If listening to your Sorting Hat story allows me to go to sleep, by all means, tell away,' said Snape in a bored voice.

'It chose between Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and wait for it…'

'Gryffindor,' said Snape dryly.

'Slytherin,' countered Tonks. She had his attention now. 'The Hat threw out Ravenclaw first. Even though the Hat said I was smart enough to be there, that I didn't have the personality to simply sit back and observe.'

Snape nodded. 'I would certainly agree with that.'

'So that left Hufflepuff and Slytherin. My mum and dad's Houses,' said Tonks earnestly. 'The Hat didn't tell me why he didn't place me in Slytherin, but said that I am a hard worker, who is trusting and loyal.'

'I wonder how different you'd be if you had been in my House,' said Snape. 'Knowing some of the students during that time, you would have probably done very well there.'

'We'll never know, will we?' asked Tonks with a smile. 'I wonder how different you'd be if you were placed in Gryffindor.'

Snape practically shuddered. 'As you said, we'll never know. Now go to sleep.'

Tonks gave him a pointed look. 'Don't tell me what to do.'

Snape sighed. 'Go to sleep, please.'

Tonks contentedly turned on her side. It was a small victory, but she would take it. 'Good night, Severus.'

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'Savage, are you mad?' asked Tonks the next day. She and Savage were both patrolling the outside of Hogwarts. And he was holding two bottles of butterbeer. 'We can't drink on the job!'

'I'm technically your senior, and if I tell you to drink, you're going to bloody drink,' grinned Savage. 'We're celebrating.'

'I'm all for a celebration,' said Tonks. She was in a very good mood today. So good, that she was wearing her signature look, her bubblegum pink spikes. 'Can we celebrate indoors? It's bloody freezing out here.'

'Sadly, no,' said Savage, handing her a butterbeer. They knocked the bottles together and in one voice, said the traditional Auror's toast. 'To goodness and light.'

Tonks took a long swallow, letting the butterbeer warm her up. 'So what are we celebrating?'

'Two things,' said Savage, taking a sip of his own. 'First, we are celebrating the fact that you are not going to be considered a Dark Creature.'

'They killed the bill?' asked Tonks quickly. Savage nodded. Tonks threw her arms around him. 'Thank Merlin! I didn't want to be a dark creature! I mean, I could have handled it, but I wasn't going to register at all. They could have thrown me into Azkaban for all I care and I'm really babbling, aren't I, Savage? What else are we celebrating?'

'We just found out yesterday,' said Savage proudly. 'Darla's pregnant. Fourth one's on the way.'

'Darrin, that's wonderful,' said Tonks happily.

Savage nodded. 'We've known we wanted another for a while. Darla wanted to wait a bit, till it quieted down, but if we wait, he wins. Know what I mean?'

'I do,' said Tonks, nodding her head. She knew exactly what he meant. Savage started rambling, saying that after three girls, he hoped for a boy, but he certainly wouldn't mind another little girl.

Tonks listened with half her brain and let her mind wander a bit, thinking about babies. There was no doubt in her mind that she would make a great mother some day, maybe ten or fifteen years from now.

She laughed to herself, remembering last night with Snape, when she asked that they cast a contraceptive charm, something they hadn't used before, since she's on the Potion. But, in typical Tonks' fashion, she managed to break the phial of that day's dose, even though it had an unbreakable charm on it. Snape had insisted on performing the charm himself.

Briefly, she allowed herself to wonder what kind of father Remus would be, but she pushed the thought right out again. It wouldn't do her any good to dwell on those thoughts at all.


	27. A Cup of Hot Chocolate

**Chapter Twenty-Seven – A Cup of Hot Chocolate**

Tonks stared at the ceiling, not wanting to get out of bed. She quickly tried to decide if there was anything she absolutely had to get out of bed for, or if she could just stay underneath the covers for the entire day and ignore the outside world.

Muttering to herself about work, and paying bills, Tonks slowly rose to a sitting position. But then she collapsed down again. Maybe it was time to sell her parent's house. Tonks had been holding on to it since they died, not ready to part with her childhood home. Also, she always thought that when she was ready to have a family, she could move back there.

If she sold the house, there would be money. Then she wouldn't have to work. Which means she wouldn't have to get out of bed.

Tonks sighed. The simple fact that she even thought of selling her parent's house in order not to have to get out of bed made her even more depressed than she already was when she woke up.

Rolling over onto her stomach, Tonks reached for her pillow, which had fallen on the floor. She had a dream last night. The details were fuzzy but she knew it involved her in a wedding dress. Remus had been in his werewolf form. When the preacher asked him if he promised to love and cherish her, he let out a loud howl and fled from the church.

The dream was rubbish, Tonks told herself as she sat up again, still clutching her pillow. Tonks would be much more likely to run off to Muggle Vegas in America and get married by an Elvis impersonator than she was to have a big church wedding. That would be the best wedding ever. The only decision needed to be made would be if she should get married by young Elvis or jumpsuit Elvis. She was personally partial to jumpsuit Elvis.

But who in their right mind would want to marry her? If only Remus could let himself believe that they could have all the time in the world, he could love her. She closed her eyes tightly and tried to envision Remus telling her that he loved her. Merlin, she wanted someone to love her.

Finally, the loud alarm clock in the corner of the room caught Tonks' attention. It was far away from her bed, which meant she had to cross the room to turn it off. It took a great deal of strength not to simply wave her wand at the alarm clock, shutting it off.

There. She was up. Now she needed to find the strength to get dressed.

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Several days later, Tonks was patrolling in Hogsmeade. She was tired, having not gotten any sleep the night before. Two overnights in a row. Tonks would have to get some sleep tonight.

Tonks glanced at her watch. In just thirty minutes, she'd be walking into the Three Broomsticks and ordering a nice, hot lunch. She didn't care what she ate, just as long as the food was warm. It was only late November and it was freezing. She couldn't imagine how they'd be able to patrol in January and February.

As she walked, Tonks noticed a figure walking down the path from Hogwarts. She stayed in the area, to see who it was. After a few moments, Tonks recognized it as Snape.

He certainly wasn't getting lucky tonight. She didn't care that her hair was pulled off her face in a bright blue ponytail. Tonks only wanted one thing tonight and that was sleep.

'Wotcher, Severus,' said Tonks as he approached. He was holding two cups, one which he handed to her. 'What's this?'

'Drink it and find out for yourself,' said Snape, taking a sip from his own cup.

Tonks had spent far too much time around Mad-Eye. She sniffed the covered cup. The scent of chocolate teased her. 'Hot chocolate?' asked Tonks hopefully.

He didn't answer, so Tonks took a small sip and felt the warm liquid slide down her throat. 'Thank you,' she said as she took another swallow.

Severus simply nodded. 'The Headmaster would like to see you when your patrol is over,' said Snape suddenly. 'The password is Pumpkin Pasties.'

'Dumbledore wants to see me?' asked Tonks. Suddenly, memories of Hogwarts and the numerous times she had gotten in trouble came rushing back to her. 'Bloody hell, what did I do?'

'You'll have to ask the Headmaster that, Nymphadora,' said Snape, raising an eyebrow. 'I never did take Divination when I was a student.'

'Neither did I,' admitted Tonks. She looked at Severus and decided to finally ask a question that she had wanted the answer to for a long time. 'Why do you call me Nymphadora?'

'That's you name,' he said curtly.

She raised the cup of hot chocolate up and rested it against her cheek, enjoying the warmth. 'You call every other woman in the Order by their last name with the exception of Molly, who you call Mrs. Weasley.'

'That's because there are damn too many Weasleys,' mumbled Snape, pushing back some hair that fell in his face.

'Jones, Vance, McGonagall,' said Tonks. 'Yet I'm Nymphadora.'

'They weren't students in my classroom,' said Snape pointedly. 'I haven't known them since they were eleven.'

'In your classroom, everyone was a Mister or a Miss,' said Tonks. 'Except me. I was Nymphadora.'

'I'm quite sure that in all my years of teaching that I called another student by their first name,' said Snape.

'Miss Granger, Miss Weasley, Mister Potter,' said Tonks, taking another sip of chocolate. Merlin, it tasted good.

'You're behaving like a child, Nymphadora,' sneered Severus.

'I'm not,' pouted Tonks. 'I'm simply asking a question that I'd like the answer to.'

'I don't know why I put up with all of your questions,' muttered Snape, looking to the sky as if asking for guidance.

Tonks laughed, her annoyance forgotten. 'Could the fact that I'm willing to take my clothes off for you have anything to do with it?'

'That certainly is a possibility,' said Snape slowly, as if he was considering it. 'Speaking of you removing your clothes, are you guarding Azkaban tonight?'

'I like how we speak in code even when there's no one around to hear us,' grinned Tonks.

'Force of habit,' said Snape.

'Not tonight, Severus. As soon as my shift is over, I'll talk to Dumbledore and then I'm going to go straight home and sleep.'

'Pity,' said Snape. He took out a pocket watch and flipped it open. 'Lunch is almost finished. I need to be getting back.'

'Thank you for the hot chocolate,' said Tonks sincerely. 'Feel free to drop off chocolate anytime.'

Severus nodded, and started down the path to Hogwarts. And Tonks headed towards The Three Broomsticks, ready to eat a nice, hot lunch.

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A feeling of dread washed over Tonks as she whispered the password to the gargoyle standing in front of her. What in the world could the Headmaster want to discuss with her? Slowly, she walked up the stairs, feeling like her feet had lead in them.

She knocked three times quickly. The door opened instantly and Tonks tentatively walked inside. Professor Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk, holding a quill. He looked up as she entered and a sad smile crossed his face.

'Ah, Nymphadora,' he said lightly. 'Thank you for taking the time to visit me.'

He gestured towards a chair and Tonks sat slowly, not sure of what to expect. 'Well, Severus said that you wanted to see me.'

'Severus,' said the Headmaster in a pointed voice, 'did indeed.'

Tonks knew immediately that she messed up by calling Snape by his first name. Practically no one did that. 'So what do you want to talk about?'

'It has come to my attention that you are spending a great deal of time at Hogwarts when you are not working,' said Dumbledore slowly.

Tonks felt herself blush. Surely Dumbledore didn't know that she and Severus were sleeping together. 'Is that a problem?' challenged Tonks.

'Do you feel like it is affecting your work? Either for the Ministry or for the Order?' asked Dumbledore.

She shook her head adamantly. 'Of course not,' said Tonks quickly. 'I wouldn't let anything affect that.'

'Yet you still cannot morph on a consistent basis,' said Dumbledore slowly.

Tonks closed her eyes briefly. She would kill him. How dare Snape talk about her depression to Dumbledore behind her back! 'I'm going through a depression, sir,' said Tonks. 'There are days I can't morph. But not nearly as many days as there used to be.'

'I see,' sighed Dumbledore. 'Have you felt that you've done everything that you can to control your depression?'

Tonks shifted in her seat. 'I haven't gone to a Mind Healer, if that's what you're asking,' said Tonks, her eyes blazing.

'Why not?'

'Because I don't have the money for one and I'm not going to go to a Ministry Approved Healer,' said Tonks, crossing her arms over her chest. 'Sir, I don't mean to be rude, but this really isn't any of your business.'

'That's where we have a difference of opinion, Nymphadora,' said Dumbledore wearily. 'One of the reasons I wanted your services for the Order was because of your metamorphosing.'

'So you're saying I'm worthless if I can't morph,' retorted Tonks angrily.

'I'm asking if we need to rethink your role in the Order,' said Dumbledore softly.

'Are you kicking me out?' asked Tonks in disbelief.

'No,' said Dumbledore at once. 'Once you are an Order member you are one for life. I have been very worried about you for the past several months. I'm wondering if we've asked you to take too much on your shoulders.'

'I may not look it, Headmaster, but I have broad shoulders,' said Tonks in a quiet voice. 'I'm handling everything. I had a bad spell for a bit. But I'm doing much better now. I am.'

As Tonks said those words, she truly meant every single one of them. She was doing better. Tonks still had days when it was hard to face the world, but those were few and far between.

'If you feel a Mind Healer would be helpful, we will arrange one, Nymphadora,' said Dumbledore.

Tonks shook her head. 'I'd like to work through this on my own,' said Tonks finally.

'Very well,' said Dumbledore. 'Thank you for your time.'

She stood, feeling awkward about the exchange they just had. 'You're welcome, sir.'

Tonks walked out, stepping carefully as not to trip. Once the door closed behind her, Tonks leaned against the wall and counted to ten. Snape better be in his chambers because she was furious and wouldn't feel better until she had a chance to yell at him.

She stalked through the castle, trying not to be seen. Usually it was much later at night when she visited Hogwarts. She wasn't used to seeing students in the hall. Finally, she reached Snape's bedchambers and knocked loudly.

'What?' he demanded as the door opened. He then looked at her in what one might consider surprise. 'You told me not to expect you, Nymphadora.'

Tonks simply stared at him angrily. He stepped back, allowing Tonks to walk into the room. As she did, Tonks tapped her wand against the doorframe, casting a silencing charm.

A smirk spread across Severus' face. As if he knew that she wouldn't be able to stay away. The moment the door closed behind her, Tonks pushed him away from her as hard as she could. 'You bastard!'

'I assure you, I was born in wedlock,' said Snape silkily, though his eyes narrowed slightly. They were both on their guard now. 'Why have you reverted to petty name calling?'

'Why have you talked about me to Dumbledore behind my back?' challenged Tonks.

'To what are you referring?' asked Snape. 'I have spoken to the Headmaster on several issues.'

'My depression and not being able to morph,' said Tonks angrily, crossing her arms over her chest.

'Nymphadora, that is apparent to not just me,' said Snape curtly. 'Professor Dumbledore is very aware of your inconsistent metamorphosing abilities. I certainly did not talk to him behind your back regarding such.'

'He knows that I'm at Hogwarts a lot,' said Tonks mutinously.

Snape walked over to the sofa and sat down, crossing his legs. 'With all the security measures at Hogwarts, do you really think that the Headmaster doesn't know exactly who is in this castle and for how long they are here?'

'I hadn't thought of that,' admitted Tonks, her anger deflated. Severus hadn't done anything wrong, she simply jumped to conclusions. She looked at him with half a smile. 'I guess I just wanted an excuse to yell at you, then.'

Severus nodded. 'Glad to be of service,' he said with a bit of a smirk. He uncrossed his legs and looked at her intensely. 'Now perhaps you'd like to be of service to me.'

Tonks bit her bottom lip. She was still so bloody tired. But the way Severus was looking at her almost caused her breath to catch in her throat.

She stayed the night.

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A/N – To all those wanting lemons, M rated outtakes are on the way…


	28. New Year, Same Old Dream

**Chapter Twenty-Eight – New Year, Same Old Dream**

Just when Tonks thought she might finally be getting control of her depression, the holidays rolled around. Once the calendar changed to December, Christmas was everywhere. Hogsmeade became much more of an interesting patrol, as people from all over Britain came in to do their Christmas shopping.

Normally Christmas was her favorite time of year. But Tonks already knew that this year would be different. A year ago on Christmas Day, she told Remus that she loved him, setting the events in motion that have caused her so much pain.

She turned down her standing invitation of spending Christmas with her aunt's family. The last thing Tonks wanted to see was a happy family. Especially the family that caused her to spring into action regarding telling Remus her feelings. So many times Tonks wondered what would have happened if she never told him that day. Would she have ever told him? Would she simply harbor the flame and allow it eventually to die out? Or would she let the fire burn, allowing it to rage out of control until it consumed her?

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'So what are your Christmas plans, Tonks, dear?' asked Molly pleasantly as they were cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. Almost like clockwork, Molly invited Tonks over for dinner every two weeks. And also like clockwork, Tonks accepted, no matter how under the weather she felt.

Tonks put down the plate she had been drying and thought about it. The truth was that she had no real plans. She had volunteered to patrol that day, seeing as the other Aurors patrolling Hogsmeade all had families.

'I'll be working that day,' said Tonks finally. 'Plight of the single life.'

'You're more than welcome to come over here once you're done,' offered Molly brightly. 'The twins will be here, Bill and Fleur, of course, Ron and Ginny, Harry's spending the break with us…'

Molly's voice trailed off. Tonks knew, from too much experience, that Molly was leaving something out.

'Will Remus be there?' asked Tonks, trying to sound non-chalant.

'He'll be staying the whole week,' said Molly apologetically. 'From Christmas Eve to New Year's Day.'

'That long?' asked Tonks in surprise.

'I didn't expect it either, but that's what Remus told us,' said Molly. A silence fell between the two witches. 'You'll have to see him eventually, you know.'

Tonks nodded. 'I know,' said Tonks quietly. 'I just would like it to be on my terms, I guess.'

Molly picked up a section of Tonks' lank brown hair. 'It was so nice seeing the pink last time,' she said almost wistfully.

Tonks shrugged. Today had not been a good day. Snape had found her during her patrol and didn't even bother to ask her to come over tonight. After three months of sleeping together on a regular basis, he had learned that there would be no sex when she had her natural hair color.

'Did I tell you we're having a small get together for New Year's Eve?' asked Molly, changing the subject. 'Some members of the Order and the children, of course. I was against it at first, but then Arthur convinced me it might be a good idea.'

'That should be nice,' said Tonks in a hallow voice. How many holidays would she have to be alone?

'Please come, Tonks,' said Molly urgently. 'Yes, Remus will be there, but so will most of the Order. You don't have to speak with him at all.'

'I'll think about it,' said Tonks.

'That's means you're not coming,' said Molly, her eyes narrowing. 'That's the same tone of voice I use when I mean no.'

'I said I'll think about it.'

'If you can through the rest of the cleaning without breaking anything, you don't have to come,' said Molly suddenly. 'If you break something, you have to come for New Years. And what's more, you have to pretend you like it.'

'Molly,' said Tonks, her mouth dropping. The plate she had been holding fell right to the floor with a crash. 'That didn't count.'

'Nine o'clock on New Year's Eve, Tonks,' said Molly with a hint of steel in her voice.

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Hogsmeade was busier than she expected it to be on Christmas day. A number of families that lived in the village were taking walks in the crisp winter sunlight. Every store was closed, with the exception of the Three Broomsticks and the Hog's Head.

The Hog's Head was practically empty, but business at the Three Broomsticks looked lively. Several times Tonks went inside for a few minutes to warm up. Rosmerta was quite nice and offered her a butterbeer each time. And each time, Tonks regretfully turned it down.

When there were only two hours left of her shift, instead of accepting a butterbeer, she asked Rosmerta for a piece of parchment and a quill. There, at the bar, she wrote Severus a quick note, simply wishing him Happy Christmas. Rosmerta then lent her an owl for a quick delivery to Hogwarts.

Satisfied, Tonks went back outside to continue her patrol. Tonks had been dreading today for quite sometime, but now that it was here, she felt fine. Better than fine; her hair was in a bright red spikes.

She had been thinking of Severus a great deal lately. Without her even realizing it, he had become a very good friend to her. He was still sarcastic and sneered a lot, especially at her, but that didn't bother her anymore. If anything, it was almost like a challenge. In an odd way, Tonks almost wished they could take sex out of the equation and only be friends, as opposed to friends who shagged.

As Tonks waited for the last few minutes of her shift to end, she noticed an owl flying towards Hogsmeade from Hogwarts. It was Rosmerta's owl back again. The tawny owl landed right on Tonks' shoulder. It was a moment before Tonks realized the owl had something tied to its leg.

Curious, Tonks removed the scroll and the owl flew off. She unrolled it carefully and smiled as she read.

_Nymphadora,_

_Happy Christmas._

_S.S._

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By the time Tonks got to the Burrow on New Year's Eve, the party was already well under way. She scowled down at her clothes, the culprit why she was late. Tonks had to change out of her original outfit, which was the same outfit she wore on her birthday. That's the last thing she wanted to wear when she saw Remus for the first time in five months. Tonks finally settled on a simple dark blue dress with long sleeves and a skirt that fell almost to the floor.

She finally had come to terms that she would see him. Tonks didn't have to talk to him, but she would see him. And he would see her. No wonder Tonks wasn't able to morph tonight. Her hair was back in a simple, plain, boring brown ponytail.

The moment Tonks opened the door, she heard Molly cry, 'You made it, Tonks, dear!' Tonks winced, not wanting everyone's attention on her like that.

'Wotcher, Molly,' said Tonks softly, handing Molly her cloak, who vanished it immediately.

'Remus is in the kitchen,' whispered Molly. 'If you move to the back, you won't even have to see him.'

A surge of anger flew through Tonks. Why was she playing these ridiculous games? If she saw him, she saw him. If she talked to him, she talked to him. End of story. Tonks still headed towards the back, where she was warmly greeted by Ginny Weasley, who was talking to Harry and drinking a butterbeer.

'We're trying to guess which adult will get drunk first,' said Ginny with a grin. 'My bet is on Kingsley.'

'You're wrong,' said Harry. 'Look at Mad-Eye.'

Tonks shook her head. 'Mad-Eye doesn't get drunk. Believe me. I've seen him at Christmas parties. You've backed a loser, Harry.'

Both Harry and Ginny laughed at that. Tonks was pleased that she was able to make a joke, even when she felt so low.

'So who's missing from the Order?' asked Ginny, looking around.

Harry snorted. 'Snape's not here. Bet your parents had the sense not to invite him.'

Tonks felt insulted on Severus' behalf, which she knew was ridiculous. She knew that most students hated him. She certainly had when she was a student. 'Snape was invited, but he had other duties to attend to,' said Tonks quickly. She knew, because he told her just a few days ago about the Death Eater gathering he would be attending tonight.

She excused herself then, wanting to get a butterbeer. Tonks found herself in the middle of a conversation with Kingsley when she saw him.

Remus was across the room. Their eyes met, and just like that, Tonks had forgotten the last six months. She had forgotten all the pain, her depression, everything but him.

He turned away and went back into the kitchen without even a nod. Tonks closed her eyes for a moment, and then tried to get back into her conversation with Kingsley. But he looked at her with concern written all over his face.

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She needed some fresh air. The first floor of the Burrow was thick with smoke and the stale smell of alcohol. Without anyone noticing, Tonks slipped in to the backyard. The cool fresh air made her cheeks go red, but it felt very good.

Tonks decided that she would walk around the house once, go inside, make an excuse and then leave. It had been a mistake to come here tonight.

The light dusting of snow crunched under her boots as she walked towards the hen coup. She expected that she might see chickens, but was taken by surprise to see Remus leaning against the coup, smoking a cigarette.

'Wotcher, Remus,' said Tonks unenthusiastically.

Remus simply nodded in greeting and took another drag on his cigarette.

'I wasn't looking for you,' said Tonks suddenly. That's the last thing she wanted him to think. That she was seeking him out.

Instead of responding, Remus just held out his cigarette, offering her a puff. She took the ciggy carefully, trying not to flinch when their skin brushed.

It had been years since she had smoked a cigarette, but she inhaled deeply, suppressing the small cough arising in her throat. Then she handed the ciggy back, being careful that their hands didn't come in contact.

He had been across the room when she had seen him in the Burrow. Her quick glance at him now told her a great deal. He was painfully thin; she supposed that he wasn't eating regularly. His hair was long, pushed back off of his face, showing the numerous scars on his face, the freshest ones, vivid in the moonlight.

'Do you mind if I stay out here for a bit?' asked Tonks hesitantly. 'I don't want to go inside yet.'

Remus just shrugged and kept smoking. They stood side by side in silence, leaning against the hen coup. Tonks couldn't help but think how unfair life was at the moment. It had been almost six months since she had seen him, yet she still wanted him desperately.

'Harry told me your Patronus changed,' said Remus quietly. 'That true?'

Tonks nodded, not able to look him in the eye. Instead, she glanced at the fag he was holding.

'You're not going to be the millionth person to ask me how I started, are you?' asked Remus, obviously noticing what she was looking at.

'No,' said Tonks meekly.

Tonks had to keep herself from asking questions. Now that he was her next to her, she wanted to know everything, every little detail. But she could tell from his face that he was more content with silence.

When he was done with the fag, he simply dropped it in the snow. 'You should get back inside,' he said hoarsely. 'It's cold out tonight.' Just hearing his voice again caused shivers to go down her spine.

She nodded slowly. 'I'm going to leave,' she said softly. Before she could stop herself, Tonks put her hand on his cheek. 'Try to take care of yourself.'

'Thank you, Clumsy,' he said, closing his eyes, and placing his hand on hers.

Tonks stepped away too quickly, and managed to trip, falling back into Remus' arms. Mortified, Tonks straightened herself up. It took a moment to realize that Remus' hands were still on her hips. She looked up, and before she knew what was happening, Remus crushed her body against his, pressing his lips frantically to her own.

There was no time to think. Any doubts or fears in her consciousness were pushed away instantly. All she allowed herself to do was respond to his body.

He pushed her roughly up against the hen coup. These were not the kisses she remembered. They were urgent, demanding kisses. They were greedy. And Tonks was far too willing to give in.

'Tonks, dear? Are you outside?' called out Molly from the patio of the Burrow.

Tonks and Remus let go of each other instantly. She closed her eyes, trying to catch her breath. They heard Molly go back inside. Remus put his arms around her again, holding her close. Tonks stayed still. She would let him take the lead. And she knew she would follow. Remus held her tightly, his face buried into her neck.

'Do you want to stay with me tonight?' asked Tonks softly.

Remus nodded. Without touching, they walked into the Burrow. When they entered, Tonks tried to ignore the interested stares and the concerned look on Molly's face. She went to get her cloak while she saw Remus talking quietly to Arthur, a look of understanding on his face.

He gestured towards her and they silently walked outside again. 'Do you remember where I live?' asked Tonks, sounding afraid of her own voice.

'I remember,' said Remus.

'All right,' said Tonks. A moment later, she disapparated and appeared in her apartment. Her stomach lurched when she looked around. It was cleaner than it had been in months. She must have hoped that this exact scenario would happen without even realizing it. Tonks felt betrayed by her subconscious.

Remus appeared and drew her to him immediately. 'This doesn't change anything, Clumsy,' muttered Remus as he kissed her.

'I know,' Tonks whispered back. She knew, and she didn't care. She wanted him again, even just for one night.

She closed her eyes and was able to imagine it was before. Before Dumbledore gave Remus his assignment and he decided he wasn't good enough for her. Before, when they made love often.

But then, as he undressed her, he breathed, almost in surprise, 'You're so clean,' Tonks' heart broke for him. And it forced her back to now. Now, which was just one night before he left her behind once more.

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Memorizing his body seemed like only the proper thing to do in this moment. He was sleeping, but it was not a peaceful sleep. He was dreaming and Tonks could only imagine the horrors his mind had to choose from.

The hair on his chest had turned completely grey, with a few white hairs mixed in. The scars were even more numerous than they had been before. Her eyes settled on one of the scars on his thigh. He never said it, but she knew that was the cursed scar.

She rested her head on his chest and inhaled, letting his scent overwhelm her. It had changed. No longer parchment and pine trees, it was musky, with the cigarettes he now smoked mingled in.

The clock on the bedside table told her that it was three o'clock in the morning. Only a few more hours before the sun came up. When it did, this dream would end. Again he would tell her to forget him which was as impossible as forgetting her name.

When Remus rose from bed just a while later, Tonks rolled over and feigned sleep. She heard him stumble into the shower. Tonks was half ready to join him, but decided that he might not want company. Not when showers were so rare for him.

Her eyes remained closed as he walked back into the bedroom. Instead of getting back into bed, Tonks heard him getting dressed.

He was leaving. And Tonks couldn't find the strength to open her eyes to watch him walk away.

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_A/N - Who will be my lucky 300th reviewer? All you wonderful reviewers rock! (Readers and lurkers, too.) I don't think I thank you guys enough!_


	29. The Greater Pain

**Chapter Twenty-Nine – The Greater Pain  
**

The moment Tonks knocked on the kitchen door of the Burrow, she wondered where her self-worth had gone. She became so lost in that single thought that she didn't even realize that door had opened in front of her.

'Good morning, Tonks, dear,' said Molly tentatively.

Tonks snapped her head up quickly. 'Wotcher, Molly,' she said softly. 'Any chance Remus is still here?'

Molly nodded her head sympathetically. 'He's upstairs as far as I know. Everyone seems to be having a bit of a lie in this morning.'

'Would you mind if I went up to talk to him?' asked Tonks, biting her lip. She wondered why she thought it would be different now. Confronting him now, instead of last night.

'Go on,' said Molly, taking Tonks' hand and giving it a squeeze. 'Good luck.'

Luck wasn't what she needed, thought Tonks bitterly to herself as she walked up the stairs. What she needed was for Remus to discover a new outlook on life. Gingerly, she knocked on the door. 'Just a moment,' called out Remus from inside the room.

When the door opened, Remus looked at her in surprise. Tonks slipped inside his room before he had the chance to shut the door in her face. She sat Indian style on the bed and stared at him. 'That was shitty of you,' said Tonks with a gentleness that surprised her.

Remus closed the door behind him and leaned against it. 'I know,' said Remus, closing his eyes. 'I just didn't think I could face you in the morning. Not when I…'

'When I what?' asked Tonks softly, challenging him. 'Whatever you have to say, I probably need to hear it more.'

'Wanted to be there so much,' said Remus angrily. 'Happy? I wanted to wake up with you this morning in the worst way. But I couldn't.'

'You wanted to be there?' asked Tonks in a small voice.

'Could you put a silencing charm on the room?' asked Remus suddenly. 'My wand is packed away.'

Nodding, Tonks took out her wand from her robe and quickly cast the spell. Once she put back her wand, Tonks stared at her hands and waited.

'Do you mind if I smoke?'

Tonks shook her head and then looked up. She watched him dig out a pack of cigarettes and a box of matches from his robe and take one out. He placed it in his mouth and lit the match, his hand shaking slightly. Finally, he closed his eyes and took a slow drag. He then held out the fag to her, but Tonks shook her head.

'You're not like anything I remember,' said Remus slowly. 'I really don't like the brown.'

'Me, either,' said Tonks, bringing her knees to her chest. She was sure that the melted snow on her boots would drip and leave a mark on the quilt, but she simply didn't care. 'I have trouble morphing some days.'

'Because of me, isn't it?' asked Remus bitterly.

'No,' said Tonks, looking out the small window. 'I'm going through a depression, that's all.'

'That's all?' asked Remus, his eyebrows shooting up. He walked to the window Tonks had just looked out of and gazed outside, his back towards her. 'Harry said your Patronus was big and had four legs…'

'My Patronus is a werewolf, Remus,' said Tonks in a clear voice.

She watched him digest this news and practically shudder. 'I don't like seeing you this way.'

'How do you want to see me?' asked Tonks simply.

'Before…before Sirius died, when we were happy,' said Remus, his voice breaking a bit. 'That's how I dream of you.'

'Why do you dream of me?'

Remus turned around quickly. 'I need to dream of something, don't I?' he asked, taking another drag. 'I think about you all of the time without even meaning to. You won't leave my head, Clumsy, and take that stupid grin off of your face because it doesn't change anything. Anything.'

The smile vanished instantly. 'We can work through this, Remus,' said Tonks in a voice she didn't recognize.

'No,' said Remus, shaking his head. 'No, we can't. Because nothing has changed. I'm still a werewolf and you're still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen…even with the brown hair.'

Tonks jumped up and went over to him. She pressed against him, hoping that he'd wrap his arms around her. But he simply stood there, leaning against the window.

'Have you even tried to get over me?' asked Remus gently.

Thinking of Severus, Tonks nodded her head. 'I have,' she said in a whisper. 'It's not working.'

'What can I do, Clumsy?' asked Remus hoarsely. He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her round, so that she was leaning against the window and he was pressing against her. 'What can I say to make you stop caring for me?'

Tonks closed her eyes. They were so close that she could feel his breath against her cheek. She knew exactly what she needed to hear. For just an instant, Tonks wanted to be selfish and not tell him. But if she did…maybe this hold he had on her would disappear, and Tonks could finally move on with her life.

'Tell me you don't care about me,' said Tonks in a hollow voice, burying her face in his shoulder. 'Tell me that you don't want me in your life at all.'

There was nothing but silence.

Tonks pushed him away. 'You can't have it both ways,' said Tonks, shaking her head. 'Don't tell me that we can't be together and then not be willing to tell me you don't want me in your life.'

'I won't lie to you, Clumsy…'

'So you do care,' said Tonks, her eyes flashing. 'If you really cared enough about me you'd let me go! Please, Remus. Tell me you hate me, tell me that I'm the last woman on earth you'd want to be with. Tell me anything so I can stop loving you!'

He still didn't say anything. Tonks gave him one last anguished look and ran from the room. In the hall, she practically ran into Ginny Weasley who looked at her in surprise. 'What are you doing up here?' she asked.

Tonks gave Ginny a weak smile but did not answer. She ran down the stairs, not quite tumbling down the last two.

'I want you here for dinner tonight, Tonks, dear,' said Molly in a voice that no one would dare question.

Tonks shook her head and started towards the door.

'If you're not at this table after your shift, I'll find you,' said Molly, 'and drag you here myself.'

She looked at Molly in surprise. 'All right,' said Tonks finally. Then she went outside and apparated to Hogsmeade.

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Later that day, Tonks found herself alone on her patrol. Dawlish was supposed to be with her, but he called flooed in sick. She supposed he was fighting a hangover from last night.

Normally, on a day this cold, Tonks would be walking quickly around the town, trying to warm herself up. But today, she simply sat on the hardened bench and stared at the mountains.

Whenever a thought tried to enter her head, she pushed it away. Tonks didn't want to think. She couldn't think. She wanted to simply stare straight ahead until there was nothingness.

A hand on her shoulder caused her to jump. She looked up, and saw Severus there, standing over her. He handed her a cup of hot chocolate and sat next to her. Severus and his hot chocolate was the one constant in her life.

'So I made a wager with myself,' said Severus, drinking from his own cup of chocolate.

'How exciting for you,' said Tonks, allowing her gaze to return to the mountains.

'You went to the soiree at the Burrow, I'm assuming?' he asked.

Tonks simply nodded. She looked back at him, wondering where this was heading. She simply wasn't in the mood to talk right now.

'Did you sleep with Lupin?' he asked with a hint of a sneer.

Tonks' breath caught in her throat. For just a moment, she considered lying to him, but she knew that with his Legilimency skills that he would see that through that in an instant. Instead, she broke eye contact and looked back at the mountains.

The silence was brief. But when he spoke, his voice was full of scorn. 'How well I know you, Nymphadora.'

Then Severus stood up and walked away.

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By the time Tonks made it back to the Burrow, she felt numb inside. Proudfoot had been two hours late for his shift, so dinner was well over by the time she got there.

'Sorry, Molly,' said Tonks as she was let inside. 'Scheduling issues.'

'Let's get you something to eat,' said Molly. Tonks sat at the kitchen while Molly busied herself in the kitchen. 'Tea?'

'No, thank you,' said Tonks. 'Remus is gone, then?'

Molly put a plate of ham and mashed potatoes in front of her. Tonks thought she had been hungry, but when the first bite of fluffy mashed potatoes hit her tongue, it tasted like dust. She pushed the plate away.

'Do you want to talk about it?' asked Molly gently.

Tonks felt her eyes filling with tears. She didn't want to start crying and throwing Molly's hospitality back into her face. 'Everyone must think I'm a fool,' sniffed Tonks.

'Only Arthur, Kingsley, Moody and I were still up when Remus came back,' said Molly. 'Did you two have a fight?'

'No. We shagged and then he left while I was pretending to be sleeping,' said Tonks bitterly. Then the realization what she just said in the Weasley's kitchen hit her. She put her hands over her mouth. 'I'm so sorry, Molly.'

Much to Molly's credit, she simply shook her head. 'Dear, as much as I'd like to think otherwise, I understand that attitudes towards pre-martial sex have changed since I was young.'

Tonks offered a half hearted grin. 'Thanks, Molly.'

'He and I spoke about you the other night,' said Molly seriously.

'What did you say?' asked Tonks, dreading the answer.

'I simply said that I didn't understand why he was denying something you both obviously want,' said Molly. 'He really didn't have an answer for me.'

There was a loud crash upstairs and Molly narrowed her eyes. 'I better see what they're up to,' she said apologetically.

As Molly went upstairs, Ginny walked down them. 'Hi, Tonks!' she said brightly.

'Wotcher, Ginny,' said Tonks, trying to seem pleased to see the youngest Weasley.

'I'm going to get some fresh air,' said Ginny, putting on a robe. 'Want to join me?'

'Sure,' said Tonks, though being outside was the last thing she wanted. Spending eight hours a day outside patrolling was enough.

Ginny sat on a rusted deck chair and Tonks settled into the one next to her. 'So how's everything with you?' asked Tonks. She and Ginny had become friends the first summer of the Order, but she had lost track of her a bit since then.

The young girl shrugged and leaned back in the chair. 'How bout you?'

'Same,' said Tonks, curling her legs underneath her. She took out her pair of mittens and put them on.

'You wear mittens?' asked Ginny with a grin.

Tonks nodded and showed Ginny her fasteners. Ginny tried hard not to laugh, but she did. Hearing the girl's laughter was like a warm bath and Tonks felt herself smiling in return.

'How is Mister Thomas?' asked Tonks knowingly.

Ginny glowered a bit. 'Have you ever…' Ginny trailed off. 'Have you ever dated someone, but not be into it as much as you should be?'

'That happening to you?' asked Tonks.

Ginny shrugged. 'There's this boy,' said Ginny slowly. They both knew she was talking about Harry Potter. 'I think he's finally noticed me. But I'm with Dean.'

'So what happens if you end it with Dean and are wrong?' asked Tonks.

'Exactly,' said Ginny. 'I like Dean, I do. But this other boy…'

'Believe it or not Ginny, I'm in a bit of the same boat myself,' said Tonks, hardly believing she was confiding in the fifteen year old. 'I've liked this person forever, but it's not going anywhere.'

'Professor Lupin?' asked Ginny quietly. Tonks looked at her in surprise, and Ginny grinned apologetically. 'I did see you leaving his room in tears this morning.'

Tonks held out her hand, indicating that the young witch was correct. 'And to complicate matters I'm…' Tonks was about to say shagging someone else, but stopped herself just in time. 'I'm with a bloke that's not Professor Lupin.' Tonks briefly wondered what Ginny's reaction would be if she mentioned that the other bloke was her potions professor.

'Does the other bloke know how you feel?' asked Ginny interestedly. Tonks stomach twisted, remembering the cruelness in Severus' voice this afternoon.

'He does,' said Tonks quietly.

Ginny looked at her in amazement. 'So this other bloke knows that you fancy someone else, but he's still with you?' she asked, eyes wide in surprise. 'Why are you with him then?'

'He's my friend,' said Tonks quickly. At least, he was before this afternoon. How in the world could she try to make a fifteen year old understand? That she and Severus had been using each other for comfort but then as unlikely as it sounded, a friendship formed between them? What's more, the thought of that friendship being over was tearing her up inside. She couldn't imagine not being able to talk to him. Severus and his bloody hot chocolate.

In that moment, Tonks wasn't sure what hurt worse. Being with Remus for one more night and having him leave again? Or the idea of not having Severus as a friend?


	30. Attempts at Cooking

**Chapter Thirty – Attempts at Cooking**

A week passed and there was no word from Severus. He didn't come down to the village during lunch and if Tonks saw him while patrolling the castle, he walked the other way.

He said he knew her. Well, if he knew her as well as he thought, he'd know this was tearing her up inside. Tonks wondered if he wanted an apology. That was out of the question. She didn't apologize to Remus last year when she slept with Severus, and she sure as hell wouldn't apologize for sleeping with Remus.

Finally, she decided to make a last ditch effort to salvage their friendship. His birthday was in two days. She remembered what he told her last year. That he didn't want to spend his birthday with people that wanted to be somewhere else on his birthday. Well, Tonks wanted to celebrate his birthday with him.

She wrote him an owl, simply inviting him over for dinner at her flat on Thursday. She made no mention of his birthday. Tonks borrowed Rosmerta's owl to send the letter.

If he showed up, maybe they could salvage their friendship. If he didn't, then Tonks knew their friendship was over. And that she would be devastated.

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Tonks sat at her desk in the Ministry, trying to get some paperwork done. She hunched over and logged her activities for the past week. Six shifts of patrol of Hogsmeade, one shift guarding Azkaban and two overnight raids. No wonder she was so bloody tired.

When the paperwork is finished, Tonks left quickly so that she's not assigned to another taskforce while she's here. To her surprise, Mad-Eye Moody was in the atrium. He had been working part-time, mainly offering experience more than anything else.

'Wotcher, Mad-Eye,' said Tonks with a grin. Moody always had a way of making her feel better.

'Hello, lass,' said Moody. 'Care to join me for a drink?'

'Sure,' said Tonks. Something had happened. That would be the only reason why he'd take her to get a drink.

'Nothing bad has happened,' growled Moody, reading her mind. They walked companionably to The Leaky Cauldron. Tonks ordered herself a butterbeer and they sat down at a table.

'What's your favorite color?' asked Moody.

Tonks groaned. 'Sky blue,' she said wearily. 'What's your clan?'

Moody nodded in approval. 'Barclay.'

'So what's this about, Mad-Eye,' sighed Tonks. 'Unless you've finally decided to succumb to my charms and ask me to marry you.'

'I want you to know what people are saying about you behind your back,' said Moody seriously.

Tonks stiffened. She should have expected this. Aurors gossip more than any other department. She was glad that Mad-Eye was willing to tell her the rumors to her face.

'Hit me,' said Tonks, taking a long swallow of butterbeer.

'They think you're sleeping with Snape,' he said shortly.

'Really?' asked Tonks, trying to act surprised.

'They say that you two meet up in Hogsmeade every so often,' said Moody.

'And because of that, they think we're screwing around?' asked Tonks, eyebrows raised. Thank goodness she knew how to act. It was essential for a metamorph.

'Do you deny it?' asked Moody. 'I'll tell everyone to shut their mouths if you do. It's not proper to be talking about a lady like that.'

'Thanks, Mad-Eye,' said Tonks with a smile, touched that he considered her a lady. 'We do meet in Hogsmeade from time to time but everything we're accused of is false.'

'What are you meeting him about?' asked Moody.

'Order business, mainly,' said Tonks. She shrugged, as if there was nothing else that they could talk about. 'Is there anything else to tell me?'

'That's the main thing,' said Moody. There was a pause while Moody cleared his throat. 'A couple of people think you've lost your nerve.'

Tonks stayed very still. Saying an Auror has lost their nerve is the worst insult someone can throw at a person.

'When this certain individual said this to me, I let him know what's what,' said Moody angrily.

'Do you think I've lost my nerve?' asked Tonks quietly.

Moody looked her right in the eye. 'I think you're young,' he said truthfully. 'I think that every Auror is being pushed to their limit. And if you ever lose your nerve, you won't have to ask someone. You'll know.'

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Tonks waved her wand at the pasta on the stove and said a quick warming charm. Soon she would have to accept that he wasn't going to come over. She asked him to be here at seven and it was almost eight o'clock.

She ran into the bathroom to check her appearance one last time. It felt like ages since she had actually put an effort into how she looked. New Year's Eve didn't count. Tonks might have been wearing a dress that night, but she barely bothered to brush her hair.

Tonight her hair was in loose waves around her face. The color was a dark green, which matched the color of the silk blouse she was wearing. Tonks paired that with a short black skirt and a pair of black flats. She thought about heels, but decided against it seeing as she was actually trying to maneuver around the kitchen.

Tears stinging her eyes, Tonks sat down at the kitchen table and rested her chin on her hand. But a sudden knock on the door caused her to jump. Tonks took a deep breath and told herself not to get too excited. It could be a neighbor or someone else who wasn't Severus.

Tonks opened the door, and Severus was standing there, in his traveling cloak, holding a bottle of wine. They stared at each other for a moment, with Tonks leaning against the doorframe. Finally, Severus nodded his head slightly.

'Happy Birthday,' said Tonks with a smile. Relief filled every pore of her body. They could be friends again after all.

His eyes didn't leave her face. 'Thank you,' he said softly.

'I wasn't sure you'd come,' admitted Tonks.

'I would have been here on time, but there was an issue with one of my second years,' said Severus. He leaned in to hand her the bottle of wine just as she stepped forward to take it.

For a moment, Tonks thought they were going to kiss. They never kissed hello or goodbye. One of their unwritten rules. But then Severus stood up straight and placed the bottle in her hands.

'You didn't have to bring anything,' said Tonks. 'This is your birthday.'

'I never go to someone's home for dinner empty handed,' said Severus casually. Tonks smiled. It was as if the last nine days hadn't happened. He cleared his throat. 'You look lovely, Nymphadora.'

'I think that's the first time you've ever complimented me,' grinned Tonks. Severus scowled, letting her know what he thought of that.

Tonks went to the kitchen and brought out two wine glasses. Severus took off his cloak and placed it on her coat rack. 'I hope pasta is okay,' said Tonks as she removed the pot from the stove top.

'Anything you make is fine with me, Nymphadora,' said Severus as he sat down on the couch. Tonks drained the pasta and put it in a large bowl. Then she poured two glasses of wine and went out to join him.

'What should we toast to?' asked Tonks cheerfully. 'I've already wished you a happy birthday.'

Severus raised his glass with a sardonic grin on his face. 'To Azkaban.'

Tonks raised her eyebrow and smiled. 'To Azkaban,' she said as they clinked their glasses. Tonks took a small sip and went back to the kitchen.

Just a few minutes later, they were sitting at her kitchen table, eating the salad Tonks prepared first. 'I have a confession,' said Tonks cheekily.

'And what could that be?' asked Severus, taking another sip of wine.

Tonks leaned in. 'We weren't supposed to have pasta tonight,' said Tonks apologetically. 'We were going to have some fancy chicken recipe I found but I bollockeds it up completely. And pasta was the only other thing I had in my kitchen.'

'Fortunately, I enjoy pasta,' said Severus dryly. He shook his head and finished his glass of wine. 'My wife wasn't a good cook, either.'

The salad fork Tonks had been holding clattered onto the kitchen tile. For what seemed like forever, Tonks simply stared at him, her eyes wide.

Severus looked at her, an odd expression on his face. Like he had said something that he desperately wished he could take back. 'Allow me to preference that, Nymphadora,' said Severus slowly. 'My late wife wasn't a good cook.'

'I…I didn't know you had been married,' said Tonks, hoping the shock was gone from her face.

'It was a long time ago,' said Severus, frowning. 'Not many people know, and I would prefer to keep it that way.'

'I won't tell anyone,' said Tonks, feeling the constriction in her chest ease. For a few horrible seconds, Tonks thought she had been having an affair with a married man without realizing it.

'I know you won't.'

Tonks forced a smile on her face and stood up. 'Let me get the pasta,' she said quickly. 'I'm sure the answer is no, but do you want another glass of wine?'

Severus shook his head. 'No. But thank you, Nymphadora.'

Tonks turned her back to him as she put the pasta on two plates. He was a widower. Briefly she wondered what other secrets he was hiding.

'Here we go,' said Tonks, placing the plate in front of him. She sat across from him and waited for him to take the first bite. He did and nodded.

Pleased, Tonks took a bite of her own forkful. It was awful. Far too garlicky. How much had she used? She practically had to force the food to go down. 'This is crap!' she exclaimed. 'You don't have to eat it, Severus.'

Severus put his fork down immediately. 'Are you worried about vampires invading your flat?' he asked sarcastically.

'This is so embarrassing,' said Tonks, shaking her head. 'I'm so sorry. I did try. That's two meals I've managed to destroy in one day.'

'I'm sure we can figure something else out,' said Severus, standing up.

Tonks perked up. 'Don't bother,' said Tonks brightly. 'Let's go out. I'll buy you dinner at The Leaky Cauldron.'

'I don't think that's the wisest of ideas,' said Severus slowly.

'It'll be fine,' said Tonks, warming to the idea. 'Better than fine cause I won't get drunk like the last time we were there and you won't have to apparate me home.'

'Did we not agree that no one can know about this?' asked Severus in a low voice. 'We cannot be seen in public together, Nymphadora.'

'Well, aren't you lucky that you caught me on a good day,' said Tonks with a grin. She scrunched her nose and changed her face to a beautiful one she remembered seeing in Witch Weekly. Her hair changed to a dark brown, straight down her back.

'If we are going out in public, you might want to morph your face to someone who might actually have dinner with me,' said Severus curtly.

For a moment, Tonks didn't understand what he was saying. But then she did. Tonks scrunched her nose again. Keeping the hair, she changed the face to a plainer one. One that would blend in more easily. 'Better?' asked Tonks.

'Much,' said Severus in a clipped voice.

Dinner went very smoothly until dessert. Tonks had eggplant parmesan while Severus had a tuna steak. It was much better than her attempts of making a meal.

Just as they were debating whether to have dessert or not, Severus' face stiffened slightly. If she hadn't known him, Tonks wouldn't have noticed anything.

'We need to leave now,' said Severus in a low voice.

'All right,' said Tonks. She quickly flagged down the waiter, who brought the bill. Tonks wrote a quick draft covering the amount. As they headed away from the table, Snape took her arm and placed it in his. When they were near the front, Snape gave a nod towards a table that had two couples.

'Snape!' said one of the men. Tonks blanched. It was Goyle, one of the men who helped torture her over the summer. They walked over the table and Severus shook hands with both men and Tonks nodded to the women.

'Who is this?' asked the other man interestedly. Tonks didn't recognize him, but figured that he must be a Death Eater. It was taking a great deal of control not to let her Auror instincts take over and arrest both men.

'This is a family acquaintance,' lied Severus easily. 'We have tickets to a show, so we won't be able to stay and talk.'

Moments later they were outside in the cold. Snape whispered, 'Don't drop my arm. They're probably watching from the window.'

'And that's why I was so good in Concealment and Disguises,' laughed Tonks. 'Why would you be watching you from the window?'

'Believe me, every Death Eater will know about this by tomorrow and I will get no end of questioning,' muttered Snape. 'We're not going out in public again, Nymphadora.'

'I'm sorry,' said Tonks in a small voice. 'Shall we apparate back?'

Severus nodded and a moment later they were back in her flat.

A few hours later, Tonks lay on her side, warm in her bed, her back towards Severus. She looked out the bedroom window and watched the snow fall softly. It hadn't been snowing when they had left The Leaky Cauldron.

Tonks closed her eyes as she heard Severus shift besides her. They both had to be up early tomorrow; Tonks to patrol Hogsmeade and Severus to get back to Hogwarts in time for breakfast to avoid questions from his fellow staff members.

Her mind started to wander a bit; she didn't notice his touch at first. But then Tonks felt her body relax as Severus broke one of their unwritten rules. He laid his body flush against hers and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

And so they slept.

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_A/N – Ten House points to anyone who found the Star Trek: TNG shout-out. _


	31. Lupus Insignio

**Chapter Thirty-One - Lupus Insignio**

The days and months seemed to blend together. The bleak winter had its firm grasp on Britain and it did not appear to want to let go. When March arrived and was no better than December or January, briefly Tonks thought about switching departments. Maybe she could work in the Department of Magical Games and Sports. They would never have to be outside in weather like this. But Tonks knew she was joking. There was no doubt in Tonks' head that she was an Auror.

After Severus' birthday, things seemed to change a bit between them. Tonks couldn't quite explain it. Before, it was optimistic to be together once a week and now they were together at least twice each week.

Their unwritten rules seemed to be thrown out the window. They held each other often now afterwards. Their conversations changed from simply the news and Order business to their pasts.

For some reason, Tonks wanted to find out everything that she could about his late wife. She learned little. All Severus would tell her was that she had been a year older than him and they married a year after he graduated Hogwarts. Tonks was aware that he was a Death Eater by that point so she couldn't help but wonder if his late wife had been one as well.

There would be times when she caught him staring at her with an odd expression on his face. She couldn't help but wonder if after all this time, he might have developed feelings for her. But Tonks brushed those thoughts aside. Hadn't she made the exact same mistake with Sirius last year? She couldn't go assuming any man who shows an ounce of compassion towards her to have feelings for her.

But then the snow started melting. Her mother had liked to say that a Nymph's favorite time of year was the sliver between winter and spring. When everything was not quite ready to be reborn, but instead was mulling over the possibilities.

Tonks found herself growing stronger. Perhaps time was in fact allowing Tonks to heal. She certainly didn't think of Remus as much, which pleased her. Remus wanted Tonks to be happy. Well, maybe she was finally ready.

In the middle of March, Tonks and Severus were in bed early on a Sunday morning. It was a Sunday morning out of Tonks' dreams. They were both in dressing gowns with the Sunday Prophet spread out before them. She was reading the front section while Severus was working on the crossword puzzle, asking her the occasional question. Such as the town name (ten letters) where the famous Common Welsh Green Dragon incident happened (Ilfracombe) or a five letter word that fills in Famous Goblin: Natter the blank. (Nasty).

As Tonks continued to read, she felt Severus start running his fingers through her hair, which was in its natural state this morning. She hadn't bothered to try morphing yet, though she already knew she'd be able to, when she was ready.

She couldn't help but wonder why things couldn't always be like this. They got along very well; not many other women could put up with him like she did. He respected her, admired her, even. The sex was good. Surely a real relationship could be based on what they already had.

'Severus…' Tonks trailed off, hardly believing she was going to voice her thoughts.

He made no response as he dipped his quill in the ink well on his bedside table. Severus was not one for wasting words. He knew she would speak again. The quill made a soft scratching sound on the paper.

'When we started all this,' started Tonks quietly, waving her hand to indicate the bed. 'You know those conditions you set…'

The scratching noise from the quill stopped immediately. Severus turned his head and glared at her. It was an expression that she hadn't seen in quite some time. Tonks felt like she was under a microscope.

'I was thinking,' said Tonks, now feeling extremely uncomfortable under his gaze, 'that maybe there could be more.'

Without missing a beat, Severus went back to his crossword puzzle. 'If you are not satisfied with our current arrangement, I suggest you end it,' said Severus curtly.

Tonks paused, trying not to be hurt that he dismissed the idea so easily. Then being careful not to show any emotion, Tonks picked up the Prophet and started reading, though the words all blended together.

They spent close to the next hour in silence. Tonks kept rereading the same sentence and then simply turning a page of the paper every so often. Severus asked for no more help with the crossword. Finally, the clock chimed and Tonks needed to get ready for her patrol shift.

Tonks dressed quickly, relief filling her. She had never felt relief leaving his chambers before. As she was putting on her boots, Severus said casually, 'I met with the Dark Lord the night before last.

Shrugging her shoulders, Tonks said, 'So?'

'He had some interesting news regarding Fenrir Greyback.'

Severus had her attention now. 'What kind of news?' asked Tonks as she stood up and grabbed her shoulder bag.

'It appears that Greyback has attacked some members of his pack,' said Severus nonchalantly. 'Attacked those who didn't agree with his methods.'

Tonks' blood went cold. That was the pack Remus was with. 'Was anyone killed?' she asked in a small voice.

'I think the question you meant to ask was Remus Lupin killed?' retorted Severus, his lip curling up in a sneer. 'That I don't have the answer to.'

'There was nothing in the Prophet,' said Tonks quickly.

'Do you really think the Prophet would report werewolves attacking their own?' asked Severus.

Tonks didn't say another word as she left the room. He told her that to hurt her, she knew it. She would worry all day now. It was Severus' punishment for daring to suggest that they change anything. Bastard. Maybe Dumbledore would know more.

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The next time they arranged to be together, Tonks couldn't help but wonder if things would be different. If things would go back to the way there were before his birthday, when they held on fast to their unwritten rules.

They didn't. Though Tonks certainly wasn't going to bring up anything regarding 'feelings' or 'relationships' again. Things were fine as they were. So they would stay that way.

In the middle of April there was a werewolf attack. A little boy died. The rumor was that it was Fenrir Greyback who killed the child. The Werewolf Capture Unit decided to go on an offensive to capture Greyback.

Tonks was assigned to the group of Aurors who would be waiting back at the Ministry when the WCU came back with any werewolves they caught. It was decided to go that night, the night after the full moon. The werewolves would be tired, still exhausted from their transformations. The goal was to capture as many as possible without a fight.

The moment the WCU team left, Tonks was a nervous wreck. She overheard the instructions that were given; the team had been given permission to kill. She said a silent prayer that Remus would be all right.

There were six Aurors waiting. Savage was among them and suggested they started up a card game while they wait. Tonks joined in instantly, glad for something to distract her for a bit.

The six Aurors' watches all clocked at the same time and the cards were vanished instantly. Wands were drawn, and they waited for the van to drive up with whatever werewolves that had been caught. The group became larger as workers from the Werewolf Registry joined them.

'We got five!' called out the driver.

'Greyback?' someone called hopefully from the group.

The driver shook his head. Tonks steeled herself, waiting to see the werewolves they did capture get off of the van.

The first one off was a small girl who couldn't have been more than thirteen or fourteen years old. 'Tonks, you'll escort this one,' someone from the WCU yelled.

Tonks moved towards the van, looking inside the open doors were the rest of the werewolves were sitting. Remus was sitting there, his hands locked behind his back, head lowered as if in prayer.

She hoped he would look up, but he sat there silently, staring at the floor. Tonks put her arm on the young girl's shoulder and brought her away from the rest of the group. A tall witch about ten years older than Tonks walked with them. Tonks assumed that she was from the Werewolf Registry.

The girl walked in silence, not struggling in the slightest. Tonks turned away and non-verbally charmed her nose so that she couldn't use her sense of smell. The girl had obviously not bathed in several weeks and Tonks didn't want her to be self-conscious as she was interviewed.

The witch from the Registry led them to a small office. The girl sat down on a stiff wooden chair. As the witch started looking for some paperwork, Tonks started morphing her nose to entertain the girl. After about the third one, the girl whispered that her name was Tala.

Tala's skin was filthy and Tonks couldn't quite tell if her hair was supposed to be a dark blonde or a light brown. Her clothes were several sizes too big and ripped and torn in many places. She wore no shoes. How could Greyback believe this was a way to raise a child?

Tonks stayed silent through the entire interview process. Tala looked absolutely terrified as the witch, whose name was Clare Kirke, asked question after question.

Then it was time for the part Tonks had been dreading. Every werewolf that is registered is branded. The first time Tala showed any sign of resistance was when Clare, in a soft spoken voice, asked her to stand.

Tonks placed her hands on the girl's shoulders. 'I'll have to tie you up if you keep struggling,' said Tonks, trying to sound firm.

'Please, I don't want the mark,' begged Tala. 'They won't let me back if I have the mark! Please, they're my family. Don't take them away!'

Clare walked behind Tala and ordered her to take off her shirt. Tala was crying hard, tears streaming down her cheeks. If Tonks was watching this scene as an outsider, no doubt that she would be crying as well. But seeing as she was right in the middle, Tonks forced herself to remain calm for Tala.

Tala closed her eyes tightly, as if that would make everyone disappear. Clare pointed her wand at Tala's back and called out, _'Lupus Insignio.' _Tala started screaming loudly. Tonks held onto the girl's shoulders as hard as she could to keep her still.

The rest of the evening was a blur. Tala was placed in a small holding cell with another female werewolf whose arms opened wide when she saw the girl. Tala ran into the woman's arms and started sobbing.

Clare told Tonks she could leave then. It was now Clare's task to find Tala's family and see if they wanted her back. Apparently, not all families did. The very thought infuriated Tonks.

Tonks walked over to the holding area for the men. Savage was there, guarding the area.

'Wotcher, Savage,' said Tonks quietly. She looked into the cell. Remus was sitting there, face buried in his hands. He hadn't had a hair cut since she last seen him; his hair grazed the collar of his shirt. His robes were filthy.

Savage nodded. 'Fun way to spend a night.'

''Right,' said Tonks. Then in a low voice added, 'Darrin, I want to vouch for one of them.'

Savage looked at her curiously. 'I didn't know you knew any werewolves.'

Tonks thought quickly. She scrunched her nose and her hair changed from dark purple spikes to her natural brown. Remus and she had close to the same color hair. She pointed at Remus, 'That one's my cousin, Remus Lupin,' she lied easily.

'Really?' asked Savage. 'You're sure about this?'

'He won't hurt me,' said Tonks confidently. 'And if it comes to blows, I can take him in a fight.'

'I don't doubt it,' said Savage with a sigh. He placed his wand on his throat and whispered, '_Soronus.'_

'Lupin, get into the dock,' said Savage harshly.

Remus looked up in surprise but followed the orders quickly. Tonks was startled to see his eyes. They looked empty, like he had lost all hope. The other werewolves started yelling and screaming, while Remus simply waited. Once the gate was shut behind him, the front gate opened and he walked out.

In order to play the role right, Tonks had her wand pointed on Remus along with Savage. 'You're lucky your cousin's vouching for you,' said Savage, his voice back to its normal decimal.

'Let's go, Remus,' said Tonks softly. 'Thank you, Darrin. I'd appreciate if you kept this quiet.'

'Done,' said Savage, nodding his head.

Tonks and Remus walked through the halls of the Ministry in silence. The moment they stepped outside, Remus leaned his head back and closed his eyes. 'Thank you, Clumsy.'

'Are you all right?' asked Tonks in a soft voice.

'I managed to go thirty years without them branding me,' said Remus bitterly, rolling back his shoulders. He fumbled through his robes and took out an almost empty pack of cigarettes. 'I don't have any matches. Could you light this for me?'

Tonks gave him her wand to cast the spell and stepped back as he lit it. 'That's right,' he said evenly. 'You don't like fire.'

As he handed her wand back to her, she asked, 'Now what? The girl I guarded said they don't let you back if you're registered.'

Remus nodded. 'Can we get out of here?'

'Where to?' asked Tonks.

'It's too late to go to the Burrow. Arthur and Molly would just think something is wrong with one of their children,' said Remus with a sigh.

'Remus, you can sleep on my couch tonight,' said Tonks.

'I don't want to inconvenience you, Clumsy,' said Remus formally.

'It's just a bloody couch,' snapped Tonks. He was about to protest again when Tonks held up her hand and said, 'Just sleep on my couch. Can you apparate?'

Remus shook his head. 'Not strong enough.'

Tonks placed her arm on his and a moment later they were in her flat. 'Thank you,' he said hoarsely, limping towards the couch.

'Do you want anything to eat? Tea?' asked Tonks.

'It's very late,' said Remus quietly. 'You should go to bed.'

'And you look like you're starving,' said Tonks, heading towards the kitchen. She had been meaning to go grocery shopping. All she could offer was a toasted tomato and cheese sandwich, which she made quickly.

Remus wolfed the food down when it was in front of him. 'Thank you.'

'You're welcome,' said Tonks shortly. 'Feel free to take a shower. I'll bring you a robe and a pillow.'

Remus was in the shower when Tonks came out of her room with a blanket, pillow and a robe. She knocked on the bathroom door and opened it halfway. 'Clean robe on the toilet,' she said loud enough so he could hear.

Ten minutes later, Remus came out of the bathroom, wearing the robe, eyeing the extra sandwich Tonks had made for him while she waited.

'Sleep in as long as you want,' said Tonks as Remus started eating the sandwich. 'I have to get up early so when you leave, just lock the door using the muggle lock.'

Remus looked out the window. 'I've never been so humiliated in my life,' he said softly. 'To think that I'll simply be a number for the rest of my life…'

'You're more than a number and you know it, Remus Lupin,' said Tonks quickly.

'I know you're trying to be helpful, Clumsy, but I really don't want to hear it,' said Remus quietly. The words sounded harsh, but there was no malice in his tone of voice.

'I'm just trying to say that you're so much more than how you define yourself,' said Tonks. 'All you keep telling me is that you're old, you're poor and you're dangerous. But that's not who you are.'

Remus stretched out on the couch, laying on his stomach. She supposed he couldn't lay on his back because of the branding. 'I'm so tired of this dance, Clumsy,' he said wearily.

Tonks looked at him in amazement. It was him who was choosing not to end it. 'I've told you what I need to hear. Until then…'

'Until then, what?' asked Remus carefully.

'Don't call me Clumsy.'

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_A/N – The Star Trek: TNG shout-out was Moody's clan. The Barclay clan. I have a fangirl crush on Reg. _

_Lupus Insignio in Latin literally means wolf mark._

_Also, as you might be aware, we are getting closer and closer to the end of HBP. This story is going to go into Harry's seventh year. Just wanted to let you know: ) _


	32. A Truth Revealed

**Chapter Thirty-Two – A Truth Revealed**

One of the good things that came from Remus being captured was that he wasn't able to go back. Tala wasn't lying; the packs refuse to let those who have been branded return. Tonks had found out from Clare Kirke that Tala's family was thrilled to have the young girl returned to them. That made Tonks smile.

As for Remus, he moved back into Grimmauld Place, even though he really didn't want to. But he was practical. He didn't want to burden the Weasleys with anything more than a haircut, which Molly gladly provided, and he sure enough wasn't willing to live with her, even if it was just on the couch. He spent the next few days after his capture in the Ministry working with Werewolf Support Services, even though, in his own words, they neither 'support' nor 'serve.'

A few days after everyone in the Order knew that Remus was back, Severus came to Hogsmeade during his lunch. As it was the middle of April, hot chocolate was no longer needed. He didn't ask the question that she expected and was prepared for. After New Year's, she figured he'd ask again if she slept with Remus. After all, he did have a right to know if she was sleeping with another bloke.

However, she was almost positive that he preformed Legilimency on her. And Tonks let him. She opened her mind to let him know in no certain terms that she and Remus had not slept together since he came back. The reality was they barely even talked.

Tonks turned twenty-four without fanfare. The Weasleys invited her over for lunch and she spent the evening and through the night with Severus, who might not have even known it was her birthday. If he did, he certainly didn't acknowledge it as such. And she didn't bring it up. There was nothing from Remus, which she expected, seeing that her birthday last year was when their ill fated romance begun.

Now that Remus couldn't go back to his assignment, Molly tried to become matchmaker again with Tonks and Remus. She invited them both over for dinner at the same time, but not mentioning the other was coming.

One specific night in early May, Tonks was over for dinner. Remus was there, along with Bill and Fleur. Molly made them sit next to each other. It was incredibly uncomfortable for everyone at the table. If Remus would only talk to her, things might be better.

Once dinner was over, Remus went into the backyard to smoke a cigarette. He hadn't given up the vice yet, and it didn't sound like he planned to. Tonks followed him outside. They just needed to talk and maybe this horrible tension between them would go away.

'Wotcher, Remus,' said Tonks as she sat down on a bench next to him. He held out his cigarette to her. And Tonks accepted, taking a long drag. Merlin, she hated the taste of cigarettes.

'I got a job today,' he said unenthusiastically.

'That's great news, Remus,' said Tonks happily. Though one look from Remus told her that he most certainly did not consider this to be great news.

'And we're not happy about this because…' asked Tonks.

'I'll be bagging groceries in a muggle shop,' said Remus. 'One of the women in Werewolf non-support and non-services has a cousin who's a squib and manages a grocery store. They gave me the job, even knowing about…Just think, if it works out, in a few months, I could be a clerk. And then the possibilities really open up.'

He sounded so sour about it. Tonks had never heard Remus sound like that before. 'It's a job,' said Tonks finally.

'I've become a bitter old man,' said Remus wearily, taking another drag on his cigarette.

'Don't forget poor and dangerous,' said Tonks seriously.

That won her a bit of a smile from Remus. 'I'm glad your hair is pink tonight,' said Remus, blowing a puff of smoke away from her.

'Me, too,' said Tonks.

'What am I going to do with you, Clumsy?' he asked.

Tonks looked at him sharply. He hadn't called her 'Clumsy' once since she asked him not to.

'Sorry,' mumbled Remus. Then in a stronger voice, said, 'I'm sick of avoiding you. Are we going to be able to be friends?'

'I'd like that,' said Tonks softly. 'I could always use another friend.'

They sat in silence. Tonks glanced over at him and with a shock, realized that the normal longings and pangs that she felt for him weren't there. They had been replaced by something else. But what, she wasn't quite sure.

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In the middle of May, there were more Dementor sightings, and some seemed to settle near Hogsmeade. But the Aurors that patrolled there couldn't actually find them. All they knew was there was an increase in the amount of mist in the town.

The end of May was glorious. Summer decided to arrive early. During her patrol, Tonks would stash her robes in the Three Broomsticks and simply wear jeans and a t-shirt. Not quite Ministry standard, but even Dawlish didn't wear his robes during patrol now. It was simply too nice out.

On the very last day of May, Tonks and Savage were sitting on a bench, discussing where in the world the Dementors were hiding. Tonks personally thought they were in the Forbidden Forest. Savage thought they were hiding in the mountains.

She could see Severus walking down the path to the village. Tonks debated with herself, as she had worked the night before and could use a good night's sleep. Savage elbowed her when Severus approached. She sighed inwardly. When Moody told her about the rumors, she had gone straight to Savage and point blank asked who started them. He said he thought it was Dawlish, which didn't surprise her. But now Savage liked to tease her whenever he saw the Potions Master.

'Go away, Darrin,' said Tonks as Severus walked closer.

'Tsk, tsk,' teased Savage. 'All right, I'm going.'

'Now, Savage,' ordered Tonks. Savage just shook his head, stood up and walked away.

Severus sat next to her and looked even more tired than she did. 'Are you all right?' she asked. He normally didn't appreciate questions like that, but she couldn't help it, the words simply escaped.

'Long night,' said Severus with a sigh. 'One of my sixth year girls started cutting herself again. I had to take her to St. Mungos and then have a very long conversation with her parents.'

'Bloody hell,' said Tonks quietly. Even in her worst moments of depression she never actually thought of hurting herself like that.

'She did it openly, in the dorm. Millicent has a good head on her shoulders. She took Daphne's wand from her and told Pansy to get me,' said Severus quietly.

Tonks bit her lip. 'So you call the students in your House by their first name?' she asked lightly.

'Never to their face,' said Severus dismissively.

'Then why was I Nymphadora?' demanded Tonks.

'Didn't we already cover this?' he asked.

'I never got an answer,' said Tonks, crossing her arms over her chest.

Severus sighed. 'When you were at Hogwarts, I called you that because you made such a fuss about hating your name,' he said finally. 'It was quite amusing to see how upset you would become.'

'So you did it to piss me off?' asked Tonks in disbelief. 'To piss off an eleven year old?'

Severus held out his hands helplessly. 'Now I call you Nymphadora, because quite frankly, I like your name.'

'You like my name?' asked Tonks, widening her eyes. 'Nobody likes my name.'

'It's different. You're not a Katie or a Patty or a Vicky,' he said. 'You're you.'

Tonks grinned. 'I do believe that's the second compliment you've ever given me.'

'Are you guarding Azkaban tonight?' he asked wearily, changing the subject.

Tonks laughed. 'Look at us,' she smiled. 'You're bloody exhausted, I'm bloody exhausted. Let's not tonight.'

'Please, Nymphadora.'

She looked at him in surprise. Not once, in the almost nine months they had been sleeping together had he ever asked again after she said no. He most certainly never had said please before.

'All right,' said Tonks slowly.

Hours later, as she knocked on his door, the word please was still on her mind. The moment she entered the chambers, something felt wrong. She had never seen his bedchambers anything other than immaculate. Until tonight.

There were papers and what looked like photographs scattered across his desk. Some books were piled on the sofa.

'Bit messy, aren't we?' teased Tonks.

'I'm trying to put some of my personal affairs in order,' said Severus.

'That's a bit morbid,' said Tonks, taking another step into the room.

'We're at war,' said Severus roughly. 'Don't you have a will and instructions for when you're dead?'

Tonks wrapped her arms around herself. She didn't like the finality of his words. When you're dead, not if you die. 'I do,' she said softly. 'But I really don't like thinking about them.'

She went to go sit on the sofa but tripped on a quill that had been left on the floor. Managing to put her hands out in front of her, she grabbed the desk to steady herself, but knocked over a large pile of papers.

Tonks knelt quickly to pick up the papers. 'Leave them,' ordered Severus sharply.

'I'll have them right in a minute,' said Tonks swiftly.

'Leave them,' barked Severus again.

But by then her eyes were glued to an older photograph of a pregnant young witch, in her early twenties, waving happily to the camera. She was beautiful, long white blonde curls piled on top of her head, with the most striking grey eyes.

'Who is she?' asked Tonks before she could help herself. But she already knew the answer. The woman's hair was exactly like Tonks' had been the night they first slept together. The hair he asked her to change.

Severus grabbed the picture out of her hands and inspected it, like he had expected Tonks to hurt the picture in some way.

'Is that…her?' asked Tonks gently. Severus nodded and placed the picture face down on the desk. The woman in the picture had been pregnant. 'What happened?'

Severus kept his back to her, his hand on the desk, like it was supporting him. Finally, he turned around and looked at her. Really looked at her. Almost as if he was judging her, to see if she was worthy of the information.

'She killed herself,' said Severus matter of factly. 'Close to seventeen years ago.'

'And the baby?' asked Tonks in horror, already dreading the answer.

'Elias, my son…' Severus trailed off. 'He was killed when he was three days old. By the Dark Lord himself. While he was sleeping in my arms.'

'Can you tell me what happened?' she asked gently. But inside, her heart was racing. This had to be the reason why he switched sides. She always knew that there was something that caused him to turn, but she had no idea that it would be this tragic.

'Her name was Florence, a cousin of Lucius Malfoy. She was a Death Eater as well, but not nearly as involved as I was.

'She became pregnant and several months later I made the biggest mistake of my life,' said Severus quietly. He turned towards the desk again, his back facing her. 'You know the contents of the prophecy?'

Tonks nodded. 'The prophecy's about Harry, isn't it?'

Severus gave a bitter bark of a laugh. 'Potter, indeed. The end of July was three months away when I told the Dark Lord of the prophecy. He decided that he would kill every wizard child that was born at the end of July. It was his way of covering himself. He didn't care about the rest of the criteria, only the part of the child being born in July.

'I thought we were safe since Florence wasn't due to give birth until the middle of August.'

Tonks knew exactly where the story was going, and her heart broke for him.

'She went into labor July thirtieth and Elias was born on July thirty-first,' said Severus. 'Then I tried to convince myself that the Dark Lord would never harm my child, no matter when his birthday was. He would never hurt my son.'

Tonks couldn't help herself. She walked behind Severus, wrapping her arms around his waist and leaned against him. He grasped her hand tightly.

'Three days later, the Dark Lord came to my house. Florence and I had discussed it and we knew he was here to kill Elias. We decided that we were young and that we would have other children,' said Severus curtly. 'We knew that even if we tried to fight him and protect Elias, the Dark Lord would kill us and then kill Elias anyways.

'I had Elias in my arms and the Dark Lord was delighted with us, that we were making this so easy for him,' said Severus. There was absolutely no emotion in his voice as he continued talking. 'That's one of the reasons he trusts me so much. He remembers what I gave up for him.'

'I let him kill Elias while he was sleeping,' said Severus, holding her hand so tightly. 'The moment it was done, I wanted him to kill me, too. I didn't feel like I deserved to live after that point. I didn't want to live.

'Florence killed herself that night,' said Severus sadly.

'The next day, I buried my wife and son and went directly to Dumbledore. I told him everything I knew. Absolutely everything,' said Severus. 'Once I was done, I planned on going somewhere far away. Just away from here. But Albus wouldn't hear of it. He wanted me to stay a Death Eater and become a spy for him. He said it could be my way of not letting my son die in vain.'

'Severus…' Tonks trailed off, her eyes filling with tears.

'I don't want your pity, Nymphadora. I made choices that I'm not proud of and I'm facing the consequences every single day of my life,' said Severus simply.

A silence settled over them. They stood there for quite some time, with Tonks' arms wrapped firmly around his waist.

'I have never told anyone but Albus this, do you understand?' asked Severus seriously.

'Yes,' whispered Tonks. She promised herself that she would never share this with anyone. In fact, she almost felt unworthy of knowing his secret.

Finally, Severus turned around and placed his hands on either side of her face. Tonks looked up into his eyes and for just a moment, his defenses seemed to disappear and Tonks could truly see the extent of his grief, seventeen years later in his eyes.

He lowered his head and kissed her softly. It wasn't the urgent, rough kisses they usually shared. This was slow and gentle. She found herself getting completely lost in the kiss. For that moment, nothing else existed.

And later, when they were together, Tonks couldn't let go of the feeling that he was trying to tell her something. But she simply didn't understand what he was trying to say.

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_A/N – For those who are wondering where I conjured Snape's history, there was a question on JK's website once, asking if Luna was Snape's daughter. She said specifically that Snape didn't have a daughter. Knowing how careful she is with words, why did she leave the door open like that? If Snape had no children, why not come out and say 'Snape doesn't have children.' To me, that implied that Snape has (or had) a son. _


	33. Sense of Betrayal

**Chapter Thirty-Three – Sense of Betrayal**

**A/N – This chapter has dialogue from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince**

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'You got the Patronus, too?' asked Tonks to Bill Weasley the next evening.

Bill grinned at her. 'Got to admit, I'd much rather be home with Fleur right now.'

'Nah,' smiled Tonks. 'It's fun patrolling. Covering the secret passageways and remembering all the times you tried to sneak out.'

'I tried sneaking out once, was caught, got a detention and never did it again,' said Bill with a laugh. 'How many times did you try to sneak out?'

'Not try, Bill,' said Tonks proudly, putting her brown hair back into a ponytail. 'The question is how many times did I not get caught?'

'I don't remember you being as bad as Fred and George,' grinned Bill.

'I might have been a sixth year when they got here, but even they showed me a thing or two,' said Tonks.

'Nymphadora, Bill, thank you for coming,' said Professor McGonagall, walking up to them. Behind her was Remus, his hands in his pockets. 'We'll cover the main passageways until the Headmaster returns.'

They all nodded and Tonks went over to the passageway she had patrolled before. She couldn't help wondering where Severus was. Normally he helped out on these patrols. Tonks thought of him all day today. She couldn't help wondering why no one else knew about his son. Perhaps members of the Order would be a bit nicer to him…

But what if that's exactly what he didn't want? He didn't want her pity, why would he want anyone else's?

For close to an hour, Tonks simply walked around, listening for any sound or noise that would suggest something wrong. Then suddenly she heard a commotion. Tonks didn't like hearing commotions when she was patrolling. Hurriedly, she took her wand out and headed towards the noise.

And what greeted her was mayhem.

Death Eaters were in the castle. Impossible. That was the one thought she let herself have before she threw herself into the battle. Remus and Bill were already fighting. Ron and Ginny Weasley were there, along with another student that Tonks didn't recognize.

Professor McGonagall joined them quickly afterwards. 'Filius has gone to get Severus,' she told Tonks as they continued to fight.

Tonks' heart clenched. How could Severus fight with them? If he fought openly with their side, the Death Eaters would kill him! She looked around and counted six Death Eaters and her cousin, Draco Malfoy. What in the world was he doing here? Merlin, Greyback was among them.

The largest of the Death Eaters was throwing killing curses. Tonks knew that as an Auror, she had permission to kill, but she had absolutely no desire to use it. '_Stupefy!'_ she cried. The Death Eater moved out of the way easily. For such a large man, he moved very well.

'Remus!' screamed Tonks as she saw the Death Eater throw the kissing curse right at Remus. Remus moved quickly and the curse hit another Death Eater who came out of no where. The man crumpled to the ground, dead instantly.

Tonks couldn't seem to get off spells fast enough. The Death Eaters always seemed to be one step ahead. With round eyes, Tonks saw Greyback attack Bill Weasley. She didn't have time to try to help as she had to cast her own shield charm. Bill laid there in a pool of his own blood.

Ginny Weasley paused for just a moment, looking at Bill. 'Focus, Ginny!' yelled Tonks. The young woman pulled herself together and sent out stunners as quickly as she could.

Professor McGonagall pointed towards the staircase. 'They're going upstairs!'

The student Tonks didn't recognize ran as fast as he could towards the stairs. Tonks saw a future Auror in him; he obviously had no concern for his own welfare, only the ones around him. The moment his foot touched the first step, he was thrown backwards. Tonks didn't have time to see if he was all right; she was too busy trying to fight the large Death Eater.

There were footsteps running down the corridors. Tonks glanced towards them for just a second and saw Severus running towards the group. She tried giving him a smile, but he ran past her like he didn't even see her.

Severus made it through whatever barrier it was and Tonks saw Remus try to follow, but was thrown back, just like that student. Though not nearly as violently.

Time seemed to stand still. All she could do was to keep fighting. If she didn't keep fighting, she would die. It was simple as that.

'Incoming!'

Tonks squatted down and covered herself with a shield charm as the stone ceiling started crumbling. A moment later, the ceiling was half caved in. There was ruble on the stairs. The barrier had been broken.

Tonks ran towards the barrier and just as she was about to go up the stairs, her cousin and Severus ran down them.

She tried to ask Severus what happened up there but he looked at her with such anguish that she couldn't find the words. As he ran passed her, she felt their hands brush, but it might have been her imagination. Anyway, there was no time to think. The Death Eaters were back.

She heard Severus yell something and out of the corner of her eye saw Harry Potter running down the steps. Tonks kept trying to bring the largest Death Eater down but was having no luck.

And then the fighting stopped. The Death Eaters all were running away from the Astronomy Tower. Only one thought was in her mind. She was an Auror, and they were Death Eaters. Tonks took off running after them.

About half way down the corridor, she slipped on a puddle and fell down hard with a sickening crack. An immense pain shot through her foot to her ankle. It was broken. She had enough experience with broken bones that she could already tell.

'Damnit!' yelled Tonks as loud as she could, trying to get some of her frustration out of her body. She slammed her hand down into the puddle, realizing only too late that it wasn't water, but blood.

Ginny ran down to her and helped her up. 'Can you walk?'

Tonks tried putting her weight on her foot and immediately picked it up again. 'There's no way,' said Tonks, talking as fast as she could. 'Ginny, you're the fastest here. Go to a fire, any fire and get the Ministry here as soon as they can. Get Aurors-'

A firm hand grasped Tonks' shoulder. It was Remus. 'Minerva's already gone to notify the Ministry.'

'Good, good,' said Tonks. She had to remind herself to breathe. That was one thing Tonks always forgot to do in a pressure situation. She had to remember to breathe. 'We need to get Bill and that boy…'

'Neville,' said Remus helpfully.

'Neville,' nodded Tonks. 'To the Hospital Wing.'

'Ginny, stay with Tonks,' said Remus. 'Ron and I will get Bill and Neville on stretchers.'

Ginny put her arm around Tonks' waist, helping her stand. 'It almost sounded like Snape was giving orders to the Death Eaters, didn't it?' said Ginny, staring ahead at her brothers.

Tonks looked at Ginny sharply. 'Ginny,' said Tonks softly. 'Snape is on our side. I have no doubt about that.'

'Clumsy, I need help down here!' called out Remus. Tonks didn't even flinch at the sound of her nickname.

Ron ran down to her, scooped Tonks in his arms and ran her back to Bill.

'I can't get the bleeding to stop,' said Remus urgently. 'You have more experience with Healing Charms than I do.'

Ron help Tonks get into a sitting position on the floor. Tonks took her wand and tried several different spells, but none worked. So she started rubbing her hands together frantically, calling forth her own Healing power, instead of using a wand.

When her hands felt warm enough, Tonks covered Bill's face with them and whispered, '_Sospitias.'_ Blood covered her hands, but Tonks simply letting them rest there, allowing the charm to work.

After more than a minute, Tonks lifted her hand. The bleeding wasn't nearly as bad, but it still hadn't stopped. 'We have to get him to Madam Pomfrey.'

'Is he dead?' asked Ron in a hollow voice.

'No,' said Tonks forcefully.

'Neville, can you walk?' asked Ginny. Neville was sitting up, leaning against the wall. He shook his head.

'Remus, you conjure up Bill's stretcher. I'll conjure one for Neville,' said Tonks, taking charge of the situation. 'I can't walk-'

'I'll carry you,' said Ron without hesitation.

A moment later, they were on their way. Tonks looked back at where the fight had been and saw that the caretaker, Filch, was already moving the body of the Death Eater that had been killed.

They walked in silence. At one point, Tonks looked down and saw with a heavy heart that Ginny, who was walking next to Ron, had placed her hand in the pocket of Ron's robes.

Madam Pomfrey was waiting for them. She first walked to Tonks, but immediately Tonks told her to look after Bill.

'Someone needs to tell Molly and Arthur to get over here,' said Remus softly, as they moved Bill and Neville from the stretchers to cots.

'Don't forget Fleur,' said Tonks, trying to remain focused. 'She'll want to be here, too.'

Ron sat Tonks down in a chair. Remus knelt before her. 'Do you want me to try to heal your ankle?'

Tonks nodded and put her right foot on his knee. 'How did this happen, Remus?' asked Tonks quietly. 'How…how in the world did Death Eaters get in?'

Ginny was looking out the window. 'Something's happened outside,' she said, biting her lip.

'Why don't you go downstairs and find out,' suggested Remus kindly. His hand was on her ankle and Tonks felt a pleasant warmth. He looked up and smiled a sad smile. 'Hope I'm doing this right.'

'I'll go to St. Mungo's later,' said Tonks wearily. 'I just need to be able to walk on it for tonight.'

Remus stood up and held out his hand. Hesitantly, Tonks took it and stood up, placing her weight gingerly on her foot. There was only a dull pain. 'Looks like it works for now,' she said.

A glance down at her hands sickened her. They were covered with blood. Tonks hobbled to the closest sink and scrubbed her hands as hard as she could. Remus followed her and washed up when she was finished.

Together they walked over to Bill. Only then did Tonks notice that Hermione Granger and another student were there as well. Tonks was quickly introduced to Luna Lovegood. Tonks grinned. She loved the Quibbler.

Time passed and Tonks simply watched Madam Pomfrey work on the injured. She became lost in her own world until Ginny brought Harry up to where they were all standing. She listened to only part of the conversation, but truly didn't hear anything until-

'Ron-Dumbledore's dead.'

'No!' cried Remus as he collapsed into the chair next to Bill Weasley's bed. Tonks felt her throat constrict until she thought that she wouldn't be able to breathe.

She heard herself asking, 'How did he die?' Wondering how their leader could have done this to them. How he could have abandoned them when they needed him most. 'How did it happen?'

The last words she expected him to say were the words that came out of his mouth. 'Snape killed him.'

Tonks stopped listening. Absently, she touched her fingers to her lips. Her lips had kissed his lips this very morning. His lips which told her of his son. Of Elias. She couldn't believe it. Wouldn't believe it. How after what he had shared with her, could he truly, after all of this time, still be Voldemort's slave?

'Shh! Listen!'

Her eyes closed as she listened to the song of the Phoenix. Tonks felt like she had been torn in two. It wasn't possible. It simply wasn't possible. Severus wouldn't have done that. He wouldn't have.

When Professor McGonagall entered the room everyone seemed to stir from their stupor. The conversation turned to Snape, about how everyone thought he was on their side. About Dumbledore's absolute trust in Severus.

And then Tonks lied. She pretended that she herself didn't know the reason why Dumbledore trusted Severus. 'But Dumbledore swore he was on our side!' said Tonks urgently, trying to convince herself more than anything. How could Dumbledore be so wrong? How could she have been so wrong? 'I always thought Dumbledore must know something about Snape that we didn't…'

Something that only Dumbledore and she knew. Who wouldn't fall for that story? Losing your child like that? Her mind was racing at a hundred miles an hour. There had to be a reason. That's all that it came down to. She needed to find Severus and discover what the explanation was. Then, only then, might things start making sense.

But then Harry said he knew why Dumbledore trusted Snape and it made absolutely no sense, though everyone seemed to accept it as fact. Severus turned spy long before Harry's parents were killed. Almost fifteen months before their deaths. Why would he turn afterwards? You-Know-Who was already dead. No spies were needed.

There was more discussion and Tonks felt her watch vibrate repeatedly. She needed to get to the Ministry of Magic. Chances were that the Aurors had already started a search. Tonks wanted to be involved…She needed to see him again…

But then Arthur, Molly and Fleur showed up. Tonks watched in amazement as Fleur openly declared her love for Bill, even with the bites. She would have done the same for Remus…when they had been together.

When Molly and Fleur collapsed into each other's arms, Tonks snapped. She could feel all of her tension, her anger, her sadness, her humiliation crash together inside her head. And she simply snapped.

'You see!' said Tonks, looking angrily at Remus. Life was too short for him to be as stupidly noble as he was trying to be. He deserved to be loved. By anyone. Even if it wasn't her. 'She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!'

'Bill will not be a full werewolf,' he said through clenched teeth. 'The cases are completely-'

Tonks felt like she was possessed. 'I don't care, either, I don't care!' said Tonks, acting like if she could just shake him hard enough, he'll see reason. Every conversation they had about his condition came rushing back to her. 'I've told you a million times…'

'And I've told you a million times, that I am too old for you, too poor…and too dangerous…'

She let go off his robes instantly. He knew exactly want she needed to hear, and yet he still refused to say the words. Remus could have ended everything right now by simply saying, 'I don't want you.' But he wouldn't say them.

Tonks turned her back as she heard Molly and Arthur gently chastising Remus. They knew how much she had suffered because of him. And they still wanted them to be together.

It didn't matter now. She was done playing these games. No more.

She was done.

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_A/N - sospitas (Latin) – health_

_Two quick things. First, I've started posting on my livejournal account. Apparently, I had an account for two years and didn't even realize it. I have lots of ramblings about my stories as well as updates on where I'm at writing wise. Feel free to stop on by and say hello! I'd love to hear from you. _

_Also, as soon as I type it up (which will be tonight) chapter one of Obsession: Missing M Rated Moments will be posted. Why not check it out? _

_Cheers! _


	34. Number Seven, Harrington Road

**Chapter Thirty-Four – Number Seven, Harrington Road**

Tonks knew that the only thing that could possibly help was very hard work. Luckily, there was plenty to be had. Headquarters had to be moved immediately. Snape could still walk in and out of Headquarters as he pleased. Though luckily, even though Dumbledore was dead, Snape couldn't bring any Death Eaters with him. The secret of the location of the Order of the Phoenix died with Dumbledore.

Headquarters would be moved to her parent's house, in Waltham Forrest. She was pleased that she had been able to come up with a new location so quickly. After she showed Remus and Arthur the location, Tonks had to go to the Ministry.

By the time she arrived at the Auror office in the Ministry, it was in complete chaos. A large picture of Severus was on the main bulletin board already along with other factual information. A large notice was next to the picture. 'STUN ONLY. KEEP ALIVE AT ALL COSTS.'

Tonks was assigned to go back to Hogwarts to help search Severus' bedchamber, his office and the dungeons. She was assigned to search his bedchambers. Expecting the disheveled state that she had last seen, Tonks was surprised to see immaculate again. No books off the shelves, no papers thrown across the desk.

She sat at his desk and tentatively opened one of the drawers. She felt guilty going through his things…

'Stop this,' muttered Tonks to herself. Right now, Severus wasn't a friend. Right now, Severus was the enemy. There would be time later to figure out what happened. Right now, she had to concentrate.

Every drawer was searched. Tonks said spells to check for secret drawers, for hidden files. She couldn't find the picture of his late wife. There were no photos at all. But she had been positive that she saw some on his desk last night…or rather the night before that as the clock chimed five in the morning.

Nothing to give her a clue to where he might be.

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The new Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix, number seven, Harrington Road, was bustling at nine o'clock in the morning when Tonks arrived after searching Hogwarts. She quickly gave a report to those who were present, regarding the search.

Professor McGonagall sat busy at the writing desk. Now Headmistress of Hogwarts, she would be secret-keeper. The professor spent her morning writing the address and hand delivering it to as many members of the Order as possible.

For those members of the Order who had not heard the news, patronuses were sent instructing them to stay away from number 12, Grimmauld Place at all costs.

The place cleared out by the afternoon, folks wanting a bit of a rest before the meeting scheduled for ten o'clock that night. Tonks was left at the new Headquarters with Molly and Remus. They were changing the living room to be more of a meeting space.

By three o'clock in the afternoon, Tonks didn't think she could work any longer. She had been up for close to thirty-three hours and was finally ready for sleep. Molly left then, wanting to check on Bill before she went back to the Burrow for some rest. Tonks and Remus were then left alone, a situation she certainly did not want.

'I'm going to get some rest,' announced Tonks. Noticing Remus' trunk in the corner of the room, she added, 'Take whatever bedroom you want for yourself.'

Remus was sitting on the second lowest step of the stairs, leaning forward, his forearms resting on his knees. Only as she stood in front of him, waiting for him to move, so that she could pass, did she realize how ashen his face was. 'Clumsy…' He trailed off, not looking at her.

'What, Remus?' asked Tonks wearily.

'What you said last tonight…in the hospital wing…'

Tonks felt her cheeks redden, remembering what a fool she made of herself. 'I don't want to have the millionth and one conversation now, Remus,' said Tonks urgently. 'Not ever. You've won, Remus. I'm done. I won't ask you to change your mind again.'

She put her hand on his shoulder, wanting him to move out of her way. Just as she was about to take the first step, he took her hand and dragged her down to him, kissing her violently.

Not able to stop herself, Tonks responded. Her feet were planted on the floor, and she was straddling him, pressing against him. His hands rested on her bottom, holding her closer. All Tonks wanted was to be taken away. Away from death, away from betrayal, just away from here. Someplace where she didn't have to think any more.

It seemed like even before she had a chance to catch her breath that her shirt was on the ground. As she fumbled with his belt, Remus rolled back his head and moaned, 'Please.'

Tonks froze.

Remus looked at her with concern. She stood up quickly, putting her shirt back on. Severus' face flashed before her. She recalled the way his face had softened, only slightly, when he had said 'please,' himself, wanting her to be there that night. She had thought that night had felt different. And now understood why. He had been saying good-bye.

Tonks sat on her heels, hugging her knees tightly to her chest, her back towards Remus. She heard him standing up and tried not to flinch when he touched her. 'Clumsy…'

She wiped away her tears angrily. 'I can't do this, Remus,' she said in a hallow voice. 'We'll make love and then you'll leave again.'

Remus knelt besides her. 'But what if I stay?' he asked hopefully.

The notion was tempting. Too tempting. It would be so easy for them to go back to the way they had been. But it wouldn't be real. She would always be looking over her shoulder, wondering when he would leave her again. Tonks needed more than that.

Her head turned and Tonks looked at him straight in the eye. 'Can you promise me right here, right now, that you would never leave me?' asked Tonks.

'I'm not foolish enough to promise that, Clumsy,' said Remus regretfully. 'Is that what you want? Once you said that we could have all the time in the world…'

'That was then,' said Tonks wearily, as she turned her body so that she was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, facing him. 'This is now.'

Remus moved so that he was sitting next to her, but not leaning his back against the wall. Since he received the branding mark almost two months ago, Remus had developed a phobia about it. He couldn't stand to have anything touch his back, except for his clothes. He wouldn't lean against walls or even sleep on his back.

Their legs were stretched out. Tonks' legs only came to halfway down his calves. He took her hand. 'You deserve better than me, anyway.'

Tonks rested her head on his shoulder, afraid of what she was about to say. 'I do,' she whispered. 'But not for the reasons you think, Remus.'

'What are they?' asked Remus.

'I truly didn't even think about your age or how much money you have…' said Tonks. 'As for the werewolf thing, I didn't care. Not one bit.'

'Then why…' prompted Remus.

'I deserve to be with someone who truly loves me,' said Tonks. 'You don't love me, Remus. I keep hoping that you will… You care for me, I know that. But you don't love me.'

Remus stayed silent, confirming her words.

'I've wasted too much energy this year, looking for…' Tonks trailed off, not willing to go down that train of thought.

'I understand, Clumsy,' said Remus gently. He leaned his head so that it was rested against hers. 'It's not fair to ask you to wait for something that might not happen.'

Tonks squeezed his hand, oddly grateful to Remus that this chapter of her life had finally ended. It was time to start another.

'It wouldn't be crass, would it, to ask if we could still be friends?' asked Remus.

Tonks smiled sadly. 'I could use a friend,' she said, thinking of Severus. She should have known that something like this could have happened. Tonks was Auror. By his own admission, Severus was a dark wizard. There could only be conflict between them.

'I need one.'

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That night, Tonks stood in the back of the main room of the new Headquarters, wondering who would be brave enough to step forward and lead the Order. As the room became crowded, everyone seemed to be thinking that exact thought.

Finally, someone stepped forward. 'Let's have a moment of silence for our friend, Albus Dumbledore,' said Arthur Weasley in a determined voice.

Tonks lowered her head and closed her eyes tightly, thinking of the Headmaster. For more than a minute, the only sound that could be heard was the whirring of Mad-Eye's magical eye.

Then Arthur continued, going over plans and what needed to be done. Then he mentioned Severus' name. And Tonks felt herself finally breaking. She slipped from the room, hoping that no one saw her. She ran up the stairs, two at a time, and went into her parent's closet.

This had been her favorite place to hide as a child. There were so many fun things to look at, to dress up in. She always felt safe here. Tonks desperately wanted that feeling again. She wanted to feel safe.

Tonks sat on her heels, rocking herself slightly back and forth. She had hoped that she would feel better once the tears started flowing, but she was mistaken. There was no safety here. Before, when her parents were alive, the closet had been full of clothes. Now, there was nothing but a few stray hangers. There was no place to hide.

Her sobs became louder and Tonks took her wand and somehow managed to place a silencing charm on the room. The last thing she wanted was for someone to find her, fallen apart like she was.

How could this have happen? Her eyes closed as she pictured Severus from two days ago. His room…putting his personal affairs in order…telling her about his son…

Her eyes opened with a start. He knew this was going to happen. Tonks jumped up and started pacing the narrow width of the closet. Severus wanted her to know about his past. Why else would he have told her? If he didn't want her to know, why not just say that the woman in the picture was a friend and be done with it? Why go through the pain of reliving that night unless he needed her to know?

Maybe she just didn't want to think that she could have been so wrong about him. As an Auror, she didn't trust easily, but she had placed so much faith in him. She didn't want to be wrong…especially not about someone she had considered to be a friend…

There had to be an explanation…

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The next few days before the Headmaster's funeral were spent at the Ministry. Tonks was taken off of the Hogsmeade patrol and placed on Severus' search team, which was quickly dubbed the 'Snape Snatching Team.' His house at Spinner's End was under constant twenty-four hour surveillance. Wards were placed on it so that no one could apparate inside.

Tonks barely slept, which she didn't mind. The last thing she wanted to do was dream.

The morning of Dumbledore's funeral, Tonks stared at herself in the mirror. She slept in her own flat last night, even though she could have been surrounded around people at the new Headquarters. In the few days since Dumbledore's death, she had all but moved back into her old bedroom, the room she grew up in.

The image looking back at her she didn't recognize. She was dressed all in black but with her ridiculous brown hair. A memory from sixth year came back to her…

'_Nymphadora, do you know why I have asked you here?' asked Professor Dumbledore gently. His fingers interlaced over his desk. _

_Tonks shook her head quickly, trying not to be intimidated by his office. 'I thought everything was over,' she said mutinously. 'I'll be serving my detentions with Snape and it's done.' She was referring to having cursed and seriously injured several Slytherins who had groped her in the hallway one afternoon. _

_The Headmaster smiled. 'That's Professor Snape, Nymphadora. That's not why I called you here at all,' he said with a hint of a smile. 'You received your punishment as did the students who you cursed. I'm wondering why I haven't seen your normal plethora of hair colors over the last few days?'_

_Tonks looked up in surprise. That's the last thing she had expected. 'You've asked me here because of my hair?' The Headmaster nodded. _

'_I dunno,' said Tonks moodily. 'Maybe it just attracts too much attention. People tease me about it a lot…And Snape…Professor Snape takes off points whenever it's a color he doesn't like…Which is anything other than green or black.'_

_She didn't imagine the twinkle in his eye. 'Nymphadora, correct me if I'm wrong, but you've never seemed to mind having that little extra attention.'_

_Tonks grinned sheepishly. The truth was that she loved that she could change her hair. _

'_Don't ever be ashamed of standing out, Nymphadora,' said Professor Dumbledore. 'You have been given a gift, but it's up to you to share it with the world.'_

Her face screwed up in concentration, she thought of bubblegum pink. Dumbledore told her once that it reminded him of cotton candy. Tonks opened her eyes and saw the familiar pink spikes. This would be her gift to the Headmaster. Even though the world around her was tinted in grey, she could still be a beacon of light.

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She arrived at the funeral alone, but quickly found the Weasleys. Remus was standing with them as well. They sat down just as the students from Hogwarts came marching down to the lake. Tonks looked around, amazed at the number of witches and wizards who came to pay their last respects.

No matter how many times she told herself that she was an Auror, Tonks couldn't keep herself from crying. Remus noticed and took her hand. Tonks looked up in surprise and Remus whispered, 'Friends can hold hands, Clumsy. Especially at a funeral.'

Tonks smiled sadly and leaned her head on his shoulder. She couldn't help wondering where Severus was. Did he know that the Headmaster's funeral was today? Did he care? Did he mourn for the man that he once told her was like a father to him?

Over the past few days, a mantra had been going through Tonks' head. She just needed to find him. Once she found him, everything would make sense.

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And somehow, time passed.

The Snape Snatching Team was extremely overworked, which was exactly the way Tonks wanted it. There would be days when she was so tired that she felt like she could sleep standing up. Some nights she wouldn't even bother going home for some sleep, but instead would grab a few hours of rest on a cot in the break room.

She knew exactly why she was devoting all of her energy into Severus' search. Finding him became almost an obsession for her. Tonks had to know if what he told her about his son was a complete fabrication.

Tonks had gone so far to look up the Ministry records and saw Elias Severus Snape's birth certificate with her own eyes. Elias did exist and he did die when he was three days old. The death certificate listed natural causes as the cause of death.

Witches and wizards all over Britain seemed to see Severus Snape outside their doorstep. A special fireplace was set up so that tips could be given.

Nearly a month after Dumbledore's death, Tonks sat in her cubicle in the Ministry, looking over that day's sightings of Snape. It had gotten to the point where it was unreasonable to expect them to investigate every single one. So they looked through the list carefully and choose the ones they wanted.

'Tonks!' yelled Savage, running to her cube. 'The surveillance team just picked up movement in Snape's house.'

She was up in an instant. 'Let's go.'

Williamson was next to them. He wouldn't be joining them, but he would be releasing the wards, allowing them to disapparate and then put them right back up.

'Silent apparition,' said Savage. Tonks nodded. Silent apparition took much more strength than regular apparition, but then they might have the advantage of surprise.

'On my mark,' said Williamson. 'One…Two…Three…Go!'

Tonks concentrated as hard as she could. A moment later, she stumbled onto the ground, weakened momentarily by the silent apparition. Savage picked her up. The silent apparition had worked. It always gave her a headache, though.

Savage motioned to her to take the back of the house, while he would take the front. Tonks ran quickly and silently towards the back. She couldn't help being proud how her stealth and tracking had improved in the last few years. It almost got her kicked out of the program when she started her training.

Peering through the dirty window panes of the back kitchen door, Tonks saw nothing. '_Alohomora,'_ she whispered, pointing her wand at the door handle. She heard the soft click, letting her know that the door had unlocked.

Slowly, oh so slowly, she opened the door, not wanting it to cause any noise. Her wand arm was stretched out in front of her, ready for anything. Her senses were on overdrive, listening for any sign of the intruder.

One step, two step, three step, four…a crash could be heard in the sitting room ahead.

'TONKS!'

Savage's scream was followed by a dull thud. Not worried about being quiet anymore, Tonks ran to the sitting room, her wand still outstretched.

Ahead she could see Savage crumpled in a heap on the floor. Tonks took a deep breath, and then turned the corner…

And found herself face to face with Severus.

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_A/N - Sorry for any confusion to those of you who thought the story ended last chapter. As you can see from this lovely cliffhanger, there's still a bit to go. Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a review!  
_


	35. Confessionals

**Chapter Thirty-Five – Confessionals **

Tonks gripped her wand tightly as she stared at Severus. She couldn't break eye contact. If she did, that would give him the advantage he needed to attack her.

'That man's wife is about to have a baby any day now, Severus,' said Tonks in a low voice. 'If he's dead, I will kill you myself.'

'I only stunned him,' said Severus harshly, his eyes not breaking the connection either. 'He'll be fine not too long from now.'

Both of their wand arms were stretched out, her left, his right. For a month she had hoped for this moment. The chance to see him again and to have him explain what he'd done. And now that the chance was in front for her, she wasn't sure exactly what she wanted to do.

'Aren't you going to arrest me?' asked Severus with a sneer.

'Are you going to let me?' asked Tonks right back. 'Why are you here? You had to have known this house would be watched.'

'I have my reasons.'

A silence fell between them. Tonks' arm shook slightly, but she forced herself to concentrate. She couldn't show a sign of weakness. Not until she was sure which side he was really on.

'I will beat you in a duel,' said Severus finally.

'If you were sure about that, you would have attacked me already,' said Tonks confidently. 'I'm younger, faster, have better reflexes than you and you know it, Severus.'

'Then why haven't you attacked me yet?' asked Severus curtly.

Tonks didn't miss a beat. 'Because I want to know why you chose to kill Albus,' said Tonks softly.

His wand dropped just a bit, but it was enough so that Tonks could have stunned him if she wanted to. She wanted to hear his answer more.

'I didn't have a choice,' he spat.

'Then what happened?' asked Tonks simply.

Severus seemed to visibly relax when he realized she was giving him the opportunity to tell his side of the story. Again, she had the chance to attack, but choose not to. She desperately hoped she wouldn't regret her decision.

'I made an Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa Malfoy last summer,' said Severus wearily. 'I promised to help Draco finish the task assigned to him by the Dark Lord. And if Draco didn't follow through, that I would do the job in his stead.'

'The job was to kill Dumbledore,' said Tonks, putting the pieces together quickly.

Severus nodded, his eyes never leaving hers. 'I didn't know what I was promising when we made the vow. I knew something was being planned, and this seemed like the best way to find out. The Headmaster and I realized what was being planned fairly soon after, though.'

'Dumbledore knew you made an Unbreakable Vow to kill him?' asked Tonks in disbelief.

'Yes,' said Severus slowly. 'I didn't want to, Nymphadora. Believe me, I didn't want to. I told him more than once that I was willing to die and leave the Vow unfulfilled. That maybe I was tired of everything and that he was taking the fact that I even wanted to live for granted.'

'You didn't want to live?' asked Tonks softly. 'Why would he believe that you wanted to die?'

'That's what I told the Headmaster, Nymphadora,' said Severus vehemently. 'Of course I wanted to live. But I'm not an idiot. The world needed Albus Dumbledore a whole hell of lot more than it needed Severus Snape, but he wouldn't hear of it.'

'He wanted you to kill him?' asked Tonks in surprise. The muscles in Tonks' left arm were beginning to burn from keeping it outstretched. She ignored the pain.

Severus' eyes softened, but only momentarily. 'Better me than Draco. Albus told me that there was no one he would trust with his death more,' said Severus, his voice revealing a sad sort of pride. 'Those were his exact words.'

'You knew that it was going to happen the day before. How did you know?' questioned Tonks. This was one of the questions that was really bothering her. If he knew, why couldn't he have given the Order better warning?

A bead of sweat trickled down the side of Severus' face. 'I kept in constant contact with a Death Eater who informed me that Draco's plan was almost complete,' said Severus. 'The Headmaster did not want to know when the plan would come to fruition. If it looked like extra precaution had been taken, they would know it was I who provided the information. The whole point of having to kill…to kill Albus so that someone is still close to the Dark Lord.'

'So that you're on the inside,' said Tonks.

'Yes,' said Severus shortly. 'When I went up to the Astronomy Tower, we knew that one of three things could happen. Draco could kill Albus. We couldn't have that. Draco can still be saved. But not if he killed the Headmaster.'

'What else?' asked Tonks.

'Another option would be for a different Death Eater to kill Albus. But then I would die and Draco would have been killed for failing to do his task. Then there would be no spy watching the Dark Lord. Or…' Severus trailed off. Tonks nodded slowly, encouraging him to finish.

'Or I could kill Albus. Therefore Draco is still innocent and I can try to save him. I have killed before; I can be damned again. I will also do what I can from within to help the Order,' said Severus.

'So you killed him,' repeated Tonks.

'He asked me to,' said Severus, sounding in anguish, and his face, which had been full of pain as he came down from the Astronomy Tower, crossed her mind. 'In the tower, he said 'please.' I didn't think I could actually go through with it until that moment.'

'Why didn't you tell anyone?' asked Tonks quickly. 'Why couldn't he have told someone so that we'd know?'

'Why didn't we tell anyone the truth about Emmeline Vance's murder?' asked Severus curtly. 'In order for it to work, no one could know.'

She thought of that night, of the night she learned about his son. Of Elias. She remembered the moment when he allowed her to see his grief. The man she saw in front of her was not loyal to Lord Voldemort.

Tonks very slowly lowered her wand, slowly enough to provoke no response from him. Severus looked at her in disbelief. 'What are you doing?' he barked.

'I believe you,' said Tonks gently.

Severus glanced at her sharply. His arm was still outstretched, his wand pointed straight at her heart. 'You believe me?'

'Yes.'

'Why?' Severus looked at her like she was touched in the head.

She had to think about the answer for a moment. Tonks realized then that she would rather die than be wrong about her belief in him. She trusted the man facing her. In the past, she had trusted him with her mind, her body and now she would trust him with her life.

'Because I'm a Hufflepuff,' she said finally. 'And if you are truly on Voldemort's side, here's your chance to kill me and prove me wrong.'

'I'm not going to hurt you, Nymphadora,' said Severus roughly, lowering his own wand.

'Why not?' asked Tonks simply.

'You know why.'

The words he said were meaningless. He could have been commenting on the weather or the next big quidditch match. Through the sound of his voice, all Tonks heard, she knew that all Severus wanted her to hear, was, 'I love you.'

Looking down at the floor, Tonks found herself scarcely able to breathe. The words seemed to unlock the secret that she had been keeping from herself for months. And then she understood. Tonks knew beyond a shadow of any doubt that could possibly cross her mind.

Tonks loved him as well; she simply hadn't realized it. Her fascination, her obsession with Remus had consumed her, not allowing her to see what was so plainly in front of her. But it had served its purpose. It had hardened her, almost broke her. But she healed. She was stronger. Tonks had proven to herself that she was worthy to love this man before her.

They had been showing each other in every way but words for months before Albus' death. She was the one who hadn't seen the truth. Somehow, without her even realizing it, Severus had become entangled within her soul.

'You had your chance to attack me, Nymphadora,' said Severus steadily. 'Why didn't you?'

Tonks looked up, met his gaze and whispered fiercely, 'You know why.'

She wasn't sure who moved first, but at that point, it simply didn't matter. All that mattered was that his arms were around her, his lips urgently pressed against her own. Her wand was still firmly clutched in her left hand, but with her other arm, Tonks pulled him closer.

The force that brought them together caused the pair to back up a few steps. Severus pressed her against a bookcase and Tonks could hear books one by one fall to the floor.

All of her love, despair and frustration was released in this one kiss. There was always the chance that this could be their last, and if it was, Tonks wanted it to be one that she would remember for the rest of her life.

His lips left hers and trailed across her jaw, her neck. She sensed the same desperation in him that she was feeling. Tonks let out a soft moan, and like that, he claimed her lips again. Tonks knew that Severus wasn't simply claiming her lips. He was claiming her. He was letting her know that she was his. And he, hers.

But then the connection was broken. They were both breathing hard now. Tonks buried her head in his shoulder, anything to keep his arms around her. Possibly it was her imagination, but she heard his heartbeat, they were so close, and it seemed to beat in time with hers.

'I didn't realize, Severus,' gasped Tonks. 'I only just…'

'I know, Nymphadora,' said Severus softly. He was holding her so tightly, that Tonks thought if she only leaned forward, just a little bit, she could simply meld into him. 'I know.'

'What can I do?' asked Tonks frantically, trying her best not to cry. 'What can I say to convince the Order that you're on our side?'

Severus gently placed two fingers under her chin and made her look up and into his eyes. 'There's nothing to be done, Nymphadora,' said Severus softly. 'I have no proof that I was working on Albus' orders.'

'Professor Dumbledore had a Pensieve-'

'You know that a memory from a Pensieve never holds up as evidence. Memories are too easily tampered with.'

'But if we told them everything-'

'It would be my word against Potter's,' said Severus, sounding bitter for the first time this evening. 'I wouldn't win against those odds.'

'At least let me try to convince people-'

He looked at her seriously. 'Then you would be suspected of Death Eater activity. You know how quickly they would throw you into Azkaban if you started talking. You mustn't say anything.'

'There has to be a way,' said Tonks starkly. 'I can't lose you again, Severus.'

'You believe me,' said Severus, now stroking her bright pink hair. 'That will have to be enough.'

Their wand hands, her left, his right, were now clasped tightly, their wands side by side. It would never be enough, they both knew that, but it was all they could hold on to.

He kissed her again, but this time it was gentle. Time was taken to memorize the contours of each other's lips, the sensation of tongue against tongue, the way their bodies simply meshed together perfectly.

It was a moment that Tonks wished could last forever. But slowly, the present seeped into her mind. Of Aurors and Death Eaters...she broke away.

'You need to go,' she said quickly, desperate for his touch again already. 'If Savage and I aren't back soon, they'll send back-up.'

He placed his hands on either side of her face, his wand still in his right hand. She felt the length of the wand press against her cheek.

'I will not live through the end of this war, Nymphadora. If the Dark Lord doesn't kill me, Potter will-,' started Severus, but Tonks cut him off.

'Severus, please don't say that-'

A groan emitted from across the room. In everything that happened with Severus, she had quite forgotten that Savage was still in the room.

Tonks pulled Severus close and kissed him as hard as she could. Then she released him, for what she hoped wasn't the last time. 'Go,' she whispered. 'Go now, before he wakes up.'

Severus nodded and walked briskly towards the back of the house. Once outside, their eyes met. And then he disapparated and the loud crack was the saddest sound that she had ever heard in her life.

Tonks ran over to Savage who was just gaining consciousness. '_Rennervate,_' she said, pointing her wand at his temple.

Savage groaned loudly and Tonks helped him sit up. 'Are you all right?' asked Tonks quietly.

'What happened?' asked Savaged, a slightly dazed look in his face.

'Snape was here,' said Tonks urgently. She had to think on her feet now. Explain why she wasn't stunned as well. 'He stunned you, slammed me into a bookcase and ran out while I was trying to get up.'

'Damnit,' muttered Savage under his breath. 'He'll never come back here again. That was our only shot.'

Her heart was racing at a million miles an hour. Standing up straight, she held her hand out to Savage and helped him to his feet.

'I wonder why he didn't kill us,' said Savage thoughtfully, his eyes gazing across the room at the books that had fallen on the floor. 'He could have killed me easily.'

It took every ounce of Tonks' strength not to cry out, 'Because he's on our side!' So she just shrugged her shoulders.

'Let's get back to the Ministry,' said Savage, rubbing one of his shoulders, and then wincing slightly in pain. 'We have some explaining to do.'

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Later that night, Tonks sat in her bed sit, staring out of the window, into the sky. There had been no reprimand for either Savage or Tonks for allowing Snape to escape. That pleased her.

However, the only thought that was in Tonks' head was how would they find each other again? She had only been parted from Severus for a few hours and already there was a dull ache in her heart for him.

One of the underestimated qualities of an Auror was practicality. Mentally, she went through her options. Tonks could not search for him. That would be an invitation to get herself killed. They could not send each other owls. Which meant that he must come to her. Severus knew where she lived. Her bed sit was the only place they could spend time together and be safe.

Removing the wards around her apartment was out of the question. She would not put herself in danger like that. He would not be able to apparate inside. Which meant that he would actually have to knock on her door.

Tonks sighed in frustration. She had all but moved into Headquarters. Too many questions would be asked if she started spending a great deal of time at her bed sit. Also, there was the fact that she simply wasn't willing to spend time waiting for him. There was too much work that needed to be done. As much as she wanted to be with Severus, she wanted this war over more.

The timing would have to be perfect. Somehow she couldn't imagine that Voldemort gave many days off to his Death Eaters. But she wasn't asking for a date every Friday night or anything like that. She wasn't asking for the world. All she wanted was one night.

If Severus truly believed he wouldn't live through this war, she only needed one last night.

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_A/N – For those keeping track, we are now in uncharted territory regarding Harry Potter canon. The rest of the story will be based on my own ideas and theories._


	36. The Wedding

**Chapter Thirty-Six – The Wedding**

'Oi!' said Nora Millstone. Tonks looked up from her desk in the Ministry. 'Your shift ended. A while ago, might I add. Why are you still here?'

'Just need to get some more work done,' muttered Tonks. She looked down at the paperwork in front of her. She was overwhelmed.

The day after she saw Severus again, she requested a transfer of teams, not wanting to be on the Snape Snatching Team any longer. Of course, the powers that be wanted a legitimate reason why she would want to change teams, a reason Tonks couldn't give. Therefore her request was denied.

It was difficult, doing her best work as an Auror when it completely conflicted what was best for her personally. Tonks didn't want Severus found. By Aurors, at least. If it was just her, that would be different. She took some comfort in the fact that all Aurors were told that Snape was to be brought in alive at all costs.

'I want to drink away some of my sorrows,' said Nora. 'Care to join me?'

Tonks considered it. Nora, an Auror with over twenty-five years experience, had just taken over as the Lead for the Snape Snatching Team. She was one of the women Aurors that Tonks had admired greatly, but had never worked with much before.

Putting away the report she was reading, Tonks stood up and stretched her arms over her head. It had been a long day. 'That's my girl,' said Nora, nodding her head sagely.

They walked companionably down the streets of London, garnering many stares from muggles. Tonks with her bright pink hair and Nora with her eye-patch and beautiful salt and pepper hair caused quite a stir. When they went into the bar, Nora insisted on buying the first round, seeing as Tonks saved her from drinking alone and making herself look pathetic.

'So how many Snape sightings were there today?' asked Nora in a bored voice, taking a long sip of her butterbeer.

'Easy day,' snorted Tonks. 'There were only five.'

'Why does everybody and their mother think they've seen Snape?' asked Nora, sounding annoyed. 'Snape's not going to be found until he wants to be. I can't imagine that's going to be anytime soon.'

'Maybe,' said Tonks absently as she started to peel off the label on her bottle of butterbeer.

'How's your fellow?' asked Nora suddenly.

Tonks looked up in surprise. She hadn't mentioned anything to anyone about anything. 'I don't…what…I mean…'

Nora laughed at Tonks' discomfort and ran her hand through her short hair. 'It's not a crime to have a fellow, Tonks,' said Nora wisely. 'Is it the same bloke that you were with in the beginning of the year?'

The half peeled off label of butterbeer was forgotten. 'I don't talk about my personal life at work,' said Tonks shortly. She certainly hadn't told anyone that she was sleeping with someone at the beginning of the year. 'So why would you think-'

'Everyone else does,' shrugged Nora. 'We're Aurors. We all talk about each other. Look, I like you. I like you a lot, Tonks. What is said at this table, stays at this table. Agreed?'

'Agreed,' said Tonks instantly. Though she wasn't about to tell Nora anything that resembled the truth.

'You remind me of myself when I was your age,' said Nora. She sighed loudly. 'Which was forever ago.'

Tonks couldn't help but smile. 'How so?'

'I always worked better when I had a fellow,' said Nora with a wink. 'So I'm working very well now.'

'You have a fellow?' asked Tonks interestedly, Auror gossip mode switching on. 'Can I know who?'

Nora pursed her lips together. 'I'm sure you heard some stories from my first few years as an Auror…'

Tonks grinned. She certainly had. Nora apparently had a legendary affair with Mad-Eye Moody of all people during the first war. 'Not Mad-Eye,' said Tonks in astonishment.

'I normally don't revisit the past, but I'm quite glad that I did,' said Nora, smirking. 'He might not have all of his limbs but he's still got all of his pieces if you know what I mean.

Tonks did know what she meant and had absolutely no desire to hear anymore.

'But who cares about two ancient Aurors like Moody and me?' asked Nora, waving her hand dismissively. 'I'm more curious about you. You're a different person than you were a month ago.'

'Am I?' asked Tonks curiously.

Nora nodded. 'You hold yourself differently. More importantly, you've got your confidence back. You had lost it for almost a year. Thought you might have lost your nerve, I did,' said Nora. She grinned slyly. 'So all I want to know is it because of a fellow?'

Tonks thought about that for a moment. Her depression was certainly under control. Ever since she had seen Severus again, she had been able to morph her hair every single day. Could it really have been that easy? The answer seemed like it had been right in front of her for so long.

She was loved.

Tonks knew that somewhere out in Britain, there was a wizard named Severus Snape who loved her. And apparently, that was better than any Mind Healer, cheering charm or journaling could ever be.

The irony was not lost on Tonks. This is what she had wanted for so long. To be truly loved and to love in return. And it just happened to be with the man who was accused of killing Albus Dumbledore in cold blood.

Instead of shouting about love off of roof tops, everything needed to be secret.

'Sorry to disappoint,' said Tonks softly. 'But there's not a fellow.'

No fellow that she could ever talk about, anyway.

88888

'Remus, hurry up!' called Tonks up the stairs. 'We're going to be late!'

Just then, Remus scurried down the stairs. 'Sorry about that,' he said apologetically.

'And they say witches are the ones to take their time getting ready,' teased Tonks. 'Honestly.'

'You're sure the suit looks all right?' asked Remus, looking down at the suit he was wearing underneath a plain black robe.

'You look very nice, Remus,' said Tonks not able to keep herself from smiling. 'I'm glad you let me take you shopping.'

'I can't believe I spent twenty quid on a suit,' said Remus, shaking his head. 'I can't remember the last time I spent that much money on clothes.'

'Yes, but you said yourself that it was cheaper buying the suit at the muggle store than converting the money to buy it in a wizarding shoppe,' said Tonks.

Last week Tonks dragged Remus to a muggle thrift store to look for something to wear to Bill and Fleur's wedding. They found a very nice dark grey suit that fit Remus perfectly, so he didn't have to spend extra money on getting it tailored.

'You look nice yourself,' said Remus.

'You don't think I look like a grape, do I?' asked Tonks, biting her lower lip. Tonks was wearing a bright purple dress that fell just past her knees. It had a lovely scooped neck with capped sleeves. Her hair was in corkscrew curls that matched the color of her dress.

'Grapes are darker,' smirked Remus. 'You look more like that character from that muggle fast food store.'

Tonks' mouth dropped open. She knew exactly who he was talking about. 'Remus Lupin, that has got to be the…' she trailed off when she saw how hard Remus was laughing.

'I'm only joking, Clumsy,' said Remus, still laughing softly. 'You look lovely.'

'Better be,' said Tonks grumpily, remembering the character's name. 'Grimace, indeed.'

Tonks went to pick up her wedding gift to the couple, a tea kettle Bill and Fleur had registered for. A moment later, both she and Remus had apparated to the Burrow, which was decorated to the nines for the big day.

Originally, it was supposed to take place in France, but Bill explained to Fleur's parents that with the war, everyone was uncomfortable leaving Britain for an extended amount of time. Fleur's parents understood and so the wedding was moved to the Burrow.

She took in the surroundings. A gazebo was out in the field, with all the white chairs facing it. It was trimmed with roses that must have a color charm on them; roses weren't the lightest of gold like these were.

There seemed to be a surplus of witches and wizards on the groom's side, so Tonks and Remus decided to sit on the bride's. She looked around. A finer day couldn't have been conjured up. Big, fluffy white clouds nestled in against the bright blue sky. A gentle breeze seemed to take the bite off of the heat.

'So what kind of wedding did your parent's have?' she asked suddenly.

Remus shrugged. 'My mum insisted on the whole big, white wedding, I think. I remember seeing pictures,' said Remus. He gave her a mischievous grin. 'It's not like I was there or anything.'

'I was there for my parent's wedding,' said Tonks, enjoying the flicker of surprise on Remus' face. 'In spirit, anyways. Mum was three months pregnant with me when she married Dad. She claimed she didn't know. How don't you know you're three months pregnant?'

'I wouldn't be able to answer that with confidence, seeing as I've never been three months pregnant,' said Remus seriously. Tonks lightly punched him on the shoulder.

The chairs were filling quickly. She saw the majority of the Order along with numerous workers from the Ministry. There were even a few Goblins in the back, connections from Bill's job at Gringotts, no doubt.

Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting near the front. The three of them seemed inseparable. Except something was different.

'Remus, look,' whispered Tonks. 'Ron and Hermione are holding hands.'

'Really?' asked Remus in surprise, looking over. 'I always thought she'd end up with Harry.'

'Guess not,' said Tonks. She gave Remus a grin and started looking around again. In the two and a half months since Dumbledore's death, they had become friends once more. She was doubtful they'd ever regain the easy friendship they once shared. But for now, she was content with what they had. And also knew that she had no right to ask for anything more.

They started chatting about inconsequential things until Bill appeared at the front of the gazebo. Charlie Weasley and a man that Tonks recognized from when she was at Hogwarts stood next to him. Tonks had heard all the drama regarding choosing groomsmen. Fleur only wanted two bridesmaids and Bill had five brothers. The math didn't work in their favor.

Molly and Arthur were standing proudly at their seats. Molly looked lovely in a light green dress robe, her hair in a neat French twist. As the procession began, Tonks had to stop herself from giggling. So many people on Bill's side had red hair!

She watched Ginny and then Fleur's little sister walk down the aisle, wearing stunning light gold robes. They reminded Tonks of the color of baby unicorns. Then Fleur appeared, holding her father's arm lovingly, wearing the infamous Great-Auntie's tiara. Her dress was not white, but a pale ivory.

A lump in Tonks' throat formed when she watched Fleur take Bill's hand. Even with his face disfigured like it was, Fleur looked at Bill like he was the only man in the world. And for her, he was.

Tonks wasn't able to pay attention during the ceremony. All she could think about was Fleur's face. Severus had looked at her just like that, a month and a half ago. Six weeks and she hadn't heard from him, touched him, tasted him…

When Tonks was at Hogwarts, either her sixth or seventh year (they sometimes blended together as she grew older), she would read the muggle detective novels that her father would owl her when he was done with them. Occasionally, there would be a female protagonist that would fall in love with a man wanted for murder. There would be steamy rendezvous and the man's name was always cleared by the last page. They made it seem so easy.

They had it all wrong.

It was harder than Tonks ever thought it would be, being in love with a man wanted for murder. Every day when she went into the Ministry to start her shift, she looked over the reports carefully. And every day that she found out he was still alive, she was able to breathe again.

She stole away as many hours as she could in her flat, always with paperwork, never empty handed. Tonks kept her promise to herself of not just waiting around for Severus. When she was in her flat, she was working.

An elbow in her ribs caused Tonks to jump. Bill and Fleur were sharing their first kiss as husband and wife. She joined quickly joined in on the clapping.

'Where are you, Clumsy?' asked Remus with a look of concern on his face. 'You look a million miles away.'

She shrugged, not wanting to cause any concern. 'Just thinking,' she said thoughtfully. Then she gave Remus a grin. 'I'll stop that now, I promise.'

The Weasley and Delacour family spent the next fifteen minutes or so taking pictures while the yard was being set up for the reception. During this time, Harry walked up to Tonks and Remus. Tonks hadn't seen him since Dumbledore's funeral, but he looked older somehow. Like he had finally accepted the weight of the world on his shoulders.

'Remus, can I talk to you?' he asked urgently.

'Of course,' said Remus, looking slightly surprised. 'Let's move out of the way.'

Remus indicated to Tonks to follow, so she did. But then Harry cleared his throat. 'Tonks, I would prefer to speak to Remus alone. I'm sorry,' he said apologetically.

She was about to move away when Remus said, 'If this has anything to do with the Order, Harry, Tonks should be present.'

Harry flushed slightly and nodded. They walked towards the hen coup. When Tonks realized where they were, she blushed slightly, remembering the moment she and Remus shared here on New Year's Eve. A quick glance at Remus told her that he was thinking of the same memory.

'I have some questions, and I don't want many people knowing about this,' said Harry seriously.

'Go ahead,' said Remus. 'Ask away.'

'Do you know someone that might be able to teach me Occlumency?' asked Harry, crossing his arms over his chest. 'Properly? Like the murderer should have done?'

Both Tonks and Remus looked at Harry in surprise. They both knew he was talking about Severus, but the hate and vile in his voice was unmistakable. She hadn't believed Severus when he said that Harry might be capable of killing him, but perhaps Severus was right. Beneath Harry's calm exterior, this was one of the angriest young men she had ever seen.

Remus took a deep breath. 'I have a good working knowledge of Occlumency myself,' said Remus finally. 'Perhaps I could assist you.'

'Why couldn't you have taught me then?' asked Harry angrily.

'Because my knowledge is nothing compared to Snape's-'

'Don't say his name,' hissed Harry.

'I will not have you turn Snape's name into one that isn't spoken, Harry,' said Remus heatedly.

'We have enough of that with You-Know-Who, don't you think?' said Tonks, trying to lighten the tension between the three of them.

Harry seemed to relax a bit. 'Will you have time to work with me?' he asked coolly.

Remus nodded.

'Good,' said Harry, smiling for the first time in the conversation. 'What about non-verbal spells? Could we work on that, too?'

Remus held out his hands towards Tonks. 'An Auror would know much more about that subject than I would,' he said.

Tonks couldn't help but grin. She sort of liked the idea of playing teacher. 'Up for the challenge, Harry? I'll gladly work with you.'

Harry agreed and walked away quickly to rejoin Ron and Hermione. Tonks bit her lip, wondering if she could some how try to deflate the hatred he felt for Severus. Harry was stubborn, she knew that much. She had a feeling that he wouldn't be willing to listen to her words.

But she could try.


	37. A Night Alone

**Chapter Thirty-Seven – A Night Alone**

'Let's try that again,' said Tonks, holding her hand out to Harry, who was lying on the floor.

'Thanks for not going easy on me,' said Harry, taking her hand and standing up.

'You're getting better,' said Tonks cheerfully. They had been working on non-verbal spells for a month now. Harry had gotten to the point where he could cast them easily. Now was what Tonks considered the most important part. Learning how to block the opponent's non-verbal spells.

'May I get a drink of water?' asked Harry. Tonks nodded and Harry headed towards her kitchen. They were originally going to meet at Headquarters, but Harry didn't want the chance of other people knowing what he was doing, so Tonks suggested they move to her flat for the lessons.

Tonks was sitting on the coffee table when he came back into the living room. 'When I tried a non-verbal spell on Snape, he blocked it so easily,' said Harry, his hands curling into fists like they normally did whenever Severus' name was mentioned. Tonks knew that at this point, stopping Severus might be even more important to Harry than stopping Voldemort.

'Why didn't he kill you, do you think?' asked Tonks, hoping she sounded casual.

'I know why,' said Harry, his voice rising slightly. 'Because Voldemort doesn't want anyone to kill me but him.'

'So why not stun you? Bring you to You-Know-Who?' asked Tonks quietly. Harry's mouth dropped. 'Just playing devil's advocate,' added Tonks quickly.

'He probably didn't think about it. Too much to worry about with Draco and the other Death Eaters,' said Harry, who seemed satisfied with the answer.

Tonks decided that there had been enough talk regarding Severus this evening. It was time to work again.

Harry suddenly looked inspired. 'We should find Lupin. I bet that blocking non-verbal spells is easier when using Legilimency,' he said. 'That's probably how Snape did it. Used Legilimency and then was able to know what I was going to use.'

'That's not a bad idea,' said Tonks slowly. 'But not tonight. Full moon.' Remus was currently looked up in the basement of Headquarters.

'I'd forgotten,' said Harry apologetically.

'So do you feel odd not being at school?' asked Tonks out of the blue. The term at Hogwarts started more than two weeks ago and Harry, Ron and Hermione hadn't gone back.

'I have more important things to do than school,' said Harry softly.

'I didn't mean that,' said Tonks. 'I just asked if it felt odd. Like skiving a year's worth of lessons.'

Harry grinned. 'It does feel odd. It's hardest on Hermione. She misses classes so much, but she pretends that she doesn't,' said Harry. 'I'm glad Ron and Hermione are with me.'

'Where do you all disappear to?' asked Tonks.

The wall that Tonks was used to seeing around Harry formed quickly. 'Here and there,' he said quickly. 'Some things we need to take care of.'

Tonks decided to catch Harry off his guard. She thought, '_Pilosius.' _ Harry wasn't able to block it in time. His natural body hair started growing thicker. A moment later, he was able to stop the spell, but it was more than enough time for someone to cast Avada Kedavra on him.

'Next time I'm bringing Lupin,' said Harry resignedly.

'Sounds like a plan,' said Tonks as she watched his body hair go back to normal.

They quickly set a time to meet next week as Tonks walked him to her front door. 'Thanks, Tonks,' said Harry with a bit of a smile.

'You are getting better, you know,' said Tonks quietly.

'I know,' said Harry. 'But I need to be better now.'

She stood at her doorway for a moment and watched him walk down the hall. Once Harry disappeared her thought strayed. Tonks had two choices. Sleep or paperwork. Sleep seemed so much more appealing, but Tonks knew the paperwork would win.

After she grabbed a handful of parchments from her desk, Tonks sat down Indian-style on her couch. For once, she was almost grateful that there was a full moon, giving her the excuse to stay at her flat and catch up on her work.

It was time to start. Tonks grabbed the top parchment, dipped her quill into the well sitting on her side table and started writing. Before long, she was immersed in administration busy work.

And then there was a knock on the door.

Tonks looked up, startled. Glancing at the clock, she saw that Harry hadn't left too long ago. She looked around, trying to see if he had forgotten anything.

'One moment!' shouted Tonks, waving her wand at the parchments, banishing them to the desk.

Once at the door, Tonks casually looked through the peephole. Her heart started pounding at an unnaturally high rate when she saw that it wasn't Harry. A man, his face in shadows from the cloak he was wearing stood on the other side of the door.

It was Severus. It had to be.

When she touched the door knob, her hand reacted like it had been burned. She forced herself to take a calming breath.

'Who's there?' asked Tonks, on the slight chance it was an actual Death Eater.

The man slowly pulled back the hood of his cloak and Severus was looking back at her. Tonks scrunched her nose quickly and changed her hair from navy blue almost down to her waist to her traditional bright pink spikes. 'What was the name of your childhood pet?' asked Tonks. She couldn't help but grin as he scowled at her question.

'I didn't have a pet,' he said curtly. Tonks found herself jumping up and down with excitement. It had been more than two and a half months since they had seen each other. He continued, 'What's your favorite color?'

Tonks threw open the door and looked at her lover. 'Sky blue.'

Once the door was closed firmly behind them, clothes were removed at an alarming rate. Slowly they walked through the living room, towards her bedroom, lips in constant contact with each other. Her foot stepped on a cloak that had been left on the floor, causing her to fall to the ground on her bum.

Severus wasted no time in picking her up again. Instead of trying to keep walking, Tonks jumped up, wrapping her legs firmly around his waist, her arms tight about his shoulders.

In what seemed like hours since she opened the door, but was actually closer to seconds, they finally fell into bed together. Close to four months had passed since they last made love, but he still remembered where she liked to be touched.

The act was over far too soon. Once done, Tonks put on her bright orange dressing gown and Severus, his trousers and undershirt. They walked hand in hand back into the living room. Severus settled on the sofa while Tonks went to the kitchen to get something to drink. 'Do you want anything?' she asked.

'Water,' he called out. Tonks filled two glasses of water and went back into the living room. Severus was sitting in the middle of her sofa, so Tonks sat on his right, leaning against the side of the couch. Tonks started laughing softly. They were sitting just like they would in Severus' bedchambers.

'So,' started Severus.

'So,' grinned back Tonks. There was so much to say but Tonks was having trouble finding the words. She didn't want to ask a question, such as 'How have you been?' or 'How's life on the Dark Side?' All she really wanted to do was enjoy her post-sex haziness with Severus' arms around her, but there was a great deal that needed to be discussed.

She needn't worry. Severus took her hand and said softly, 'I don't have much time. Perhaps an hour.'

Tonks finished her glass of water and placed it on the coffee table. 'That's one more than I expected,' she smiled.

Severus drank from his own cup. 'I'm glad you were finally here tonight.'

'You've come by before?' asked Tonks.

'Twice,' said Severus.

'Right after…what happened, I basically moved into Headquarters,' said Tonks apologetically. 'I can't spend a lot of time here without it looking funny.'

Severus leaned over and put his own cup of water on the table. He then turned his attention to Tonks and she felt herself blush under his gaze. Taking her wrist, he pulled her into his lap, so that she was straddling him.

Tonks was about to tell him how much she had missed him when Severus said, 'Is Potter taking my advice yet?'

'Advice from you?' laughed Tonks. 'I seriously doubt it. What'd you tell him?'

'Has he talked at all about mastering non-verbal spells or Occlumency?' asked Severus, his hands lazily roaming her bottom.

Tonks nodded. 'You did mean that as advice, then,' said Tonks, smiling. 'He's working with Remus on Occlumency.'

'Good,' said Severus quickly. 'Very good. Lupin's not the greatest Occlumens, but he will do. What of non-verbal spells?'

'He's working with yours truly,' said Tonks, trying to keep the pride out of her voice. She couldn't help but be pleased with Harry's progress.

'You?' asked Severus in surprise.

Tonks nodded. 'We're also working on wandless magic.' A horrible thought came to her. 'Severus, he comes here for the lessons. You have to be careful. I don't even want to think what would happen if he saw you here or anywhere near here.'

Severus looked away thoughtfully. 'Do you meet on a specific night? So I can stay away?' he asked.

'My schedule is all messed up. I'm on the Snape Snatching Team and we work all hours of the day so we can never figure out more than a week ahead. And to top it off Harry disappears every so often…'

Severus put his finger to her lips.

'I'm rambling,' said Tonks. Severus nodded. She leaned forward and rested her head on his shoulder. 'It's just so good to see you. I miss telling you things.'

'Snape Snatching Team?' he asked with a hint of amusement.

'That's the name of the Auror team searching for you,' grinned Tonks sheepishly. 'We spend more time and resources looking for you than You-Know-Who. It's ludicrous.'

'How's Potter's progress?' asked Severus seriously.

'He's doing well,' said Tonks quickly. 'He can cast them easily now. But he's having trouble blocking them.'

They spoke of non-verbal spells for the next few minutes, and Severus told her some tips to give Harry next time they met.

Then he leaned back his head on the couch. Tonks looked at him. Really looked at him. Severus was always thin, but he seemed to have lost weight in the months they had been separated. There were blue-black circles under his eyes and Tonks couldn't help but wonder when he last saw the sun.

'Imagine the irony if Potter kills me with a non-verbal spell that you helped him master,' he whispered cynically.

'Do you really think you will be killed?' asked Tonks softly. She hated the words as they came out of her mouth.

Severus nodded. 'There's no doubt in my mind.'

Tonks looked away, not realizing that as she was holding onto his undershirt, she was twisting it tightly. He gently picked up one hand at a time and interlaced her fingers with his.

'Do you know when the first time I realized I cared for you was?' asked Severus quietly.

She shook her head, not looking at him. All she dwelled on was the feeling of her small hands next to his rough, calloused ones.

'When I read that owl you sent me asking me over for dinner on my birthday,' said Severus. 'Even though I was furious with you for sleeping with Lupin on New Year's, I realized that I wanted to spend my birthday with you. That's when I knew.'

'Oh, don't bring that up,' cringed Tonks, thinking of New Year's. A very Aurorish thought suddenly crossed her mind, pushing out all thoughts of love. 'Can you tell me where You-Know-Who's Headquarters are?'

'No,' said Severus at once. 'The Dark Lord has all the same precautions that the Order has.'

'Who's the Secret Keeper?' prodded Tonks. Both realized that more important topics than their feelings needed to be discussed in the brief time they had together.

For just a moment Tonks thought she saw Severus struggled within himself. 'Bellatrix Lestrange,' he said. 'You won't be able to find her; she rarely leaves the Dark Lord's side.'

'But it's a start,' said Tonks eagerly. 'We can start an initiative to find her.'

Severus placed his hands on her shoulders swiftly. Tonks looked at him in surprise.

'Only three people know who the Secret Keeper is. The Dark Lord, myself and Bellatrix,' said Severus in a low voice. 'Several Death Eaters are aware of my absence tonight, Nymphadora. If the Ministry were to announce that they are focused on finding Bellatrix, I will be killed.'

'But if you already expect to die?' she challenged, almost shuddering at the words.

'My death cannot occur until I am sure that Potter can defeat the Dark Lord,' said Severus grimly. 'That may not be for some time.'

'All right,' said Tonks softly. She glanced at the clock. Forty-five minutes left…

His hands moved up her back and he pressed her against him. Their lips met and Tonks only briefly was able to forget everything except him. She broke away first.

'Is there anything else you can tell me?' asked Tonks, cursing that they couldn't spend the time they had simply enjoying each other.

Severus closed his eyes, removed his hands from Tonks' waist and rubbed his temples. 'Seeds of discord, Nymphadora,' he said slowly. 'It's taking time, but I'm beginning to pit Death Eater against Death Eater. If they're all fighting each other they won't have time to fight everyone else.'

'Clever,' said Tonks. She hesitated a moment and then continued. 'Would you like to know anything about your search?'

'Where are they concentrating?' asked Severus.

'Where aren't they is the better question,' said Tonks frustratedly. 'There's a special floo set up and people floo and owl in tips all the time. Then we go through the list and decide where we want to search.'

'My house still under surveillance?' asked Severus, stifling a yawn.

Tonks nodded. 'Do you need anything from there?' asked Tonks. 'Is that why you were there that night? I might be able to sneak something out.'

An undeniable smirk crossed Severus' lips. 'I was there because I found out you were on call.'

Tonks couldn't decide if that was the stupidest or the most brilliant thing she had ever heard. 'Why would you put yourself at risk like that?' she demanded.

'I am a selfish man, Nymphadora,' Severus told her. 'I wanted to see you again.'

'You're expecting me to believe that you put your life in danger because of me?' asked Tonks incredulously.

'There was a book I needed,' said Severus finally. 'You being the one to catch me was a bonus.'

'Thought so,' laughed Tonks, placing her hands on his cheeks and kissing him lightly on the lips.

'Speaking of lives being in danger,' said Severus slowly. 'I'm putting you in danger by being here. If you want me to go away and not seek you out again…I will.'

'Don't you dare, Severus Snape,' said Tonks, her eyes flashing. 'I let Remus give me that line; I'm not accepting it from you. You're the only thing that makes sense in my life right now. I need you.'

Tonks couldn't help but notice the pleased look in his eyes. 'I think that covers everything for now,' said Severus, looking over at the clock on the wall. He slowly untied her dressing gown and slid the silky material from her shoulders.

'A half hour to spare,' smiled Tonks as Severus pulled her flush against him and started kissing her neck. 'What ever will we do with ourselves?'

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Later, after Severus left, Tonks lay on her bed, eyes focused outside on the night sky. They agreed to try to meet again in two weeks. But they both knew plans were almost impossible to make.

Tonks tried to imagine life after the war. After Voldemort's defeat, if Severus survived. There would be no life for him in Britain, that much was sure. And if Severus was alive, there was no life for her without him.

They would have to run. Tonks spent far too many hours that night planning their future life together instead of sleeping. She imagined them starting over somewhere, possibly Canada or somewhere in South America. Not in Europe. The Ministries of Magics worked too closely together. They were both still young by wizarding standards, even if Severus was fifteen years older than her. Many happy years could be shared.

If Severus survived.

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_A/N – pilosus (Latin) – to cover with hair_


	38. A Question of Trust

**Chapter Thirty-Eight – A Question of Trust**

Tonks walked down the street towards her apartment, feeling the crisp November air bite at her cheeks. She wasn't able to shake the feeling that she was being followed. 'Constant Vigilance,' she couldn't help but mutter to herself.

Very casually, Tonks walked into her apartment building. Once the door was closed behind her, Tonks scrunched her nose and morphed. She grew four inches, darkened her skin tone to match Kingsley's and gave herself some chin length braids. Then quickly transfiguring her robes to a more traditional muggle trench coat, she headed out the door again.

Whistling happily, Tonks retraced her steps when she saw what she was looking for. Savage was leaning against a tree, hiding his face by pretending to read The Sun.

She strolled nonchalantly past him, not even noticing him. Then Tonks stopped, morphing back to herself again, but with blonde hair. Savage didn't even notice. She walked right behind him and tapped him on the shoulder.

'Excuse me, do you have the time?' she asked, trying to hide the fury she felt inside.

Savage jumped. 'No, I don't-'

He froze when he saw her. A guilty look crossed his face. 'Tonks…'

'Are you going to tell me what's going on?' she asked in a low voice. 'Please, Savage. I deserve that much.'

'Not out here,' said Savage, his eyes darting around.

'There's a muggle pub down the street,' said Tonks. For a moment, she thought about inviting him inside, but changed her mind.

They walked swiftly towards the pub. Tonks ordered two pints and brought them to a booth. Savage looked around in amazement.

'Haven't you been in a muggle pub before?' asked Tonks. Savage shook his head. He looked at the beer in front of him. 'Guinness. Muggles know their beer.'

Savage took a careful sip and made a face. 'Not bad.'

Tonks drank close to half of hers in one gulp. 'You want to explain why you're following me?' asked Tonks. 'I'm trusting you to tell me the truth, Savage.'

'Why do you think you were placed on the Snape Snatching Team?' asked Savage.

Tonks shrugged and took another sip of beer. 'Because of my dazzling wit? My charm? My inability to stay up on my own two feet for any length of time?'

'Because of the rumors that you and Snape were sleeping together,' said Savage suddenly.

She had forgotten about those rumors. 'Those rumors are a year old. I haven't seen Snape since…it's been a long time,' said Tonks. The truth was that she had seen him only three nights ago for the first time since their night together in September. Nine bloody weeks.

'Well, Millstone has it in her head that you can lead us to Snape,' said Savage.

'How long have I been followed?' asked Tonks, taking a barrette from her pocket and putting back her bleach blonde fringe. Normally, if her hair was in her way, she'd morph it, but not in a muggle pub.

'Only a couple of days,' said Savage apologetically.

'Why now?' asked Tonks. Her initial anger had been replaced with sadness. Her colleagues didn't trust her. What was worse was that Tonks realized that she didn't deserve their trust anymore. Even though she was doing it for what she considered the right reasons, Tonks was lying to her comrades.

'Since you turned in that tip about the attacks in Diagon Alley,' said Savage softly. 'Millstone thinks Snape told you.'

Tonks sighed and rested her chin on her hand. Severus had told her. He had warned her that in the next few days, there would be an attack concentrated on Diagon Alley. He felt safe telling her seeing that numerous Death Eaters had the information and no one could pin the leak back to him.

The moment he had left, Tonks went to the Burrow and told Arthur, now the unofficial leader of the Order. Within hours, the Order had arranged guard shifts in Diagon Alley and Tonks promised to tell the Ministry first thing this morning.

'What do you think, Savage?' asked Tonks. They had worked together for almost a year and a half now. His opinion was important to her.

'I think you want this war over just like the rest of us,' said Savage thoughtfully. 'I don't think you would do anything to jeopardize that.'

'Thank you, Darrin,' said Tonks gratefully, looking him right in the eye. 'That means a lot to me.'

'What are you going to do?' asked Savage.

'I'm going to confront Millstone,' said Tonks, shaking her head. 'I should have realized something was up. She kept asking me questions about my personal life. Thank you for getting caught.'

Savage grinned sheepishly. 'I was paying too much attention to that damn tabloid.'

'Lives of the Royals are fascinating, aren't they?' grinned Tonks. But the grin quickly left her face when she realized what she was going to do.

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'Nora, can I speak to you?' asked Tonks loudly the next day. It was early in the morning and the Auror office was fairly empty.

'Of course, Tonks,' said Nora brightly. Too brightly. 'What can I help you with?'

'In private if you don't mind,' said Tonks with a smile.

'My office,' said Nora. Her demeanor changed instantly. She now looked at Tonks just slightly suspiciously.

The door of Nora's small office closed with an authoritative bang. Tonks didn't bother to sit as Nora settled herself behind her desk.

'You don't need to have me followed,' said Tonks, crossing her arms over her chest.

'I don't know what you're talking about,' said Nora in a clipped voice.

'I caught one of them red handed yesterday and they confessed,' said Tonks. 'I know I'm being followed and I want it to stop.'

'Then tell me who your contact with the Death Eaters is,' said Nora at once.

'You know I'm not going to do that,' said Tonks. 'All Aurors have contacts in the underground. You know how it works. I say who my contact is and I'll never get any information again.'

Nora drummed her fingers across her desk. 'Is your contact Snape?' asked Nora.

'I'm not saying who it is,' said Tonks.

'I'm going to be completely honest with you, Tonks,' said Nora, all traces of warmth gone from her face. 'You've been under suspicion since Snape killed Dumbledore.'

'Why?' demanded Tonks.

'You were sleeping with him,' accused Nora, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Tonks held out her hand angrily. 'That was a rumor.'

'Do you deny it?'

'Of course I deny it!' said Tonks frustratedly.

'Will you take Veritaserum to prove it?' asked Nora, eyeing her carefully.

'No,' said Tonks simply. 'I'm an Auror. My word should be enough.'

'And if it's not?' challenged Nora.

'I've been a good Auror, Millstone,' said Tonks, lowering her voice. 'You have no reason beyond a bloody rumor to suspect me of anything.'

'I would prefer if you cooperate,' said Nora softly. 'And if you don't, I could throw you in Azkaban, you know.'

'Yes, you can,' said Tonks heatedly. 'But the Aurors I work with trust me, even if you don't. I don't think you'll find anyone willing to take me there.'

'I'm suspending you without pay for the rest of the month,' said Nora, leaning back in her chair. 'Once December comes, we'll review, and we'll see if you're willing to give up the name of your contact.'

Tonks laughed bitterly, shaking her head.

'Get out of my office,' said Nora. 'Don't come back until you have something to tell me.'

'Am I still going to be followed?' asked Tonks.

'That's for me to know and you to try to discover,' said Nora.

'Once I leave this office, you won't be able to find me again until I come back,' said Tonks. She would morph as often as she needed to in order not to be followed.

'You really shouldn't say things like that, Tonks,' said Nora quietly. 'It's attitudes like that why no one trusts shape-shifters.'

'I'm a Metamorphmagus,' said Tonks through clenched teeth, before turning on her heels and walking out the door.

Tonks practically ran out of the Ministry, not quite believing what had just happened. If the Aurors didn't trust her, what about the Order? Did the Order still trust her?

More importantly, how would she get word to Severus not to come to her bed sit again? If she was still going to be followed, he absolutely couldn't come to her flat. Maybe she could word an owl just the right way…That wouldn't work. She couldn't imagine that he would allow an owl to get anywhere near him.

Tonks started walking briskly and found herself in front of the muggle grocery store that Remus worked at. He had moved up the ranks very quickly at the store. Remus started bagging groceries, then moved up to a check out clerk and now worked in customer service. He still hated everything about the job, but the manager was understanding at the full moon and he had been gainfully employed for six months now.

Without thinking, Tonks marched inside, oblivious to the stares that her lime green bob was getting. Remus was sitting behind the counter, laughing with another clerk. When he noticed her, Tonks realized that he didn't look too pleased.

'I'm going to go have a fag,' said Remus quietly to the other man, who nodded.

Remus picked up his dark green cardigan from the back of his chair and struggled to put it on. 'Follow me,' he said to Tonks.

She followed Remus into the back room of the store and through a maze of boxes. After they made it outside, Remus took his time taking out his cigarette and lighting it.

'What are you doing here?' asked Remus, taking a drag. As was his custom, he offered her a puff, which Tonks always refused.

Tonks looked around to make sure they were alone. They were. 'Do you trust me?' she asked softly. She felt her eyes brimming with eyes and at that moment, hated herself for them.

'Where did that come from?' asked Remus.

'Please just answer the question,' said Tonks, sitting down on a crate.

Remus sat down on the crate besides her, leaning against the brink wall, bringing one knee up and resting his foot on her crate. 'Course I trust you, Clumsy,' he said gruffly.

Tonks closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. Remus wouldn't lie to her. 'Thank you,' said Tonks gratefully. 'I've been followed by Aurors for the last few days.'

'What for?' asked Remus, sounding indignant.

The tone of his voice made Tonks smile. 'They think I can lead them to Snape.'

'Can you?'

Tonks looked at Remus sharply. 'No,' she said simply. It wasn't a lie. She couldn't lead anyone to Snape. He came to her, not the other way around. 'Why would you think that?'

Remus shrugged. 'I heard the rumors like everyone else, about you and Severus,' said Remus, blowing smoke up over his head. 'Harry tells me that you keep bringing his name up when you're working on non-verbal spells.'

'Severus and I became friends last year,' said Tonks, sighing slightly. It felt good to admit this to someone. 'Good friends. I guess I take that into consideration when I think about everything that's happened.'

'What do you mean, what happened?' asked Remus, throwing his cigarette to the ground and stamping it out with his foot. 'He killed Dumbledore.'

'I know,' said Tonks. That was a statement of fact that couldn't be refuted. 'Say I killed Dumbledore, wouldn't you wonder what happened? Wonder if Dumbledore knew something you didn't? Things aren't always black or white, you know.'

'For the purpose of this discussion, I'll agree,' said Remus in an even tone. 'Because I trust you and our history, I might be able to give you the benefit of the doubt.'

'That's what it's like for me,' said Tonks, knowing full well that she was giving Remus far too much information. But truly not caring at the moment. 'Things aren't always as they seem.'

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Even though Tonks might be suspended as an Auror, that didn't mean she was going to stay away from a possible fight. Severus told her four days ago that there would be an attack

And tonight was the night. There was no doubt in her mind. There was a tension in the air that hadn't been in Diagon Alley the night before. Her hand tightened around her wand as she carefully glanced at the faces around her, looking for anything that didn't seem right.

She walked past the Weasley twin's shop. Fred and George were both inside, wearing their matching magenta robes. They both had moved a great deal of inventory to the back, so there would be less of a chance of having their entire stock destroyed. And they both planned on defending their store vigorously.

Aurors and Enforcers strolled down the street, all giving Tonks a nod as they past by. Tonks herself wasn't wearing her Auror robes, seeing that she wasn't technically on duty. Instead of navy blue robes, she wore her favorite bright purple robe. The patches on the robe were different blues and greens. Not needed, generally Tonks kept her robes in very good condition, but she liked the added colors.

Tonks was grateful that there didn't seem to too many shoppers tonight. At least-

A woman's scream caused the hair on the back of Tonks' neck to stand on end. She whirled around and saw Death Eaters pouring out of the walkway that connected Knockturn and Diagon Alleys.

Tonks almost had to laugh out loud when she saw them. It was a small walkway, the Death Eaters were met head on when they passed into Diagon Alley. The Aurors there were able to stun the Death Eaters easily. There were only five…

Immediately, Tonks looked around. This was a set-up. She crouched low and looked around, trying to see if anything was amiss.

Every single one of her senses was on alert. To her left, she saw that another Auror had done the exact same thing. It was Savage.

They saw each other at the same time and smiled. 'Doesn't feel right, does it?' asked Savage in a low voice.

Tonks shook her head and thought of Balin, Savage's four month old son. The much hoped for son after three girls. She forced herself to think of other things. That line of thinking would get her in trouble…

There was barely enough time to cover themselves with a shield charm when the explosion happened.

Tonks looked down Diagon Alley and saw that half of Gringotts had been blasted away. Both she and Savage waited until the ruble had stopped, then ran towards the destruction. Aurors and Enforcers were scattered everywhere. This was exactly what the Death Eaters wanted. Chaos.

'Damnit, Severus,' muttered Tonks under her breath. He didn't mention anything about explosives. He simply said that there would be an attack. Why couldn't he have given her more specific information?

But that was her last thought before the second explosion caused her to slip into unconsciousness.

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**A/N – So I decided to get a head start on my New Year's resolutions. (Or I'm starting really late. Depends which way you look at it.) I made a big ole list yesterday. I should have done this forever ago, but I'm going to start replying to all reviews. Because you guys rock, and I don't show y'all the love nearly enough. So if you've been reviewing and are suddenly like, 'why is this crazy girl replying all the time?' This is why. I want to show you all how much I appreciate you! I love writing fan fiction, and you guys make it that much more fun!**


	39. A Pensieve Memory

**Chapter Thirty-Nine – A Pensieve Memory**

Tonks woke up on a small cot with a horrible headache. If she hadn't known better, she felt like she was fighting a raging hangover. She sat up slowly and looked around.

Several other people were on cots. And then she saw piles of books. 'Flourish and Blotts?' asked Tonks out loud.

'Oi! Tonks!' called out a voice. Tonks looked behind her and saw Iris Zeller, an Auror about ten years older than herself. 'You alive? Do you feel okay?'

'Headache,' said Tonks, standing up and walking towards Zeller. 'What's happened?'

'The whole area around Gringotts was pretty much destroyed,' said Iris. 'A couple of shops, too. Lots of casualties, but only two fatalities.'

'Who died?' asked Tonks quickly.

'Williamson-'

'Gareth was killed?' asked Tonks sadly. She always liked him. 'Who else?'

Iris bit her lip and immediately Tonks was worried. 'Who else, Iris?'

'I'm sorry, Tonks,' said Iris softly. 'I know you two had worked together for a while now…'

Without thinking, Tonks dropped to the floor and sat there. Iris knelt down next to her and awkwardly patted her shoulder. 'It was quick,' said Iris. 'After the explosion, more Death Eaters came. It was the Killing Curse…'

'Savage is dead?' asked Tonks in disbelief, thinking of his four children.

Iris put her hands over her mouth. 'Not Savage,' said Iris. 'Proudfoot. Haven't you two worked together for a while?'

Tonks closed her eyes and immediately felt guilty at the relief she felt. Proudfoot had been transferred to the Snape Snatching Team recently and they had worked together at Hogsmeade last year. She understood how Iris could get it wrong.

'Proudfoot is dead?' asked Tonks in a small voice. Iris nodded.

'Let's get you up,' said Iris. 'Everyone here is waiting for transport to St. Mungos.'

Tonks shook her head. 'I don't want to go to St. Mungos. I just have a headache,' she said.

'You know I can't allow that,' said Iris sternly. 'You were on duty, you need to get an official checkup.'

'I wasn't on duty. I assumed everyone knew,' said Tonks. 'I've been suspended for the next nine days. Till December.'

'I hadn't heard,' said Iris apologetically.

'I just want to go home.'

'I can understand that,' said Iris. 'Go on, then.'

Tonks nodded and accepted Iris' hand to help her stand up. She waved and then Disapparated to Headquarters. The lights were on, and Tonks quickly went inside.

Arthur and Remus were deep in conversation. Both stood up when they saw her. 'Are you alright?' asked Remus, the concern in his face evident.

She nodded, but realized that there was a pain in her right shoulder. The same shoulder she had hurt last year. It didn't feel like a tear, though. 'I might dislocated my shoulder,' she said finally.

'You don't know?' asked Arthur.

'No,' said Tonks. 'I didn't go to St. Mungos. Is everyone from the Order okay?'

'Remus here has some bumps and bruises, but-'

'I'm fine, Arthur,' said Remus quietly, giving Arthur a sympathetic look. 'Fred was hit in the head pretty severely by some ruble…' Remus trailed off.

'He's alive, but the Healers don't know if he'll wake up,' finished Arthur. There was a brave look on his face that caused Tonks' eyes to tear up. 'Molly's at St. Mungos with him. George is absolutely besides himself.'

'I'm so sorry, Arthur,' said Tonks softly.

'Do you know that five of my seven children have now been in life threatening situation?' asked Arthur, shaking his head. 'All I want to do is protect them. Nothing I do seems to work. Nothing.'

Tonks wasn't sure why she did it, but she walked up to Arthur and wrapped her arms around him. Arthur rested his head on her shoulder and she could feel him silently sobbing into her hair. After a moment, Arthur backed away and smiled sadly.

'Thank you,' he said sadly. Then changing the subject away from himself, added, 'Would you like me to check your shoulder?'

Tonks nodded. He fixed her shoulder deftly. As he Healed her. she could almost imagine Arthur as a young man, healing his children's scraped knees and bruises. He had that gentle way about him.

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They all stayed up late that night, everyone in the Order. The next morning, Tonks allowed herself a lie-in, seeing that she was suspended for the next eight days. When she did get up that morning, Tonks realized that Headquarters was short on some basic items, like parchment and floo powder. Groceries were never a problem anymore. Remus always bought them with the Order's funds at a discount.

Tonks was about to head to Diagon Alley to shop when there was a knock on the front door. She looked through the peephole and saw Hermione Granger standing there.

She opened the door for Hermione and said brightly, 'Wotcher, Hermione.'

The young witch scurried inside and Tonks immediately sensed that all was not well. 'What are you doing here on your own? I can't remember the last time I saw you without your Knights.'

Hermione's face flushed. 'I was hoping I'd run into you. I need to say something, but I didn't want to tell Professor Lupin or Mr. Weasley,' said Hermione in a hushed voice. 'I don't have much time. Ron and Harry will get curious if I'm gone too long.'

'Understood,' said Tonks, now extremely curious herself. She closed the door tightly behind them. 'Do you want tea or something?'

'No,' said Hermione, sounding distracted. She sat on the couch and Tonks settled on the nearby armchair.

'What's the matter?' asked Tonks.

'I don't know where to begin,' said Hermione, biting her lip. 'Professor Dumbledore left Harry his Pensieve. We've been going through the memories slowly, trying to get more information.'

'Alright,' said Tonks slowly.

'We saw a memory,' said Hermione haltingly. 'It contradicts what a lot of people think…'

'What memory?' asked Tonks in a hushed voice. Merlin, please let Professor Dumbledore have left something that would clear Severus' name. Please.

'It was Professor Dumbledore and Professor Snape arguing. Professor Dumbledore said that Professor Snape had to kill him when the time came like he promised,' said Hermione, looking lost.

'Really?' asked Tonks in a small voice.

'It's just…I think last year, Hagrid overheard that exact same conversation, but we all assumed that Snape was tired of being a spy,' said Hermione. 'But it fits with what Hagrid told us.'

'Was there anything else?' asked Tonks, her eyes filling with tears. She brushed them away quickly.

'Are you alright?' asked Hermione quickly.

'I'm fine,' said Tonks matter of factly. 'I've been overwhelmed lately. Don't mind me.'

'Professor Snape said over and over that he was willing to die so that Professor Dumbledore could live,' said Hermione in wonder. 'But Professor Dumbledore actually became angry with him…Tonks…I think Professor Snape might be on our side.'

Tonks put her hand over her mouth. 'I think so, too, Hermione. I've thought that for a while.' This is exactly what they needed. Proof. No one would doubt a memory of Professor Dumbledore's.

'When I started to think after Professor Snape killed Professor Dumbledore, nothing really made sense,' said Hermione, looking around as if she was afraid that someone could overhear. 'Professor Snape has saved Harry's life more than once. He's covered for us plenty of times when he didn't need to…I don't understand why he would do that if all this time, he was a loyal Death Eater.'

'It's good that you're able to reason that out,' said Tonks.

'I've never thought that Professor Snape could be evil,' said Hermione worriedly.

'Why not?' asked Tonks. She asked because she was half curious and half simply wanting to keep talking about him.

'He tutored me Fifth Year,' admitted Hermione. 'I want to become a Healer, and I was worried that my Potion's skills weren't up to snuff. So he gave me some extra lessons. All I had to do was ask. I didn't tell Harry or Ron. They wouldn't have understood. I got to know him a little bit. I don't think he's evil. Mean, yes. Cruel, yes. But not evil.'

'Why did you want to tell me?' asked Tonks. She couldn't believe how happy she was to know that someone else believed Severus was on the right side. 'Why me specifically?'

Hermione blushed furiously. 'I'm a poor sleeper,' said Hermione apologetically. 'When I can't sleep, I'll walk around the castle; I'm a Prefect, so I won't get in trouble…I think it was back in March…it was early in the morning and I saw you leaving his bedchambers.'

'I see,' said Tonks softly. 'How do you know where is bedchambers are?'

'All Prefects know where all the Head of House's bedchambers are in case of an emergency,' shrugged Hermione.

'You're sure it was me?' asked Tonks, raising an eyebrow.

'I can't really imagine Professor Snape knowing that many pink haired witches,' said Hermione with a slight smile.

'You're probably right about that,' grinned Tonks. She wondered how much information to offer the witch, but decided that less is more for now.

'I figured…if at one point you two were close enough to be leaving his bedchambers at six in the morning…that you might be more receptive to the idea of him not being a loyal Death Eater,' said Hermione.

'Very good assumption,' said Tonks with a bit of a laugh. 'So how did Harry react to the memory?'

'Harry was furious,' said Hermione shaking her head. 'I've never seen him so angry. He's convinced that the memory had been tampered with.'

'How would a tampered memory get into Dumbledore's Pensieve?' asked Tonks.

'That's what I said to Harry,' said Hermione. 'But it doesn't matter now, I guess.'

Tonks felt the blood drain from her face. 'Why not?'

'When the Pensieve became in Harry's possession, I learned all about them. I taught Harry…' Hermione bit her lip again. 'Harry separated the memory and destroyed it. No one else will be able to see it.'

Tonks stood up and walked to the window. She had been so close to hope, so close to believing that this nightmare might have an end. 'Why would he do that?' asked Tonks in a low voice. 'Is he not willing to believe that Snape might just possibly be on our side?'

'He's not,' said Hermione simply. Tonks heard her stand up. 'He's going down a path I'm not comfortable with.'

'What do you mean?' asked Tonks quickly, looking at Hermione.

'Harry wants to hurt Professor Snape,' said Hermione softly. 'It's gotten to the point where I think he could perform an Unforgivable. I'm worried about him.'

Tonks wondered if she meant Harry or Severus. You have every right to be worried if that's true,' said Tonks.

'I'm not going to let him,' said Hermione in a confident voice. 'I don't care how much he hates Professor Snape. I will not him use an Unforgivable. He uses one, and everything we've fought for is lost.'

'He won't thank you for that, Hermione,' said Tonks.

'There are still a lot of memories to go through,' said Hermione. 'If I see any others that supports the theory…I won't let Harry destroy them. I'll do a Neville if I have to.'

'Do a Neville?' asked Tonks.

Hermione laughed sadly. 'First year, he stood up to Ron, Harry and me,' mused Hermione. 'I'll stand up to Harry if I have to. He'll hate me. But it will be what's right.

'If I see something or find something, may I send you a Patronus?' asked Hermione. 'I have trouble getting away.'

'Of course,' said Tonks. 'Let's see it.'

Hermione cast her Patronus, which was an otter. 'Let me show you mine,' said Tonks. 'Don't laugh, it's a werewolf, which is so wrong on so many different levels.'

Tonks waved her wand, but instead of the werewolf she had grown accustomed to, it was a small lizard. Without meaning to, Tonks let out a small squeal. 'That's my old Patronus. It's back, Hermione. My Patronus is back!' said Tonks excitedly.

She thought back to the last time she used her Patronus. It had been quite some time…since just before she saw Severus again in September. That confirmed everything for her. Tonks was herself again. Truly herself.

'I don't think I've ever seen anyone get so excited about a Patronus before,' laughed Hermione. She glanced at her watch. 'I need to get back. I just…I wanted you to know.'

Tonks looked at the young witch. She remembered hearing how smart Hermione was when she first met her, two and a half years ago. Tonks had learned quickly that that was true, but she didn't seem sure of herself. Like she was hiding part of herself from the world.

Now Hermione held herself upright and looked like a confident young woman, one who was willing to do something that would be considered betrayal by her friends.

'Thank you, Hermione,' said Tonks softly. 'May I tell Arthur what you saw?'

'Shouldn't it wait until we have proof?' asked Hermione. 'I'd hate for anyone to be suspicious about either of us.'

'As much as I hate to admit this, you're probably right,' said Tonks.

Hermione nodded and then quickly left Headquarters, leaving Tonks to mull over her thoughts. Somewhere hidden away in Dumbledore's Pensieve was the key to Severus' freedom. It simply was waiting to be found.

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Later that afternoon, Tonks walked into Diagon Alley. The repairs to the different shops were going very quickly. George Weasley was determined to have Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes opened as quickly as possible, and most of the other shops agreed.

As she was walking out of the Stationary Store, Tonks noticed Nora Millstone walking quickly through the street. Feeling rebellious, Tonks decided to give the witch a taste of her own medicine. Quickly, she morphed her face so that she was unrecognizable. Aged fifty years and she transfigured her robes as well.

'I am an expert in Stealth and Tracking,' muttered Tonks to herself in encouragement. 'An expert. I can track anyone. No one will ever catch me trailing them.'

Nora was heading towards Knockturn Alley. She seemed to be staring straight ahead, not looking around. That was the first sign to Tonks that something was wrong. Aurors are never still. They are always looking around, taking in their surroundings.

Tonks followed Nora well into Knockturn Alley. Nora turned down a deserted street, and Tonks knew she couldn't follow any longer without raising alarm. Turning around to face a wall, Tonks morphed her face to look even older, and dirty, like a beggar. Her robes became rags.

She limped down the street. No one would pay her any notice. At least she hoped not. Nora was standing in the corner talking to a cloaked figure. The cloaked figure drew his wand as Tonks approached. There was something funny with his hand. It looked almost metal. Nora didn't even move.

'I'm going…I'm going…' said Tonks in a high pitched cockney accent. She turned around and limped slowly away, her hand holding her wand tightly, in case she was attacked from behind.

Tonks made it out of the street safely and walked into a store. The man behind the counter was asleep, giving Tonks the chance to morph back to the first old lady and transfigure her robes back to the floral pattern that reminded her of her grandmother's sofa.

As she left the store, Nora walked by. Tonks tried to follow her, but was stopped by a peddler trying to sell his wares. By the time Tonks made it back to Diagon Alley, Nora had disappeared.

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That night, Tonks paced about her flat, unsure of what to do. She really didn't like what she saw in Knockturn Alley. But if she said anything, Nora would simply say she was speaking to a contact or some other nonsense. Nora's behavior was completely unaccustomed for an Auror.

Was Nora talking to Death Eaters? She vaguely remembered being told about a Death Eater with a metal hand. There was only one way to find out. Tonks thought long and hard, trying to decide what to do. She knew that Severus would have the answer. He could tell her if the Aurors were being sabotaged in someway or another…

There was only one way she could contact him. Her Patronus. Severus told her once that he cataloged all of the Order's Patronus' for You-Know-Who. It was after her Patronus had changed. The Death Eaters thought her Patronus was a werewolf. Severus knew that her Patronus used to be an iguana. He would see it and know instantly that she needed to see him. And if other people were around…she trusted Severus could easily come up with a cover story about a strange Patronus.

She looked out of her window, to the spot where Savage had told her that an Auror would be if they were watching her. Apparently, Nora's spying program hadn't been approved full time yet. So there was time when she wasn't watched. Like now.

Tonks stood up and didn't let herself think. She cast her Patronus, with no message, and sent it to Severus.

Now she had to wait.


	40. Unexpected Consequences

**A/N – With the e-mail alert system down, I'm sure many of you did not read chapter 39. Run, don't walk, and go read chapter 39, if you have not already. It is an important chapter! Thank you!**

**88888**

**Chapter Forty – Unexpected Consequences **

More than an hour later, there was a knock on the door. Tonks sighed in relief. She ran to the door and through the peephole, saw Severus standing there. 'I didn't have a pet and your favorite color is sky blue,' he said through the door. Tonks bit her lip worriedly. He looked absolutely furious.

Tonks opened the door and Severus stalked past her. 'Have you lost your mind?' he asked angrily. 'What possessed you to send me a Patronus?'

'Were you alone?' asked Tonks, her hands on her hips.

'I was, but that's completely besides the point,' said Severus curtly. 'Are you trying to get me killed?'

'Of course not,' scoffed Tonks. 'I need information. And considering I don't have the slightest idea when I'll see you again, I decided it was worth the risk.'

Severus' face softened slightly. 'Your Patronus changed back.'

'It did,' said Tonks angrily, crossing her arms over her chest. 'That's the only reason I sent it. I knew you would recognize it, but no one else would. If I still had the other Patronus, I wouldn't have.'

Severus held out his hands wearily. 'Truce, Nymphadora.'

Tonks walked over to him and let herself get engulfed by his arms. She raised her head and Severus' lips found hers. Their routine was simple. Sex. Trade information. Sex. Last time they had been together, Tonks had joked that they both understood their priorities.

But Severus pulled away. 'I truly don't have much time, Nymphadora, and I would prefer not to start something we can't finish.'

Tonks nodded and took a step backwards. 'Two things,' said Tonks. 'Do you know Nora Millstone? She's an Auror.'

'I recognize the name,' said Severus, sitting on the arm of the sofa.

'I saw her in Knockturn Alley today speaking to a man in a cloak. He had a metal hand-'

'Silver, I think you mean,' said Severus thoughtfully, running his hand over his chin. 'Wormtail's doing something behind my back.'

'Can you find out what? I just want to know if she's under Imperius or if she's really working with the Death Eaters,' said Tonks. 'She's trying to do the same to me.'

'You're both Aurors,' said Severus in a surprised voice. 'Shouldn't you trust each other?'

'I trusted her until she suspended me without pay till the end of the month. I'm being followed,' said Tonks bitterly. Then seeing the flash of anger of Severus' face, added, 'Only half the time and I made sure no one was watching before I contacted you. She's convinced I can lead the Ministry to you.'

'Why would she think that?' asked Severus, raising an eyebrow.

'I never bothered to tell you, but last year, all the Aurors thought we were sleeping together,' said Tonks.

'We were sleeping together,' said Severus matter of factly.

Tonks made a face at him. 'I know that, but know one else was supposed to know.'

'I'll see what I can find out,' said Severus. 'I'm generally aware of the other Death Eater's plans. But if Wormtail's trying to gain favor…I'll speak with him.'

'Thank you,' said Tonks. 'And in completely different news, I had a very interesting visit with Hermione Granger this morning.'

'What's Miss Know-it-All have to say?' asked Severus.

'Harry, Ron and Hermione are going through Dumbledore's Pensieve,' said Tonks softly. 'They found a conversation between you and the Headmaster arguing about the Unbreakable Vow.

'Hermione believes the memory,' said Tonks, not able to keep from smiling. 'If that memory is in there, just think, Severus, there might be others. There might be a memory that tells everyone that you were working on the Headmaster's orders.'

Any color was drained from Severus' face. 'If that memory is in there, he probably kept the memory of me telling him…of the night I went to tell him everything,' said Severus in odd sounding voice.

'Possibly,' said Tonks. His face went whiter than it normally was and he gripped the arm of the sofa tightly. 'Severus, what's wrong?'

'You have to ruin the memories in the Pensieve, Nymphadora,' said Severus quickly. 'It will be easy. Just pretend to trip it and knock it over. No one would suspect-'

Tonks interrupted him angrily. 'I'll do no such thing, Severus,' said Tonks. 'That Pensieve might be the only difference-'

'If that memory is in there…' Severus trailed off and took a deep breath. 'I talked about my son. If Potter finds out about him…I will not have Potter spitting on Elias' memory! I won't have it!'

Her eyes filled with tears as she reached for him. 'Severus, this might be our only chance…'

'How many times do I need to tell you, Nymphadora?' asked Severus bitterly. 'I'm not going to live through the war. So it doesn't matter if the Pensieve is destroyed or not. I don't want you believing-'

'But I have to believe!' cried Tonks. 'I have to believe that you'll survive!'

She was crying openly now, and thoroughly ashamed of herself. Severus didn't need to see her tears. He reached out his hand and pulled her close. Tonks rested her head on his shoulder.

Without thinking, she murmured, 'I love you so much, Severus.'

It was the first time those words had been offered between them. She felt Severus physically flinch and she was brought back to the times she told Remus how she felt and how he never responded. Her eyes closed tightly and she added, 'You don't have to say it back. I know how you feel.'

She felt his hand run through her hair, which was in navy blue pony tail. More than a minute passed and just as Tonks was about to say something on a completely different subject, Severus said softly, so softly that she knew the words were meant for her and her alone, 'I love you, Nymphadora.'

Tonks let the words wash over her, cleansing her. She was reborn.

'I won't destroy the Pensieve,' whispered Tonks. 'I understand why you're asking, but I won't do it. Because you're going to live. I can't not believe it.'

Severus' arms wrapped around her more tightly. She wanted to stay like this forever,

'I wish you could believe it, too,' said Tonks into his hair.

There was a silence, then Severus said, 'I do,' in a hallow voice.

Tonks smiled through her tears. 'You don't mean it.'

'I don't,' said Severus, stroking her back. 'But I'll say it if that's what you need to hear.'

'Thank you,' murmured Tonks. She pulled back and put her arms around his shoulders. 'I'm the worst girlfriend ever. I risk your life asking you over and then all I do is cry.'

'Girlfriend?' asked Severus in amusement. 'Is that what you are, then?'

'Do you have a better word for it?' asked Tonks in jest, as she wiped away the rest of her tears. She would cry no more tonight.

'I guess that means I haven't been a particularly good boyfriend,' said Severus. 'I should be buying you chocolates or flowers…writing you horrible poetry.'

Tonks leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips. Severus broke away after a moment.

'There once was a girl named Nymphadora-'

Tonks couldn't help it. She burst out laughing. Though Severus still looked at her with concern in his eyes.

'I have our life planned for after the war,' said Tonks, catching her breath. We're going to Canada or South America.'

Severus held her tighter. 'I say Canada,' he said thoughtfully, as if he was truly considering it. 'The quidditch is crap in South America.'

'You follow International quidditch?' she asked in surprise. She hadn't known that. There were probably so many things she didn't know about him. How he took his tea. What his favorite type of music was. What his family was like. There were so many little details that she hoped some day to have time to discover.

'I did six months ago,' said Severus with a hint of a smile. 'We'll go to Manitoba. They have a good team. At least they did six months ago.'

'Canada it is,' smiled Tonks. 'Thank you for that.' It was something to hold on to.

Severus gently placed his hands on her cheeks. 'I don't know if this will help, Nymphadora, or make it worse,' he said quietly. 'But I hope I still am alive when the war is over. For you.'

She placed her small hands over his. 'It helps,' she said. 'More than you ever know.'

He kissed her softly and then pulled back. 'I have to leave, now,' he said reluctantly.

'I know,' said Tonks. Then hating what she had to say next, added, 'Severus, until I know that I'm not being followed anymore, you really shouldn't come here. I'd hate to think something would happen because you were trying to see me.'

'We'll figure something out,' said Severus.

'I know,' said Tonks again. Then she waved her wand, releasing the wards, and he Disapparated. When he was gone, she quickly put the wards back up.

Tonks flopped onto the couch and chastised herself. She had been crying at the drop of a hat lately. That wasn't like her at all…

She sat up quickly, an impossible thought crossing her mind. Tonks counted back days in her head while she walked to the bathroom. When she opened her medicine counter, full phials lined up reminded her just how careless she had been with taking the Potion lately.

By the time Tonks reached for her wand to perform the charm, her hands were shaking. _'Infanarro,' _she whispered, pointing her wand at her navel. A soft white light emitted from her wand, confirming her thoughts.

Tonks was pregnant.

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'Arthur, may I speak with you?' asked Tonks hesitantly as Headquarters cleared out from the meeting.

'What's on your mind, Tonks?' asked Arthur kindly.

'In private?' asked Tonks hopefully. Arthur nodded, and Tonks sat down on the sofa, waiting for everyone to leave.

It took a good half hour, but finally Tonks was left alone with Arthur and Molly. She had rehearsed what she wanted to say numerous times in the three days that she's known of her pregnancy. But nothing seemed right.

'So what would you like to talk about, Tonks?' asked Arthur with a smile.

She had planned on breaking the news slowly. Talking about other subjects first, then casually telling them the news. But all she blurted out was, 'I'm pregnant.'

Arthur and Molly just looked at each other for a moment. 'You're pregnant?' asked Molly in a high pitched voice.

Tonks nodded.

Molly broke into a wide smile. 'You and Remus will have to get married now, won't you? All this, 'we're together, we're not together' nonsense will end,' she said happily.

Tonks groaned inwardly. 'Remus isn't the father,' said Tonks, feeling her cheeks go red.

Molly flushed slightly. 'Oh,' she said, sounding embarrassed. 'I just assumed…I didn't know you were seeing anyone new!'

'I'm not,' said Tonks, trying to convince herself that it wasn't a lie. After all, it had been almost five months since she and Severus admitted their feelings to each other. Then they had been sleeping together nine months before that. Their relationship wasn't new in any sense of the word.

'Then who-'

Arthur took Molly's hand and cut off the question with one of his own. 'Will the father be involved in the child's life?' he asked carefully. Tonks smiled at the tact of the question.

'Not immediately,' said Tonks. 'Maybe some day.'

Molly's mouth was still hanging wide open. It took all of Tonks' strength not to reach over and raise her jaw shut.

'When are you due?' asked Arthur, sounding interested.

'Mid June,' said Tonks. She had gone to a Healer the day before.

'Did you know you were pregnant when you fought at Diagon Alley,' asked Molly suddenly in an accusatory voice.

'No,' said Tonks simply. 'I found out the next night. And that's really what I want to talk about. I still want to help the Order even if I can't fight.'

'Should you be morphing?' asked Molly, her eyes narrowing slightly as she stared at Tonks' maroon curls.

Tonks laughed. She knew Molly had nothing but the best intentions. 'I cleared it with a Heater yesterday. I can do small morphs. Absolutely no full body morphs.'

'Alright, then,' said Molly, nodding slowly. 'I'm glad to hear you went to a Healer.'

'What have they said at work?' asked Arthur.

'I still have five days before I'm allowed back,' said Tonks. 'So please don't mention anything at the Ministry.'

Just then, Remus came downstairs from his bedroom. Tonks was just about to ask for Arthur and Molly's confidences when Molly said excitedly, 'Remus, you'll never guess Tonks' news!'

'Good news, I hope,' said Remus lightly, settling down in one of the armchairs.

'Go on, tell him, Tonks, dear,' said Molly, who had seemed to overcome her initial shock and had embraced the idea of a baby already.

'Molly, perhaps we should go,' murmured Arthur, standing up, and bringing Molly up with him. 'Let them talk among themselves.'

'But-'

'Let's go home, Molly,' said Arthur firmly. 'Tonks, we'll discuss this later. Good night.'

Arthur started to take Molly's hand but Molly walked over to Tonks and gave her a kiss on the cheek. 'We'll talk soon,' she said confidentially. Tonks found that comforting. After all, Molly had been pregnant six times.

Tonks and Remus watch the Weasleys leave. Then Remus turned to her with a grin. 'Why do I have the feeling that Molly said something she shouldn't?' he asked jovially.

She simply couldn't censure herself today. 'I'm pregnant, Remus,' she said quickly.

'What?' asked Remus in surprise.

'I'm going to have a baby,' said Tonks.

'What on earth for?' asked Remus, titling his head towards her.

Tonks didn't like the tone of his voice so she decided to deliberately misunderstand him. 'Because that's what pregnant women do. They have babies,' said Tonks in a falsely cheerful voice.

'You know what I mean,' said Remus softly. 'We had this conversation with Sirius a million years ago. You said that if you had an unwanted pregnancy, you'd end it.'

She had said that. A year ago, getting accidentally pregnant would have terrified her. A year ago, if Severus had gotten her pregnant, Tonks would have made an appointment with a Healer to end the pregnancy without blinking an eye.

But that was a year ago. Now she couldn't think of anything she'd like more than to have this baby. Tonks knew, as ridiculous as it seemed, that she had been given a gift. If, as Severus expected, he was killed during the war, a part of him would always be with her.

'I didn't say it was unwanted,' said Tonks in a quite voice.

'You want to have a baby?' asked Remus.

Tonks nodded.

Remus looked at her incredulously. 'Are you getting married?' Tonks shook her head. 'Do you have a boyfriend?' Another shake of the head. 'Then how in the world can you sit here and tell me that you want a baby?'

Tonks looked out the window, well aware that these were the first of many, many questions that she would have to answer. She vowed to herself to stick as close to the truth as possible. 'I can't explain it,' said Tonks finally. 'I want to have this baby.'

There was a sharp intake of breath. Tonks looked at Remus and he was gazing at her with a look she didn't understand. It was uncomfortable. With a start, she remembered the conversation that she and Remus had about Severus less than a week ago. Her heart skipping a beat, Tonks wondered just how long it would be before Remus would put two and two together and discover the truth.

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**_Infanarro_ (Latin) infantia – babyhood; narro - to make known**


	41. Discovery

**Chapter Forty-One – Discovery**

Tonks took a deep breath as she stepped of the elevator. It was her first day back at the Ministry and all the Aurors standing around her looked at her interestedly. This was going to be a bad morning, she could just tell. She already pictured the conversation with Nora in her mind. 'Hi Nora, I'm not naming my contact and I'm pregnant. Have a nice day!'

Nora was talking animatedly to Dawlish. Tonks cleared her throat as she approached the pair.

'What are you doing here?' asked Nora.

'It's December first,' said Tonks softly.

'Right then,' said Nora gruffly. 'Come into my office.'

Tonks followed Nora like she was on her way to the gallows. Once inside, Tonks heard the door slam behind her as Nora pointed to the chair in front of her desk.

'I hope you have some information for me,' said Nora icily.

'I'm pregnant,' blurted out Tonks. Really, it was like a disease. Were those the only two words she knew how to say anymore?

'Excuse me?' asked Nora.

'I'm pregnant,' repeated Tonks. 'I just found out a few days ago. I'm due mid-June.'

Nora looked at her in exasperation. 'You've got to be kidding me.'

'Sorry, no.'

'I thought you got your nerve back,' said Nora accusingly. She crossed her arms over her chest, looking furious.

'I have it,' said Tonks, placing her hands in her lap. 'What are you saying?'

'There's one rule in the Auror sisterhood,' said Nora, taking a deep breath. 'Don't get pregnant in wartime.'

Tonks looked away. She had heard of that, of course, but never really believed the notion. But seeing Nora, she could tell that the elder witch believed it. Most of the other female Aurors probably believed it as well.

'Do you have any idea how weak this makes you look?' spat Nora. 'Get out of fighting by getting pregnant.'

'That's not what I'm doing,' snapped Tonks.

'Then get rid of it,' said Nora quickly. 'You're no use to us pregnant.'

'I'm not getting rid of this baby,' said Tonks angrily. 'That's not an option. You can call me weak if you'd like. But the baby is staying.'

'We're at war, Tonks,' said Nora. 'Everyone makes sacrifices.'

'I understand that,' said Tonks softly. 'But I'm not sacrificing this.'

Nora looked at Tonks with a level gaze and Tonks couldn't help but wonder if the Auror had made such a sacrifice during the first war.

The senior Auror went through a desk drawer angrily. 'Standard procedure is fairly simple. You'll be taken off of active duty and reassigned to a desk job,' said Nora through clenched teeth as she started writing in a black log book.

'I know,' said Tonks, biting her bottom lip.

Nora threw down her quill forcefully and ran her hands through her grey hair. 'I would advise you not to say anything to anyone. You know how we gossip,' she said. 'Just tell people that you've been demoted for while. In a couple of months everyone will guess on their own.'

That was actually very good advice. 'Thank you,' said Tonks steadily.

'We'll make you the coordinator of all of the Snape tips. If you do that full time, we'll all have more time to search,' said Nora wearily. 'Are you willing to give up your contact yet?'

Tonks shook her head. A thought came to her. 'Does Robards know that I'm being followed?' she challenged.

A flash of annoyance crossed Nora's face. She said nothing.

'Has it occurred to you that this is exactly what You-Know-Who wants?' asked Tonks in frustration. 'If we don't trust each other, it makes his job that much easier.'

'Tell me your contact name,' said Nora finally.

'No,' said Tonks, shaking her head. 'I won't.'

A silence fell between the two Aurors. Tonks made a rash decision. 'If you keep having me followed, I'll resign,' said Tonks in a steady voice.

Nora threw up her hands in annoyance. 'You're not being followed anymore,' she snapped. 'It wasn't approved by the higher ups.'

Tonks felt her eyes fill with tears. She normally wouldn't cry in situations like these, so she assumed that this was the baby's fault, like the Healers told her might happen. 'Thank you,' said Tonks quietly.

'Don't thank me, thank Savage,' said Nora bitterly. 'He's the one that fought against it the most.'

There was nothing else to say, so Tonks simply left her office without another word and marched to Savage's cube. He wasn't there, so she wrote a quick note and asked him to come to her cube when he got in.

Tonks walked to own cubicle. Nothing seemed to have changed in her absence. She sat down and sighed, patting her desk. 'We're going to become good friends, you and I,' she said sourly. Seven months of making copies, writing memos and wading through the Snape tips. Not exactly how she planned on fighting the war.

A million questions that she hadn't let herself ask before flooded her mind. Could she afford to have a baby? Would she remain an Auror? And most importantly, how in the world would she be able to tell Severus?

Minutes later, Savage walked up to her cube, smiling warmly, though not quite in focus. He had been hit in the head with ruble, like Fred Weasley, in the fight in Diagon Alley, though his injuries weren't nearly as severe. She heard all about it from Kingsley. Savage had been diagnosed with post-concussion syndrome. It was not good. Savage had short term memory loss and anytime he raised his heart rate, there was a head rush followed by fuzziness. The Healers said that the symptoms would disappear eventually, but until then, he was delegated to desk duty, just like Tonks.

'Can we take a walk, Savage?' asked Tonks. Savage nodded and Tonks stood up. They walked in silence and Tonks asked if they could go outside.

Once outside the Ministry, Tonks took a deep breath. Another thing the Healer had told her was that her sense of smell would be slightly enhanced. And it was. She could smell the exhaust from the muggle cars and food from a nearby restaurant.

Tonks knew that if any one from the Ministry saw what she was about to do, another rumor about her would be starting. She gave Savage a big hug and then kissed him on his forehead.

Savage blushed. 'What was that for?' he asked, sounding embarrassed.

'Thank you for fighting for me,' said Tonks seriously. 'Millstone told me that I'm not being followed anymore and it's basically because of you.'

'It didn't feel right, following you,' said Savage, shaking his head. 'I'm glad they decided to can the program.'

'Same here,' said Tonks. She thought about it for a moment, and then decided to tell Savage her news. Out of all of the Aurors, she trusted him the most. More than anyone.

'I have a secret for you, Savage,' said Tonks. 'I'm going to be on desk duty for a while. 'I'm going to have a baby.'

'Really?' asked Savage, his eyes widening in surprise. 'Are we happy or sad about this?'

'Happy,' said Tonks decisively. 'Very happy.'

'Well, then I'm happy for you,' said Savage. 'I won't tell anyone. Hell, I might not remember by the time I get to my desk.'

'I trust you,' said Tonks, punching him on the shoulder.

'If you have a girl, can we just set up an arranged marriage for our kids? We'd save them loads of angst,' laughed Savage.

'That's certainly a thought,' smiled Tonks. 'If I have a boy, can he marry one of your daughters?'

'Well…my youngest girl is six,' said Savage, pretending to deliberate. 'The eldest is fourteen…'

They turned to go inside when Remus walked out of the Ministry.

'Remus!' said Tonks. 'Savage, go ahead, I'm going to talk to this bloke for a bit.'

Savage looked at Remus warily, and Tonks realized that he recognized him from the werewolves they captured back in April. 'Alright,' he said, walking inside, giving Remus one last suspicious look.

'What are you doing here?' asked Tonks curiously.

'Monthly check-in for the Werewolf Registry,' said Remus bitterly. 'Have to prove to them that I'm being a productive member of society.'

'And are you, sir?' joked Tonks.

'I need to get to work,' said Remus. 'Care to walk with me?'

''Let me think,' said Tonks, pretending to ponder the question. 'Take a walk or go back into the Ministry where I'll be duplicating reports all day?'

Remus grinned and started walking. Tonks had to jog to catch up. 'So here's what I don't understand,' said Remus quietly. 'You live at Headquarters. You sleep at Headquarters. When did you have the time to get pregnant?'

Tonks looked at Remus in surprise. This was the first time he mentioned her pregnancy since their initial conversation. 'I'm not there all the time,' said Tonks, with a half shrug.

'Molly's ready to give herself a coronary trying to figure out who the father is,' mused Remus. 'She told me she thought it was me.'

'I know,' said Tonks. 'Sorry about that.'

'Not your fault Molly jumped to conclusions,' said Remus. He stopped suddenly and looked at her. 'Who is the father, Clumsy?'

Tonks tugged at her robes and kicked the ground with her foot. 'As far as this baby is concerned, there is no father.'

''You know what I mean,' said Remus sharply. 'Was it a one night stand? A stranger?'

Tonks replayed the words in her mind, trying to see if Remus was belittling her at all. Finally she decided that he wasn't. He was simply curious. 'That's not really any of your business, is it?' said Tonks softly.

'You certainly like that response when it comes to your sex life, don't you?' asked Remus. He started walking again, then stopped and shook his head. 'Clumsy, that was an incredibly rude comment I just made. I apologize.'

'Accepted,' said Tonks shortly, not meeting his eyes.

'Look, there's no muggles around now,' said Remus quickly. 'I'm going to go ahead Apparate to the store. See you at Headquarters later.'

Tonks nodded and watch him Disapparate, realizing that in just a few months, she was going to have to get used to those types of questions.

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Even though Tonks did what she now considered the most boring job in the universe, time passed quickly. Before she knew it, Christmas was almost upon them.

Her pregnancy was going well. The other Aurors teased her about getting 'demoted,' but at least none of them knew about her pregnancy yet. Tonks hoped that it would be a while before she showed. The fewer questions she had to deal with, the better.

Remus hadn't mentioned her pregnancy again since their last conversation. She knew he thought about it, though. He told her that he was trying to quit smoking. He hadn't yet. But he was trying.

Only a few days before Christmas, Tonks was in her flat with Remus and Harry, working on non-verbal spells. Remus came to all of the training sessions now, as Harry refused to duel with her since he found out about the baby. Tonks hadn't planned on him knowing, but bloody Molly Weasley couldn't seem to keep her mouth shut. The entire Order knew now.

They didn't even need to include her anymore, but possibly they did so that she could feel somewhat useful. Which didn't happen a lot these days.

'The normal dueling rules, gentleman,' said Tonks easily. 'One exception, non-verbal spells only.' They had moved all of her living room furniture against the walls so that Harry and Remus could have a proper duel.

They both nodded to her and then walked up to the other. Bowing, they turned and walked a few paces and turned to face each other. Tonks knew that in a proper battle, there was absolutely no time for these niceties, but she liked them, so she forced Harry and Remus to follow them.

Tonks sat on her kitchen table, Indian style and watched them duel. She loved watching non-verbal duels and trying to figure out what spell was cast just by the light emitting from the wand.

Remus cast a spell first. There was no beam of light, and Harry made no response, so Tonks assumed that Harry blocked it.

A red stream of light flew from Harry's wand, a stunning spell. Remus easily cast a shield charm and it bounced away harmlessly.

For fifteen minutes, there was a draw. Tonks' neck started to get sore from moving it back and forth so often. But then Harry must have hit Remus with a blasting curse, which just hit Remus in the side. Remus doubled over for just a moment, giving Harry the time he needed to stun him.

Remus crumpled to the ground. Harry and Tonks both ran over to him. Tonks pointed her wand to Remus' temple. 'Shame to wake him up, really,' laughed Tonks. 'He looks so peaceful.'

Harry smiled, which was the first real smile she had seen from him in quite some time.

'_Rennervate,_' said Tonks softly. Remus stirred and Harry held out his hand, helping him off of the ground.

'Good show, Harry,' said Remus proudly.

'I don't think you'll need any more lessons after tonight, Harry, I really don't,' beamed Tonks.

'I agree, Harry,' said Remus, nodding slowly.

'I think I know what I'm doing,' said Harry, a half smile on his lips. He pushed his glasses back up on his nose. 'I really appreciate the help.'

'Not a problem,' said Tonks, putting her hand on her stomach.

'You don't have a bump yet, you're not allowed to do that,' snickered Harry. 'It just looks like you're petting your stomach.'

Tonks and Remus both laughed at the same time. 'I can't believe you're having a baby,' said Harry with a hint of bewilderment. 'Especially now.'

'Your mum had you in the middle of the war,' shrugged Tonks.

'But that was different,' said Harry.

'How so?' asked Tonks interestedly.

'Well, my mum was married and knew who the…' Harry trailed off, looking extremely embarrassed.

'I think Tonks knows exactly who the father is,' said Remus lightly. 'She's just not telling anyone.'

Her jaw dropped. 'Remus Lupin-'

She was interrupted by not just a knock, but a pounding on the door. Tonks looked at the door fearfully. It couldn't be anyone but Severus. Her worst nightmare was about to happen. 'You both stay here,' said Tonks far too quickly. 'That'll be a colleague.'

Tonks scurried to the door. Normally, she asked his safe question first, but there was no time for that. She opened the door swiftly, barely looking at the man in front of her.

'Keep your cloak on,' said Tonks softly as she closed the door behind her. She took him by the hand and walked a bit away from her door. She made sure that his back faced the door.

'Nymphadora, I just in a fight with an Auror, I need to hide for a bit,' said Severus with a ragged breath. 'More Aurors will be on their way.'

Tonks eyes focused on his chest, where there was a slash through his robe. There were hints of blood. 'Oh Merlin, you're hurt.'

Severus simply nodded and leaned against the wall, supporting himself.

'Harry and Remus are inside. You can't come in,' said Tonks quietly. 'Can you Apparate? I'll drop the wards around the building and you can Apparate.'

'Didn't think I could, that's why I came here,' said Severus unevenly. 'I'll have to try.'

There was so much she needed to tell him. But only one thing mattered now. He needed to be out of the area. Preferably now. If he did fight an Auror in this area, more would be on there way and they would come looking for him here. She was sure of it.

Tonks took out her wand and gave him a quick kiss. 'Be careful, Severus,' she said, biting her lower lip.

'I'll try,' said Severus roughly.

Flicking her wand, she removed the anti-disapparation wards around her building. 'Now get out of here.'

Severus took a deep breath, preparing himself. There was a loud crack, and he disappeared. Without a moment's hesitation, she reset the wards. Then glancing up, she saw Remus standing in her doorway, a look of absolute horror on his face.


	42. Alone

**Chapter Forty Two – Alone**

Tonks wouldn't have been able to say anything if she tried. She could barely think. Remus glanced at her wand and she could tell by his face that he was wondering if she was a threat. Tonks didn't want to give him any reason to believe that. The last thing she needed was for him to actually attack her here in the hallway.

Slowly, she placed her wand flat on her open palm, the tip pointing towards her. It was an ancient sign of trust between Aurors, but Tonks didn't have any idea if Remus would understand.

Deliberately, Tonks held out her hand to Remus, offering him her wand. It was the traditional way of telling him that she wasn't a threat.

Remus took her wand just as she heard pounding up the nearby stairwell. Two Aurors burst through the stairwell door, wands out. She recognized Kevin Chambers and Iris Zeller by sight. Tonks had been right. They immediately came to look for him here.

'There was a Snape sighting right outside this building,' said Zeller. Then almost begging, she added, 'Tonks, please tell me he wasn't here.'

Harry stood next to Remus by then. 'Snape? Here?' asked Harry in disbelief. His eyes searched the hall, as if he could pinpoint exactly where he had been.

'Snape wasn't here,' said Remus slowly. Tonks looked at him in surprise.

'How do you know?' asked Zeller quickly.

'Because I saw who was, and it wasn't Snape,' said Remus, his face expressionless.

'Damn,' muttered Chambers under his breath. 'I thought we had him for sure.'

'Sorry,' said Tonks, not sure where her voice had disappeared to.

'If he's in the area, we'll find him,' said Chambers confidently. 'Stay here, Tonks, I'm sure someone will want to question you.'

'See you tomorrow, Tonks,' waved Zeller. The two Aurors sprinted away, discussing where to start the search again.

'Harry, I think we've had enough excitement tonight,' said Remus evenly. 'Why don't you head home?'

'I wonder if he was trying to make contact with someone in the Order,' said Harry quietly. 'Has he tried contacting you before, Tonks?'

Remus gave her midsection a very meaningful glance, shaking his head slightly.

'Course not,' said Tonks, barely able to get the words out of her mouth.

'I'm sure there are many reasons why Snape could have been seen, if he was seen at all,' said Remus.

Her voice was back. 'The majority of the sightings we get are rubbish,' said Tonks quickly.

Harry shook his head and pointed his wand into her flat. '_Accio_ robe!'

'Before you leave, Harry,' said Remus seriously. 'A word of advice. Do not go searching for him tonight.'

'But-'

Remus held up his hand. 'If Snape was in the area just now, he is probably far away and wouldn't be stupid enough to return.'

'Alright,' said Harry in frustration. A moment later, he left, leaving Tonks and Remus to stare at each other.

Tonks walked slowly inside of her flat and sat down at her kitchen table. Remus followed. She had no idea what to say. He just saved her from being thrown into Azkaban.

'I know I shouldn't smoke around you, but after what I just heard, I really need a cigarette,' said Remus shakily.

'Go ahead,' said Tonks. Remus went over to her window, opening it and letting the cool night air inside her apartment. Half sitting on the window ledge, he took out his cigarettes and lit one quickly. He half started to hand her the fag, like he usually did, but held it back.

She decided not to say anything just yet. After all, Tonks was at his mercy right now.

Remus took a long drag from his cigarette. He let out a soundless laugh. 'So let me see if I've got this straight,' said Remus sarcastically. 'You kissed a man in a cloak. Then you called said man in cloak, Severus. And said man in cloak just happened to have the same voice as Snape. Do I have that right?'

'What do you want me to say, Remus?' asked Tonks helplessly.

'He's the father, isn't he?'

Tonks didn't say anything. She wasn't about to confirm Remus' thoughts for him.

'Doesn't matter if you don't talk, Clumsy. I know he is. I remember that conversation that we had at the grocery store about Snape,' said Remus, not looking at her. 'Combine that with your refusal to say anything about the father…I thought I was crazy even thinking about it…Guess I wasn't.'

'What do you want to know?' asked Tonks meekly.

'Oh I want to know a lot of things, Clumsy,' said Remus cynically. 'A lot.'

'Well, I have no place to go,' said Tonks, folding her hands on the table before her. 'Ask away.'

'See, I didn't want to believe that Snape could possibly be the father because that would mean that you've been lying to everyone in the Order for months. I didn't want to believe that,' said Remus, taking a quick drag of his cigarette. 'I didn't want to think that someone I trust could lie to my bloody face like that.'

'I haven't lied,' said Tonks softly. 'I've omitted the truth a number of times-

'Which is just as bad as a lie and you know it,' said Remus angrily.

Tonks stayed silent, waiting for his next questions.

'Are you a Death Eater?' asked Remus, taking a long drag from his cigarette. The expression on his face told Tonks that the question hurt him to have to ask.

'No,' whispered Tonks, shaking her head. 'I'm not a Death Eater. I want to see You-Know-Who fall just as much as you.'

Remus ran his hand over his chin. 'Are you under the Imperius curse?'

'No,' said Tonks again. 'Look at my eyes, Remus. I'm not under Imperio.'

'How long have you been in contact with him?' asked Remus.

'I saw Severus about a month after Dumbledore's death. Including tonight, I've seen him four times since,' said Tonks.

'And what's Snape have to say about that?' asked Remus bitterly.

She knew he meant Dumbledore's death. 'Severus made an Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa Malfoy that he would finish the task assigned to Draco, which was to kill Dumbledore. The Headmaster knew about the vow and told Severus that he had to follow through with it. Severus didn't want to-'

'Of course, he didn't,' said Remus bitingly, shaking his head. 'You actually fell for that?'

'Hermione Granger believes it, too,' said Tonks defiantly. 'She saw a memory from Dumbledore's Pensieve. It's of Severus and Dumbledore arguing. Severus offered more than once to die but Dumbledore became angry with him and said that he had to fulfill it.'

'Why haven't you told anyone this?' asked Remus, a confused look on his face.

'You wouldn't have believed me,' said Tonks simply. 'Harry destroyed the memory. Hermione's looking to see if there is another one.'

'Why would Harry do that?' asked Remus.

'Harry hates Severus. You know that,' cried Tonks. 'If they met up somewhere, I think Harry could try to kill him.'

'I don't think Harry has it in him to perform an Unforgivable,' said Remus, taking another drag.

'That hasn't kept him from wanting to, has it?' asked Tonks. Some of her frustration began to let loose. 'He's out there, with no guidance, and thinking that he's going to save the world single handedly. It's going to take all of us, Remus, not just Harry Potter. With the exception of non-verbal spells and Occlumency, when was the last time he asked anyone for help?'

'You're changing the subject,' said Remus, putting out his cigarette angrily on the window ledge.

Tonks shrugged and started playing with the placemat on the table. 'I said you can ask me anything,' said Tonks.

Remus looked out the window and took out another cigarette. He smoked almost half of it before he spoke again. 'How much have you told him?'

She must not have formed the answer quick enough because Remus pounded his fist on the window still. 'How much, Clumsy?'

'Barely anything,' said Tonks quickly. 'A few snippets about the progress of his search, but nothing else. He's the one giving me information. Severus told me about the attacks on Diagon Alley and he's looking into an issue in the Auror office for me.'

'And you actually believe that he's on our side?' asked Remus.

'I do,' said Tonks, looking Remus right in the eye. 'I trust him with my life.'

'What's he got to say about the baby?' asked Remus bitterly.

'He doesn't know yet,' said Tonks simply.

'Then why?' asked Remus. 'I can understand you getting pregnant. It happens. But what I don't understand is why you're keeping it.'

Tonks looked away, not having any desire to discuss her reasoning with Remus. It was bad enough that he knew who the father was. She hated the amount of power he now had over her.

'Do you love him?' asked Remus finally.

Tonks glanced up, surprised at the question. There was a hard look on Remus' face. She decided to turn the question around on him.

'Why do you care?' asked Tonks.

'I don't,' said Remus in such a way that Tonks realized that he did care. Very much so.

'Then why do you want to know?' asked Tonks.

Remus shook his head and threw the butt of his cigarette out the window. 'The only scenario where I can possibly see you keeping the baby is if you love him,' said Remus, staring out the window.

'Look,' said Tonks matter of factly. 'I need to know what-'

'All those rumors were true, weren't they?' asked Remus, shaking his head. 'You were sleeping with him all last year, weren't you? And don't tell me it's none of my business, Clumsy.'

'I don't see any way that it is your business,' said Tonks angrily.

'So you were sleeping with him last year,' said Remus in a slightly strangled voice. 'Why, Clumsy?'

Tonks looked up and met his gaze then. She was sick of this. 'Because you broke me, Remus,' said Tonks in a low voice. 'And Severus put me back together again.'

'So this is my fault?' asked Remus defensively.

'This is no blame,' said Tonks. 'It's just the way things turned out.'

'I don't believe this,' said Remus, running his hand through his hair.

'Remus, I need to know what you are going to do,' said Tonks. 'What do you want me to do?'

'That's not really any of your business, is it, Clumsy?' said Remus mirthlessly

'Do you want me to talk to Arthur?' asked Tonks quickly.

'Here's what we're going to do at the moment,' said Remus, taking a deep breath. 'Because right now, I can't stand to be in the same room as you. I'm going to go to the Burrow. I will talk to Arthur. Alone.'

'At least let me come with you-'

'Until Arthur or I contact you, stay away from Headquarters,' said Remus, cutting her off. 'Just…just make everyone's life easier and stay away. I'll be changing the wards tonight. Don't contact anyone in the Order. We will contact you.'

'Alright,' said Tonks in a small voice. She wasn't about to push her luck. Not tonight. She would do as Remus asked.

As he walked towards the door, Tonks said, 'Remus, my wand?'

He took it out of an inside pocket of his cardigan and threw it on the sofa. Tonks turned around and watched him walk pass her without even a glance. As his hand was about to reach for the door knob, he turned and looked in her general direction.

'Three and a half years ago, I learned a very hard lesson that things aren't always as they seemed,' said Remus in a controlled voice. 'That's the only reason why I didn't let the Aurors drag you off to Azkaban.'

'Remus-'

'Three and a half years ago, I almost killed a man who had been my best friend all through Hogwarts. The only reason I didn't was because Harry asked me not to. I trust you, Clumsy. Then again, I trusted Peter Pettigrew,' said Remus slowly. 'I pray to all things Holy that you are not another Peter Pettigrew.'

'I'm not,' said Tonks determinedly. She gripped the top of her chair tightly with one hand, the other instinctively resting on her stomach at Remus' veiled threat. 'Remus, please-'

'Either Arthur or I will contact you, Clumsy,' said Remus, cutting off her sentence.

'He's on our side, Remus,' said Tonks. 'He is.'

Remus paused before opening the door. 'I want to believe you,' said Remus softly.

A moment later he was gone, leaving Tonks to wonder how this horrible mess could be fixed. Or if it even could be.

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No Aurors or Order members came to her apartment that night. Tonks was questioned heavily by Nora Millstone the next day, but nothing ever came of it. Tonks didn't live too far from the Ministry and the Aurors decided that Snape could have just as easily have been trying to get there.

When Christmas Day arrived, and there was still no word from Arthur or Remus, Tonks became worried. She kept her promise and didn't contact anyone from the Order. She was painfully aware that they would probably ask her to leave. If they did, she decided not to put up any fuss. She would do as they ask.

Being pregnant was much harder than Tonks thought it would be. Physically, she was fine. She was healthy. Mentally was a completely different story. Tonks had never really thought of being a mother before. She always thought that one day, twenty years from now that she might want to have a child. But never when she was only twenty-four years old.

Since Tonks had decided to become an Auror when she was sixteen years old, she had pushed herself. Pushed herself in everything she did. It was no different in Auror training. And then in the real world, Tonks loved the excitement. She loved everything about being an Auror. She never let herself think that it was a dangerous job.

Occasionally, Tonks was forced to remind herself that she could die at anytime. Mainly when a colleague was killed. But she always seemed to think she was invincible. It's easy to think that when it's only yourself to care about. But now she had to worry about someone else.

It was harder than Tonks thought it would be, giving up being selfish. Making the transition from living life on all cylinders to being anxious about little things like her calcium intake was maddening. Fretting over money was completely new to her. And at times, she found herself becoming angry.

Angry that she had to remember to eat three meals a day now. Angry that she had to look like a fool by pretending to be 'demoted' at work. Angry at Severus for not letting her know if he was alive when he left her apartment wounded like he was. And most of all, angry at herself for starting to believe that she would be raising this child on her own, that Severus would indeed be killed.

It would be so easy to feel sorry for herself. Tonks knew that that would be the worst thing she could do. That would be the first step to going head first back into depression. She simply wouldn't allow herself to go down that path. She couldn't.

A sharp knock on the window caused Tonks to jump. An owl. Curious, Tonks walked to the window and let in the bird. It was holding a package.

'Thank you,' she told the owl, who simply hopped outside and flew away again.

'Even the bloody owl doesn't want to be near me,' muttered Tonks. She went back to the sofa and opened the package eagerly. Until this, it had been a Christmas where she received no presents.

A hand-knitted sweater was in the package. It was a bright pink that didn't quite match the color that she usually wore her hair. A Weasley sweater. A note floated out while Tonks moved to put the sweater on.

Once the sweater was on, she looked at the note. It was from Molly and read, _'Happy Christmas. We have good news. Fred woke up two days ago. He's not sure where he is yet, but at least he's awake. We'll talk soon.'_

Tonks hugged herself and enjoyed the softness of the yarn underneath her fingers. Molly still trusted her. The witch wouldn't have sent the sweater if she didn't.

It was a start.

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**A/N – My apologies to those who received an alert saying that I had updated Which Witch? I'm going through the chapters and correcting mistakes. I accidentally added a chapter instead of replacing a chapter. Which Witch is done, there will be nothing added. Sorry! **


	43. Separation

**Chapter Forty-Three – Separation**

Tonks stood in the elevator in the Ministry, tapping her foot impatiently, waiting to get to her floor. Memos seemed to need to get on and off at every single floor. All she wanted was to get to her desk and then start her work. Having three days off in a row for the Holidays probably wrecked havoc with her in-tray.

The doors opened once again and Tonks found herself face to face with Arthur Weasley.

'Wotcher, Arthur!' said Tonks quickly, trying to gauge his reaction to seeing her.

'Good morning, Tonks,' said Arthur warmly as he stepped on the elevator. The door closed behind him. 'Are you feeling better?'

'Better?' asked Tonks in confusion. 'I'm fine. Why would I need to be better?'

'Why else didn't you show up at Christmas?' asked Arthur, his brow furrowing slightly. 'Remus said you weren't feeling well and wouldn't be joining us for Christmas dinner. Molly was very disappointed. Did you get the jumper?'

'I did get the jumper, thank you,' said Tonks slowly. 'I'm glad Fred's better.'

Arthur smiled as the elevator door opened and he stepped to get off. 'Arthur, wait!' cried Tonks. 'Has Remus said anything about me lately?'

'Just that you weren't joining us on Christmas,' said Arthur cheerfully. Then in a lower voice, added, 'Though that was probably your own good judgment. You weren't forced to listen to the Celestina Warbeck Christmas Concert like the rest of us.'

Tonks walked off the elevator with him, her mind racing at a million miles an hour. Remus hadn't said anything. He couldn't do this. He couldn't hold this over her head like blackmail. Tonks wouldn't just sit here meekly, waiting for him to tell everyone. She made a decision. 'Arthur, I have something very important I'd like to discuss with you,' she said softly.

He took his glasses off and cleaned them with his robe. 'Why don't you come over to the Burrow for dinner tonight?'

She nodded. Arthur gave her a smile and walked off. Tonks jumped back in the elevator before the doors shut. She quickly decided that she was the stupidest witch alive. Tonks should have insisted on talking to Arthur that very night. She had been so scared and worried that she let Remus talk her into staying away.

Tonks would tell Arthur everything tonight.

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Tonks immediately wrapped her cloak around her more tightly when she realized that it was snowing. It hadn't been in London, but out in the country, the snow seemed to be flying.

As she started walking towards the Burrow, she felt the bottom of her jeans getting damp. Tonks quickly cast a water-proof charm on them. Inside, she could see a lot of activity. She knew that Harry, Ron and Hermione were staying at the Burrow over Christmas. They must still be there.

She knocked on the kitchen door, waiting to be let in. When it opened by itself, Tonks walked inside and was greeted by a chorus of 'Hello, Tonks!'

'Wotcher!' said Tonks, trying to sound cheerful. Tonks' stomach lurched when she saw Molly. For two days, the note Molly sent her with the sweater had meant the world. It was like a Bludger to the gut knowing that Molly most likely barely even saw what she was writing before she sent it. She was probably too busy worrying about Fred. For two days, Tonks thought Molly trusted her. And now, when Tonks revealed her secret, that trust would mostly like evaporate.

She tried to catch Hermione's eye, wanting to know if the young witch had any luck finding another memory. But Hermione seemed to be absorbed in a conversation with Ron.

Tonks had only a few minutes to decide how to handle this. Should she wait until after dinner? Or before? The decision came quickly. Tonks marched up to Arthur, who was sitting at the kitchen table. 'Could I have a word with you before dinner?' asked Tonks softly.

Arthur nodded and stood up. She followed him up to the second floor, into what must be Arthur and Molly's bedroom. Tonks sat down on a stool in the corner and took a deep breath.

'I had thought Remus was going to tell you, but apparently, he hasn't,' said Tonks slowly. Her mouth didn't seem to want to move the way she wanted it to. 'For several months, I've been in contact with Severus.'

'Professor Snape?' asked Arthur sharply. Tonks nodded. 'For how long?'

'Early July,' said Tonks. 'I've only seen him a handful of times.'

Arthur leaned back in the rocking chair he was sitting in and whistled softly. 'Why would Remus tell us this and not you?' he asked gently.

'Remus saw Severus outside my flat,' admitted Tonks. 'He said he was going to tell you. He also said that he was changing the wards of Headquarters and asked me to stay away from anyone in the Order.'

'Which explains why you didn't show up for Christmas,' said Arthur knowingly. 'Has…Snape told you why he killed Professor Dumbledore?'

'They had an agreement,' said Tonks simply. 'Draco Malfoy was supposed to kill him. Professor Dumbledore didn't want Draco to commit murder.'

'But it's acceptable for Severus to commit murder?' inquired Arthur.

'He's killed before,' said Tonks softly. 'According to Severus, Professor Dumbledore said he didn't trust anyone more with his death.'

'Do you believe that he wants to work with us?' asked Arthur.

'I know he does, if he can,' said Tonks. 'He's already provided me with information and he's looking into some issues for me.'

There was a long silence, which made Tonks extremely uncomfortable. She wanted to know what Arthur had to say on the matter. Finally, he ran his hand over his tufts of red hair. 'If you've had this information since July, why haven't you told us?' reproached Arthur. 'Why hasn't he come to us?'

'Would you have believed him?' challenged Tonks. 'I was in those meetings after Dumbledore's death. I heard some of the things people said about Severus. Do you really think that anyone would have believed him without proof?'

'Obviously you have,' said Arthur with a sigh. 'I can't say for certain, Tonks, if I would have believed him. I can't say for certain if I believe what you're telling me now. But I would like to think I would listen.'

'Then listen now,' said Tonks seriously. Remembering Remus' comments on Peter Pettigrew, Tonks added, 'I think Remus believes there's a chance that I'm a traitor…I'm not…'

'Of course you're not,' said Arthur quickly.

Tonks thought her smile could quite possibly break her face. 'Thank you.'

'But I have to admit that I'm concerned, Tonks,' said Arthur. He stood up and walked to the window, leaning slightly on the sill. 'Whether or not Snape actually worked on Dumbledore's order or his own, you have to understand why I'm not comfortable with the fact that you didn't feel need to mention this for six months.'

Her smile was gone now. 'No one would have believed us,' said Tonks softly. Right away, Tonks realized her mistake. She just referred to her and Severus as a pair.

'Needless to say, Tonks, it's obvious that you don't trust us and you've now given the Order a very big reason not to trust you,' said Arthur gravely. Tonks looked at him, and the sadness on his face was undeniable.

Tonks' eyes filled with tears. 'I'll leave the Order, if that's you want,' she said, trying desperately not to cry. 'I'm useless, anyway. I can't fight. I can't really morph. I'm useless.'

'You're not useless, Tonks,' said Arthur, shaking his head. 'Never think that. But perhaps a bit of a break…'

'If I see Severus again and if he has information, I promise I will pass it on to you,' said Tonks, standing up. She quickly wiped away her tears with the back of her hand.

'If you do see him, you might ask him to talk to us,' said Arthur. 'I'm willing to listen. I'm not saying that I'll believe what he has to say, but I'd like the chance to hear it.'

Tonks nodded. 'I won't stay for dinner, Arthur. I'd like to go home now.'

At the mention of home, Arthur said, 'About Headquarters-'

'You can still use my parent's house, it's fine,' said Tonks quickly. 'If the wards have changed so I can't get in…could someone let me in so I can gather my things?'

'Of course,' said Arthur. 'After work tomorrow? We'll go over together.'

'That's fine,' said Tonks. She walked to the door, her eyes filling with tears once again. She turned and faced him. 'I do trust you, Arthur. Very much so. But what I don't trust is that anyone would be willing to take Severus' word over Harry Potter's. That's why nothing was said.'

Not waiting for Arthur's reaction, Tonks left the room. She quickly ran done the stairs into the kitchen, where Molly was residing over a pot on the stove.

'Dinner's almost ready,' said Molly cheerfully.

'I'm not going to stay for dinner,' said Tonks softly. 'Thank you, though.'

'Is everything alright?' asked Molly curiously.

Tonks nodded, trying to smile, though she knew it didn't reach her eyes. 'Thank you for the sweater,' said Tonks, almost choking on the words. With another smile, Tonks left the Burrow.

The snow was harsher now. She struggled to put her cloak back on as she walked. The door opened behind her.

'Tonks!' said a young woman's voice.

She turned and saw Hermione, not wearing a cloak, hurrying to catch up. 'Wait, please!' cried Hermione.

'Do you have any good news for me? Have you seen anything in the Pensieve?' asked Tonks quickly.

Hermione brightened. 'We saw another memory, just yesterday. I haven't been able to separate it yet. But Harry hasn't destroyed it.'

'What memory?' asked Tonks.

'I think it's when he first told Professor Dumbledore about the Unbreakable Vow,' said Hermione.

'Will you be able to get it? So other people can see it?' asked Tonks hopefully.

'I'll try,' said Hermione. 'Harry goes off on his own sometimes, so I'll try then.'

'That's great news, Hermione,' said Tonks. 'Let me know if you get it.'

'I will!' said Hermione as she turned and hurried back towards the Burrow, to get back into the warmth of the house. Tonks kept walking.

Once past the Apparition point, Tonks forced herself to take a deep breath and regain her focus. She couldn't Apparate in this condition. So much had happened in such a short amount of time.

But she couldn't concentrate. At this moment, Tonks had absolutely no idea who she was. She wasn't an Auror, not anymore, not when she duplicated reports all day long. She was no longer a member of the Order of the Phoenix. She wasn't anything.

Tonks dropped down and sat on her heels, ignoring the cold completely. She nervously bit on one of her nails while she tried to calm herself, tried to find her identity. But then she understood. Tonks knew what she was. What she could hold onto.

'I'm going to be a mother,' whispered Tonks to herself. In the six weeks since learning of her pregnancy, she had never thought like that before. She only thought in terms of having a baby, taking care of a baby. Until that moment, Tonks never saw herself as a mother. She was going to be someone's mother.

She stood up, smiling. Tonks couldn't imagine herself being the overbearing type of mother that Molly was. She imagined that she would be more apt to encourage her child to find the secret passages in Hogwarts rather than try to make the grades to become a Prefect. But she had plenty of years ahead of her to find her own style of being a mother. So she pushed the thoughts away.

Right now, she needed to Apparate to London and talk to Remus.

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He always worked Wednesday nights. She somehow doubted that this would be different. Tonks walked purposely inside the grocery store, her hair at its brightest pink, guaranteed to attract attention.

She went up to the customer service department, where Remus was explaining to an elderly woman that her coupon was expired, so she wasn't entitled to the discount. Tonks waited patiently in line, and was very aware when his eyes passed over her.

Once the woman in front of her walked away, Tonks watched Remus' whole body seem to sigh. 'I'm going on break,' he said to the other man standing behind the counter with him.

Remus walked briskly to the back of the store. Tonks marched right along with him. Instead of going outside, he led her to a small office. The door had a glass panel that read 'Manager.' He let himself in, holding the door open for her. Once the door was closed, he pulled the blind, covering the glass window and placed a silencing charm on the office.

'Clumsy-'

'You passive-aggressive ass!' yelled Tonks. Remus winced as he sat down on the front of the desk. Tonks stood next to the door, her arms crossed angrily over her chest. 'What did you think? You wouldn't tell anyone what you saw and hope I disappeared?'

'I don't know-'

'You really didn't think this through, did you Remus? Arthur and I work in the same building. Don't you think that he'd be concerned when you told him that I was sick and couldn't come over for Christmas?' said Tonks, her voice shaking slightly.

Remus lowered his head and pushed his fringe out of his eyes. 'I don't know what I was thinking, Clumsy,' he said quietly.

'You obviously couldn't think I'm a threat,' said Tonks. 'Because I'd hate to think that this is what you do when you perceive one. Simply wait around and not tell anyone.'

'I wasn't sure what I-'

'Well, I made the decision for you,' said Tonks angrily. 'I just came from the Burrow. I told Arthur that I had been in contact with Severus.'

'You did?' asked Remus in surprise. 'What did he say?'

Tonks wasn't about to divulge their conversation, so she told him only what he would surely learn quickly. 'I'm no longer a member of the Order of the Phoenix.'

'Arthur kicked you out?' asked Remus in disbelief.

'Think of it more as a resignation,' shot back Tonks. 'Or that we just agreed to part ways.'

'I see,' said Remus softly .

'Even though I'm not in the Order anymore, just know, Remus, that in my own way, I'll keep fighting. It's more personal for me than you could ever imagine. I do not want my child growing up in a world where You-Know-Who is out there,' said Tonks passionately. She couldn't be any clearer in her loyalties than that.

'Clumsy-'

Tonks cut him off. 'Remus, 'Clumsy' is something you call a friend,' she said softly. 'We're certainly not friends anymore.'

'Very well,' said Remus. 'Tonks, then.'

There was nothing more to say. She left the office.

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**A/N – In case anyone is curious…next chapter is the chapter we've all been waiting for. You know which chapter I'm talking about…**


	44. Revelation

**Chapter Forty-Four – Revelation **

'Hot chocolate, please,' said Tonks to the man behind the counter of the Koffee Korner, the coffee shop in Diagon Alley.

'Spiced pumpkin coffee for me,' added Savage.

Once their order was completed, they headed towards the exit. It was their lunch hour at work, and Tonks was accompanying Savage for some last minute shopping for Valentine's Day. Tonks shivered as they left the shop and enjoyed the warmth that spread through her fingers from the cup of hot chocolate.

Seven weeks had passed since Tonks left the Order. It appeared that they had been told two stories. First, was the story told to Hestia Jones and some other members. That she left because of her pregnancy. And then the real story had been told to Moody and a few others. She knew Moody knew the truth because he had found her after work one day, asking if she had lost her mind.

Molly surprised her a great deal. A few days after Tonks told Arthur her news, Molly had shown up at Tonks' flat unannounced. The witch made it very clear that while she was not pleased that Tonks kept secrets from the Order, it didn't mean they couldn't still be friends. Molly steadfastly refused to talk about any Order business, which Tonks respected. But there were plenty of things, mainly about pregnancy and children that they could talk about.

Tonks was frustrated. That was the only way to describe her feelings. It had almost been two months since she saw Severus. Tonks was now twenty-two weeks along and beginning to show. Rumors were already running rampant about her around the Auror office. And much to her dismay, the rumors seemed to focus on Savage. Far too many Aurors casually suggested that Savage was the father. It ticked her off to no end. Savage, to his credit, claimed that the rumors just made him laugh.

'You're a million miles away, Tonks,' said Savage softly. 'Everything alright?'

'Everything's fine,' said Tonks too brightly to be convincing.

Savage rolled his eyes. 'When you want to talk, you know where I am.'

'Thanks,' said Tonks with a grin. 'Are we ready to go back?'

'Do you mind stopping at Knockturn Alley for a moment?' asked Savage.

'Sure,' asked Tonks curiously. 'What do you need from there?'

'A potion ingredient from their Apothecary. Darla wants to do some experiments,' said Savage apologetically. 'Slug and Jiggers doesn't carry it, and they recommended these blokes.'

They changed directions and headed towards Knockturn Alley. Tonks knew it was foolish to feel nervous. It was broad daylight and Aurors patrolled the entire Alley. Nothing could happen. But just in case, Tonks morphed her hair from pink spikes to her natural brown. She didn't feel like standing out in Knockturn Alley.

Tonks had never been into the Apothecary here before. She had to admit that her curiosity was getting the better of her and walked eagerly inside with Savage.

No one was behind the counter when they entered. Tonks started to browse the shelves, being intriguingly disgusted by some of the items, while Savage leaned against the counter, tapping his foot impatiently.

Tonks grinned when she saw several items that were only traded on the black market; no reputable Apothecary would carry them. Then again, this was no reputable Apothecary.

After a minute or two, an oily looking man walked out behind a door in the back. Tonks' Auror alerts went up; he had been dealing with a cloaked man in the back room.

Savage haggled with the man behind the counter for a bit. Then the man went into the back room again. A few minutes later, when the Apothecary returned, the cloaked man walked out with him.

Tonks was standing near the front of the store. The cloaked man walked by and with a start, Tonks realized that it was Severus of all people.

'I'm going to get a bit of fresh air,' Tonks said to Savage quickly. 'I'll see you back at the Ministry.'

'Be careful,' warned Savage.

'Always am,' said Tonks as she left the shop, raising the hood of her cloak over her face. Severus was standing at the end of a side street, his cloak covering his face as well. She walked up to him briskly, wondering if he'd notice right away. Probably not, not with her bulky cloak.

When she was only a few feet from him, Severus walked down the side street. Tonks followed. She was still walking when he waved his wand and a door appeared in the brick wall. He stepped inside, and a moment later, Tonks did the same.

The room was small and barely fit the two of them. His arms were around her wait, his lips on hers even before she had a chance to react.

'What are you doing here?' she asked between kisses.

Severus pulled away, leaving them both slightly breathless. 'Even the Dark Lord needs supplies,' he said, putting his hand on her cheek. 'There are some ingredients I needed to choose by hand.'

He leaned in to kiss her again, but then thought better of it. 'I only have minutes.'

Tonks desperately wanted to tell him about the baby, but this wasn't the time. Not now. 'Arthur and Remus know that you and I have been in contact,' she said quickly.

She didn't imagine the flash of anger that crossed his face. 'You told them,' he said deliberately.

'Remus saw you,' said Tonks, shaking her head, 'when you were hurt, outside my apartment.'

'That was almost two months ago,' said Severus. 'What was their reaction?'

'Arthur would like to talk to you,' said Tonks hopefully. She remembered the warlock's words. 'He'd like to listen to what you have to say.'

'I see,' said Severus, looking away.

Tonks wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head against his chest. But her arms dropped when he winced in pain. 'I'm not in the Order any longer,' she said, not asking about why he winced. He would tell her if it was important.

'They asked you to leave?' asked Severus, his face hardening. 'Does Potter know that we've been in contact?'

'I don't think so,' said Tonks truthfully. He was looking at her carefully.

'You need to be careful, Nymphadora,' said Severus seriously. 'You'll be next on Potter's list if he finds out.'

'Are you willing to meet with Arthur?' pushed Tonks.

Severus took a breath and Tonks could see that he was thinking over all of the possibilities. 'Yes,' said Severus finally. 'I will meet with Weasley. Only Weasley and only if you're there as well.'

'When can you be free?' asked Tonks eagerly.

'Tomorrow night,' said Severus after a moment. 'Eight o'clock. Only for an hour. No longer.'

'That works,' said Tonks. She racked her brain, trying to figure a place for them to meet. 'Number twelve Grimmauld Place.'

Severus nodded and kissed her in such a way that Tonks was amazed that she could still stand when they parted. 'I have to go,' he said. There was a loud crack and Severus was gone.

Tonks reached out and brushed the air where his lips had been a moment ago. 'I'm pregnant,' she whispered. She would tell him tomorrow.

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'You can take your cloak off, you know,' asked Arthur kindly. They were in the foyer of the old Headquarters, waiting for Severus to show. At the moment, he was five minutes late.

'I'm cold,' said Tonks shortly. She wasn't, but the cloak hid her bump. The last thing she wanted was for him to see before she told him.

Tonks had thought she might have some trouble when she told Arthur that Severus was willing to meet with him. But Arthur seemed very amenable to the opportunity and agreed to the time and place immediately.

They could hear a crack outside. 'That must be him,' said Tonks quickly.

Arthur drew his wand. 'I know you trust him, Tonks, but I'm not taking any chances.'

Tonks nodded and waited. The heavy knocker announced that someone was on the other side. She opened the door while Arthur positioned himself so that he was the first thing Severus saw.

'Your wand, Snape,' demanded Arthur.

Severus turned his head slightly and their eyes meet. She nodded, asking him to comply. Without a word, Severus held out his wand and Arthur visibly relaxed when he took it.

The three walked into the parlor in silence. Severus sat down in one of the high back chairs. Just as Tonks was about to sit down on the sofa, Arthur said, 'I know Tonks here trusts you with her life, but in case this is a trap of some sorts, I'd like her to leave.'

Severus raised an eyebrow. 'I believe Nymphadora can take care of herself,' he said smoothly.

Arthur looked at her evenly. 'Do you want to stay?' he asked.

'Yes,' said Tonks quickly, not meeting Severus' gaze. She moved to stand behind the chair next to where Severus was sitting, to hide her bump.

Arthur took a deep breath and sat on the sofa, across from Severus. 'After Tonks came to me, I spoke to Lupin, who also knew that Tonks had been in contact with you,' said Arthur slowly. 'From what Lupin told me, I spoke to Hermione Granger.'

Tonks perked up. She hadn't been told this at all.

'Hermione showed me a number of Professor Dumbledore's memories,' said Arthur, his eyes not leaving Severus' face. 'My condolences on the death of your son.'

Severus' eyes closed at the word son. That was exactly what he didn't want, and it had happened. Her heart broke for him. Severus opened his eyes and nodded.

'The issue is Harry,' said Arthur seriously. 'He saw the same memories that I saw and he simply doesn't want to believe that you might have been working on the Headmaster's orders.'

There were many things that Tonks wanted to say at that moment, but she knew she had to keep silent. This was not her meeting. But inside, she was thrilled. Arthur truly believed that Severus was on their side!

'Are you not willing to work with me because of Potter?' asked Severus with a sneer.

'No,' said Arthur determinedly. 'However, if we are going to work together, I would prefer Harry not to know.'

'Believe me, Weasley, I do not go out looking for Potter's company,' said Severus curtly. 'The less who know, the better. Who in the Order knows that Nymphadora and I have been in contact?'

'Molly and I, Remus, Moody and Kingsley,' said Arthur. 'I completely agree that few should know. It simply puts too many people at risk.'

Tonks listened intently while Arthur and Severus discussed logistics of getting in contact. Finally, both men stood up. Arthur gave Severus back his wand and they shook hands. The gesture made Tonks happier than she had been in a long time.

'Let's go, Tonks,' said Arthur.

'Go on ahead, Arthur,' said Tonks quickly. 'I'd like to talk to Severus for a minute.'

'Are you sure?' asked Arthur, sounding concerned.

Tonks nodded. 'Go home to Molly,' grinned Tonks.

The parlor door shut tightly behind Arthur when he left the room.

'How long do you have?' asked Tonks quickly.

Severus glanced at the clock on the mantle. 'I have time, Nymphadora.'

'You told me an hour,' said Tonks.

'That was yesterday,' said Severus. He stood up and took her hand. Together they walked upstairs to the room that Tonks had used when she stayed overnight. Once inside, Tonks was about to get swept up in their routine of sex, trade information, sex, when she pulled away. The minute her cloak came off, he would know. She had to tell him. Now.

Tonks took a deep breath and looked up into his face. Her mouth had run dry. How could she spring this on him in the middle of a war? But she had to.

'Severus, I'm pregnant,' she said finally.

He dropped her hands like they had been on fire. 'Pregnant,' he repeated slowly.

Tonks nodded. 'Almost five months,' she said, taking off her cloak, letting him see the full effect.

His hand went over his mouth as he stared at her bump. Tonks simply stared at Severus while he accepted the news. He walked quickly to the window. Resting his forearm on the frame, he leaned forward and looked outside. Tonks wanted to hear him say something, she was desperate to fill this silence, but she knew she could say nothing. Not yet.

Minutes passed, and Severus continued to stare out of the window. Finally, he took a breath, and still looking out the window, said Severus in a hallow voice, 'We cannot see each other again after tonight.'

Whatever she expected as a reaction, it certainly wasn't that. 'What?' demanded Tonks. 'Severus, I'm pregnant with your child-'

Severus turned and put his hand up. 'Let me speak.' The words sounded harsh but the tone was soft. He walked over to her and gently cupped her face with his hands.

'I have already failed one child, Nymphadora,' he said quietly.

'Severus…' Tonks trailed off.

His hands moved to her shoulders. 'How can we meet again? I would be putting you in too much danger. Between Death Eaters and Potter…I will not allow that to happen.'

'But when it's over,' said Tonks, searching his face for some sign of hope. 'Canada-'

Severus closed his eyes briefly. 'Canada is a dream, Nymphadora. If I do somehow survive this war, I will be hunted for the rest of my life. You know the Aurors won't ever stop looking for me. If I reveal my true loyalties in the end, then any non-captive Death Eater will look for me,' said Severus.

Tonks nodded, knowing that every word he was saying was true. Severus dropped to his knees. One hand sat on her hip and the other reached out slowly and rested right where the baby should be. She looked down at him with tears in her eyes as he gently, reverently, caressed her stomach.

'I will not put our child in danger, Nymphadora,' whispered Severus. 'Never.'

His arms wrapped around her, enveloped her as he placed his cheek against her small bump. Next to the baby. Their baby. Tonks stood in place, simply stroking his hair.

It was then she truly understood the different facets of love. Her love for Severus was selfish. It was all about her wants and her needs. The love she had for their unborn child…Tonks knew she would sacrifice everything for their sake. Even if that meant she had to let Severus go. Nothing was more important than the tiny life growing inside her.

Finally, Tonks closed her eyes and said softly, 'I understand.'

Severus murmured, 'Thank you.' And Tonks didn't know if he was speaking to her or to their child. He stood up and put his arms around her. A mournful smile crossed his lips. 'I would have thought you'd put up more of a fight.'

Tonks looked away. 'If it was just me, Severus…' she laughed sadly. 'You wouldn't get rid of me that easily…'

'I'm not looking to get rid-'

She placed one finger over his mouth. 'I have to think like a mother now,' she said softly. 'I promise you, Severus, I will do what ever I have to do to keep our child safe. Even if that means not being with you.'

Severus leaned towards her and rested his forehead against hers. 'You will make a wonderful mother.'

Her arms slid around his waist and she leaned up flush against him. For a moment, Tonks felt like she wanted to cry, but knew then that this was not a night for tears. For this night only, they would be a family. Tonks, Severus, and their child.

Tonks looked up at Severus with a slight smile on her face. He placed his hand on her cheek, and Tonks knew they were both thinking the same thoughts.

They made love slowly. Deliberately. And when it was over, Tonks couldn't help but mourn the end of their connection. She faced him, holding herself up by her elbow. He mirrored her.

'I should leave now,' said Severus slowly, running his fingers through her purple curls.

'Stay a while longer,' she whispered. 'Please?'

Severus stroked her cheek. Tonks watched him debate with himself for a moment and then he nodded. She smiled, and turned around so that he was spooning her. Tonks relaxed as he enfolded her in his arms. His hand rested on her bump.

'Until you fall asleep,' he said softly back.

A playful smile formed on Tonks' lips. 'Then I'll stay up all night.'

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Sometime in the middle of the night, Tonks woke up alone. She expected that. What she didn't expect was for his scent to linger in bed with her or to see the indentation from his head still on the pillow.

If she closed her eyes tightly enough and concentrated hard enough, she could imagine him laying here besides her. But then she let that snippet go, let it fly away.

Gently, she kissed the tips of her fingers and pressed them against his pillow.

'Goodbye.'

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**A/N – In case there's any confusion, this is by no means the last chapter! Also, there will be no updates for the next week, as I'm participating in a fic jumble over at livejournal and I desperately need to concentrate on that for the time being. I will update as soon as I can. **


	45. The Imperius Curse

**Chapter Forty-Five – The Imperius Curse**

Tonks was in a right foul mood as she sat at her desk, deciding which memo would get sent first. She had dinner at the Burrow the night before. During said dinner, Arthur told her that he had been in contact with Severus. It hurt hearing that. Even though it had been almost a month since she had seen him, it was hard knowing that he was out there, and that she couldn't be with him. It hurt even though she knew it was their decision.

Severus had a warning for her. Nora Millstone was indeed under the Imperius Curse. Tonks hadn't liked hearing that one bit. This morning, Tonks marched into Gawain Robards' office and told him what she had heard. Robards looked troubled, and promised to look into the matter.

She looked across the office and saw that Savage was at his desk, so Tonks decided that he would be the unfortunate one that helped her get rid of her frustration. She stood up slowly, which was the only way she could stand up these days and walked to his desk. 'Oi! Savage!' said Tonks. 'What's my name, mate?'

'That stopped being funny after the first time you asked that,' replied Savage, not even looking up from his report. 'Balin was up all bloody night with colic. Don't mess with me today, Tonks.'

She sat down in the extra chair he kept in his cube and brought her feet up under her, Indian style. 'You do realize that when you say that, it makes me want to bother you even more, right?' asked Tonks casually, trying to push her worries from her mind.

'Go duplicate a report or something,' mumbled Savage, causing Tonks to burst out laughing.

'Balin alright?' asked Tonks. Savage nodded wearily. 'How am I going to survive three more months of this, Savage?'

'But who's counting? At least you have an end in sight,' said Savage in a wistful voice. 'Who knows when I'll be able to get back in the field?'

'Aren't we just a fine pair of rejects?' asked Tonks. She paused and felt a now familiar unpleasant sensation. A sensation that she never had to deal with until she became pregnant.

'You okay?' asked Savage, sounding concerned.

'Heartburn,' muttered Tonks, swallowing painfully. 'I hate heartburn.'

'You want me to say the spell?' asked Savage.

Tonks nodded and saw two Aurors in the cube across from Savage staring and whispering to each other intently. 'Least you can do,' said Tonks. Then raising her hand dramatically over her brow, in a much louder voice, added, 'Since I'm having your baby!'

Savage started laughing so hard that his face didn't just turn red, it turned purple. The two offending Aurors looked away very quickly. Tonks couldn't keep herself from giggling too, but stopped when that seemed to make her heartburn worse. He seemed to realize how uncomfortable Tonks was and quickly said the Healing charm that helps with heartburn.

'Thanks for that,' said Tonks, breathing a sigh of relief.

'I'm expert at that spell,' said Savage with a grin.

Tonks stood up. 'I'm going to the loo,' she announced.

'Have fun with that,' said Savage, throwing his quill down. 'I really hate this, Tonks.'

'I know, Savage,' said Tonks, biting her lip. 'Have you been to the Healer lately?'

'They keep saying I just need time,' said Savage bitterly. 'It's been four months. How much more time should I need?'

'I was crap in Divination, Savage,' said Tonks, trying to sound cheerful for Savage's sake. 'I think Kingsley did pretty well in that subject.'

Savage cracked a smile. 'Go on, then,' he told her.

'Thank you for giving me permission to relieve my bladder, sir,' mocked Tonks, trying to keep the grin off her face. She scurried towards the ladies, ignoring some of the looks that her co-workers were giving her. A look of curiosity mixed with superiority.

Nora Millstone was washing her hands when Tonks entered the bathroom. 'Wotcher, Nora,' said Tonks unenthusiastically. The elder Auror seemed to be everywhere that Tonks was. Since Tonks' 'demotion,' Nora had made it her business to know where Tonks was at all times. It was extremely frustrating. And apparently now, Nora had learned to read Tonks' mind to even know when she wanted to go to the bathroom.

Nodding, Nora grabbed a towel and dried her hands. Tonks wondered how the higher ups would handle the fact that Nora was under the curse. Personally, Tonks wanted to stay out of it completely. She would let them handle it.

A few minutes later, Tonks stepped out of the stall and to her surprise, Nora was still standing there. 'Wotcher, again,' said Tonks uneasily.

'I bet you think you're funny, don't you?' said Nora menacingly.

Tonks already saw where this conversation was going. Robards must have spoken to Nora already, who of course denied the accusation. Leaving one pissed off witch.

She went towards the bathroom door and tried to push it open. The door wouldn't budge. 'Let me out, Millstone,' said Tonks.

'You and I need to have a little chat,' said Nora.

'I'll gladly chat with you when we're not in the ladies,' said Tonks seriously, reaching in her robe for her wand.

'_Expelliarmus!'_ cried Nora. The spell wasn't strong, but she easily took Tonks' wand away from her.

'Play nice, Millstone,' warned Tonks. She put her hand on her ever expanding belly, hopefully giving Nora something to think about before she did something stupid.

Nora's eyes glistened strangely. 'The Dark Lord almost killed him, you know,' said Nora in a harsh whisper. 'Wormtail told me all about it.'

'Killed who?' asked Tonks, though she already knew the answer. The last time she and Severus made love there were faded bruises all over his chest. But she didn't ask about them and he didn't tell her.

'Snape,' said Nora, like it was completely obvious. 'The Dark Lord wasn't happy to learn that he was sleeping with an Auror, a member of the Order and a Metamorphmagus.'

Tonks reached her arm out and concentrated as hard as she could. Even without a wand, she could still cast this spell. '_Finite Incantatem,' _she said intently.

Nora flinched, but it didn't have the desired effect. 'I don't think so,' laughed Nora.

'You don't want to hurt me, Nora,' said Tonks softly, trying to think of the best way to make Nora fight the curse. She decided to start with humor; sometimes that worked. 'Think of the paperwork.'

Nora only looked angry at the state, so Tonks decided to use that anger. 'So what are you going to do, Millstone?' asked Tonks sarcastically. 'We're stuck in a bathroom. I highly doubt that anyone will be too impressed if you take out a pregnant woman.'

Her eyes dropped to Tonks' stomach for just a moment. But long enough to let Tonks know that she was uncomfortable. So Tonks continued. 'You really didn't think this through, did you?'

'Stop it,' ordered Nora. Nora's eyes flashed and confirmed that she was indeed under the Imperius Curse.

Tonks reached out her hand again. This might be her only chance. _'Finite Incantatem!'_

'No!' cried Nora. Her wand slashed through the air, which was the last sight Tonks saw before the stunner hit her, right in her belly.

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'_Rennervate.'_

Tonks opened her eyes groggily. Her head was pounding and all she saw in front of her were lime green robes. 'Bloody hell, I'm in St. Mungo's,' she whispered.

And then she panicked. Six month pregnant witches should not be lying in a bed in St. Mungo's. 'What's happened?' asked Tonks more forcefully, trying to sit up. She looked down her body and saw that she still had her bump. 'Is the baby alright?'

A hand on her shoulder forced her to lie down again. 'The baby will be fine,' said a soothing voice.

'Will be?' demanded Tonks. 'Why isn't it fine now?'

Tonks focused on the Healer, who was her regular one for the baby. She was a young Indian woman with the most beautiful accent. 'You started to go into labor,' said Healer Shastri. 'But we stopped it in time.'

'Millstone,' said Tonks slowly. 'I was hit with a stunner.'

'I know,' said the Healer. 'This will be difficult for you, but I'm prescribing bed rest until you come to term. I don't want to have to worry about you going into labor early again.'

'Bed rest?' asked Tonks in disbelief. 'For three months? I'll go mad.'

'It's what's needed,' said Healer Shastri seriously. 'No strenuous activities. I don't even want you getting upset. Understand?'

'Yes, ma'am,' muttered Tonks under her breath.

Tonks then quizzed Healer Shastri to know every possible thing that could go wrong due to being hit in the stomach by a stunner. The Healer was very patient and answered all her questions. Finally Tonks was satisfied that her pregnancy should go to term with no complications.

'You have some visitors outside. I'll let them in,' the Healer said when Tonks had no more questions.

Tonks blew a piece of hair out of her face in frustration. When she realized that it was brown, Tonks scrunched her nose and made it a lime green, just like the Healer's robes.

Savage and his wife Darla walked inside the room. Tonks had only met Darla a few times, but she liked the witch a lot. Darla was only in her early forties, but her hair had already turned the most beautiful snowy white that fell all the way to her waist.

'Tell me Millstone is going to be sacked for this,' asked Tonks when Savage and Darla were settled.

'Do you want the long version of the drama or the short?' sighed Savage.

Darla laughed. 'Aurors always want the long version. Even I know that.'

'Listen to your wife, Savage,' said Tonks, reflectively putting her hands on her belly. She felt absolutely awful. She had promised Severus that she wouldn't but their baby in danger. And what happens? She gets locked into a bathroom with a woman under the Imperius Curse. Maybe bed would be the safest place for her and the baby for now.

'Apparently Millstone was under the Imperius Curse-'

'I told Robards that this morning!' said Tonks indignantly.

'But the trauma of…what happened, got her to fight the curse,' said Savage.

'Really?' asked Tonks. 'She's not under the curse anymore? She fought it off? Are you sure?'

'It's gone. They did all the spells to confirm it,' said Savage, shaking his head. 'Nora's absolutely devastated about what happened. She's resigned and talking about going into hiding for a bit.'

Tonks let out a low whistle. 'Well, at least she won't be giving out information anymore,' said Tonks softly. The baby hiccupped suddenly, causing Tonks to jump slightly.

'Calm down, baby,' whispered Tonks to her belly.

Tonks bit her lip. This was awkward, but Tonks wanted to bring this up anyway. 'Darla, I want to apologize for all the rumors regarding Savage and me,' said Tonks.

'Don't even worry about it,' said Darla, waving her hand. 'They pair Darrin up with a new girl every five years or so.'

'It's still not right,' said Tonks.

'I'm not worried,' said Darla with a smile. 'Darrin calls you the little sister he's never had. I don't think he'd want to sleep with a little sister.'

'Darla forgot a word,' grinned Savage. 'You're the annoying little sister I've never had.'

'Savage, that's going to make me cry,' said Tonks, who was very touched at the thought, annoying or otherwise.

'Making girls cry seems to come very easily to me,' said Savage, shaking his head. 'We need to get home to the little ones. They're with a neighbor. We just wanted to make sure you were alright.'

'Baby will be fine, so I'll be fine,' said Tonks. Savage and Darla left a moment later. She thought about getting some sleep when the door opened and Molly and Arthur came into the room.

After Severus and Arthur agreed to meet together, Arthur told Tonks that her 'break' from the Order was over whenever she wanted it to be. Tonks had gone to two meetings since, but felt slightly out of place. Practically, there just wasn't anything she really could do without some risk to her or the baby, and Tonks simply wasn't willing to take that risk.

'Nymphadora Tonks!' said Molly accusingly. 'What ever possessed you to go into that bathroom!'

'Does everyone at the Ministry know?' asked Tonks to Arthur, who nodded. She looked at Molly. 'Does having to go to the bathroom count as a reason?'

Molly simply huffed and started fluffing Tonks' pillow. 'I'm fine, Molly,' said Tonks, sitting up. She wanted to sound frustrated, but secretly she was pleased. She didn't mind being fussed over a bit.

'The baby's okay?' asked Arthur, sounding concerned.

'I think so,' said Tonks. 'At least the Healer's say it will be. But I'm on bed rest for the duration.'

'Bed rest? Alone? In your flat?' asked Molly, narrowing her eyes a bit.

Tonks nodded her head, not even wanting to think about it.

'That won't work,' said Molly in a clipped voice. 'You'll stay with us at the Burrow.'

'Molly, I can't ask you to put up with me for three months,' said Tonks seriously. 'I really appreciate the offer, but I can't.'

'Why not?' asked Arthur, peering at her over his glasses.

Tonks couldn't think of a reason fast enough.

'That's settled then,' said Molly. 'When do you leave?'

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'What's she doing here?' snapped Harry Potter as Tonks walked into the Burrow.

Tonks widened her eyes in surprise. The malice in Harry's voice was unmistakable. 'Nice to see you, too, Potter,' said Tonks warily.

'Tonks is going to stay with us until she has the baby,' said Molly cheerfully, either missing or ignoring the tension that suddenly sprung up around them.

Arthur walked in behind them, levitating her trunk. 'You'll sleep in Bill's old room,' said Arthur. 'That's on the second floor, so you won't have to use so many steps.'

'What are you all doing here?' asked Tonks, looking at Harry, Ron and Hermione.

'We're just staying here for a couple of day,' said Ron.

Tonks caught Hermione's eye, who seemed to be trying to tell her something. But what, she wasn't sure. 'I'm going to go lay down,' said Tonks. 'See you all when the baby's born.'

'I'll help you unpack,' said Hermione in a rush. Using her wand, Hermione took control of the trunk and they walked slowly upstairs.

'I'll bring you up some tea, Tonks, dear!' called Molly from downstairs as Tonks and Hermione entered Bill's bedroom. It was cramped, but it would do just fine for now. Her home for the next three months.

Hermione closed the door behind her. 'I swear I didn't tell Harry,' said Hermione quickly. 'I promise you I didn't.'

'Tell him what?' asked Tonks in surprise. Hermione waved her wand and the trunk opened. Tonks started to unpack.

'About you and Professor Snape last year,' said Hermione quietly, biting her lip.

Tonks froze. 'How does Harry know then?' asked Tonks.

'There was a memory. It was in a middle of an argument that Professor Dumbledore and Professor Snape were having,' sighed Hermione. 'Professor Snape said that he was running himself ragged trying to keep up. Then Professor Dumbledore said that he apparently had enough time for you to stay the night and just how inappropriate that was.'

'I see,' said Tonks, bending down carefully to pick up some books. She took a deep breath. It wasn't the end of the world. All Harry knew was that she had been sleeping with Severus last year. He would have no reason to jump to the conclusion that she was sleeping with him this year.

'What did Harry have to say about that?' asked Tonks, trying to sound flippant.

'He became upset, like he does when anyone mentions his name,' said Hermione, looking around as if she was worried to be overheard. 'For a bit, he thought that Professor Snape was…' Hermione waved her hand again in Tonks' direction.

'Of course he did,' muttered Tonks under her breath. Then in a louder voice added, 'Well, that's not really his business, is it?'

'Harry thinks everything involving Voldemort or Professor Snape is his business,' said Hermione wearily. Tonks looked at the young witch. Hermione looked exhausted.

'Are you holding up alright?' asked Tonks, sitting down on the bed.

Hermione nodded. 'We needed a bit of a break, that's why we came here,' she said. 'I just want it to be over.'

'You are me both,' said Tonks. There was a knock on the door, and Tonks couldn't help but jump. Would Harry confront her?

She waved her wand and Molly came barreling inside, holding a basket full of yarn, her smile wide.

'It's time to teach you how to knit.'


	46. An Unexpected Meeting

**Chapter Forty-Six – An Unexpected Meeting**

Tonks was woken up in the middle of the night by a loud crash. Loud voices could be heard downstairs. If she wasn't so tired, she would have gone downstairs, investigating. But she was exhausted. And Molly was always telling her to get as much sleep as she could now, considering there would be none to be had once the baby was born.

Feeling slightly guilty, she cast a silencing charm around her room and went back to sleep.

The next morning, Tonks started her routine that she had developed over the two weeks she had stayed at the Burrow. There were specific exercises, just simple stretching, that she would do in bed. Then she got dressed, even though she most likely wouldn't be leaving the bed except to go to the bathroom. A basket of yarn sat next to the bed and Tonks would again attempt to make a baby blanket. Two weeks of knitting and she still hadn't been able to make the darn needles work right.

A knock on the door caused Tonks to look up. No one ever knocked on her door this early. She quickly finished dressing and said, 'Come in!'

Much to her surprise, Remus stood in the doorway. They hadn't really talked for some time. Tonks waved him in, but then saw his face. He had a cut across one eye and his arm was in a sling. 'Remus, what happened?' asked Tonks quickly.

'Can we talk?' asked Remus, sounding absolutely exhausted.

'Sure,' said Tonks, sitting on the edge of the bed. She pointed to the chair in the corner. Remus sat down and closed his eyes. With her wand, Tonks closed the door and placed another silencing charm on the room.

'There was a fight last night at Headquarters,' said Remus softly.

Tonks' eyes went wide. 'Professor McGonagall?'

'Is fine,' said Remus. 'But quite upset, as you can imagine. She told no one of the location, but we all know the Fidelius Curse can be broken by other means.'

'Is everyone from the Order alive?' asked Tonks, almost fearfully.

Remus nodded. 'Kingsley is in St. Mungo's; I'm not sure what happened there. But even he'll be released tomorrow. It wasn't a very well planned attack,' said Remus thoughtfully. 'It helped that the attacked happened during a meeting so that we all could fight.'

Tonks looked away, wondering if Severus had anything to do with that. Somehow she thought he did.

'Headquarters will have to move again, won't it?' asked Tonks.

'It will,' said Remus. 'We're talking about not even having a Headquarters. Just keep moving locations.'

'That's a good idea,' said Tonks. 'I heard some commotion last night, but I slept through it.'

'Snape was there, Tonks,' said Remus suddenly.

Tonks' heart caught in her throat. She didn't say anything. Surely she would have some idea if he was dead. Surely she would have felt something.

'So was Harry,' sighed Remus. 'Harry hurt Snape pretty badly-'

Tonks cut him off. She had no patience for long winded explanations. 'Is Severus dead, Remus?'

'No,' said Remus quickly. Tonks felt herself able to breathe again. 'Once the Death Eaters realized they were losing handily, they started leaving. They left Snape behind. At that point, some Aurors started showing up. Well, we couldn't let Snape get dragged off to Azkaban.'

'Is he okay?' asked Tonks helplessly.

'You can see for yourself,' said Remus with a slight smile. 'He's in Charlie Weasley's room.'

'He's here?' asked Tonks in surprise.

Remus looked down at the floor. 'Arthur and Molly didn't even want to tell you about the attack,' said Remus apologetically. 'Molly was worried that you'd get too upset.'

'I see,' said Tonks, taking a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.

'But they don't know what I know,' said Remus, waving his hand in the general direction of Tonks' stomach. 'I thought you'd want to know that he's here.'

'Thank you, Remus,' said Tonks, her eyes filling with tears. 'You didn't tell anyone who the father was? I thought you would have told everyone.'

'As you have told me many times, it's not my business,' said Remus sheepishly. 'It's no one else's business, either.'

She started to stand up, but sat down again. 'Thank you, Remus.'

'I'm not the prat that you think I am, Tonks,' said Remus softly. 'I'm not.'

Tonks smiled and stood up. Remus stood up as well and left the room. Tonks debated with herself. She knew they said they wouldn't see each other again, but she didn't think that either of them predicted that they'd be just down the hall from each other. But she also knew that if she saw him once more, she'd have to say good-bye all over again.

She went down the hall, listening outside Charlie's room, making sure that no one was around. Her heart felt too big for her chest as she knocked on the door and let herself inside.

Severus was fully dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked up angrily when the door opened. But Tonks was glad to see his features soften when he saw her.

'I thought we agreed never to see each other again,' said Severus slowly.

'We did,' said Tonks, allowing herself a small smile. 'I just happened to be in the neighborhood.'

His eyes settled on her bump, which was much more pronounced than when she had seen her six weeks ago. 'You're huge,' he said finally.

'And a very good day to you, too, sir,' grinned Tonks, leaning against the door. She wanted nothing more than to run over to him. But she stayed where she was. 'I was told you were hurt. Are you alright?'

Severus took a deep breath. 'As well as can be expected,' said Severus grimly. 'I believe I can Apparate, but there are Anti-disapparition wards and someone has placed a charm on the room, making it impossible for me to leave.'

'Are you a prisoner?' asked Tonks in horror.

'According to Potter, yes,' spat Severus. 'Weasley hasn't tried to fight him yet.'

Tonks searched his face, looking for some sign that it was acceptable to be here. She was so nervous seeing him again, that she would understand if he sent her away. Severus had far more pressing issues to deal with than her.

With a jerk of his head, he invited her over. Tonks walked over to him. She stood between his legs, and he pulled her flush against him, as flush as she could be with her belly in the way. Lowering her head, Tonks kissed him softly on the lips.

Tonks let herself revel in the sensation she thought she would never experience again. But then the baby found the most inconvenient time to hiccup, causing Tonks to break away just slightly.

His gaze fell to her stomach. 'May I?' he asked hesitantly.

'You don't need to ask,' said Tonks gently. 'It is half yours, after all.'

Her eyes closed when his hand rested on her belly. 'Almost seems real now,' he said softly. 'Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?'

'I haven't checked,' said Tonks honestly. 'Do you want to know?'

Severus seemed to struggle with himself for a moment. 'No,' he said finally. 'It's better that way.'

The door opened, and Harry Potter stepped inside. If Harry had any doubts that Severus was the father of her child, they were gone now, positioned as they were, the intimacy between them obvious. Tonks moved and sat next to Severus. It was hard to tell whose face showed more hatred. Harry's or Severus'.

There was silence. Tonks wondered if Harry was waiting for Severus to say anything. She was done playing games. Tonks shifted slightly towards Severus, who simply stared straight ahead at Harry.

'So why shouldn't I kill you now?' asked Harry. Tonks looked up, startled. Harry's voice shook slightly. He was scared.

'Potter, you and I both know that you are too curious for your own good. You won't kill me until you are certain I have no more information to give you,' said Severus malevolently.

'I can make you talk,' said Harry, crossing his arms over his chest.

'Yes,' said Severus slowly. He looked Harry right in the eye. 'But use any of the methods that just crossed your mind and you'll be no better than the Dark Lord.'

'SHUT UP!' screamed Harry. 'Don't say that! Don't ever-'

Severus held up his hand and Harry stopped speaking instantly. 'It just so happens that I have some information that I'm willing to give you,' said Severus curtly.

'Like I would trust anything you tell me,' sneered Harry. 'Do you really think that I'm that stupid?'

'Nymphadora, please leave the room,' said Severus softly. Tonks thought that was the best idea she had heard in quite some time. As much as she was worried for Severus, with the look in Harry's eyes, she didn't want to risk getting hit by a stray spell. And then she could talk to Arthur and have this madness stopped.

'She stays,' said Harry briskly. 'Why do you care, anyway?'

'Perhaps you realize that I have a vested interest in Nymphadora's welfare,' said Severus in a controlled voice.

'Really?' asked Harry sarcastically. 'Why? Because you want to let Voldemort kill this kid, too?'

Severus was up so fast that Tonks didn't have a chance to stop him. 'Severus,' said Tonks as a warning. Harry had his wand out, pointing straight at Severus, who stopped half way across the room, his hands curled into fists. Tonks stood up and walked slowly to him. When she reached where Severus was standing, she took his hand and made him sit back down. His hands were shaking.

'Do not speak of what you do not understand,' said Severus dangerously, dropping her hand. He leaned forward, resting his forearms mid-thigh.

'What information do you have?' asked Harry indigently.

'Let Nymphadora leave the room,' said Severus quietly. 'Then we'll talk.'

'No,' retorted Harry. 'And if you want there to be any chance of her leaving, you'll start talking.'

'How's the search for the Horcruxes going?' asked Severus, sounding bored.

'How do you know about those?' asked Harry, his face white.

'I know a lot more than you realize, Potter,' said Severus, sitting up straight. 'You weren't the only one who Dumbledore trusted.'

'A lot of good that did him!' yelled Harry. 'He trusted you and you killed him!'

'He trusted me because I was willing to kill him, Potter,' spat Severus. 'How many Horcruxes have you destroyed?'

'I don't know what you're talking about,' stammered Harry, who was obviously lying.

Tonks wanted to ask what they were talking about, but she knew adding her voice into the discussion would be the worst thing she could do. If they could only start listening to each other!

'The ring and diary have been destroyed. I know for a fact that you went to Azkaban, so I'm assuming you found the location of the locket from Mundungus Fletcher. Nagini has also been killed. I was able to do that myself without arousing suspicion. But what of the Cup?' barked Severus.

'Do you know where it is?' asked Harry quickly.

Severus looked at Harry maliciously. 'Being the Dark Lord's right hand man has it perks, Potter.'

'And you'll tell me,' asked Harry, looking suspicious. 'How would I know it's not a trap?'

'Considering the location of the Cup is Hogwarts, I assure you, there would be no trap,' said Severus silkily.

'Hogwarts?' asked Harry in disbelief. 'That's impossible. Dumbledore would have known!'

'But he didn't,' said Severus. 'What's more, you will need Nymphadora to destroy the Cup.'

'What?' asked Tonks and Harry at the same time.

Tonks looked at Severus, who seemed to have regained all of his composure. Even as a captive, he held all the cards, and Harry, looking slightly defeated, seemed to realize it.

'This is a trick,' said Harry finally, shaking his head slowly. 'You're both working for Voldemort-'

'Nymphadora has never been an agent for the Dark Lord, Potter. Get that through your thick skull now,' said Severus curtly.

'Then why is she helping you?' barked Harry.

'Have you thought of asking her that question?' asked Severus silkily.

Harry turned to look at her. 'Why?'

The information Nora Millstone told her two weeks ago rang in her head. Tonks had been holding in so much frustration and fear and anger for so long and it all seemed to want to boil over at this very moment.

'The truth is, Harry,' said Tonks slowly, 'I haven't helped him at all. I've been a nuisance and a bother and I've risked his life more than once. Because of me, You-Know-Who almost killed him and now you're ready to do the same thing. I most certainly have not helped him in any sense of the word.'

'Nymphadora,' whispered Severus softly.

Tonks looked at him wildly. She wasn't going to be stopped. Not now. She placed her hands on her stomach. 'The very night this child was conceived, Severus was worried about me. He offered to go away and never come back, because he feared for my life. My life. Not his. But I wouldn't let him. I was too selfish. Now I wish to God that I told him to leave and never look back. Because I'm the one who has put him in danger, not the other way around!'

A concerned look crossed Harry's face. Tonks struggled to stand up. 'In fact, if after all that you've seen in the Pensieve, you still think Severus is evil, you should be down on bended knee, thanking me, Potter! Because every minute that Severus has been worried about me is one less minute that's he's been concerned with keeping himself alive!'

The door flew open and Molly Weasley stood there, wand out, looking more furious than Tonks had ever seen her. 'Stop this,' ordered Molly.

'Mrs. Weasley, get out of here,' yelled Harry.

'No, Harry,' said Molly. 'No. I'm taking Tonks out of here.'

'No,' said Tonks and Harry at the exact same moment.

Molly marched into the room towards Tonks. 'Mrs. Weasley, I want to talk to them both,' said Harry in a low voice.

'I could hear Tonks shouting from downstairs,' snapped Molly. 'She's in the middle of an extremely dangerous pregnancy and isn't supposed to get worked up!'

'Dangerous?' asked Severus quietly. He stood up and placed his hand on the small of her back.

'Tonks is supposed to be on bed rest,' said Molly, taking Tonks' hand. 'She and I are leaving this room. And you're not stopping me, Harry.'

Molly started towards the door, taking Tonks with her. Tonks walked backwards, her eyes never leaving Severus, until the door shut behind her.

'You need tea and rest,' said Molly. 'I can't believe Remus told you about the fight last night. The nerve of that man.'

'Thank you, Molly,' said Tonks quietly. She let the witch lead her back to bed and help her settle in. Molly quickly cast a silencing charm so that Tonks couldn't hear anything that happened outside the room.

'He's the father, isn't he?' asked Molly gently. Tonks nodded. Molly picked up a pair of knitting needles and put them in Tonks' hands. 'It will help you relax.'

Tonks felt her eyes well with tears. 'Don't let Harry kill him, Molly,' she said softly. She kept looking towards Charlie's room, even though she knew that she couldn't be able to see him through the walls. 'Promise me, Molly. Please don't let Harry kill him.'

The tears were not able to stay in any longer. Molly moved and sat right next to Tonks and put her arms around her. While repeating the words over and over, Tonks sobbed in Molly's shoulder. 'Please don't let him kill Severus.'

'I won't, love,' said Molly softly, rocking back and forth, like Tonks was a baby. 'Don't worry, Tonks, dear. I promise.'

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**A/N – In case anyone is curious, we're getting towards the end of the journey. Only two more chapters and an epilogue to go…**


	47. The Cup of Hufflepuff

**Chapter Forty-Seven – The Cup of Hufflepuff**

'You'll be alright?' asked Molly, with a concerned look on her face.

Tonks nodded, wiping the tears off of her cheeks.

'I'm going to see what's happening,' said Molly. 'Stay here. I'll tell you what I find out.' Molly stood up and squeezed Tonks on the shoulder. 'Knit. Everything will be fine.'

'I hope so,' said Tonks under her breath.

The moment Molly left the room, Tonks reached for her wand and cancelled the silencing charm placed on the room. Then she listened. And waited.

There were no shouts or screams, but that might not mean anything. There could very well be a silencing charm on Charlie's room now. She heard a door slam and then heard Harry yell, 'Ron! Hermione! We're going to Hogwarts!' Followed by hurried footsteps down the staircase.

Tonks stood up and took a deep breath. She was calm now. She was determined to stay calm. Walking softly down the hallway, hoping that no one could hear her, she went to Charlie's room.

She knocked on the door softly and went inside. Severus was sitting on a chair, leaning back on the back two legs. The moment he saw her, Severus stood up and walked swiftly to her, taking her arm.

'What's wrong with the pregnancy?' asked Severus softly. Tonks looked at his face and realized that he was afraid for her. Perhaps he couldn't help thinking about his son, wondering if he would lose another child.

They walked to the bed, and she sat down, bringing her legs under her, Indian style. The last thing Tonks wanted to do was worry him, but in this case, he most likely already thought the worst.

'I went into labor two weeks ago,' said Tonks. She quickly mulled whether she wanted to say more, tell him about Nora Millstone, but decided against it. 'The Healers stopped it in time.'

He reached out his hand and placed it on her stomach. 'Is the baby okay?'

'The Healer said the baby will be fine,' said Tonks, putting her hand on top of his. 'Bed rest and I'm not supposed to get emotional, which you just saw me fail miserably at.'

'I'd say that was a failure of a spectacular nature, Nymphadora,' said Severus, raising an eyebrow. 'Do you believe what you said?'

'That I've put you in danger?' asked Tonks. She nodded. 'There's no other way you can look at it, Severus. Without meaning to, I've taken you for granted. I'm so sorry.'

'Don't apologize,' said Severus sharply. 'It was my choice as well.'

''It won't matter, I guess, once you go back to the Death Eaters,' said Tonks softly.

A silence fell between them and Tonks immediately sensed that Severus wasn't telling her something. 'Once this thing with Harry is done, you are going back to the Death Eaters, aren't you?' asked Tonks. She tried not to let her heart run away with her. Maybe he wouldn't go. Maybe they could run away right as soon as this Horcrux or whatever it was called was destroyed.

'I will be going back,' said Severus slowly.

Tonks closed her eyes. 'Please don't try to protect me, Severus. What aren't you telling me?'

Severus stood up and went to lean against the wall. 'There's a very good chance that I won't be welcomed back, Nymphadora,' said Severus, looking her right in the eye. 'And if I'm not welcomed back, I will be killed.'

'Remus said it wasn't a well planned attack,' she said. 'Did you plan it badly on purpose?'

'I didn't plan it, but I was supposed to offer all of my assistance to the one who did. And I choose the date,' said Severus. 'Weasley told me when there would be a meeting. Then I told the Dark Lord that there should be no one there on that date.'

'But plans change at the last minute all the time,' said Tonks quickly. 'Surely You-Know-Who knows that.'

Severus nodded and looked out the near-by window. 'That would have worked if I had been able to go back with the rest of the Death Eaters,' he said. 'I would have been able to explain myself immediately. It's now been over twelve hours since the attack.'

'Can't you just say that you were delayed because you were hurt?' asked Tonks, her heart beating a little quicker with each sentence. She told herself to take deep breaths and above all else, to remain calm.

'Where would I tell him I had gone, Nymphadora?' asked Severus curtly. 'If I had been captured by Aurors, it would have been all over the Ministry. When I go back, the Dark Lord will know that I had been taken in by the Order. It will not sit well with him.'

'Then don't go back,' said Tonks softly, looking away from him. 'Don't go back.'

'I have to go back, Nymphadora, you and I both know that,' said Severus seriously. He sighed wearily. 'I will have to tell him that the Order captured me but I was able to escape. If I can offer some trinket of information, then just maybe he won't kill me.'

'Remus said that Harry was the one that hurt you,' said Tonks suddenly. 'Is that true?'

Severus seemed to flush slightly. 'He attacks me with my back turned and considers me the coward,' he said in a low voice.

'So Harry didn't kill you but indirectly he may cause your death,' said Tonks bitterly.

'That's a fair assessment,' said Severus harshly. He walked back over and sat next to her. 'Nymphadora, Potter will be back soon. When he is, I will need you to do something. But it will be dangerous.'

'Life threatening dangerous?' asked Tonks with a weak smile.

'Do you remember the Headmaster's hand?' asked Severus quietly.

'Of course,' said Tonks, shivering slightly at the memory of Professor Dumbledore's withered hand. 'You need me to do something that could cause that?'

'It depends. I'm not sure if the Transfiguration will cause the cup to be destroyed or if it will only be a simple switching spell,' said Severus. He raised his hand when she attempted to speak. 'I will not allow anything to happen to you. If the Headmaster had gotten to me sooner, we would have been able to save his hand.'

They discussed the particulars and possible complications before Tonks made a decision. Finally, she was convinced that what Severus asked her to do was the best course to take.

There was a knock on the door, which opened shortly after. Severus stood up, his hands behind his back. Tonks couldn't even imagine how frustrated he must be at the moment.

Harry walked into the room, followed by Ron and Hermione. The teenagers all had their wands out.

'I'm unarmed, Potter,' said Severus, his eyes narrowing slightly.

Tonks saw that Harry was holding some sort of plaque. 'What's this?'

'Apparently, it's something we need,' said Harry sarcastically. He glared at Severus, who simply stared right back at Harry.

'It just has to be Transfigured, Potter,' said Severus, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Harry took out his wand and pointed it at the shield. 'Then why's Tonks got to be involved?'

'I wouldn't do that if I were you,' said Severus silkily.

'Why not?' asked Harry, looking up in surprise.

'What is one thing that Gryffindors and Slytherins have in common?' asked Severus.

'Absolutely nothing,' spat Harry. 'I have nothing in common with you.'

'We're more alike than you realize, Potter,' said Severus dangerously. 'Can you think of nothing?'

'Hmm…let me think. What do I have in common with Death Eaters? That's right. Nothing.'

'Since you're obviously not willing to use your mind for this, Potter, I'll enlighten you,' said Severus, sitting down on the chair in the room. 'Both Gryffindors and Slytherins underestimate Hufflepuffs.'

'Hufflepuffs?' asked Harry, looking at Tonks in confusion. 'You're a Hufflepuff?'

The shock and slight disdain in Harry's voice was unmistakable. 'That's right,' said Tonks, sitting up a little straighter. 'And damn proud of it, Potter.'

'The Dark Lord understands this-'

'Professor Dumbledore would never underestimate Hufflepuffs,' interrupted Harry angrily.

Severus simply looked bored at Harry's statement. He sighed and began to speak like he was explaining something to a child. 'Do you know how many Hufflepuffs are currently in the Order, Potter?'

'No,' said Harry quickly, 'but I'm sure there's plenty.'

'One,' said Severus, holding out his hand towards Tonks. 'Nymphadora. The only reason she was invited was because she is a Metamorphmagus. Do you know how many Hufflepuffs were in the original Order?'

Harry shook his head.

'None, Potter,' said Severus with a hint of malice. 'There were three Ravenclaws and the rest were Gryffindors. And do you know just who chose the members of the Order?'

Harry looked at Tonks. 'Professor Dumbledore,' he said softly.

'Exactly,' said Severus. 'It is a common thread between the other three Houses. The Dark Lord knew that and used it to his advantage.

'If anyone other than a Hufflepuff tries to Transfigure this plaque, they will be killed instantly. The Dark Lord, thinking that if the Horcruxes were found out and this one discovered, no one would ever trust a Hufflepuff to do such an important task.'

Harry blinked slowly and then looked at Tonks. 'Alright,' he said slowly. 'Tonks, could you Transfigure the shield?'

'You do realize what you're asking her to do, don't you, Potter?' asked Severus slowly.

Harry's eyes went wide and his gaze fell to her belly. 'She can't,' he said quickly. 'We'll have to find another Hufflepuff.'

''Potter,' said Severus lazily. 'If she Transfigures the shield into the cup, I will make sure there is no harm done to her.'

'But Professor Dumbledore's hand-'

'More than thirty minutes passed between the Headmaster destroying the ring and coming to me for help,' said Severus. 'Nymphadora is right next to me.'

Harry looked like he was debating with himself. 'I don't know-'

'Nymphadora trusts me with her and her child's life, Potter,' said Severus forcefully. 'However, since you are determined to see the worst in everything, I'll remind you that there are plenty of reasons why that could be. I could have her under the Imperius Curse. I could have fed her a Love Potion. There are numerous reasons why she believes that she trusts me.'

'But if this is a trap?' asked Harry, his defenses up again. Tonks looked at Severus, confusion in her eyes. Harry was ready to let her Transfigure the shield, and now he was shaking his head.

'Nymphadora trusts me with her life, there is no question about that,' said Severus. 'So the question becomes, Potter, is do you trust me with her life?'

Harry looked up sharply. 'Do I trust you?'

'Exactly, Potter,' said Severus, leaning back against the wall. 'If you believe me to be bluffing and this to be a trap, do you really want Nymphadora's and her unborn child's death on your conscious by allowing her to Transfigure the cup?'

Harry stared at her belly for almost close to a minute. The tension in the room kept building until he took a few steps towards and thrust the shield into her hands.

Tonks ran her hand over the shield and read out loud, 'Awarded to T.M. Riddle for Special Services to Hogwarts. Is this You-Know-Who?'

'Yes,' said Severus and Harry at the same time.

'And I just need to Transfigure it into a cup?' asked Tonks, searching Severus' face for confirmation.

'Not quite yet, Nymphadora,' said Severus. He held out his hand towards Harry. 'Potter, my wand.'

Harry looked at him defiantly for just a moment, but then took out Severus' wand from the pocket of his robe. He held it up, as if he was deciding whether to hand it to Severus or not. Finally, he held it out.

Severus took it quickly from him. Harry almost flinched, like he almost expected for Severus to kill him instantly. But instead, Severus moved and sat next to Tonks.

She took out her own wand and bit her lip, thinking of the chance she was about to take. It was odd, as dangerous as this was, Tonks felt alive. She was contributing to the war again. It felt like it had been so long since she had done anything to help.

'Are you ready?' asked Severus softly.

Tonks nodded and took a deep breath. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Severus completely alert, seeming ready for anything that could happen.

Tapping her wand on the front of the shield, Tonks concentrated on the wooden chalice that Severus had described to her. Just a moment later, the shield Transfigured itself into a cup.

Severus took the cup out of her hands instantly and Harry then took the cup away from Severus.

She looked down, trying to figure out if anything felt off somehow. But everything felt fine. 'There wouldn't be a delayed reaction or anything, would there be?' asked Tonks, smiling.

Severus let out a breath. 'You're fine,' he said slowly.

'Looks like it,' said Tonks with a grin.

'So this is Hufflepuff's cup,' said Harry, examining the cup. Tonks looked at it. The cup looked like it was spun from gold. She could see a badger engraved on one side. It was beautiful.

'Yes, but it is still a Horcrux, Potter,' said Severus. 'I assume you know what to do?'

Harry nodded, and handed the cup to Hermione, who put it in her shoulder bag. He looked at Ron and Hermione. 'Let's go.'

The teenagers left the room without even a word of thanks. Tonks tried not to feel slighted. But it was hard not to. She did just risk her life, after all.

She leaned her head on Severus' shoulder. 'Here I was thinking that it was going to be dangerous.'

'It could have been,' said Severus in a slightly strained voice.

'But it wasn't,' said Tonks softly. She moved so that she was leaning against the foot of the bed.

'Nymphadora, I want you to know-'

He stopped when the door opened suddenly. Molly and Arthur were standing in the doorway.

'Tonks, dear, you're supposed to be knitting,' said Molly, her eyes narrowing slightly. She looked briefly at Severus suspiciously, like she was worried that he was making Tonks upset.

'Taking a break,' said Tonks, trying to sound cheerful.

'Snape, you can leave now,' said Arthur, stepping into the room. 'I'm sure you want to get back.'

Severus raised an eyebrow. 'I believe there is a charm on this room that doesn't allow me to leave,' he sneered.

Molly waved her hand. 'This is my house, Professor,' said Molly, her chin high. 'No one, not even Harry Potter, tells me who stays and who goes. And no one is able to cast any type of charm in this house that I can't break.'

'Very well,' said Severus. 'May I Apparate from the room?'

Molly nodded. 'We'll take the wards down and put them up again when you're gone.'

Arthur looked down at his feet and took Molly's arm. 'We'll give you a moment to…get ready,' said Arthur somewhat embarrassedly. Tonks supposed that Molly told him all the gory details.

Severus nodded and Molly and Arthur left the room. He immediately looked at Tonks.

'If You-Know-Who doesn't kill you…' Tonks trailed off, not even wanting to think of the possibility that Severus could be returning to the Death Eaters only to be killed.

'I'll send word,' said Severus, taking her hand.

Tonks looked up and smiled brightly. 'Please, do,' she said, determined not to cry or even tear up.

Severus leaned towards her and Tonks met his lips with her own. When they broke apart, Severus placed his hand on her cheek. 'Never forget that I love you, Nymphadora,' he whispered.

Tonks took his hand and kissed it. That was only the second time that he had said those words to her, and they humbled her. 'I love you, Severus.'

He placed his hand on her belly. 'Take care of our baby,' he said, standing up. Quickly, he put on his cloak and raised the hood so that his face was completely covered.

There was a loud crack and Severus was out of her life once more.

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The next morning, she awoke to the sight of a silver Augurey. Tonks smiled, knowing that he was safe.

At least for the moment.

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**A/N – I'm very sorry about the long, unexpected delay between chapters. I just moved on Monday, and it took more time than I thought it would. **


	48. Sacrifices

**Chapter Forty-Eight – Sacrifices**

Tonks looked outside the window and felt her entire body sigh. 'April showers bring May flowers,' she muttered to herself. She brought her arms up over her head and stretched as far as she could.

As she walked to the window to let in the cool morning air, she realized that there was an electricity in the air. And then she saw the first owl. And another. And then another.

Her breath caught in her throat. Somehow, today reminded her so much of that day almost seventeen years ago, the night You-Know-Who fell for the first time.

Tonks changed as quickly as possible and went into the hallway. 'Hello?' she called out. If Molly was home, she would be at Tonks' side almost instantly. But there seemed to be no one here. She went down the stairs, carefully holding onto the railing so that she wouldn't trip.

The candles were still aflame, odd for this early in the morning. Two cups of coffee were on the kitchen table, stone cold. Not wanting to think about another battle, Tonks busied herself by making a cup of tea.

She couldn't help remembering Remus' face when Tonks asked him about what Horcruxes were. Tonks had never heard of them before and apparently having held one in her hands, was curious. Remus had wanted to know why she wanted to know. Tonks explained and Remus' face had gone white. He wouldn't tell her a thing about them. She supposed he was trying to keep her calm.

Once done making tea, holding the steaming cup in her hands, she went upstairs, fully prepared to continue working on the baby blanket she was trying to make. Molly had given up on trying to teach her to knit and instead taught her how to crochet. Tonks was able to understand that easily. She told Molly it was because crocheting only needed one needle, not two.

Just as she was about to make it to the top step, the kitchen door open. Tonks could hear people coming inside. There seemed to be at least one person crying.

There must have been another fight last night. It had been almost three weeks since the battle at Headquarters. She wasn't sure if either side was ready for another large scale fight.

At least Tonks knew that Severus was still alive. He had been in contact with Arthur and even Harry a great deal over the last three weeks, more than he ever had before. Arthur, being his usual kind self, let her know every time they spoke, so that she knew Severus was fine.

Tonks sat down slowly on the top step. She didn't want to go downstairs. Molly would never let them tell her the full version of events. If they didn't know she was listening, they would talk freely and she could find out what happened.

The voices blended together and sometimes Tonks couldn't tell who was speaking.

'I can't believe he's dead,' said Ron Weasley in a flat voice. 'He's really dead.'

'He did what he felt needed to be done, son,' said Arthur, sadness mingled in his voice.

Tonks placed her hand over her mouth in surprise. Could they possibly be talking about Harry? Could Harry Potter actually be dead?

'There wasn't time for him to do anything but to thrown himself into the veil, Ron,' said Hermione. 'He had no choice.'

'There's always a choice!' yelled Ron. 'He wouldn't have even gotten the idea if it wasn't for the greasy git! It's his fault Harry is dead!'

Tonks leaned forward, trying to pick up every word. Severus had been there at the battle. But where was he now? Ron wouldn't speak like that if Severus was in the room with him.

'He was on our side the entire time, Ron,' said Hermione forcefully. 'If he hadn't figured out that the last Horcrux was Harry's scar, Voldemort would still be alive.'

'Don't say his name!' said Ron angrily.

Tonks realized that the crying she heard was most likely coming from Molly. Why wouldn't they say where Severus was?

'I'm glad that Fawkes tried to save him,' said Hermione defiantly. 'It proves he was working on our side, no matter what you think, Ron.'

There was a silence and Tonks felt her world crumbling around her.

Then Molly spoke. 'Someone needs to tell Tonks.'

'Poor girl,' said Arthur.

Tonks needed to tell herself to breath. This wasn't happening. She was asleep. She was having a nightmare. She would wake up and none of this would have happened. Severus would be alive and they would be together.

She tried to choke back a sob, but it didn't work. The last thing she wanted was everyone on top of her. Even when they promised not to see each other again, Tonks always believed in the back of her mind that they would be together when the war was over. He had been through so much, surely he deserved to live the rest of his life in peace.

'What are you doing up?' demanded Molly from the bottom of stairs. Arthur pushed past Molly and was at her side almost instantly.

'He's dead?' asked Tonks, through her tears. 'Tell me he's not dead, Arthur. Tell me, please, tell me that Severus is still alive.'

She couldn't see Arthur properly because she was crying so hard. 'We didn't want you to find out this way…'

'We need to get her into bed, Arthur,' said Molly, sounding fearful. 'Tonks, dear, you need to get a hold of yourself. I know this is upsetting, but please think of your baby.'

'How did it happen?' asked Tonks. She couldn't take a proper breath even if she tried.

'We'll tell you when you've calmed down,' said Molly.

'How did it happen?' demanded Tonks loudly.

'Are you sure you want to know now?' asked Arthur kindly.

Tonks nodded. 'I need to know,' she said, gasping for air.

'You-Know-Who killed him. He realized that his Horcruxes or whatever they were called where gone, so he tried to make another one using Snape,' said Arthur.

'Was it the Killing Curse?' asked Tonks. She was beginning to hyperventilate. Arthur quickly muttered a charm and Tonks felt her wind pipe enlarge. She still couldn't stop herself from crying though.

'No, a different spell. I don't know what it was,' said Arthur worriedly. 'Now, please, Tonks, we need to get you into bed.'

'Alright,' said Tonks, trying to wipe her tears. She had to think of the baby. She had to become calm for the baby, even when she felt less calm than she had in her entire life.

Arthur stood up and held out his hands. Tonks put hers in his and he lifted her to her feet. The moment Tonks stood up straight, she felt a sharp, downward pain on her belly.

She cried out in pain and heard Molly yell downstairs, 'Bill! Go to St. Mungo's and get a Healer. Now!' She felt Arthur lift her up as if she was a feather and took her to her room.

Seventeen hours later, Alexander Theodore Tonks entered the world.

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Tonks softly tapped the glass window and waved to her son. 'Hi, baby,' she said softly. Born at only thirty weeks old, the Healers thought it best that Alexander stayed in St. Mungo's for observation for a bit.

The little boy was already a week old and Tonks had only been able to hold him four times, and always with someone in the room. She wanted the chance to hold her son with no one crowding them.

She glanced at the clock. 'It's three o'clock,' said Tonks eagerly to the Healer's assistant. 'You said I could hold him at three o'clock.'

'So I did,' said the Healer's assistant with a smile. She went behind the glass and rolled out Alex's crib while Tonks settled into a rocking chair. With a practiced ease, the assistant put Alex in Tonks' arms.

He was so small. Tonks could probably hold him easily in one hand. Half of her was worried that she would drop the little boy. Rocking slowly, Tonks brought Alex up so that his head was resting under Tonks' chin.

The Healer's assistant left quietly, leaving Tonks alone with her son for the first time. 'I'm sorry if you hate your name,' were the first words out of Tonks' mouth. 'If you were a girl you would have been Alexandra. But Alexander is a fine name, I think. And if you hate it, there are plenty of nicknames you can choose from. I won't be offended if you use a nickname.

'Alexander was your father's middle name,' said Tonks softly. She winced slightly, remembering how she filled out the birth certificate, listing 'unknown' as the father. Several people knew that Severus was Alex's father, but she didn't want to think of the scandal if the truth came out to the general public. The Ministry still had Severus on their wanted list, even though he was dead.

Eventually, Tonks knew that Severus' name was sure to be cleared. People had been very kind after Alex was born. Arthur and Hermione both said they were more than willing to speak to the Ministry to try to clear Severus' name.

Tonks knew the Ministry might be willing to accept that Severus was working against Voldemort. But the fact of the matter was that Severus used an Unforgivable Curse on quite possibly the greatest wizard of their time. Even if he was alive, he would have gone to Azkaban. It would be easier for her and Alex that the truth be only known by a few.

'Your father was a very good man, Alex, and I loved…' Tonks trailed off. That seemed to be the wrong tense. She loved him, sure. But Tonks knew that she would love him for the rest of her life. That would never change. 'I love him very much. Your middle name is after my father, your grandfather, Ted Tonks. He was the best of men. I wish you could meet him.'

Tonks felt Alex squirm, so she shifted positions, and held him in both arms. 'I like your name much better than mine. I'm Nymphadora Walburga Tonks. Don't ask, it's not a good story,' said Tonks softly.

'But you and I won't be like that,' promised Tonks, remembering all the fights she had with her mother when she was growing up. 'You and I will be friends. We might not always agree, but we'll be friends.'

Tonks looked out the window, wondering in which direction was Canada.

'You and I are going to have adventures.'

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On Alex's three-week birthday, he was allowed to come home from St. Mungo's. Molly insisted that they stay at the Burrow, at least until Alex was stronger.

Which he was. Alex was getting stronger every day. And Tonks was learning more and more how to be a mother. Motherhood did not come naturally to Tonks. Too many times she was afraid that her clumsiness would hurt her little son. But every day, Tonks grew more and more confident until she couldn't imagine a time when she wasn't a mother.

Even with Alex by her side, Tonks couldn't help but feel like she had lost her place in the world. For so long she had dreamt of leaving Britain when the war was over. But now that Severus was dead, she wasn't sure if her heart was in it. Sometimes she felt like Britain was no longer home. But if home wasn't in Britain, where was it?

Almost three months after Voldemort and Harry Potter had been killed, the Ministry of Magic set up a memorial service. It had taken some time to make the arrangements, to find a place suitable for all the wizards and witches that would want to attend.

The day of the memorial, Tonks donned her official Auror dress robes for what she was sure was the last time. As soon as her maternity leave was over, Tonks planned on resigning.

She didn't need to work for a while. Much to her surprise, Harry had included her and Alex in his will. Of course, Alex was only called a 'descendant' when it was written. Harry had been very generous to a great number of people. He left a good deal of gold to the Weasleys, to Remus, to Ron and Hermione and even to Hagrid.

Tonks knew there were Aurors out there with happy families, like Savage, but those Aurors usually had supportive spouses, like Darla. Alex already would grow up without his father. Tonks was not willing to take the chance that Alex could grow up without his mother as well.

She stood with the Weasleys, not the rest of the Aurors. That didn't stop any of the Aurors from coming up to her and cooing over Alex, who was slung across Tonks' chest. She was so proud of her son. Alex wasn't fussed at all. He simply looked around with a curiosity beyond a three month old. His dark grey eyes, so much like Tonks' seemed to miss nothing.

She had heard a little of what had happened in the Ministry of Magic, during 'The Final Battle,' as it was now called. Harry had killed Voldemort's body before the final Horcrux had been destroyed. Voldemort's last sliver of his soul tried to release itself from Harry's scar, which somehow had become a Horcrux. Remus said that that explained why their connection had been so strong.

Harry did the only thing he had time to do. He flung himself beyond the Veil, in the Department of Mysteries, where he and the final bit of Voldemort's soul were laid to rest.

Tonks thought of Severus during the entire memorial. He deserved more than anyone to see Britain live in peace. Several times she thought she would cry, but perhaps all her tears had dried up. Maybe there were simply none left to be shed.

Once the memorial was finished, Tonks excused herself and walked down to the monument that had been constructed in honor of those who died in the war. Every person's name was written on a large stone tablet.

Slowly, she walked around the monument, painfully aware that there were too many names that she recognized.

Severus' name was not on the monument. His name would become one that wasn't spoken, the man that killed Albus Dumbledore. Her fingers brushed the spot where his name should have been and whispered his name in Alex's ear. Alex would grow up knowing what Severus had done for his son.

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_Three months later…_

Tonks was sitting at an outdoor Muggle café when an unexpectedly, an owl arrived at her table. She looked around quickly, hoping that no one would notice. Luckily, all the other patrons seemed to be in their own little world.

Grabbing the rolled up piece of parchment, Tonks asked the owl to leave. 'Shoo!' said Tonks to the owl. The owl simply perched on the chair, looking at her quizzically.

Just then, Alex woke up from a nap and yawned loudly. Tonks recognized that yawn. That yawn meant he would be crying soon.

'Go away,' said Tonks angrily to the owl. Tonks broke the bagel she had been eating in half and handed it to the owl. He ate it gratefully and flied off.

'Demanding bird,' muttered Tonks as she picked up Alex, hoping to stave off a crying fit. She loved holding Alex now, more than ever, now that she wasn't worried about breaking him. He was six months old now, and had recovered quite nicely from the premature birth. He had gained weight and almost looked like what a normal six month old should look.

Tonks started bouncing Alex in one arm while unrolling the parchment in the other. Later, Tonks would realize that she was lucky that she didn't drop Alex from shock when she finally understood the contents. It simply read:

_Stonewall Stormers _

Tonks must have stared at the note for five minutes in confusion. That was a Quidditch team, she vaguely remembered. Then it hit her.

It was a Quidditch team in Canada. Which meant only one thing.

Severus had faked his death.

Tonks should have realized he might have done so. Only two months ago did Emmeline Vance come back to Britain from Morocco. Hadn't he once told her that he had thought of numerous ways to fake Emmeline Vance's death? Why wouldn't he do that for himself if there was any chance for him to live?

Her hands were shaking when she put Alex back in his stroller. Tonks took out a sheet of paper and with a determined breath, started making a list. There was work to be done.

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It took two months, but finally, she and Alex were ready to move to Canada. Tonks knew she was hurting some people's feelings, especially Molly and Savage, who had been so good to her, but nothing, absolutely nothing was going to stop her.

Everyone had questions. Tonks didn't answer many of them. She told Arthur and Molly that she wanted a chance to start fresh, start over in a new place with Alex. She told no one where she was going. All Tonks promised was that she would write when she was settled.

They traveled like Muggles, on an airplane to Toronto. They would be taking a smaller, single jet airplane to StonewallShe discovered that there was a Wizarding village besides the Muggle town.

Once on the small airplane, Tonks felt a sense of anticipation unlike she had ever known. The demanding owl had stayed by her side for almost two weeks, until Tonks realized that it was waiting to bring something back. All she wrote was the date that she planned on leaving. December Twelfth. Tonks didn't feel comfortable writing any more than that. She remembered feeling strange, watching the owl leave, knowing that it was going to him. They were connected once again.

Alex yawned and looked at her sleepily. Tonks lifted him up, and put him flush against her. She felt Alex's breath on her neck.

'Look at the snow, Alex,' said Tonks softly. 'Look how beautiful the world is.'

The moment the plan touched the ground, Tonks had to remind herself to breath. All she knew was the town name. She didn't even know anything about the town. How in the world would she find him?

Tonks and Alex were the last two off of the plane. Tonks was trying to juggle the baby, along with her backpack, diaper bag and the stroller. She couldn't wait until she was out of the view of Muggles so that she could magic everything to fit in her backpack.

The airport was tiny. She could see people on the tarmac, waiting either to greet someone or waiting for the next plane.

On the second step from the top, she saw him. She almost tripped down the steps from the sight, but caught herself just in time. Severus was in the back, far behind the crowd, wearing Muggle clothes. It took every ounce of effort not to run straight into his arms.

Severus waited until Tonks was past the crowd of people before he walked up to her. She took a good look at him. His hair was longer, pulled back at the nape of his neck. There was a long, vivid scar that ran across his face from ear to ear. He was perfect.

'Nymphadora,' said Severus, his voice barely above a whisper. Tonks met his eyes and smiled. She immediately put Alex in his arms and watched Severus look at their son in amazement. Their fingers brushed and Tonks knew without a doubt.

She and Alex had found home.

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**A/N – I generally don't write long author's notes, but since this the story is now complete (with the exception of the epilogue, which will be posted in a few days), please indulge me this once! Thank you to everyone who took time to read this story! When I started it, I really didn't imagine that anyone would have any interest in it, since this ship has basically been sunk. But I decided to write it anyway. The fact that so many of you have enjoyed it with me made writing the story that much more wonderful. And a big thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review! **

**I'll be honest, the last third of the story had been completely altered from my original plan. Several of you wonderful reviewers gave me ideas and noticed things that I hadn't even seen in my own writing. You guys really helped shaped the story and made it so much better than I ever could have. Over on my livejournal page, I've posted an entry on how the story was originally going to go from Dumbledore's death on. It's there if you're interested to see how the story evolved. The link is in my profile page. **

**Again, I want to thank all of you for sharing this story with me. I appreciate it more than you can imagine. Please feel free to leave a review; I would love to know what you thought of the story! **


	49. Epilogue

**Epilogue **

_Seven Years Later…_

Only the strong, enticing smell of coffee was able to get Tonks to poke her head from underneath the covers. Severus was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding two steaming mugs in his hand.

Tonks sat up, taking one of the cups gratefully. Her eyes narrowed when she realized what day it was. 'You're not supposed to see me until later.'

'Nymphadora, we stayed up well past midnight last night. I've already seen you today,' said Severus, taking a sip from his own cup. Tonks couldn't help but thinking by the slightly smug expression on his face that he had just silently added the word 'naked' to the end of the sentence.

'Right,' said Tonks seriously, leaning back on the headboard. She glanced at the clock on the bedside table and saw that they had to be ready in three hours. Which seemed like plenty of time, but with three young children, in reality was no time at all.

'Suppose I should get up now,' sighed Tonks. Her eyes lingered over the sky blue dress that was hanging on the closet door. Her wedding dress. She smiled, looking at the dress that took so long to find. 'When I was little, I always wanted to have a white wedding dress.'

He looked to where her gaze was and took her hand. 'Nymphadora, as I'm sure you're well aware, white represents virginity,' he said with a smirk. 'Considering you and I are the parents of not one, not two but three children, if I don't think anyone would believe you if you wore white.'

Tonks put her hand over her mouth quickly to keep herself from laughing and spitting out coffee. Once the painful swallow went down, she shook her head. 'Why are we doing this again?' laughed Tonks.

Severus' face turned serious and he squeezed her hand. 'You know why,' he said roughly.

Her other hand rested on his cheek as she looked at him, her eyes trying to convey what words could not. 'I trust you, Severus,' said Tonks as honestly as she could, with as much love as she could. 'I let you leave when you needed to because I trusted you to come back to me. To all of us.'

A silence settled over the pair and Tonks thought back to that horrible time five years ago, when Severus had left her alone with three year old Alex and three month old Alba.

Surviving the war with Voldemort had caused Severus more scars than Tonks could have ever imagined.

She had thought that being given the chance to start over would have helped heal his wounds. However, as they tried to build their new life together, his guilt of the crime of being alive seemed to overwhelm them both.

For so long Severus believed that he would be killed during the war that he wasn't prepared for a life afterwards. And he felt guilty for simply being alive. The worst guilt he felt was in regards to Harry Potter. Severus tried to explain to Tonks that he had promised Albus that he would do everything in his power to keep Harry safe. Yet the battle was fought, Voldemort destroyed and it was Harry who died and Severus who lived. That fact caused him a great deal of anguish.

He had started picking fights over the littlest of issues. Stupid issues. There were times when Tonks thought he was treating her like a disobedient seventh year. She would tell him so and he would say then she needed to stop acting like one.

Severus sunk deep into a depression, much like the one Tonks had been in the year before they were together. Tonks tried to do exactly what he had done for her. She tried to force him to admit to his depression, to want to fight it. But Severus seemed determined to embrace it.

During the time before he left, they were extremely careful to make sure that the children didn't hear their fights, which occurred often. Severus insisted, remembering his own childhood. He started threatening to leave, telling her moodily that he didn't want to drag her and the children down with him.

It had reminded her so much of Remus and what he had put her through that finally in a fit of anger she told him to leave. To leave and not come back until he was ready to accept that he, just like everyone who fought Voldemort, deserved to live, deserved a life. To not come back until he was ready to truly be a member of their family, not just watch from the sidelines.

So he left.

Tonks missed him every single day that he was gone. Poor Alex was old enough to know that his father was gone, and it broke Tonks' heart every time he asked when Daddy would be back. Because every single time, Tonks had to answer that she didn't know.

During that time, she tried to remind herself of all the good things in her life. Tonks absolutely adored being a mother, which is something she never expected upon learning of her pregnancy with Alex almost four years ago. Alex and Alba were the dearest children in the world.

After living in Stonewall, in Manitoba, for a year, Tonks and Severus both realized they disliked living in such a small town, even one that had their own professional Quidditch team. Tonks specifically didn't like the feeling that she was on display. Everyone knew them and wanted their life story, being the outsiders that they were.

That was part of the stress they shared. When they first arrived in town, they debated whether or not to use fake names. Both decided against it. However, Severus had made one concession. He was no longer Severus Snape. He was Severus Prince, using his mother's maiden name.

The questions were never ending from the occupants of the small town. How did they end up here? How did they meet? Why did they arrive in town at different times? The eyes of the town gossips missed nothing.

It had been maddening.

Leaving the town was easy. Neither one had a real job in Stonewall. They simply gave notice to the landlord of the small apartment they rented and left.

After weeks of debate, they finally decided to move to Ottawa in Ontario. It was a much larger city, almost a million Muggles, with the Wizarding population mixed throughout, unlike Stonewall, which was a completely separate town from the Muggles. It would be easy to blend in and to be left alone.

So when Severus had left, they had been in the same apartment complex for close to a year. Tonks had made friends with two other witches in the building, all with young children. She doesn't want to think how she would have handled the situation without her friends.

He was gone for close to a year. Tonks almost got to the point when she wondered if she would ever see him again, when one day Severus was waiting for them outside their apartment building as they walked home from the park.

Tonks would never forget the look on Alex's face when he realized that his beloved Daddy was back. Alex practically wouldn't let Severus out of his sight the next few days. Alba was wary of the man who held her in his arms. She was, after all, now fifteen months old and quite possibly didn't remember him at all.

That night, when they had put Alex and Alba to bed, Tonks and Severus talked. Really talked as they had not when she first arrived in Canada. They talked as they should have then.

They discussed their relationship when he was undercover. She never knew that he hated himself then for feeling so weak for wanting to be with her. Tonks revealed how angry she had been with him when she let herself believe that she was going to raise Alex by herself.

They discussed the guilt they both felt over leaving Britain in its time of need. Tonks still communicated with Molly and Savage, though neither one of them knew she was with Severus. From them, she learned that the Wizarding World in Britain was having a hard time adjusting post-Voldemort.

When Severus said Voldemort's name for the first time in his adult life, Tonks knew that he was finally ready to be healed. And she knew that she wanted to be there to help him, every step of the way.

It took time, for both of them. It took time for Tonks to believe that he wouldn't threaten to leave again every time they had an argument. It took time for Alex to stop being so clingy towards Severus; his departure affected the boy more then they both realized. It took time for Alba to warm up to him.

It did take time, but Tonks knew that they were stronger because of the break. They had given each other a choice, and in the end, they choose each other.

Tonks glanced at the ring on her left hand. She didn't need an engagement ring, she hadn't really wanted one, but the thought that Severus had put into the ring touched her.

It was a thin silver band, with a peridot set in the center and a small diamond on either side. He chose the peridot because its color always seemed to change, depending on the light. Sometimes it looked green, sometimes blue, sometimes clear.

There was a knock on the door. 'Come in,' said Tonks, loud enough so the culprit on the other side could hear.

To her surprise, all three of their children bounded in the room. Five year old Alba, followed by eight year old Alex, who was holding eighteen month old Brianna's hand. Finally Alex just picked her up and all five family members were sitting on the bed.

'Are you all ready to become Princes?' asked Tonks with a smile. Right now, in order to avoid confusion, Alex, Alba and Brianna all had the surname Tonks. But after the ceremony today, all of them, Tonks included, would have the surname Prince.

'Mummy, stop it!' ordered Alba, the most vocal of the three children. 'Brianna and I are Princesses. Alex is the Prince.'

'Alba Princess,' said Severus, ruffling the little girl's light brown hair. 'That seems about right.'

'And Brianna Princess. Alex Prince. Mummy Queen and Daddy King,' said Alba proudly, pointing to each one in turn.

'Got it in one,' laughed Tonks as little Brianna crawled into her arms. Both Alba and Brianna were named after Albus Dumbledore. Severus had wanted that and Tonks was more than happy to oblige.

Alex and Brianna resembled each other, both having black hair and grey eyes. The looks of the Black family were strong in both. Sometimes Tonks couldn't help but see a young version of Sirius Black in Alex.

Alba was a different matter. She had Tonks' brown hair. Her eyes were a light blue and neither Tonks nor Snape could figure out where they could have come from.

If Tonks was asked to sort her children into Hogwarts' Houses, it would be easy. Alex would be a Ravenclaw. He extremely curious and loved reading. Alba just might possibly be a Slytherin. She had a knack of getting out of trouble that was worthy of any Slytherin. Little Brianna would be a Hufflepuff. Tonks loved the way Brianna would concentrate so hard when she was playing with her blocks or other toys.

But the School of Magic they would go to in the coming years was different. The magic of the Algonquins, a tribe of the Aboriginal Peoples in Canada,still played a major part in the education system. There were no Houses at the Kizis Institute. That seemed like a lovely thought to both Tonks and Severus.

Alex was leaning back against Severus. He could still be very clingy towards his father, even after all this time. Tonks couldn't help but hope that with she and Severus making their relationship more permanent in Alex's eyes that he might start to let go a bit.

'Come, Royalty, let's give Mum some room so she can get ready,' said Severus, standing up. He shepherded the kids out of the bedroom as Tonks blew him a kiss.

Tonks stretched her arms over her head, hardly believing that this day was actually here. To be honest, she never expected them to marry. She had been content with what they had, but she knew how important this was to Severus, to show her, not just tell her that he wanted them to spend the rest of their lives together.

As she headed into the bathroom, she took down her ponytail. Tonks rarely morphed anymore. Then again, she rarely told any one that she was Metamorphmagus. Sometimes, when she did morph, for the kid's amusement, it felt like she was summoning a ghost from her past.

Two hours later, Tonks was dressed in her sky blue dress. The dress fell just past her knees, with a scooped neck and sleeves that brushed her fingertips. There was a knock on the door, and her two good friends, Matilda and Grace came inside the room. They assured her that she wasn't to leave the room until she was called for; that they had everything under control downstairs.

The wedding party was going to be small. Their life revolved around their home, family and the few friends they had made. The actual ceremony and reception was to take place outside in a common area of the complex.

'Mummy!' yelled Alba from downstairs. 'Time to start.'

Smiling, Tonks placed the small wreath of flowers on her head, feeling the blue and white ribbons trailing down her back, knowing that it was time. With a deep breath, Tonks started down the stairs that led into the living room. It was only the family; everyone else was outside, ready for the ceremony.

She was suddenly nervous as any new bride would be as her eyes locked with the man who was to be her husband. Then she looked at her children. Her beautiful, amazing children. Alex looked serious as ever, holding little Brianna in his arms. And then always smiling Alba, who had accessorized her pink flower girl outfit with a sparkly plastic tiara.

Severus took her hand and kissed it softly. 'I love you, Nymphadora,' he whispered.

Without warning, Tonks leaned in and kissed Severus hard on the lips, causing Alex to roll his eyes and Alba to make kissy noises at them.

'I love you,' Tonks said softly back.

Then Tonks took Alba's hand and Severus, Alex's. Together, they walked outside, all still holding hands.

They were ready to celebrate the day.

Together.

As a family.

88888

**A/N – Kizis is 'sun' in the Algonquin language. **

**That's it folks! Again, thank you so much for all of your support and encouragement throughout this story. I can't tell you how much it has meant to me. **

**I've posted the first chapter of my next chaptered story. It's called 'Independent Thinker,' and it stars Millicent Bulstrode. Why not check it out? **

**Cheers! **


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